No need for Prince Charming
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- Último episodio
- 9 Nov 2026
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The podcast for all Australian women considering, creating or conquering life as a solo mum by choice (SMBC)
Episodios 200
S:E37 - Fiona O’Neil: Navigating Fertility Treatment at Work
Fiona O’Neil is a fertility and workplace coach, founder of The Fertility Framework, and the kind of person you want in your corner when your boss has no idea what IVF actually involves. A note before we begin …
Notas del episodio
Fiona O’Neil is a fertility and workplace coach, founder of The Fertility Framework, and the kind of person you want in your corner when your boss has no idea what IVF actually involves.A note before we begin: this episode touches on pregnancy loss — including recurrent loss and late loss — experienced by both Alisha and her guest. As always on this podcast, we share these things honestly and without drama. If you’re in a tender place today, please be kind to yourself as you listen.
Nobody prepares you for the collision between fertility treatment and your working life. Not your clinic. Not your HR department. Certainly not the two-day bereavement leave entitlement Australia currently offers for pregnancy loss.
Fiona O’Neil has lived the long version of this — fifteen years, 21 embryo transfers, every form of donor conception, two anonymous egg donation trips to South Africa, and a late endometriosis and adenomyosis diagnosis that reframed everything. She became a mum through embryo donation; her son is now eleven. And out of all of it, she built The Fertility Framework: a one-on-one coaching and workplace training practice helping people navigate fertility treatment without having to choose between it and their career.
In this episode, Alisha and Fiona cover the practical ground that rarely gets spoken about — when and how to tell your manager, what you are and aren’t required to disclose, how to manage the unpredictability of a treatment cycle, what good support from a workplace actually looks like after a failed cycle or pregnancy loss, and the specific pressures that fall on solo mums who are funding treatment themselves. Alisha shares some of her own experience too — including what it was like to go back to work after her son’s stillbirth, and what helped people around her find the right words.
This is a practical episode. It will change how you think about the conversation you’ve been dreading.
In this episode:What to put in place before your first cycle — treatment schedule, workplace leave policies, and why you need a “warm person” in your corner before you need them
Whether to tell your manager — the real pros and cons, and why the calculus is different for solo mums who are funding treatment alone
How much to actually disclose — why “egg freezing” might serve you better than “IVF,” and why disclosure doesn’t have to be all or nothing
What a good manager conversation looks like — come with a plan, specific dates, a backup for important meetings, and always follow up in writing
Managing the unpredictability of a cycle — how to identify your high-stakes commitments in advance and build an agreement your team can actually work with
Long-term exhaustion — when to reassess, when to change your specialist, when to change your treatment plan, and when permission to stop is the most important thing you can give yourself
What workplaces get wrong after failed cycles and pregnancy loss — why there’s no expiry on support, and what to actually say to someone who is grieving
Australia’s two-day bereavement leave entitlement for pregnancy loss — what it means, and why it’s not enough
Specific advice for solo mums: who drives you home after retrieval, how to compare clinics on cost (not just success rates), and why choosing to do this solo doesn’t mean you have to do everything solo
What Fiona’s one-on-one coaching looks like — prep before appointments, debrief after, advocate in the room, available nationally via Zoom
Alisha on going back to work after her son’s stillbirth — and how inviting her colleagues to the wake gave them a language they didn’t have
The only information you need to give your manager relates to how you’re going to continue doing your job successfully during treatment — nothing more is required
Disclosure doesn’t have to be all or nothing — “egg freezing” is a legitimate and accurate framing that protects you from the “mummy track” assumption
Always follow up a disclosure conversation in writing — a quick email confirming what was agreed protects you if circumstances or managers change
Agree upfront which commitments are genuinely unmovable, and build a clear communication process for the unpredictable days — your team needs a plan, not an apology
One in four people is experiencing pregnancy loss. The colleagues around you need to know what to say, and “what would best support you right now?” is always the right starting question
When all else fails, pretend you’re your best friend — the advice you’d give her is almost always better than what you’re giving yourself
Choosing to be a solo mum is a very empowering decision. It doesn’t mean you have to do everything solo — especially the practical bits like who drives you home after retrieval
The goal is to feel like you’re in control — regularly reassessing what’s working and what isn’t is how you stay there
The Fertility Framework — Fiona O’Neil’s one-on-one fertility and workplace coaching, available nationally via Zoom: thefertilityframework.com.au (confirm URL with Fiona before publishing)
Workplace training: Fiona’s sister is a psychotherapist within The Fertility Framework — they offer fertility-aware leadership training, language and culture sessions, and workplace policy review
The Bump Membership — Solo Mum Society’s membership for women who are TTC or pregnant solo: solomumsociety.com/the-bump
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Currently TTC or pregnant solo?The Bump Membership is built for exactly where you are right now — community, support, and information for women navigating the TTC and pregnancy journey without a partner. Find out more.
S5:E36 - Kate & Oliver
Kate was 39, grieving her dad, and finally certain. She’d spent three years in a COVID relationship, lost her father to cancer, watched her partner lose his dad, and felt the whole thing quietly unravel. When …
Notas del episodio
Kate was 39, grieving her dad, and finally certain. She’d spent three years in a COVID relationship, lost her father to cancer, watched her partner lose his dad, and felt the whole thing quietly unravel. When it did, the clarity was instant: she rang Melbourne IVF two months before her 40th birthday.
What followed was ICSI, 13 eggs retrieved, a failed first transfer, a natural frozen cycle that worked — and then the worst hyperemesis gravidarum her obstetrician had ever seen. Kate was on 13 tablets a day, had IV fluids at home, missed most of a school term, and spent the first trimester in what she describes honestly as anxiety and depression. Her baby was perfectly healthy. She wasn’t, and she talks about it without filters.
She also talks about the C-section she loved (favourite song, saw the placenta, best part of the whole process), the Airbnb-for-mum postpartum hack, the triple feeding she stopped at three months, and Oliver Ian — 11 months old, named for her nan Olive and her dad Ian.
Trigger warnings: Hyperemesis gravidarum; mental health impact during pregnancy (anxiety, depression); pregnancy movement scare (resolved).
In this episode:
- Grief as the catalyst that made everything clear
- Choosing Melbourne IVF and Dr Kate Stern
- ICSI at 40 — why Kate went straight there
- The pre-op cubicle moment (feeling dad and nan)
- 13 eggs, failed first transfer, natural frozen cycle
- Hyperemesis gravidarum — the honest account
- Elective C-section at Francis Perry Hospital
- The Airbnb-for-mum postpartum solution
- Triple feeding, formula feeding, and enormous relief
- Oliver Ian: three generations in a name
- Frozen embryos — the home freezer decision
- Why Kate decided one child is exactly right for her life
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Still considering whether this path is right for you?The Considering Solo Motherhood course helps you make an informed, empowered decision — and understand what the process actually looks like before you start. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.
S5:E35 - Danielle & Summer
Danielle spent a year travelling solo around Australia in a campervan — her “year of summer” — using the time and the open road to work out whether she was ready to become a solo mum. Now she’s the mum of …
Notas del episodio
Danielle spent a year travelling solo around Australia in a campervan — her “year of summer” — using the time and the open road to work out whether she was ready to become a solo mum. Now she’s the mum of six-month-old Summer, and she couldn’t be happier.
In this episode, Danielle shares her journey from hopeless romantic to intentional solo mum: setting a cutoff age of 35, freezing her eggs at 34, navigating interstate treatment from Tasmania to Melbourne, a chemical pregnancy on her first IUI, a C-section at 38 weeks with her sister by her side, and the moment everything shifted.
She also covers some of the practical side: accessing superannuation for fertility costs, choosing a local Australian donor for regulatory and identity reasons, and what it’s like to build a solo mum community in a small state.
And her message to Summer, recorded when Summer was just six months old, is not to be missed.
Trigger note: This episode includes mention of a chemical pregnancy.
This episode is brought to you by City FertilityExploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Still considering whether this path is right for you?The Considering Solo Motherhood course helps you make an informed, empowered decision — and understand what the process actually looks like before you start. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.
S5:E34 | Surrogacy in Australia for Solo Mums — with Sarah Jefford, Family Creation Lawyer
Surrogacy is legal in Australia. Most people don’t know that. This week I’m joined by Sarah Jefford — family creation lawyer, egg donor, and surrogate — who has spent the last decade working exclusively in …
Notas del episodio
Surrogacy is legal in Australia. Most people don’t know that.This week I’m joined by Sarah Jefford — family creation lawyer, egg donor, and surrogate — who has spent the last decade working exclusively in family creation law. No divorces, no custody battles. Just helping people build their families in all the different ways that looks like today. She’s based in Melbourne, works nationally, and has both donated her eggs and carried a baby as a surrogate for a gay couple she met through Facebook.
This episode is for any solo mum who has been on a long fertility journey and is now wondering whether surrogacy is the next option — or for anyone who has thought about being a surrogate themselves.
Sarah explains how surrogacy actually works in Australia, why it’s so hard to find a surrogate, what you can and can’t legally pay for, how the legal process after birth works (and why it’s more complicated than it sounds), and how to share your story online without falling foul of the no-advertising laws. She also covers overseas surrogacy — including which states make it illegal for their residents to pursue it commercially overseas, and what happens when you bring a baby back to Australia.
The numbers are sobering: fewer than 100 surrogacy births happen in Australia each year. Over 350 Australian children are born via international surrogacy annually. The laws haven’t kept pace with how people actually find each other — which is Facebook — and there are no agencies to help match surrogates with intended parents.
But it does happen. Regularly. And the advice from someone who has done it — both as a surrogate and as a lawyer — is simply: build community, share your story, make connections. Your surrogate might already be in your orbit.
In this episode:How Sarah went from divorce law to family creation law — via IVF, egg donation, and surrogacy
What gestational surrogacy (using a donor egg and embryo) versus traditional surrogacy (surrogate’s own egg) actually means
Why altruistic surrogacy laws limit the number of women willing to put their hands up — and what intended parents can legally cover
Lost income, medical expenses, maternity clothing, acupuncture, lawn mowing — what expenses are covered and what aren’t
The post-birth legal process: parentage orders, birth certificates, and what it means that the surrogate is always initially the legal parent
State by state: why Victorian surrogacy must occur in a Victorian clinic, why Tasmania requires a Tasmanian surrogate, and why national laws are long overdue
The advertising prohibition — and how to share your story without technically advertising
Overseas surrogacy: which states prohibit their residents from commercial surrogacy overseas, and the complexity of bringing a baby home
How to find a surrogate: Facebook communities, state-based groups, your beautician
What the Big Conversations list is and why intended parents and surrogates need to work through it before they begin
Pregnancy termination, vaccination, circumcision, home birth — the conversations that need to happen before conception
Centrelink and paid parental leave for both surrogates and intended parents
What it was actually like for Sarah to carry a baby for someone else, and what she’d say to someone thinking about doing the same
Surrogacy is legal in Australia — but finding a surrogate is genuinely difficult, and most are found through social media or existing relationships
You cannot advertise for a surrogate, but you can share your story — there is an important distinction
What intended parents can cover: medical expenses, counselling, legal fees, lost income, maternity clothing, pregnancy-related allied health, domestic help. What they can’t cover: a profit or payment above actual expenses
The surrogate is the legal parent until a parentage order is granted by a state court — this applies even in gestational surrogacy where she has no genetic connection to the baby
Each state has different laws — Victoria, Tasmania, and WA have specific restrictions that affect intended parents in those states
NSW, Queensland, and ACT residents are technically breaking the law if they pursue commercial surrogacy overseas
The counselling is not an assessment of your worthiness — it’s preparation for what could go wrong, and it’s genuinely useful
Talk through the hard scenarios before you begin: miscarriage, pregnancy complications, termination, what happens if the relationship breaks down
Build the surrogacy community broadly — not just in surrogacy-specific groups. Your best connection might come from somewhere you didn’t expect
Over 350 Australian children are born via international surrogacy each year — the laws have not kept pace with reality
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Still considering whether this path is right for you?The Considering Solo Motherhood course helps you make an informed, empowered decision — and understand what the process actually looks like before you start. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.
S5:E33 - Merry, Sullivan & Sinclair
She does both, and solo is easier. Merryn grew up thinking life would look a certain way. Her parents together, her aunties and uncles together, everyone partnered, everyone staying. She figured the same would …
Notas del episodio
She does both, and solo is easier.Merryn grew up thinking life would look a certain way. Her parents together, her aunties and uncles together, everyone partnered, everyone staying. She figured the same would happen for her. She spent her 20s travelling Europe, living in Perth, playing football, nursing, having classic terrible dating stories. She moved back to Victoria at 30, booked a fertility check just to see where things stood, and met someone through a friend from work.
She thought she’d finally got it right.
Two weeks after her son Sully was born, her best friend took her for a walk and told her she’d been contacted by the ex. It turned out Merryn’s partner had been regularly visiting his ex-girlfriend during night shifts and coming home to her while she was pregnant. She kicked him out. She tried to make it work for Sully’s sake. She eventually couldn’t.
By the time Sully was 18 months, Merryn had gone back to the fertility clinic. She did two IUIs that didn’t work, then IVF — 22 eggs at 36 and a half, eight embryos. First frozen transfer. Positive.
What followed was a pregnancy that started beautifully and got complicated — placenta previa diagnosed at 20 weeks, a bleed at 25 weeks, waters breaking at 33 weeks, and then at 36 weeks an emergency caesarean under general anaesthetic for a placental abruption. Sinclair came out at 2.4 kilograms. Merryn’s best friend was in the waiting room because they couldn’t have a support person under general anaesthetic. Sinclair spent three days in NICU, Merryn got a hotel near the hospital so she could feed him every four hours, and they went home.
He is now 19 months old, platinum blonde, cheeky, a watcher, doesn’t talk much but is doing things the whole time. The Dennis the Menace of the family.
Merryn is now 20 weeks pregnant with a girl — same donor, same clinic, first transfer again. Sully is six and has strong opinions about gender reveals. Sinclair has no idea what’s coming and is currently learning not to hit babies.
