Healing After Coercive Control: Getting Yourself Back After Divorce

You left. So why doesn't it feel over yet?

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You've left, but the healing and closure you expected haven't arrived yet

• You can't tell which parts of your anxiety are trauma and which parts are just you

• Your body still reacts even though it's been months or years

• You're frightened of repeating the pattern with someone new

• You're still second-guessing your own judgment and decisions

• You want to know where to turn for support and what actually helps