And two months ago, Merryn moved into a duplex she built next door to another solo mum. Shared backyard, no fence, kids running free, baby monitor working across the wall, dropping each other’s kids at school, nipping to the shops while the other one watches them. Six weeks in and she says it’s already a game changer.
She also does both — co-parenting Sully with his dad, and raising Sinclair and her daughter on her own. And she says, unprompted and clearly: solo is easier.
In this episode:Travelling, nursing, Perth, football — and a decade of dating that never led anywhere serious
Getting a fertility check at 31 out of curiosity — not yet ready to go solo
Meeting someone through a colleague, getting accidentally pregnant with Sully at 32, and thinking she’d finally got her life plan back on track
Finding out two weeks postpartum that her partner had been sleeping with his ex throughout the pregnancy
Staying civil for Sully’s sake and the strength that took — then finding her feet as a solo mum
Going back to the clinic when Sully was 18 months old: two failed IUIs, then IVF at 36 with Dr David Wilkinson at City Fertility
22 eggs, 8 embryos, a first frozen transfer that worked
Placenta previa at 20 weeks, a bleed at 25 weeks, waters breaking at 33 weeks and then an emergency caesarean with general anaesthetic at 36+4
Her best friend waiting outside the theatre — and getting Sinclair’s first cuddle because Merryn couldn’t
Three days in NICU, a hotel near the hospital, and coming home
Sinclair at 19 months: platinum blonde, a watcher, the Dennis the Menace stage
Telling Sully about donor conception — “you’ve got a dad, this one’s got a donor” — and him accepting it completely because his best friend’s family looks similar
Going back for number three — same donor, same clinic, first transfer, 20 weeks pregnant with a girl
What it’s actually like to do both — co-parenting Sully and solo-parenting the younger two
Building a duplex next to another solo mum and what six weeks in actually looks like
Shift work as a solo mum — getting government approval for in-home care overnight\
What she’d say to any woman who has a child from a previous relationship and wants more
If you already have a child from a previous relationship and want more — solo is a viable, genuinely easier path than co-parenting again
Solo motherhood and co-parenting can coexist in one family — it is hard, but it’s doable and women do it
The complexities of being a solo mum almost always come from the co-parenting side, not the parenting itself
Building your living situation intentionally — even a duplex next door to another solo mum — is a legitimate, practical, brilliant idea
Shift workers who are single parents are entitled to government-subsidised in-home care — it exists, it just takes paperwork
Get the process started before you’re sure — Merryn was dating while she was on the donor registry and that’s completely fine
Start before 35 if you can — not because it’s impossible after, but because every year matters
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Looking for a way to help explain your family to others?My Perfect Family is the perfect book to show there are so many different ways to create a family, whilst normalising the language associated with donor conception. Perfect for all families who want to show their children that families come in many forms and that not all families look like theirs. Get your copy here.
S5:E32 - Sam & Bubba
She always knew Sam walked into a fertility clinic at 24 with her friend as her fake partner, because she assumed single women weren't allowed to do this alone. When the counsellor handed her a booklet with a …
Notas del episodio
She always knewSam walked into a fertility clinic at 24 with her friend as her fake partner, because she assumed single women weren't allowed to do this alone. When the counsellor handed her a booklet with a section on solo mums, she had a quiet revelation: she didn't need to pretend anything.
She went on the donor waitlist that day. Then she waited three years.
Sam is an emergency department nurse in Canterbury, New Zealand, who grew up in a family with a cycle of difficult relationships and decided early that the best thing she could do for herself — and for a future child — was to do it differently. When she realised donor conception meant she could have a baby without any of that cycle attached to it, she felt, as she describes it, delighted.
She was 28 when she finally got the call that a donor was available. She was 29 when she fell pregnant — on her first frozen transfer, the one she called the Easter transfer, the favourite egg that ever existed. She named him Dandy Lion while he was still in her uterus, because dandelions are resilient and they symbolise the sun, moon, and stars. She did her injection in the back of an ambulance. She showed everyone at work a weekly ultrasound. She threw herself a gender reveal party in the emergency department with blue lollies and a balloon pop. She found out she was pregnant on Mother's Day.
Her son is now eight months old. Sam recently got back from Fiji — terrible weather, little shacks in the middle of nowhere, best memories she's ever made. She’s found a beautiful Canterbury solo mum community from a Facebook post. She goes to the Solo Mum Society book club at one in the morning NZ time. She's one and only, by choice, and completely at peace with it.
This is one of the most joyful episodes I've recorded in five seasons.
In this episode:Growing up in a family with a difficult relationship pattern — and deciding to break the cycle
Walking into a fertility clinic at 24 with a fake partner because she thought single women couldn't do it alone
Going on the NZ donor waitlist at 24, expecting a two-year wait — and waiting over three years
Choosing a donor in New Zealand based on why he donated and openness to early contact
IVF at 28-29: doing injections between ambulance shifts, finding the whole process genuinely fascinating
A fresh transfer that didn't work, then the Easter frozen transfer that became Bubba
Finding out she was pregnant on Mother's Day — doing a home test and planning it that way
Pregnancy as an emergency department nurse: telling colleagues early for safety reasons, the whole ward adopting him as the ward baby, weekly ultrasounds for the team
Pre-labour rupture of membranes at 39 weeks — going in terrified, having the most incredible birth experience
Pulling Bubba onto her chest herself and cutting his cord
The triple feeding plan in the first weeks — and why breastfeeding was harder than she expected
Coming home to just the two of them in a thunderstorm — what the NZ system looks like (Plunket, midwife for 6 weeks, Plunketline)
Finding a Canterbury solo mum community via a Facebook post — now she attends monthly meetups
The SMS Facebook group, book club, and SMS Membership that filled the gap
Being blindsided by how much the village disappears after discharge — the loneliness nobody warns you about
Fiji at seven months — terrible weather, magic memories, and why his childhood is her motherhood
Choosing to be one and only — and the beautiful logic of treasuring every moment because it only happens once
What she says to him every night — and what she'd tell anyone considering this path
You don't have to be certain to start — in New Zealand, you can go on the donor waitlist and stay on it without committing to anything, because it can take years
Shift work and IVF can work together — let your clinic know your schedule and they'll accommodate; Sam's clinic moved her to 11am appointments so she could sleep after night shifts
The village may disappear after discharge — this is not just a solo mum experience, but solo mums often feel it more acutely. Build your intentional village before the baby arrives.
Being one and only isn't settling — it can be a deliberate, joyful choice to give everything to the experience of one
She found the Canterbury solo mum community from one Facebook post — if there's no one near you, be the one who starts it
His childhood is your motherhood — the experiences you create for him are also the memories you carry
The NZ process: Fertility Associates offer free consults with blood tests; Plunket provides early childhood support; Plunketline is a free helpline for new parents
Donor conception in New Zealand requires a local NZ donor — there is no access to international donors
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Not sure whether this path is right for you?A Sounding Board Session with Alisha is a one-to-one call to work through wherever you're at — the decision, the process, the fears. You don't have to have it figured out before you book. Book your session here.
S5:E31 - Fertility Counselling & Donor Conception — What Solo Mums Actually Need to Know
Every woman going through donor conception at a fertility clinic in Australia is required to attend implications counselling. And almost every one of them turns up expecting to be assessed, judged, and told …
Notas del episodio
Every woman going through donor conception at a fertility clinic in Australia is required to attend implications counselling. And almost every one of them turns up expecting to be assessed, judged, and told whether they're worthy enough to be a mum.
Narelle Dickinson has been working in this space for 30 years. She finds that deeply sad.
Narelle is a reproductive psychologist, fertility counsellor, and the director of Lotus Health and Psychology in Brisbane. She specialises in the prenatal and perinatal field, works in the surrogacy space, supports families through birth trauma and pregnancy loss, and has spent 25 years doing donor conception counselling — watching the landscape shift from almost exclusively heterosexual couples to a community that now includes far more single women choosing this path as a first option, not a last resort.
In this episode she explains what implications counselling actually is, what it's actually for, and how to get the most out of it rather than treating it as a tick-box exercise. She talks about what changes when you're using a known or recruited donor rather than a clinic donor. She explains why people who are using an unregulated recruited donor without going through a clinic should consider seeing a counsellor anyway — and what a donor who refuses to sit in a counselling room should tell you. She talks about the unexpected emotional waves that can come after a positive test, after the baby arrives, and years later when your child starts asking harder questions.
And she closes with something worth carrying: the goal of donor conception counselling isn't getting you pregnant. It's helping you build a family. Those are very different things.
Narelle and her team offer telehealth across Australia. If you're looking for an implications counsellor, make sure you're using an ANZICA-accredited practitioner — the Australia and New Zealand Infertility Counselors Association — whose reports will be accepted by any clinic.
Find Narelle at:
Website - lotushp.com.au.
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lotushealthandpsychology/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/LotusHealthPsychology/
In this episode:Why the reproductive psychologist field has shifted — from heterosexual couples to increasingly single women choosing this as a first option
What women expect implications counselling to be — and why that expectation is almost always wrong
What implications counselling actually does: it's not an assessment, it's preparation for the next 20, 30, 50 years
How the session is different for a solo mum than for a couple, and why it should be
The importance of singing from the same songbook — how everyone around your child needs to be using the same language and the same story
What to expect if you're using a clinic-recruited ID release donor — disclosure, donor siblings, future contact
What changes if you're using a known donor — role, naming, extended family expectations, what the donor's parents think is happening
Why going to implications counselling even if you're using a recruited donor outside a clinic is one of the most important things you can do
The red flag that matters most: a donor who won't sit in front of a health professional
How the unregulated space works, what family limits mean and don't mean, and why the issue isn't the rules — it's the enforcement
When to reach back out for counselling: during a hard IVF cycle, after a positive test you can't quite believe, in the newborn phase, and when your child starts asking questions that don't have easy answers
The "I should be grateful" trap — why women who've been through fertility treatment often feel they have no right to struggle
Disclosure as your child grows: keeping the channel open, making sure they know they're allowed to ask, and understanding when the story stops being yours and starts being theirs
How to find an ANZICA-accredited fertility counsellor — and whether you can use someone interstate for your clinic
Implications counselling is not an assessment of your worthiness as a parent — it's preparation for the decades ahead
If you're using a recruited donor outside a clinic, you can still access a fertility counsellor — and you probably should
The first red flag with any recruited donor: unwillingness to sit in a counselling room and answer questions in front of a professional
Family limits apply to informal home insemination too — the issue is that nobody is enforcing them
The urgency to get pregnant is real, but it can't override the need to make good decisions — you aren't just choosing sperm, you're choosing your child's genetic origin and medical history
"You don't need a partner, but you do need a village" — and if you don't have one, now is the time to start building it
The donor conversation doesn't end when your child is told — it evolves at every stage, and you can go back to a counsellor at any of those stages
Make sure your fertility counsellor is ANZICA-accredited — their reports are accepted by all clinics in Australia
Telehealth means you don't need to be in the same state as your counsellor
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant or TTC solo?The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.
S5:E30 - Claire & August
The Plan Always Had a Next Step Claire always knew she'd be a mum. She told her mum at 18 that if she didn't find someone, she'd do it on her own. Her mum said she wouldn't need to. Claire filed that away and …
Notas del episodio
The Plan Always Had a Next StepClaire always knew she'd be a mum. She told her mum at 18 that if she didn't find someone, she'd do it on her own. Her mum said she wouldn't need to. Claire filed that away and thought: well, if I do, I'm fine with it.
At 30 she decided she was financially ready, had ticked off enough of her travel list, and started. She didn't make a big announcement. When she eventually told people, nobody was surprised.
What followed was not the quick journey she'd hoped for. A pre-existing endometriosis diagnosis from 19 sent her straight to IVF with her doctor at Monash IVF Bondi Junction — no IUI, no mucking around. But what nobody had picked up was that Claire had a thin endometrial lining — a four or five, when the transfer window needs a seven to ten. Medicated cycles were cancelled last minute. PRP (platelet-rich plasma) treatment was tried repeatedly. There was no clear reason why. The Mirena she'd had in was the best guess.
The first IVF cycle itself went beautifully — 12 eggs, 12 fertilised, five AA-grade embryos. And then none of them worked. She went through all five. Two of the transfers resulted in early losses at five weeks.
She didn't know yet that she'd got COVID during her injections cycle. She still wonders.
Second cycle. New protocol. PGTA testing this time. Four embryos. And then — right as she was preparing for her next transfer — she was caught in the NSW donor audit. Her overseas donor had been over-allocated to NSW beyond the state's family limit. The clinic emailed: we don't know if you'll be able to use this donor anymore. Possibly ever.
She had just had a miscarriage. She had no next step for the first time in the entire journey. It was, she says, almost as hard as the losses.
A solo mum she'd never met found everyone affected, organised them, told them who to email and what to say, and kept going until the clinic made an exemption. Claire had two vials of sperm left and was permitted to continue.
On the 22nd of October, she transferred. Augie arrived nine months later. He is nine weeks old, already looks entirely like his donor, and has Claire's blood type — and that, apparently, is it.
At 36 weeks Claire moved from Sydney to Orange to live with her parents for the year — her mum is a midwife, lactation consultant, and child and family health nurse, which turned out to matter enormously in the first weeks of breastfeeding. She'll move into her own place in January, set up a home daycare, and take Augie to Bali in between.
She's the first to say she's more capable than she thought she'd be.
In this episode:Always knowing she'd be a mum — telling her mother at 18 that she'd do it alone if she had to
Deciding at 30: financially ready, travel list ticked, let's go
Endometriosis diagnosed at 19 — going straight to IVF, no IUI
Discovering a thin endometrial lining — cancelled cycles, PRP treatment, no clear cause
12 eggs, 12 fertilised, five AA-grade embryos — and all five failing to implant or take
Two early losses at five weeks — processing grief by going within, and the friends who knew when to leave
Getting COVID during her injections cycle — and wondering if that changed something
The donor audit: what it was, the email she received mid-miscarriage, and the solo mum who got the exemptions overturned
Second round with new protocol and PGTA testing — four embryos, including a fresh transfer
A positive on the first transfer of the second round — October 22nd — and still not quite believing it throughout the whole pregnancy
Bleeds until 14 weeks and demanding scans every time, just to check
Finishing work at 36 weeks and moving from Sydney to Orange at 37 weeks pregnant
Living with her parents — what's worked, what's been harder than expected
Her mum the midwife/lactation consultant being the best possible person to have there for breastfeeding
Going to the first-time mums group in Orange and being the only solo mum — and the moment they asked about traits from the father
One solo mum found in Bathurst — otherwise connecting with the community will mean trips back to Sydney
Planning a home daycare in Orange from January
Bali booked — now with mum coming too, in separate accommodation
Already more capable than she thought she'd be — and what she'd tell someone about to do this alone
Two embryos in the freezer, one more vial of sperm, and thinking about whether there'll be a second
Starting earlier doesn't guarantee it'll be quicker — but it does mean there's more time to work through what comes up
A thin endometrial lining can be the hidden barrier that no one mentions until you're already in treatment — ask about lining thickness early
Five AA-grade embryos all failing is not a sign of failure — it's a sign the process is complex and the next round might look different
When you lose access to something you've relied on as a next step, that limbo is its own grief — name it
The solo mum community shows up for itself in remarkable ways — the NSW donor audit result happened because one woman refused to let it stand
Breastfeeding is genuinely hard and there's no shame in finding it that way — get a lactation consultant early
You are more capable than you think — if it's just you and you have to do it, you do it
Moving home temporarily is a practical and sensible choice — the trade-offs are real but so are the benefits
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Still considering whether this path is right for you?The Considering Solo Motherhood course helps you make an informed, empowered decision — and understand what the process actually looks like before you start. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.
S5-E29 - Brooke & Mia
The wake up call Brooke spent most of her 30s in a relationship with a man who already had a child and didn't want more. She told herself she was okay with that. She spent 10 years telling herself that. And …
Notas del episodio
The wake up callBrooke spent most of her 30s in a relationship with a man who already had a child and didn't want more. She told herself she was okay with that. She spent 10 years telling herself that. And somewhere in those 10 years, quietly, she started filling out IVF paperwork in the background.
She never did anything with it. COVID arrived. She went back to it in 2021. She saw a counsellor, got on the donor waitlist at Melbourne IVF, found the Facebook sperm donation groups deeply uncomfortable, met a recruited donor and drove home knowing that wasn't right either. And then her brother had a brain aneurysm. He survived. But she was 42, and she looked at him and thought: I have one shot at life, and I am going to regret this forever if I don't try.
She was 43 when she finally had her egg collection — 11 eggs retrieved, 7 viable embryos — numbers that will give every woman in her 40s something to hold onto. She did not take any special vitamins. She was, in her own words, very much "if it's meant to be."
Three transfers. The first didn't work. The second — which she didn't tell anyone she was doing — didn't work either. A reading over Christmas that gave her hope, then didn't. A D&C to prepare the lining, and then a fourth transfer she barely planned for, fitted in between a work secondment in regional Victoria and a visit back to Melbourne.
She didn't tell anyone she was doing that one either.
It worked.
Mia was born in November, 10 days after Brooke's 44th birthday. During the pregnancy, Brooke found out her dad had stage 4 lung cancer. He made it to meet Mia. He got to see her smile. He passed away when Mia was four months old. Brooke has a photo of the two of them smiling at each other.
In the months after Mia arrived, Brooke experienced postnatal depression — triggered by a sleep school programme that went against every instinct she had. She recognised it quickly, got onto a helpline that night, and got help fast. She talks about it openly because she wants other women to know it doesn't mean you're a bad mum, and it doesn't mean you made the wrong decision.
Mia is almost two. Her name means "mine" in Italian — chosen because Brooke's nonna is Italian, and the donor's family is too. She co-sleeps most nights, wakes three or four times, and is a very determined, very independent little girl who drags a vintage Cabbage Patch doll around the house.
There are three embryos still in the freezer. Brooke is thinking about them every day.
In this episode:A decade-long relationship with someone who didn't want more children — and what that quietly cost her
A gynaecologist who told her she was "too old" to freeze her eggs at 36 — and why she should have found a different doctor sooner
Starting IVF paperwork in the background of a relationship that was still ongoing
COVID hitting just as she got serious about it — and restarting in 2021
The Facebook sperm donation groups: why they felt wrong, and what meeting a recruited donor in regional Victoria taught her
Getting on the donor waitlist at Melbourne IVF, the three-month access windows, and finding her donor with 24 hours left on her final access
Her friend who told her to just hit the button — and the glass of wine that finally made her do it
Her brother's brain aneurysm at 42 as the moment she stopped waiting
Starting IVF at 43 with Dr Weng Chan — 11 eggs, 7 embryos, remarkable results without any special vitamins or protocols
Three failed transfers, a chemical pregnancy she discovered on Christmas morning, and why she told no one about transfers two, three, or four
A D&C to refresh the lining, and a fourth transfer she almost did on a whim during a work trip
Making peace with not getting pregnant — and what that peace did for her body
Getting pregnant on the fourth transfer and finding out at her mum's house ("Have you got COVID?")
A complication-free pregnancy — and finding out her dad had stage 4 lung cancer in the middle of it
Dad meeting Mia before he passed, and the photo Brooke will always treasure
Mia's name — what it means, and the Italian connection shared by grandmother and donor
Postnatal depression triggered by sleep school — recognising it the same night and calling a helpline
Co-sleeping, no sleep training, waking three to four times a night — and why it works for them
Three embryos in the freezer and the daily internal debate about a second child
What she'd say to Mia, and what she'd say to anyone letting fear stop them
A wake-up call doesn't have to be your own health scare — watching someone you love nearly die can be more than enough
Doing paperwork in the background isn't crazy — it's forward motion when you're not fully ready to commit yet
11 eggs at 43 without any special vitamins or protocols — the fertility cliff is real, but it is not a guarantee
Making peace with the possibility it might not work is one of the most powerful things you can do during IVF
Telling nobody about a cycle removes the pressure of having to update people — and sometimes that's exactly what you need
PND after solo motherhood doesn't mean you made the wrong decision — getting help early changes everything
A gynaecologist who tells you you're too old at 36 is not the right specialist for you
The fear you think will be hardest — bringing a child into the world without another parent — disappears the moment they arrive
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
TTC or pregnant and looking for your village?The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
S5:E28 - Alex, A & Ollie
From the Very First Try to Six Months In Some women come to this decision with a clear plan. Alex came with a deadline: if I'm still single at 30, I'm doing it on my own. She hit 30. She went to Bali to …
Notas del episodio
From the Very First Try to Six Months InSome women come to this decision with a clear plan. Alex came with a deadline: if I'm still single at 30, I'm doing it on my own. She hit 30. She went to Bali to celebrate. She came home and got her AMH checked.
It was on the lower end of normal. That was enough.
What followed was three years, a recruited known donor in Victoria, two early miscarriages, a laparoscopy that found stage two endometriosis she never knew she had, multiple egg retrievals across a bulk bill IVF clinic in Queensland and then their full service program, unexplained implantation failure, a double embryo transfer that finally worked, and a pregnancy spent anxious and cautiously hopeful. All while working full time in a state manager role in child protection — and parenting a 16-year-old foster daughter who has lived with her for the past three years.
Ollie was born on the 23rd of January via planned caesarean — except the plan didn't go to plan. Nineteen attempts between the cannula and the spinal tap, a previous spinal surgery that made anaesthesia almost impossible, a general anaesthetic she didn't want, and a best friend waiting outside the theatre. He was out and detached from the anaesthetic in under four minutes. He had some trouble breathing, went briefly to special care, and eventually came up to Alex's room that night.
He is now six and a half months old. He has a cow's milk protein allergy requiring prescription formula. He has been to Canberra, Bali and Darwin and is heading to Europe next month. He sleeps through the night. He gets his morning cuddle from his big sister before he's even properly awake. And Alex calls him a unicorn.
This is a two-part episode — Part 1 covers the journey to 25 weeks pregnant, Part 2 picks up from birth to now.
In this episode:
Working in child protection and becoming respite carer to two children at 21
Her 16-year-old foster daughter who now lives with her full-time — and the younger one who comes every fortnight
Deciding at 30 to stop waiting — AMH results, initial fertility investigations, and the decision to try a recruited known donor first
Finding her donor on Facebook: the legal agreement, the counselling, the interstate coordination, and why doing it properly mattered
Getting pregnant on the first try — and an early miscarriage
Nearly 12 months of home insemination with two early losses, a referral to an early miscarriage specialist, insulin levels treated at a lower threshold, and metformin
Moving to a bulk bill IVF clinic in Queensland — out-of-town scans in Adelaide, flying up for retrievals and transfers, three bulk bill cycles
Stage two endometriosis found during a laparoscopy — no symptoms, no history, discovered during an egg retrieval
Moving to the full service program: 16 eggs, six or seven embryos, and still unexplained implantation failure
Genetic testing the embryos — half weren't chromosomally normal, three tested normal
A double embryo transfer (one tested, one C-grade untested) — one took. She'll never know which.
Early pregnancy with anxiety, a suspected ectopic, a bleed at 5 weeks, a night in hospital
A gender reveal, a boy, and a dad who is very excited about his first grandson
Ollie arriving at 38 weeks via general anaesthetic — 14 cannula attempts, 9 spinal tap attempts, and a best friend waiting outside
Ollie in special care, feeding journey, and the lactation consultant who gave Alex permission to formula feed
Cow's milk protein allergy, prescription formula, and why Alex now advises every pregnant woman to bring a tin to hospital just in case
Circadian rhythm sorted by two weeks, sleeping through the night by six weeks, napping properly from three months
Bali at four months — what worked, what didn't, and the five-dollar porter who changed everything
A 16-year-old who gets Ollie up every morning, takes the backseat in the car, and saves her wages to buy him presents
Keeping one-on-one time with the older one after Ollie arrived
Promoted during maternity leave, planning a second baby, and wondering whether Ollie the unicorn has been a false reference point for what's coming
Key Takeaways
If you're going to use a recruited known donor, do it properly: legal agreement, counselling for both parties, STI and genetic testing — these things filter out the people who aren't doing it for the right reasons
Unexplained implantation failure is one of the most frustrating IVF diagnoses — PGT-A testing of embryos can provide valuable information even when everything else looks normal
A general anaesthetic can delay milk supply and impact oxytocin — knowing this beforehand changes how you approach the early feeding days
Bring a tin of formula to hospital regardless of your feeding intentions — having it there removes one decision from a very full first night
Formula feeding is not failure — a rested, mentally well mum is the best thing for your baby
Circadian rhythm can be established very early with intentional day/night light exposure
A foster child can be an extraordinary addition to a newborn's life at the right age — the 16-year-old / newborn dynamic Alex describes is genuinely beautiful
You can foster and have a biological baby — the foster care agency had no issue with Alex's plan
Recruited known donor to IVF is a natural escalation — try what's available to you first, and escalate when you need to
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
TTC or pregnant and looking for your village?The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
S5:E27 - Alisha & Alexandra - part 2
Four and a Half Years Later — Alisha's Update A note: this episode mentions the loss of Alisha's son Jeremy, who was stillborn 12 years ago today. She shares it with gratitude and without distress — but as …
Notas del episodio
Four and a Half Years Later — Alisha's UpdateA note: this episode mentions the loss of Alisha's son Jeremy, who was stillborn 12 years ago today. She shares it with gratitude and without distress — but as always on this podcast, take care of yourself first.
When I recorded my first ever episode of No Need for Prince Charming, Lexi was almost two. She is now six and a half. A lot has changed.
I've been meaning to do this update for a while, and today felt like the right day — because it's the 12th anniversary of losing my son Jeremy, and I'm launching something I've been building towards for a very long time. More on that below.
But first, let me catch you up.
In early 2022, I was working full time in corporate loyalty, Lexi was in full-time daycare, Melbourne was still in lockdown, and I was running the podcast from stolen hours after she went to bed. I knew something was brewing — I just didn't know yet what it was going to be.
What followed was four and a half years I would not trade for anything. Quitting a job I loved that had become somewhere I hated. Nearly four years sober. An ADHD diagnosis that explained a lot. Writing My Perfect Family. Building courses. Three Bali trips. A book club. A Facebook group that's now 3,500 members. The Bump Membership, which is still the thing I'm most proud of. Speaking at the Sydney Opera House. Sitting on the ART review committee. A second podcast. And learning, in a book club of all places, that one of my friends used the same donor as me — and that Lexi has a little sister.
Today, on Jeremy's anniversary, I'm launching the SMS Membership. It's for established solo mums by choice — women who have their child, who are in the thick of it, who want more than a Facebook group can offer. A real community. Real faces. Monthly expert sessions on things we actually need to talk about — mortgages, perimenopause, body safety, employment rights, identity after motherhood. Plus fortnightly Zoom connection calls, state-based groups for real-life playdates, and specialist chats for neurosparkly mums, double donor families, mums without their own mum, and more.
I also want to say this: I wasn't 100% sure when I did this. I wasn't even 50% sure. But I didn't want to look back and regret not trying. And it worked on the second round of IVF, and Alexandra is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am so, so glad.
If you're on the fence — listen to this episode. And then take the next step.
In this episode:Going back to work in 2022 — full-time corporate, lockdowns, my mum in hospital the week I returned, survival mode
Starting the podcast and feeling something brewing underneath all of it
Writing My Perfect Family and why I wanted to normalise the language of donor conception for other families' children, not just ours
Fiji with Rhiannon — and realising I almost certainly have ADHD
A bullying boss, a toxic work environment, and the day I resigned with my bonus and Lexi in tow
Solo Mum Society was born, and so was the realisation that books don't pay your mortgage
Going sober almost four years ago — and why having Lexi finally gave me a reason big enough to make it stick
The ADHD diagnosis and medication in 2024 — and how running your own business with ADHD without corporate deadlines is a very specific kind of chaos
The first Bali trip: 24 women, total strangers, everything in common
The Facebook group growing to 3,500 members — and why I started it when the existing group didn't match the energy of the solo mums I knew
The Considering, Expecting and Preparing courses — why I made them, what they cover, and what it feels like to watch nervous women become excited ones
The Disney cruise — Cinderella holding our daughters' hands, and every dream I had coming true
The book club conversation that revealed Lexi's donor-conceived sibling — before the baby was even born
Lexi starting school: Father's Day, a classmate who said she was lying about not having a dad, family week, and navigating all of it with teachers who read My Perfect Family
Both Alisha and Lexi being neurosparkly — what that means for their household, and how awareness changes everything
The third Bali trip — all-inclusive, strangers becoming people you'd think had been friends for a decade
Speaking at the Sydney Opera House about sperm (as you do)
The ART review committee — being a voice for solo mums at a national level
Motherhood Unmasked and Unfiltered — the second podcast with Rhiannon
Jeremy's anniversary — 12 years today, and why she sees his passing as a gift that gave her Lexi and everything that followed
The SMS Membership — what it is, what's in it, and why it's launching today
Dating? Still no. Genuinely no. And why that's the first time in her life she hasn't felt like she needed someone
Lexi at six and a half — kind, empathetic, fun, neurosparkly, and the only thing Alisha ever really wanted
The podcast is a time capsule — if you're considering sharing your story, please do it. Not just for the community, but for your child to hear one day
Solo mums by choice are not a monologue — no two stories are alike; the only thing in common is choosing to have a child without a partner
The hardest part of this whole journey is still making the decision in the first place
If the workplace isn't aligned with who you've become as a mum, it's not a failure to leave — it's clarity
Being diagnosed with ADHD in your 40s doesn't break anything — it explains a lot and makes you kinder on yourself
Sobriety is possible when the reason is finally big enough — and it changes more than you expect
Donor-conceived siblings may already be in your life — join the registers, join the groups, do the things
"They need a father figure" — no. They need good men in their life. There are many ways to find that
You don't have to be 100% certain to take the first step. You just have to be certain enough that you'd regret not trying
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
The SMS Membership is live — and this is what I've been building towards.For established solo mums by choice. A real community, expert sessions on the things we actually need, fortnightly Zoom connection calls, state-based groups, specialist chats, and partner offers. Find out more here.
S5:E26 - Kate & Amelia
She never gave up! Some journeys are long. Kate's is one of the longest we've shared on this podcast — and one of the most quietly remarkable. Kate came to solo motherhood later than she planned, and for …
Notas del episodio
She never gave up!Some journeys are long. Kate's is one of the longest we've shared on this podcast — and one of the most quietly remarkable.
Kate came to solo motherhood later than she planned, and for reasons that had nothing to do with not wanting a child. For much of her 30s she was managing Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, a chronic pain condition so severe she was on strong medication whose effects on a foetus were not yet known. She finished three masters degrees, achieved a third-degree black belt in karate, and built a career — all while navigating a condition she would not wish on anyone.
By her late 30s, the pain was behind her. The medication was gone. And the relationship she'd thought might lead somewhere hadn't. So she made the decision that had always been there, waiting.
What followed was three rounds of IUI, a move from Melbourne to Tasmania, a job change, eight or more IVF cycles across two clinics, multiple egg retrievals, a chemical pregnancy, and a miscarriage. Years of driving to Hobart and turning back halfway because the embryo hadn't developed. Years of two-week waits that ended badly. Years of holding it all quietly — telling almost no one — because that is how Kate processes things, and because she has Asperger's, and because the fear of what people think runs deep when you've spent your whole life reading the room slightly differently to everyone else.
And then in December, a natural FET. Timed around Christmas. A feeling on the way home that she hadn't had before — this one has stuck.
She was right. Amelia is 22 months old, about to turn two. She lives with Kate and Kate's parents in northern Tasmania, is looked after full time by her grandparents while Kate works, hates being swaddled, kicks her blankets off, loves doctors' waiting rooms, and is going to Japan in a couple of months.
Kate wouldn't swap a single thing.
In this episode:Three masters degrees, a third-degree black belt, and a decade managing Complex Regional Pain Syndrome — and how that shaped Kate's decision-making
Being on the autism spectrum (Asperger's): how it affected relationships, the decision to pursue solo motherhood, and the parenting experience that followed
Deciding to go straight to IUI rather than freeze eggs — and learning the hard way that the IUI donor pool in Victoria was extremely limited
Three rounds of IUI: a chemical pregnancy in quarantine, a negative, and a third failure before moving to IVF
Transferring to the Tasmanian clinic — a smaller, more personal experience, and a specialist who never stopped looking for solutions
Eight or more IVF cycles across multiple years — multiple egg retrievals, fresh and frozen transfers, the physical and emotional toll, and driving halfway to Hobart only to be called back because the embryo hadn't developed
The pre-Medicare-change reality for solo mums: needing to fail IUI multiple times before qualifying for IVF rebates
A miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy before the natural FET that finally worked
Keeping almost everything secret — and what happened when she finally told people
A pregnancy she couldn't enjoy, spent waiting for something to go wrong
Amelia arriving a day early in a Tasmanian storm — and spending the first week in hospital with no power at home
Coming home to mum and a two-year-old who refused to be swaddled
Going back to work at four and a half months — a nine-day fortnight, four days from home
Her parents as full-time carers: what it's given Amelia, what it's given them
What she'd do differently — and what she'd tell anyone on the spectrum who's been waiting for the right time
A health condition is not a reason to stop — it may be a reason to plan more carefully, get better advice earlier, and advocate for yourself at every step
Being on the spectrum doesn't mean you can't read your child — you will find your own way of knowing, and it will be enough
The fear of what other people will think is almost always bigger than the reality — Kate told far fewer people than she needed to and everyone she told was supportive
The pre-2023 Medicare rules forced solo mums through unnecessary rounds of IUI before qualifying for IVF — if you're starting now, you don't have to do that
Telling your employer, when you can trust them, makes the practical logistics of fertility treatment enormously more manageable
Going back to work is not abandonment — for some brains, it's a lifeline that helps process and move forward
The newborn phase is different when your brain works differently — lean into whatever your mum tells you, accept the help that comes, and know that you will find your own rhythm
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant or TTC solo?The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.
S5:E25 - Acupuncture and Fertility with Dr Michelle Smith
Acupuncture for IVF & Fertility — What Solo Mums Need to Know | Dr Michelle Smith, Ova Acupuncture Most fertility specialists will tell you to try acupuncture. Very few of them explain why. This week I'm joined …
Notas del episodio
Acupuncture for IVF & Fertility — What Solo Mums Need to Know | Dr Michelle Smith, Ova AcupunctureMost fertility specialists will tell you to try acupuncture. Very few of them explain why.
This week I'm joined by Dr Michelle Smith — acupuncturist, Chinese herbal medicine practitioner, and director of Ova Acupuncture in Brisbane. Michelle specialises in fertility and women's health, has two clinics in Brisbane, and sees women from all over Australia, including many solo mums by choice. She's also, as of this recording, 13 weeks pregnant via IVF — her first transfer — doing this solo, and very happy to talk about all of it.
This episode is Acupuncture 101 for anyone who has been told it might help, has no idea how or why, and wants to actually understand the mechanism rather than just taking someone's word for it.
We cover everything — the science and the philosophy, what's actually happening when a needle goes in and why that matters for egg quality and implantation, the ideal timeline for starting treatment before an IVF cycle, what to do if you have PCOS, what's different for known donor home insemination, how acupuncture supports perimenopause, and what to look for when finding a practitioner near you.
Michelle is also refreshingly honest about what acupuncture can and can't do, why the pre- and post-transfer appointment is not as essential as the industry often suggests, and why her first priority with most new patients is to get them off half the supplements they're on.
If you've been on the fence about whether to add acupuncture to your IVF cycle — this episode will help you make that decision.
Ova Acupuncture — Brisbane, two clinics, telehealth available for interstate patients. Visit ovaacupuncture.au
Note: Michelle can also provide referrals to trusted colleagues around Australia for those not in Brisbane.
In this episode:How Michelle came to specialise in fertility — her own PCOS diagnosis, five years of study, and why she says she has the best job in the world
Why fertility specialists telling you to "get acupuncture to relax" undersells what it's actually doing
The sympathetic versus parasympathetic nervous system — and why the goal of acupuncture is to move you out of fight-or-flight
How acupuncture supports IVF: blood flow to the ovaries, follicle quality, immune regulation and implantation
The whole-systems approach — why the 12 weeks of weekly sessions before your cycle matters more than a pre- and post-transfer appointment
What to do if you haven't had 12 weeks — the alternative protocol for stim phase
The post-transfer window — what acupuncture is doing during the two-week wait, and when it's worth coming in
What Michelle looks for when reviewing solo mums' IVF histories — and the basic things she sees missed because "we assumed everything was fine"
Diet and lifestyle for fertility: Mediterranean diet, blood sugar regulation, eating enough, and why ice baths are off the table
Acupuncture for known donor home insemination — optimising ovulation, luteal phase support, and vaginal microbiome testing
PCOS and fertility: irregular ovulation, AMH, OHSS risk, and how Chinese medicine treats the individual rather than the protocol
Perimenopause and why this generation of women is experiencing it differently — and how acupuncture helps
How to navigate acupuncture with a needle phobia or as a neurodivergent person
How to find a qualified fertility acupuncturist near you — what to look for and what to ask
Michelle's IVF journey: first transfer, 13 weeks pregnant, doing it solo, and what she'd tell anyone just starting out
Acupuncture does more than help you relax — it shifts the nervous system, directs blood flow to reproductive organs, and supports immune regulation for implantation
The whole-systems approach means regular weekly sessions in the lead-up to your cycle are more valuable than a single pre/post-transfer appointment
Ideally start acupuncture 12 weeks before your IVF stim phase — or twice weekly during stim if you haven't had that lead time
Solo mums often have basic things missed in their fertility workup because everyone assumes the only reason for IVF is the absence of a partner — advocate for full investigations
Less is more with supplements — a good practitioner will help you stop rattling, not add more to the pile
Mediterranean diet, regular meals, blood sugar stability, warmth, and adequate sleep are the foundations — before anything else
Ice baths are not recommended when trying to conceive — in Chinese medicine, warmth supports blood flow and a fertile environment
For known donor/home insemination: focus on ovulation regularity, luteal phase quality, and vaginal microbiome health
When choosing a practitioner, check AHPRA registration and ask about post-graduate fertility training specifically
You deserve to feel safe, listened to and advocated for in acupuncture — just as you do in any medical setting
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant or TTC solo?The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.
S5:E24 - Kaitlynn & Sully
Nine People, One Tiny Town, and the Boy Who Brought the House Back to Life Kaitlynn was never much of a dater. In her early 20s, her mum — who, as mums do, knew her best — floated the idea of going it alone. It …
Notas del episodio
Nine People, One Tiny Town, and the Boy Who Brought the House Back to LifeKaitlynn was never much of a dater. In her early 20s, her mum — who, as mums do, knew her best — floated the idea of going it alone. It took another six or seven years of on-and-off conversation before Kaitlynn, now 29 and living in a four-generation household in remote Tasmania, finally sat down and started putting the pieces together.
When we first spoke to Kaitlynn, she was weeks out from her first fertility appointment — bloods done, paperwork filed, donor shortlisted, waiting on cycle day one. Her closest clinic was a four-hour drive from home; Hobart, where her specialist was based, was seven. She'd chosen her donor through Fertility Tasmania using the Seattle Sperm Bank, picking an ID release donor with a clean health history and an artistic, musical background she hoped her future child would inherit. She funded the whole process through an early release of her superannuation.
Two and a half years later, we caught up again. Kaitlynn fell pregnant on her first IUI. She developed gestational diabetes at 30 weeks, managed it through diet, and navigated a flare-up of pre-existing mental health struggles during pregnancy with her family close by. At her 20-week scan, doctors flagged a suspected clubfoot — confirmed at birth. Sully went into his first cast at three weeks old, had a small surgery to release his Achilles tendon at around three months, and has been in boots and a bar ever since, now down to overnight wear only. Kaitlynn talks openly about handing her newborn over to a surgeon, about the four-hour round trips for treatment from a town of 35 people, and about how becoming Sully's mum reshaped who she is — pulling her whole nine-person "village" closer in the process.
In this episode:Kaitlynn's mum first suggesting the solo mum path when Kaitlynn was in her early 20s, and what finally made her act on it
Living in a four-generation household in remote Tasmania — nine people under one roof, and why "we'll just fit another one in" was the family's reaction
The logistics of pursuing treatment four hours from the nearest clinic, seven from her specialist in Hobart
Choosing an ID release donor through Fertility Tasmania and the Seattle Sperm Bank — health history, artistic background, and "donor roulette" with her best friend
Falling pregnant on her first IUI, and the strange lack of surprise that comes with a fully planned conception
Gestational diabetes at 30 weeks and a flare-up of pre-existing mental health struggles during pregnancy
Sully's clubfoot diagnosis at the 20-week scan — weekly casts from three weeks old, a small surgery, and life in boots and a bar
What it was like handing her newborn over to a surgeon for the first time
Four-hour round trips to hospital from a town with a population of 35
How becoming Sully's mum reshaped her sense of identity — and reconnected her with nieces, nephews and her nan
Travelling internationally and to Bali with a toddler, and how she built community from hundreds of kilometres away
Going back and forth on a second child, and what's stopping her from letting go of the last vial in storage
What she wants to say to Sully when he's old enough to hear this episode
Isolation doesn't rule out solo motherhood — it just means the logistics take more planning, and a good specialist will work around your geography rather than against it
A quick, straightforward IUI is possible, even after years of thinking it all through
Gestational diabetes and antenatal mental health flare-ups are common, not a reflection of anything you did wrong
A medical diagnosis picked up on a routine scan doesn't have to define the story — Sully's clubfoot became "just part of what he's known," not a source of ongoing distress
Having a wide support "village" doesn't dilute the mother-child bond — if anything, it gave Kaitlynn's whole extended family new life
Indecision about a second child is normal, and there's no timeline you're required to resolve it on
Distance from other solo mums doesn't mean isolation — online community and events like Bali can close that gapA brief note: this episode includes the death of Jessica's mum from cancer during Teddy's first year, and a hospital stay for Teddy shortly after. It's heavy in places — but told with real warmth, and it ends somewhere good.
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant or TTC solo?The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.
S5:E23 - Choosing Rose with Beth Sadowsky
Every donor-conceived child from an SMBC will ask it eventually. Mummy, why don't I have a daddy? Most of us lie awake at some point worrying about how to answer it. What words do we use? How much do we say? …
Notas del episodio
Every donor-conceived child from an SMBC will ask it eventually. Mummy, why don't I have a daddy?Most of us lie awake at some point worrying about how to answer it. What words do we use? How much do we say? What if we get it wrong?
This week I'm joined by Beth Sadowsky — solo mum by choice, life coach, and author of Choosing Rose, a children's picture book written specifically for SMBC families. Beth is based in Florida, USA, and her daughter Lily is 7. The book started as a letter Beth wrote to Lily while she was still pregnant — a way to prepare for the conversation she knew was coming — and it became a beautifully illustrated picture book that leans into the question rather than avoiding it.
Choosing Rose isn't a biology lesson. It doesn't explain what sperm is or how IVF works. It's a story — warm enough for bedtime and honest enough to open a real conversation. The kind of book you can hand your child and read together, and the words come naturally because the story does the work.
We talk about how the book came to be, what Lily thought when she first heard it read to her, how Beth handled the moment at school when Lily said I wish I had a daddy at a table full of dads, and why Beth believes the question isn't something to dread — it's one of the most beautiful opportunities we have as solo mums.
This episode is for any solo mum who hasn't quite worked out how to start this conversation yet. Or who's been putting it off. Or who picked up the book and burst into tears before they even got to page three.
You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to begin.
Choosing Rose is available on Amazon, including Amazon Australia. Search: Choosing Rose Beth Sadowsky.
In this episode:What inspired Beth to write Choosing Rose — and why it started as a letter, not a book
The gap in children's books for SMBC families — what exists, what doesn't, and why it matters
Why Beth deliberately kept the book free of biological detail — and what that makes possible
How Lily reacted when Beth first read it to her at age 2 — and what she thinks now at 7
The moment at a school event when Lily said "I wish I had a daddy" — and how Beth handled it without making it a big deal
Why "I wish I had a daddy" almost never means what we think it means — and what to do instead of panicking
The difference between the question being about absence vs. the question being about curiosity
How to use Choosing Rose at school to help classmates and teachers understand your family
Beth's advice for any solo mum who wants to write their own book — three things she'd tell anyone starting out
Why Father's Day is actually a perfect moment to open this conversation
Beth on Instagram: @choosingmotherhoodbooks or @choosing.motherhood
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
You're Not Doing This AloneSolo Mum Society's Facebook group is full of women asking the exact questions you're too tired to Google at 3am. Join here.
S5:E22 - Jessica & Teddy - Part 2
She Chose Her Mother's Coffin With Her Newborn in the Next Room A brief note: this episode includes the death of Jessica's mum from cancer during Teddy's first year, and a hospital stay for Teddy shortly after …
Notas del episodio
She Chose Her Mother's Coffin With Her Newborn in the Next RoomA brief note: this episode includes the death of Jessica's mum from cancer during Teddy's first year, and a hospital stay for Teddy shortly after. It's heavy in places — but told with real warmth, and it ends somewhere good.
Jessica brought Teddy home five days after his birth, straight into a household COVID exposure that saw her evacuated to her brother's for a week. It set the tone. Over the following eight months, her mum's cancer — held at bay through years of chemo — stopped responding. On Christmas Day, watching Teddy on his new swing, her mum said she was done.
Nine days later she was gone. Jessica went from choosing her mother's coffin to planning eulogies with her five-month-old in the next room — and that same night, drove Teddy to hospital with a UTI, still in her funeral clothes. She calls it, only half-joking, the worst run she's ever had.
What carries the second half of this conversation isn't the hardship — it's what Jessica does with it. A letter her mum left her says three words: look for the joy. It's tattooed on her arm now, in her mum's handwriting. She talks about grief and gratitude sitting in the same two hands, her dad's daily role in getting Teddy to daycare, and why — for now — she's landed on one and done.
In this episode:Bringing Teddy home into a COVID household exposure, five days postpartum, and being evacuated to her brother's for a week
Her mum's decline over Teddy's first eight months, and choosing to stop active treatment on Christmas Day
Choosing her mother's coffin with her newborn in the next room
Teddy's hospital admission for a UTI the night of the funeral
Why "look for the joy" — her mum's own words — is tattooed on her arm
Going back to work at six and a half months, and needing the distraction
Her dad's daily role — early starts, daycare drop-offs, and finding purpose in it too
The second embryo still in storage, and why she's landed on "one and done"
Her message to Teddy for his 21st birthday, and her advice for anyone considering this path
You can hold joy and grief in the same two hands at the same time — becoming a mum and losing a parent aren't mutually exclusive experiences
Letting grandparents help in practical, daily ways gives them purpose too, not just support to you
Going back to work early isn't a failure of bonding — sometimes it's what makes you a better, more present parent
"One and done" is a considered decision, not a consolation prize
The advice that gets you through 3am isn't always a professional — it's a Facebook group full of people asking the same question you're too embarrassed to ask
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
You're Not Doing This AloneSolo Mum Society's Facebook group is full of women asking the exact questions you're too tired to Google at 3am. Join here.
S5:E21 - Jessica & Teddy - Part 1
Ten Years, One Afternoon, and a Donor She Wasn't Supposed to Find That Fast A brief note: this episode touches on Jessica's mum's terminal cancer diagnosis, which arrived while she was starting IVF. Nothing …
Notas del episodio
Ten Years, One Afternoon, and a Donor She Wasn't Supposed to Find That FastA brief note: this episode touches on Jessica's mum's terminal cancer diagnosis, which arrived while she was starting IVF. Nothing graphic — just wanted you to know it's there.
Jessica always knew she'd be a mum. What she had, that a lot of solo mums don't, was a role model: her aunt, a solo mum by choice back in the early '90s, back when it wasn't spoken about at all. Jessica set herself a deadline — 32 — and spent the years before it doing the groundwork: leaving a teaching career that had wrecked her mental health, retraining as a nurse through COVID, having bariatric surgery, losing 70 kilos.
By the time she walked into her fertility clinic, her mum had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Jessica kept going anyway — her mum wanted it that way. She found her donor on the very first afternoon she looked at profiles, then spent days convincing herself it couldn't really be that simple. It was. Her egg collection came back lower than hoped, four eggs, three fertilised — but two became embryos, and her fresh transfer implanted the same day her nan passed away.
Her mum was too unwell to be in the room for the caesarean she'd always planned to be at. Her dad stepped in instead, and cut the cord. Jessica calls it the best moment of her life — calm, exactly as she'd hoped, nothing like the year that was about to follow.
In this episode:Growing up with a solo-mum-by-choice aunt, and what a good example of the journey looks like when you're young
Leaving teaching, moving home, and choosing nursing — specifically anaesthetics — for the job security and flexibility motherhood would need
Bariatric surgery, losing 70 kilos, and reversing her PCOS along the way
Her mum's terminal cancer diagnosis landing right as she started the fertility process — and choosing to keep going
Finding her sperm donor on the very first day, and the days it took her to believe that was real
A lower-than-hoped egg collection — 4 eggs, 3 fertilised — and why "still four" was enough
Falling pregnant the same day her nan passed away
Hyperemesis gravidarum, advanced maternal age, and working as an anaesthetic nurse through a high-risk pregnancy
Her dad stepping in for the planned caesarean, and cutting the cord
Groundwork for solo motherhood — financial, physical, mental — can start years before you make the "official" decision
Finding your donor fast isn't a red flag. It's allowed to be simple.
A low egg collection number isn't the end of the story. It only takes one.
You don't have to pause a fertility journey because life gets hard at the same time — sometimes it's the reason to keep going
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant or TTC Solo?Expecting Solo takes you through everything you need to navigate pregnancy solo, share your news with confidence, and bring joy to the journey. Find out more.
S5:E20 - Emma & Franklin - One appointment changed everything
One appointment changed everything Emma never romanticised motherhood. She spent her whole career caring for other people's children — as a live-in nanny, a live-out nanny, and eventually a kinder assistant — …
Notas del episodio
One appointment changed everythingEmma never romanticised motherhood. She spent her whole career caring for other people's children — as a live-in nanny, a live-out nanny, and eventually a kinder assistant — and somewhere along the way she started asking herself whether she'd regret not having a child of her own.
The answer was yes. And that was enough.
She didn't come to this with urgency or grief or a ticking clock. She came to it with clarity. When her best friend's AMH results came back unexpectedly, Emma went and got her own tested. Her level was 8, at 32. She booked an appointment with a fertility specialist — not sure yet whether she'd freeze her eggs or something more — and walked out of that appointment completely certain: she was going to do it now.
She picked a donor in January 2024, on the first day she allowed herself to look. She found him almost immediately. She chose him on vibe — specifically, on the way he answered a question about how he felt about potentially having a biological child out there. His honesty about the nervousness of it was the thing that landed. One round of IVF, first transfer. Positive.
Franklin arrived after an induction and one hour and fifteen minutes of active labour. He was at a wedding five days later. He is now 17 months old, obsessed with his shoes, and recently helped Emma unpack the dishwasher by putting a glass on the shelf at exactly the right height.
This is a short, honest, uncomplicated story. Not every journey is long. Not every IVF cycle fails. Emma's wasn't, and hers is here to remind you that it can just work.
In this episode:Growing up always around kids — nannying as a career and how it shaped, and complicated, her path to motherhood
Why adoption or foster care was always in her thinking — and why the reality in Australia didn't match the idea
The AMH test that lit the fuse — and the appointment that made the decision for her
Deciding at 32 that she didn't want to wait for a relationship she wasn't sure was coming
Choosing a donor almost immediately — and why his answer about nervous anticipation of future contact was the deciding factor
IVF at City Fertility: smooth, straightforward, first transfer positive
A quick induction and one hour fifteen minutes of active labour
Coming home to a full house — her mum, her mum's partner, and a housemate — and how that helped and sometimes didn't
Mixed feeding until 8 months — three methods running simultaneously because she couldn't choose
Going to a wedding five days postpartum
The work complications that caught her off guard — disability job restructured, shifts changed, financially in limbo at 17 months postpartum
What surprised her most about having a baby after a career caring for other people's children
The FOMO that disappeared, the priorities that shifted, and the softness that settled in
Why she wants a second child — and what she'd do differently to prepare
One appointment can make the decision for you — go and get the information before you decide anything
A low AMH at 32 doesn't mean this is impossible; it means start sooner rather than later
You don't need a partner to take the next step. You just need to take the next step.
Working with children professionally does not prepare you emotionally for your own — the connection is completely different
Don't go back to work assuming everything will be the same — roles change, rosters change, hours change. Have a contingency in mind
Mixed feeding is not failure. It is just one more decision with pros and cons and no clear winner, and you will get through it either way
Solo motherhood doesn't have to be hard or long. It can just work.
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant solo and looking for your village?The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
S5:E19 - Krisina, Otis & Ari
Two Kids, One Heart Condition, and No Regrets A brief note: this episode mentions a miscarriage between Kristina's two pregnancies. She shares it with grace and without distress, but we wanted you to know it's …
Notas del episodio
Two Kids, One Heart Condition, and No RegretsA brief note: this episode mentions a miscarriage between Kristina's two pregnancies. She shares it with grace and without distress, but we wanted you to know it's there.
Kristina spent her 30s doing what she loved — living in different countries, working big marketing jobs, going out, seeing things. Children were always in the plan. A partner never quite materialised. And then her mum — a retired GP who had spent her career delivering babies — started dropping not-so-subtle hints every time she saw her.
By 38, Kristina made the appointment.
What followed was a journey that looked nothing like she imagined, partly because of the pandemic that landed in the middle of it, and partly because of the heart condition she had been managing for years — including an implanted defibrillator — that meant nobody quite knew how her body would handle a pregnancy. The answer, it turned out, was better than out of it.
Kristina conceived on her first IVF transfer at City Fertility, in Melbourne, just as the borders closed. Her whole pregnancy was in lockdown. She worked from home, mostly unseen, growing a baby in an Art Deco apartment in Prahran while the world tried to work out what was happening. Otis arrived via planned caesarean at Epworth in June 2020 — small, at 2.1 kilos, and with talipes (clubfoot) that hadn't been picked up on any scan.
What followed was five months of weekly leg casts, a small operation to release tendons, then months in boots and a bar — a mini snowboard contraption that kept his feet overcorrected while the bones formed. It was hard. He was, as Kristina puts it, a miserable baby. She moved her parents in and went on road trips whenever the lockdowns allowed.
She went back for a second child when Otis was 20 months old. There was a miscarriage between them — the numbers weren't going up, and then suddenly they were, and then there was no heartbeat. She managed it medically and ended up in hospital. It was awful. Then she went back, transferred the next embryo, and got pregnant straight away.
Seven months into that pregnancy, she packed up the apartment, flew to New Zealand with her mum and Otis, and had Ari via planned C-section at Nelson Public Hospital. This time, everything was fine. He slept. She called the midwife crying, convinced something was wrong.
Otis is five. Ari is two and a half. Kristina is about to launch her own fashion brand from Nelson. She rides bikes and scooters to school with her boys every morning. She doesn't regret a single thing.
In this episode:Growing up the eldest of four — always knowing she wanted to be a mother, even when she was busy living her best life in her 30s
Her mum — a retired GP — planting the seed with increasing persistence, and why she's grateful for it
The heart condition and implanted defibrillator that made her wonder whether her body could handle pregnancy — and why it turned out to be the wrong thing to worry about
Deciding to keep her IUI cycles secret from almost everyone — and why she told everyone when she moved to IVF
IVF at 38-39 at City Fertility: 8 eggs, 4 embryos, pregnant on the first transfer
Getting the positive the day the COVID borders closed — her mum, her Canadian friend, and their bags packed
A COVID pregnancy — working from home, nobody watching the bump grow, quietly grateful for the rest
Otis arriving at 2.1 kilos with undetected talipes — the shock, the five months of weekly casts, the minor surgery, and the boots and bar he wore until he was four
What it was really like — the misery, the pacing, the jiggling, the shushing, and the road trips in between lockdowns
The miscarriage between her two pregnancies — what happened physically, the hospital trip that followed, and how she feels about it now
Going back, transferring the next embryo, and getting pregnant straight away
Moving to New Zealand at 7 months pregnant — what she'd do differently, and what she'd tell anyone considering the same move
Ari's birth at Nelson Public Hospital — perfectly smooth, and a baby who slept so well she thought something was wrong
Finding six solo mums in Nelson and building a community in a small town
Leaving the corporate world, turning down a dream Auckland job, and launching her own fashion brand
What surprised her most about doing this twice — and which stage she didn't expect to be the hardest
A pre-existing health condition doesn't mean solo motherhood isn't possible — it means you need the right team, honest conversations, and a specialist who will help you get there, not talk you out of it
You never feel completely ready — at some point, you have to decide the process is more important than the feeling
Telling people matters — the support you get back is almost always better than you expected
Moving countries (or even cities) for support with a second child is not retreating — it's a practical, wise decision that makes the whole thing possible
The hard parts of the newborn phase fade faster than you think — and that's not a trick, it's biology
The hardest stage with two children isn't the newborn period — it's when the younger one develops their own strong personality and the two of them want different things
You can build a solo mum community anywhere, even a small town — it finds you once you're there
Two boys, solo: they will love you fiercely, and you will take full credit for all of it
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant or TTC Solo?The Expecting solo takes you through everything you need to navigate pregnancy solo, share your news with confidence, build your support network and bring joy to the journey. Find out more.
S5:E18 - Lindsay & Aric
First Try, Water Birth & Teaching Full Time Lindsay is the kind of person who, when she decides something is happening, makes it happen. She promised herself at 27 — the day she left her marriage — that not …
Notas del episodio
First Try, Water Birth & Teaching Full TimeLindsay is the kind of person who, when she decides something is happening, makes it happen.
She promised herself at 27 — the day she left her marriage — that not having a partner would never mean not having a child. She promised herself again at 30, moving to Scotland on her own without knowing a single person. And she promised herself at 35 that if she was still single, she would make it happen that year. She was. She did.
One round of IVF at Melbourne IVF. Nineteen eggs retrieved. Six embryos. A frozen transfer in December, just before her 36th birthday. A positive result over Christmas. A water birth with a doula at 37 weeks and two days — the day after her last day of work, standing in the rain doing tram duty. Aric is now eight months old. She's back teaching full time. She's planning to donate her eggs.
Lindsay is a maths and science teacher at an independent school in Melbourne. She navigated her entire IVF journey secretly, before the pregnancy was announced, managing scans and blood tests around the school day. She came back to work at five months and has spent term one figuring out what it actually means to be a full-time teacher and a full-time solo mum simultaneously — including more sick days than she's had in six years, a daycare she describes as phenomenal, and a WhatsApp group of five women from the Preparing for Solo Motherhood course who all had babies in the same year and are now, she says, the best thing in her life besides Aric.
This is a story for anyone who's been putting it off, thinks their journey will be long, or isn't sure how it's going to work with their job. Lindsay's answer to all of it is the same: you decide, and then you make it work.
In this episode:Leaving her marriage at 27 and her mum's advice that changed everything
Living and working in Scotland at 30, dating with the FYI conversation, and the decision point at 35
The public fertility waitlist in Victoria — what it is, how long it takes, and why she's glad she explored private options at the same time
IVF at Melbourne IVF: choosing a donor, genetic carrier testing, and the last-minute transfer of funds before getting on a plane to Scotland
Nineteen eggs, six embryos, an OHSS risk, and a frozen transfer just before the Christmas clinic shutdown
Managing IVF secretly as a teacher — early morning appointments, removing clinic letterheads from medical certificates, and keeping a tight circle of support
The embryo transfer day — emotionally the hardest part of the journey, and the Facebook community moment that changed everything
A straightforward pregnancy, no complications beyond pelvic pain, and morning sickness managed with medication
Working to 37.5 weeks pregnant, tram duty in the rain on her last Friday, and Aric arriving the next day
Choosing a doula as a solo mum — why it was a deliberate, empowering choice, and how it shaped her birth
A water birth with minimal intervention, just happy gas, and what she describes as one of the most magical things she's ever done
Negotiating maternity leave in an independent school — EBAs, school holiday pay, the conversation she had to have with her principal, and going back to work at five months
A phenomenal community daycare, full time from five months, and navigating the first term back
The Preparing for Solo Motherhood course WhatsApp group — five women, five babies, late-night chats, Sunday check-ins, and a care package sent to a hospital in Sydney
Why she plans to donate her eggs — and the take-a-penny-leave-a-penny philosophy behind itKey Takeaways
The Victorian public fertility waitlist is worth joining even if private is your plan — people drop off ahead of you and circumstances change
If you're a teacher, ask your clinic for first appointments of the day — most fertility clinics accommodate this, and it's worth asking upfront
Tell your employer just enough to get the support you need — but ask about EBAs and maternity leave entitlements early, because independent schools operate differently to government schools
A doula is one of the most practical choices a solo mum can make for birth — she is your advocate, she knows your plan, and she doesn't count toward your support person limit
The course WhatsApp group is not a nice-to-have — it's one of the most important villages you can build before the baby arrives
You don't need a partner to have a rich support network — you need the right community
IVF as a solo mum by choice is empowering, not a last resort. The way we talk about it is different — and that mattersYou owe your fertility clinic no loyalty if it's not the right fit — changing clinics can change everything
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant solo and looking for your village?The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
S5:E17 - Renee & Aria - 7 years in
Most of the stories on this podcast start at the beginning. This one starts seven years down the track — and it's one of the most valuable perspectives we have. Renee made her first appointment at 37, after a …
Notas del episodio
Most of the stories on this podcast start at the beginning. This one starts seven years down the track — and it's one of the most valuable perspectives we have.
Renee made her first appointment at 37, after a colleague finally said the quiet part loud and told her to just do it already. She did two IUI rounds, had a bad experience with her first IVF clinic and walked away, found Dr David Wilkinson at City Fertility, and on her third and final round — a frozen transfer she specifically advocated for against the default fresh option — fell pregnant with Aria. She was 39.
Aria is now seven. She goes to Girl Guides, swimming and karate. She spent time in Bali with the solo mum community and came home telling her teachers about her brothers and sisters. She has decided she can't find Renee a husband because all the good ones are already married. She recently concluded she'd like to learn how to be on her own first before finding a partner — and she's seven.
This is a conversation about what the long view really looks like. Not just the birth story and the newborn phase — though Renee shares those too, including a GP who missed her post-caesarean sepsis and a cow's milk protein intolerance that took months to diagnose — but what it means to raise a donor-conceived child who is starting to ask real questions, to build a village from scratch in a new city, and to feel, genuinely, that this life is fuller than anything you could have imagined before it.
In this episode:The colleague who finally told her to just do it — and how one conversation changed everything
Two IUI rounds and her first IVF clinic — and the moment she realised she owed them nothing and left
Finding Dr David Wilkinson at City Fertility, a fresh perspective, and a one-step-at-a-time approach
Three IVF rounds at 39 — low numbers, a Bali holiday between rounds, and the frozen transfer she asked for over the default fresh
The butterfly effect moment: the embryo she asked to be frozen became Aria
Coming home after a caesarean — and the GP who dismissed her concerns, missed her sepsis, and tried to put her on antidepressants
Cow's milk protein intolerance: months of a screaming baby, a GP who listened, and 48 hours to a different child
Donating her remaining embryo to another solo mum via Facebook — and what that process involved
Aria at seven: the donor questions she's asking, what Renee tells her and what she doesn't, and why she won't build up a donor who may disappoint
The one and done decision — and the clear-eyed logic behind it
The solo mum community: nearly giving up after two bad playground meet-ups, a leap-of-faith camping trip to Phillip Island, and the village she now can't imagine living without
The daughters of solo mums — and why Renee thinks they're going to have a fundamentally different relationship with what they need from a partner
What she'd say to Aria, and what she'd say to anyone sitting on the fence
You owe your fertility clinic no loyalty if it's not the right fit — changing clinics can change everything
Advocate for yourself in IVF decisions — Renee asked for a frozen transfer over the default fresh, and that embryo became Aria
Trust your instincts about your baby's health. If a GP dismisses you, find another one and bring your list
Building your village takes time, a few wrong fits, and one leap of faith — but it is out there
The solo mum community doesn't just support the mums — it creates chosen family for the children too
When your child says they wish they had a dad, ask more questions — it's almost never about the dad
Raise your child to know they are enough on their own before they look for anyone else to complete them
You can donate a remaining embryo to another family — ask your clinic about your options
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant solo and looking for your village?The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
S5:E16 - Ashleigh & Z - Eight Months from Egg Freezing to Pregnant
Eight Months from Egg Freezing to Pregnant Ashleigh's story is one of those ones that will genuinely reassure anyone who is at the very beginning of this journey and quietly terrified about how long it might …
Notas del episodio
Eight Months from Egg Freezing to PregnantAshleigh's story is one of those ones that will genuinely reassure anyone who is at the very beginning of this journey and quietly terrified about how long it might take.
She was 33 when a friend planted the seed about egg freezing. She went to an initial clinic consultation — more curious than committed — and on the same day, a colleague at work mentioned she'd just had a baby via IVF with a sperm donor. Two seeds in one day. Eight months later, Ashleigh was pregnant.
There were no complications. No failed transfers. No long waitlists. She found a donor quickly, did a fresh IVF cycle alongside her frozen eggs, got six embryos, and fell pregnant on the very first transfer. She still has five embryos in storage.
She's a Queensland primary school teacher who now works three days a week at a school ten minutes from home and daycare. She took Z to Europe for a month at nine months old with her mum. She has connected with donor-conceived siblings — one of whom lives ten minutes away. And when asked what she'd tell someone sitting on the fence, she was in tears before she could even answer.
This is a lovely, warm, uncomplicated episode. Not every story on this podcast is a long or hard one — and that matters. This is proof that sometimes it really does just work.
In this episode:Spending her 20s and early 30s as a dedicated primary school teacher — and how burnout shifted her thinking about what she actually wanted
A friend's egg freezing journey planting the seed — and a colleague's announcement on the same day as her first clinic appointment
Freezing her eggs at 33 and being pregnant by 34 — eight months from first appointment to positive transfer
Choosing an international donor in Queensland: blue eyes, healthy profile, and deliberately not overthinking it
A fresh IVF cycle alongside her frozen eggs — 15 eggs, 6 embryos, and a positive first transfer
Why she chose IVF over IUI — and the donor consent consideration that drove that decision
A straightforward pregnancy clouded only by constant nausea — teaching primary school while vomiting several times a day
An emergency caesarean and a surprisingly smooth recovery
The newborn phase that was easier than expected — and the 48 hours without sleep in Europe that was not
A month in Europe at nine months — what works, what doesn't, and why nine months is probably the cut-off
Returning to work three days a week at a school ten minutes from home and daycare
Connecting with donor-conceived siblings through the sperm bank's Facebook community — including one family ten minutes away
Five embryos still in storage, the question of a second child, and three flights of stairs
What she'd do differently: building the support network before baby arrives
The journey isn't always long — sometimes it really does move quickly, and it's worth starting sooner than you think
You don't need to overthink donor selection — knowing your non-negotiables and keeping a clear head serves you better than analysis paralysis
Choosing IVF over IUI when you want more than one child has practical advantages — embryos offer more protection than stored sperm alone in some circumstances
Build your support network before baby arrives — not after you're in it and everyone around you already has children
Returning to work part-time in a flexible, local role changes everything about the solo mum juggle
Connecting with donor-conceived siblings is better to do on your own terms before they potentially cross paths organically
Frozen embryos give you the luxury of time when it comes to the second child decision — you don't have to rush
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
TTC or in your first trimester?The Expecting Solo course helps you navigate early pregnancy on your own terms — from managing symptoms and setting boundaries to finding the joy in your story. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Find out more here.
S5:E15 - What you need to know about being induced as a solo mum
Nearly half of first-time mums in Australia will have their labour induced. Most of them have no idea what that actually involves until they're in the middle of it. This episode is here to change that. I'm …
Notas del episodio
Nearly half of first-time mums in Australia will have their labour induced. Most of them have no idea what that actually involves until they're in the middle of it.
This episode is here to change that.
I'm joined by Nat — Melbourne midwife, solo mum of three boys, and someone who has had three very different births of her own (including one that ended with her in ICU — more on that in her own episodes, which are linked below, but maybe save those for after you've had your baby). Nat works in a Melbourne tertiary hospital, and she's here in a personal capacity to give you a practical, informed, non-scary breakdown of what an induction actually is — and what you need to think about as a solo mum specifically.
This is not medical advice. For risks, benefits and research, Nat recommends The Great Birth Rebellion podcast — search your specific situation and you'll find the evidence base you need. What this episode gives you is the foundational knowledge to walk into those conversations with your care provider informed, confident, and asking the right questions.
Because here's what Nat — and I — both wish more women knew before they got to this point: there's a significant difference between being offered an induction because it's hospital policy, and being offered one because of your specific medical situation. Knowing which one you're in changes everything about the conversation you should be having.
In this episode:What an induction actually is — and the difference between induction and augmentation
Why nearly one in three women are induced in Australia, and nearly half of first-time mums
The two types of induction recommendation: hospital policy versus your specific medical situation — and why this distinction matters
The BRAIN acronym — Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, Nothing — and how to use it in any appointment
The bishop score — what it is, what it means, and what happens next depending on the result
The gel and pessary — how they work, how long they take, and what to expect
The balloon catheter — what it actually is, how it works, and why you can ask for gas and air
Breaking your waters — what it involves and why it's less dramatic than it sounds by this point
The oxytocin (syntocin) drip — how it works, why it's different from natural labour, and why Nat recommends going in with an open mind about epidurals
CTG monitoring — what the straps are doing, what the numbers mean, and what it means when they adjust the drip
Why an induction can take two to three days — and what that means practically for solo mums with limited support
Birth plans, support people, doulas, private midwives, and student midwives — your real options
How to advocate for yourself if you're being pushed in a direction you're not comfortable with
Birth trauma — what causes it, and how being informed reduces your risk
Postpartum doulas and private midwives — what they can do for you after baby arrives
Setting your home up for a C-section even if you're aiming for a vaginal birth
Ask your care provider: is this induction recommendation based on hospital policy, or on my specific medical situation? The answer should change how you respond
Use the BRAIN acronym in every appointment — Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, Nothing
An induction can take two to three days — plan your support accordingly, and don't assume you'll have your baby the same day
If you're a solo mum without a support person, a doula or student midwife can be your advocate in the birth suite — and they don't count toward your support person limit
Research epidurals before you need one — going into an induction without considering it sets you up for a harder experience
Prepare your home for a C-section recovery even if that's not your plan — the solo mum who has meals in the freezer and grab rails in the bathroom will thank herself no matter what happens
Birth trauma comes from not being heard, not from the type of birth — being informed is protective
You can say stop at any point in this process. Even mid-induction. You are not obligated to continue anything without being heard
The Great Birth Rebellion podcast — evidence-based research on all birth scenarios
The Positive Birth Company - bite-sized, scenario-by-scenario birth education
The Complete Guide to Postpartum: A mother-focused companion for life after birth by Sophie Walker's postpartum book — highly recommended for solo mums preparing for the fourth trimester
Nat's episodes on this podcast — Part 1 and Part 2 (save for after baby is here)
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant solo and looking for your village?The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
S5:E14 - Maree & Ellena - From the very first appointment to the other side
When Maree came on to record, she had just had her very first IUI. She was 35, freshly into treatment, overwhelmed by the scan schedule, quietly terrified, and moving back in with her parents to make it …
Notas del episodio
When Maree came on to record, she had just had her very first IUI. She was 35, freshly into treatment, overwhelmed by the scan schedule, quietly terrified, and moving back in with her parents to make it financially possible. We recorded Part 1 that day.
Then we waited.
Part 2 picks up on the other side — after two unsuccessful IUIs, a full IVF cycle with PCOS that produced 29 eggs and four embryos, a frozen transfer that worked on the first attempt, and the arrival of Ellena via a planned maternal-assisted caesarean. Maree pulled her own daughter out. She cut the cord herself.
In between, she navigated a lot. Fibroids that grew significantly during IVF and were monitored throughout pregnancy. An anterior placenta that meant she barely felt Ellena move until 26 weeks. Nausea so constant and all-consuming that she didn't show until very late — the hospital receptionist didn't believe she was there for a caesarean. Tongue tie, silent reflux, and a Tresilian residential stay that changed everything. And a hip dysplasia diagnosis — DDH — that her maternal health nurse picked up at two weeks, and that her paediatrician almost let slip through. Ellena is currently in a Rhino brace. She's also, by all accounts, obsessed with the nine-year-old next door who has decided that Ellena is her cousin and introduces her as such to everyone she meets.
Maree works in disability support, lives with her parents in regional New South Wales, has ankylosing spondylitis managed by immunosuppressant medication, and came to this whole thing alone — no partner, no previous solo mum in her circle, just a childcare worker who remembered a mum she worked with in 2010 who had done it this way, and quietly filed it away.
This episode will resonate deeply for women at the very beginning of this journey. And for the women who are already in it.
In this episode:Growing up in childcare and knowing motherhood was always the plan — but never meeting anyone
A solo mum of twins at her childcare centre in 2010 planting a seed that never went away
PCOS, fibroids and ankylosing spondylitis — discovering her health picture only after starting fertility investigations
Choosing City Fertility for their transparency, the Adam app, and accessible pricing
Navigating CMV-negative donor requirements and genetic carrier matching — a pool within a pool
The counselling session that changed how she thought about overseas versus local donors
Two IUI cycles — painful, unsuccessful, and the moment she said enough
An IVF cycle just before Christmas: 29 eggs, four embryos, OHSS, and a green whistle egg retrieval she was awake for
A frozen transfer in January — positive on first attempt, testing every day for three weeks regardless
Fibroids monitored throughout pregnancy, anterior placenta, barely feeling movement until 26 weeks
A planned maternal-assisted caesarean — and why having some control back made all the difference
Tongue tie, nerve pain, and the lactation journey that ended in formula — and peace
A Tresilian residential stay she almost refused — and the silent reflux diagnosis that transformed their nights
Hip dysplasia (DDH): picked up at two weeks, nearly dismissed at 16 weeks, confirmed by X-ray at four months
Living with her parents, building a village from scratch, and finding another local solo mum through the SMS Facebook group
Plans for a second child — and why Ellena having a full genetic sibling matters to her
Get your fertility tests done before you think you need them — PCOS and fibroids are often only discovered when you start looking
CMV status affects your donor pool significantly — ask your clinic about this early
The fertility counselling session is not a gate check — it's genuinely useful, particularly around donor sibling connections and overseas vs local donors
A green whistle egg retrieval (awake, no general anaesthetic) is becoming more common — ask your clinic about your options
Maternal-assisted caesarean is an option worth knowing about — you can be the first person to hold your baby, even in theatre
Silent reflux doesn't always present with vomiting — constant feeding, gasping and poor sleep can be the signs
Hip dysplasia (DDH) in newborns: ultrasounds can miss it in wriggly babies. Push for an X-ray referral if you have any concerns
Don't cancel the specialist appointment just because a paediatrician says it's fine — trust your instincts and get the second opinion
Moving home temporarily is a practical, sensible, brave choice
As a No Need for Prince Charming listener, you're eligible for an exclusive 20% discount on fertility services at any City Fertility clinic. Claim your discount here.
TTC or pregnant and looking for your village?The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
S5:E12 - Lucia & Gabe (part 2)
Part 2: 160 Days, and Then Home Trigger warning: This episode discusses premature birth, NICU and neonatal medical procedures. Missed Part 1? Start with S5:E11 — Luce's IVF journey, multiple losses, and the …
Notas del episodio
Part 2: 160 Days, and Then HomeTrigger warning: This episode discusses premature birth, NICU and neonatal medical procedures.
Missed Part 1? Start with S5:E11 — Luce's IVF journey, multiple losses, and the night her membranes ruptured at 22 weeks.
Gabe was born at 10:35am on a Wednesday morning, weighing 598 grams. He was 30 centimetres long. He came out flat and silent, and a team of eight people swooped in immediately. Luce didn't know he was a boy for five full minutes.
By quarter past twelve, she was in a wheelchair going upstairs to meet him.
What followed was 160 days in hospital — first at Mercy Hospital for Women in Melbourne, then a transfer to the Royal Children's Hospital for specialist ventilation and heart surgery, and then back to Mercy, and finally, finally, home.
Luce is a critical care nurse. She understood the ventilator settings. She could read the infusion charts. She knew what the numbers meant. And she will tell you, plainly, that none of that made it easier. It just changed how she processed the information.
In Part 2, she takes us through all of it — the five brutal first weeks, the patent ductus arteriosus that needed three rounds of Panadol before surgery was the only option left, the jet ventilator that finally stabilised his lungs, the retinopathy checks she couldn't watch, the first skin-to-skin cuddle, the first bath, the first time the whole family came in together. And the day, 160 days after he was born, that she drove him home.
Gabe is now a few months old in corrected age. He came home on oxygen. He is nearly off it. He has big cheeks and tape on his face and Luce is planning his autumn photo shoot.
She calls him her screaming one. You can hear him in the background near the end of the episode.
He made it.
In this episode:The birth at 24 weeks — what happened in the room, and the five minutes before Luce knew she'd had a boy
Gabe's first hours — intubated, on a ventilator, wrapped in bubble wrap, and brought over to meet his mum
The first five weeks — infection, ventilation challenges, blood transfusions, and constant up and down
Patent ductus arteriosus — what it is, why it mattered, and the bedside heart surgery that changed everything
Transfer to the Royal Children's Hospital for a jet ventilator — and the 2am crisis she'd told them not to call her about unless it was dire
The milestones that matter in NICU — extubation, CPAP, high flow, low flow, open cot, first bath, first clothes
Retinopathy of prematurity — the eye checks Luce couldn't watch, and why early monitoring matters
Pumping, sleep, driving an hour each way, and learning to leave the hospital to protect her own mental health
How she managed mental health through IVF and NICU — including low-dose antidepressants and a counsellor she plans to return to
The Gabe Gazette — how sharing publicly became both a coping mechanism and a gift for him to read one day
Home at 160 days, on overnight oxygen, nearly off it, with a pediatrician and respiratory specialist and the autumn light waiting
"While you're alone — you're not alone."
This episode is brought to you by City FertilityIf you're exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia, City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. nClaim your discount here
Pregnant solo and looking for support?The Expecting Solo course helps you navigate early pregnancy on your own terms — from managing symptoms to setting boundaries and finding the joy in your story. Live group sessions or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Find out more here
Key TakeawaysHaving medical knowledge changes how you receive information in a NICU setting — it doesn't make it easier emotionally
Setting boundaries with hospital staff about when to call is okay — and sometimes essential for your mental health
Getting out of the hospital — fresh air, dinners, watching the grand final with your dad — is not abandoning your baby. It's survival
Proactive mental health support through IVF and NICU isn't optional — address it before you're in crisis, not after
The NICU community — other parents, nurses, peer support workers — is one of the most unexpected sources of strength
The Little Miracles Foundation offers peer support specifically for NICU families in Australia
Sharing your journey publicly, on your own terms, can be cathartic and protective — it keeps people informed without you having to repeat yourself
If your friend has a baby in NICU, don't ask what you can do. Just do something — bring food, do laundry, show up
S5:E13 -Gemma,Thomas & Henry - PCOS, Perinatal Loss & Pregnancy After Loss
Trigger warning: This episode discusses perinatal loss, pregnancy after loss, premature birth. Some stories hold grief and joy in the same hands. Gemma's is one of them. Gemma is the youngest of three sisters …
Notas del episodio
Trigger warning: This episode discusses perinatal loss, pregnancy after loss, premature birth.
Some stories hold grief and joy in the same hands. Gemma's is one of them.
Gemma is the youngest of three sisters, from one of those enormous, chaotic, deeply close families — her mum one of eleven, Gemma one of twenty-something first cousins, Christmases that required crowd control. Motherhood was never a question. The path to it just looked nothing like she expected.
She started IVF at 40 through City Fertility with Dr David Wilkinson, following a PCOS diagnosis that had been quietly there for years, masked by the pill she'd been on since her teens for her skin. Her first cycle gave her three embryos. Her second transfer was successful. She was pregnant, and everything seemed fine — until the 20-week scan.
Her first little boy, Thomas, had severe intrauterine growth restriction. He was measuring below the first percentile. She knew in her gut from that day that it wasn't going to end the way she hoped. A month of additional scans confirmed it — he was no longer going to survive. That weekend, while Gemma was at the beach with her mum and sister, Thomas quietly let go. She was induced at the Monash that Monday, and he was born on the 10th of March 2023. She named him Thomas — her papa's name.
She talks about all of it. The grief. The immediate instinct to do another egg collection while her eggs were still viable. A third cycle that produced over thirty eggs and no embryos. A fourth cycle that produced one. And then, in March 2024, the transfer of the very last embryo from that very first cycle — the one that had been frozen alongside Thomas — that became Henry.
Henry was born via emergency caesarean at 34 weeks, weighing 1.512 kilograms. He spent 37 days in special care. He came home for Christmas. He is now 15 months old, has just started walking, and recently fell off the climbing equipment at daycare head first.
Gemma says she wouldn't change any of it.
In this episode:Growing up in a huge close-knit family, always knowing motherhood was part of the plan
A PCOS diagnosis at 38 — and how she'd been masking the symptoms with the pill for years
Negotiating paid parental leave with her employer — and why it's worth having the conversation
IVF at 40 with Dr David Wilkinson: one cycle, three embryos, pregnant on the second transfer
The 20-week scan that changed everything — and trusting her gut when her body told her something was wrong
Losing Thomas to severe IUGR, the weekend at the beach, and delivering him on the 10th of March
Going straight back to Dr Wilkinson — and the third cycle that produced thirty-plus eggs and zero embryos
A fourth cycle, one embryo, and then the transfer that became Henry
The full-circle moment: Henry and Thomas were from the same egg collection, frozen on the same day
The donor who agreed to do a blood test for genetic testing during Thomas's pregnancy — and what that meant to Gemma
Pregnancy after loss: weekly scans, a private obstetrician, a perinatal psychiatrist, and monitoring her blood pressure daily
The emergency caesarean at 34 weeks — and why the decision took about five seconds
37 days in special care, expressing, the decision to move to formula, and six months living with Mum in the country
Henry at 15 months: walking, co-sleeping, an early riser, and absolutely besotted with by everyone who meets him
PCOS is often masked by the pill — if you have symptoms and are thinking about your fertility, ask your GP for an AMH test
It's worth having an honest conversation with your employer about paid parental leave — don't assume what isn't available
Trust your gut during pregnancy. Gemma knew before the scans confirmed it. That instinct matters
Pregnancy after loss requires its own support team — a private OB, a perinatal psychologist or psychiatrist, and regular monitoring are not luxuries
Formula is not failure. It can be the decision that saves your mental health
Moving home temporarily is a practical and wise choice — not a step backwards
Genetic testing after loss can give you important information — and clarity — for future transfers
Did you know City Fertility has their own sperm bank — ADDAM — with no waiting times and a wide selection of donors? Download the Adam app or visit atomdonorbank.com.au to begin your search. And as a No Need for Prince Charming listener, you're eligible for an exclusive 20% discount on fertility services at any City Fertility clinic. Claim your discount here.
TTC or pregnant and looking for your village?The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
S5:E11 - Lucia (part 1)
The Long Road & the Night Everything Changed Trigger warning: this episode discusses pregnancy loss and premature birth. This is a two-part episode. Part 1 ends at the birth. Part 2 — the NICU journey and life …
Notas del episodio
The Long Road & the Night Everything ChangedTrigger warning: this episode discusses pregnancy loss and premature birth.
This is a two-part episode. Part 1 ends at the birth. Part 2 — the NICU journey and life now — drops next week.
Some stories you have to tell in two parts. Lucia's is one of them.
Luce is a nurse based in regional Victoria who froze her eggs at 36, made the decision to go solo shortly after, and then spent the next four years navigating one of the most complex IVF journeys I've heard on this podcast. Four egg collections. Multiple transfers. Multiple losses. A late endometriosis diagnosis that may have changed everything. And finally — on the most chaotic, stressful, nothing-going-right transfer day imaginable — the embryo that stuck.
What happened next nobody could have predicted.
Luce got to 22 weeks before noticing spotting one evening. She messaged her midwife friend. She messaged her obstetrician. She drove herself to the appointment the next morning, convinced it was nothing. And within hours she was in an ambulance, lights and sirens, being transferred to a tertiary hospital in Melbourne — four centimetres dilated, membranes visible, 22 weeks pregnant with the baby she had spent four years trying to have.
What follows — the week-by-week countdown in hospital, the handouts for each gestational age, the conversation about resuscitation at 22 weeks that no one should have to have alone — is one of the most honest, clear-eyed accounts of premature birth I've heard from a solo mum.
Luce is a nurse. She asked for the facts. She made the hardest decisions she could with the information she had. And she shares every part of it here, without flinching.
In this episode:Growing up in regional Victoria, training as a nurse and paramedic, and spending her 30s building a career while her friends got married
Freezing her eggs at 36 after watching friends navigate fertility challenges — and giving a relationship a deadline
Making the decision to go solo, finding City Fertility, and choosing a donor
Her first transfer — a positive, a heartbeat, and then a missed miscarriage at nine and a half weeks
Three subsequent transfers, multiple early losses, and the decision to do a second egg collection
Changing specialist to Dr David Wilkinson and trying new protocols — including PRP treatment
A third and fourth egg collection, endo discovered via laparoscopy, and her best-ever collection of 47 eggs at 40
Nine embryos, three normal on PGT-A testing — and all three failing to implant
The chaotic final transfer — stuck in traffic, blood pressure through the roof — and the embryo that finally stuck
Getting to 22 weeks, spotting, and the morning that changed everything
Ambulance transfer to Melbourne, four centimetres dilated, and the conversation about resuscitation at 22 weeks
Counting the hours each week in hospital — and what it means to get to the next handout
Next week: Part 2 — the NICU journey and life now.
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia?City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
TTC or pregnant and looking for your village?The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
Key TakeawaysIVF timelines are unpredictable — building an emotional support system separate from your fertility clinic is not optional, it's essential
Endometriosis is vastly underdiagnosed; if you have painful or heavy periods and are struggling with implantation, it's worth asking your specialist about a laparoscopy
PGT-A tested embryos do not guarantee success — the science is still evolving and unexplained implantation failure is real
Having a medical background doesn't protect you from the emotional weight of this journey — it just changes how you process information
Knowing your why before you need to make hard decisions matters. Luce had thought through her values long before she needed them.
A private obstetrician for a high-anxiety pregnancy is not a luxury — it's mental health support as much as medical care
S5:E10 - The Considering Stage: Why Making the Decision is the Hardest Part
Why Making the Decision is the Hardest Part — with Carrie Meckler This is a different kind of episode. No birth story. No IVF timeline. No newborn update. Just a conversation about the stage that doesn't get …
Notas del episodio
Why Making the Decision is the Hardest Part — with Carrie Meckler
This is a different kind of episode.
No birth story. No IVF timeline. No newborn update. Just a conversation about the stage that doesn't get talked about nearly enough — the one before any of that happens.
Carrie Meckler is a licensed therapist based in North Carolina who is also a solo mum by choice to a beautiful two-year-old boy. She runs a six-week group program specifically for women in the considering stage, and she joins me this week to talk about what she sees in her clients — and what she went through herself — when women are first sitting with the idea that this might be their path.
Because here's the thing: making this decision is genuinely the hardest part of the entire solo motherhood journey. Harder than the fertility treatment. Harder than the newborn phase. And almost nobody talks about that.
We cover a lot of ground in this conversation — the grief that comes with letting go of the life you always thought you'd have, the fear of judgment, the pressure of the biological clock, the question of how long to keep waiting, and what it actually looks like to start taking steps forward without having it all figured out.
We also talk about something I think about a lot: why so many women base their assumptions about solo motherhood on single-parent households that came about through very different circumstances. And why finding women who are already living this life intentionally is one of the most important things you can do when you're in the considering stage.
This one is for the woman who's been sitting quietly with an idea she hasn't told anyone about yet.
In this episode:
- Why the considering stage is the most underrated — and most emotionally demanding — part of the solo mum journey
- The grief of letting go of the traditional path, and why it's normal to feel both grief and excitement at the same time
- Fear of judgment, fear of running out of time, fear of missing the partner who might be just around the corner
- Why we can't make the decision by the same framework we were raised with — and how to start seeing a different path
- The difference between solo mum by choice and single motherhood by circumstance — and why it matters for your mindset
- The power of finding women already living this life and letting their reality replace your assumptions
- Carrie's three pieces of advice for anyone just starting to sit with the idea
- Why handwritten journaling is different from typing — and what it unlocks
- How therapy helps — and why finding a therapist who has actually lived this experience makes all the difference
- Why all the overthinking you're doing right now is actually making you a better parent
Key Takeaways
- The considering stage is emotionally the hardest part of this journey — and you don't have to rush through it
- You can feel grief and excitement at the same time. Both are real. Both are valid.
- You don't have to be ready before you take the first step. You just have to take the first step.
- Finding women who are already living this life intentionally is one of the most powerful things you can do right now
- The overthinking you're doing is not a problem — it's evidence of how intentional a parent you're already going to be
- Solo motherhood by choice is fundamentally different from single parenthood by circumstance — and your frame of reference matters
- Solo vs single: intention and conception are everything
🏥 This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
💛 Still in the considering stage?
The Considering Solo Motherhood course will help you make an empowered, informed decision about whether this path is right for you — without spending hours lost in a Google vortex. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.
S5:E9 - Michelle & Vayda-Rae - The long wait, the leap & life on the other side
The long wait, the leap & life on the other side Michelle always knew she wanted to be a mum. What she didn't know was that the path to getting there would involve a two and a half year wait just to choose a …
Notas del episodio
The long wait, the leap & life on the other sideMichelle always knew she wanted to be a mum. What she didn't know was that the path to getting there would involve a two and a half year wait just to choose a donor.
She made her first appointment at Fertility Associates in New Zealand in 2014 at the age of 34, was told there were five donor profiles to choose from, and was promptly put on a waitlist. She spent the next two and a half years living in parallel — open to meeting someone, but keeping her eye firmly on this path. When the call finally came in 2016, she sat down with her five profiles, eliminated three for minor medical reasons and two for wanting more contact than she was comfortable with, and chose the tallest one. Vayda-Rae was born after four IUI cycles — a chemical pregnancy, a negative, an overstimulated cancelled cycle, and then a successful fourth round at 37 — partly funded by her parents.
She's now nearly nine, and this episode is something we don't have enough of on this podcast: a genuinely long view. What does solo motherhood actually look like at year eight? What are the conversations you're still having? What gets easier and what catches you off guard?
Michelle is warm, funny, and completely honest — including about the moments that were harder than she expected. Vayda-Rae going through a phase of calling her best friend's husband "dad." The Father's Day questionnaire at school. Being the only family that looks like theirs in a small New Zealand town. The very different thing it is to raise a donor-conceived child when there are no other families like yours within reach.
But she also talks about the things nobody tells you going in. The unusually close relationship you build when it's just the two of you. A daughter who is emotionally mature beyond her years. The adventures they've had together. The lotto win that changed things. And the letter she wrote to Vayda-Rae's donor-conceived siblings — still waiting on a reply, but trying anyway.
This is a story for anyone at the very beginning, wondering if it's worth it. Michelle's answer is unambiguous.
In this episode:Making the decision at 34 and facing a two and a half year donor waitlist in New Zealand
How the counselling at Fertility Associates NZ walked her through how a donor-conceived child might relate to their story at different ages — a framework Michelle found genuinely useful
Choosing between five donor profiles and the logic (and laughs) behind the decision
Four IUI cycles at 37 including a chemical pregnancy, a cancelled cycle and a successful fourth round
Gestational diabetes and an emergency caesarean
The newborn days — and why having no partner to disappoint made it simpler than she expected
Raising Vayda-Rae in a small New Zealand town as the only solo mum family around
The Father's Day questionnaire, the school trip questions, and navigating a daughter who sometimes just wants to be the same as everyone else
How she's approached the donor-conceived sibling conversation — including the letter she sent
Deciding to be one and done — and the donor consent timeline that influenced that decision
What she wishes she'd worried less about — and what she'd say to anyone sitting on the fence right now
If you're exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia, City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Still considering whether this path is right for you?The Considering Solo Motherhood course was made for exactly where you are. Explore donor options, fertility timelines and the emotional side of the decision — live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.
Key TakeawaysA long waitlist doesn't mean stop living — keep going in parallel and let the path unfold
Good fertility counselling should prepare you for your child's questions at every age, not just the medical process
Being the only family of your kind in a small community is a real challenge — connection with other solo mum families matters more as children get older
The two-person household actually simplifies the newborn period in ways that surprise most women
Trying to reach donor-conceived siblings is worth doing early, even if the response takes time
The decision to have a second child involves more than just wanting one — finances, support networks and donor consent timelines all factor in
The fears about judgment are almost always bigger than the reality
S5:E8 - Nicola & Luca - Solo Mum by choice from the start
Solo Mum by choice from the start: Nicola & Luca Most women who come to solo motherhood have a moment — a relationship that ended, a birthday that passed, a realisation that waiting wasn't working. Nicola never …
Notas del episodio
Solo Mum by choice from the start: Nicola & LucaMost women who come to solo motherhood have a moment — a relationship that ended, a birthday that passed, a realisation that waiting wasn't working. Nicola never had that moment. She just always knew.
From the time she was young, she never pictured a partner. She pictured kids. Solo motherhood wasn't a plan B for Nicola — it was the only plan. And what makes her story so valuable for this community is that the hard parts she navigated weren't about the decision itself. They were about trusting herself enough to actually go through with it.
Nicola is an optometrist, self-described planner, and someone who came to this journey with an unusual degree of self-awareness. She grew up in a home affected by domestic abuse, and she spent time in psychology making sure that her choice to parent alone was coming from a place of strength — not fear of intimacy. That clarity shaped everything that followed.
Her wake-up call to start came from watching her sister go through seven IVF transfers. Once she saw how unpredictable fertility could be, she stopped waiting. She started IVF at 33, attempted two IUI cycles first (one was cancelled when she ovulated too early), then moved to IVF. Her stimulation cycle was painful — both ovaries haemorrhaged — but she went to work through all of it, not knowing yet what was normal. She ended up with two embryos. She got pregnant on her first transfer.
And then she found out her sister was pregnant at exactly the same time. Two weeks apart. Same obstetrician. Their own private mother's group before their babies were even born.
In this episode we cover a lot of ground — the practical and the emotional, the things that went to plan and the things that didn't. Nicola chose an elective caesarean with clear medical reasoning, went back to work at five and a half months on a four-day week structure that she credits as genuinely game-changing, and has built a life with Luca that she describes, simply, as magic.
She also talks openly about the harder things. When her donor later withdrew consent, her remaining embryo was destroyed — a consequence of legislation that has since changed, but that caught families off guard at the time. She holds that loss with grace, and talks honestly about where she's landed on the question of a second child.
We also talk about donor-conceived sibling connections — why Nicola sought them out early, what they've given Luca, and why she sees them as one of the most meaningful parts of this path. Not because they replace anything, but because they give donor-conceived children a biological anchor that doesn't depend entirely on a donor they may not meet for eighteen years.
This is a calm, grounded, deeply reassuring episode. Nicola's advice for anyone sitting on the fence is characteristically direct: "You definitely can, 100%."
In this episode:Why Nicola always knew she'd be a solo mum — and what it took to finally start
Growing up with domestic abuse and using psychology to trust her own motivations
Her sister's seven-transfer IVF journey as the catalyst to stop waiting
IVF at 33: ovarian haemorrhaging, two embryos, and a positive first transfer
Falling pregnant at the same time as her sister — two weeks apart
Choosing an elective caesarean and what informed that decision
Returning to work at 5.5 months and the schedule structure that made it work
Donor consent withdrawal and the destruction of her remaining embryo
Donor-conceived sibling connections — what they mean and how they found each other
The financial reality of considering a second child as a solo mum
What she wishes she'd worried less about — and what she'd tell you right now
If you're exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia, City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Looking for your village while TTC or pregnant?The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
Key TakeawaysSolo motherhood can be a first choice, not a fallback — and that changes everything about how you approach it
Therapy isn't a luxury on this journey — it's how you make sure you're choosing from strength, not fear
The practical fears around money, work and logistics are almost always bigger in your head than in reality
Building your village before baby arrives is one of the highest-impact investments you can make
Going back to work can be a genuine positive — how you structure it matters more than when
Donor-conceived sibling connections can offer children biological context that doesn't rely on the donor
The things you think will be a total disaster — you just figure them out. It's never as bad as you think.
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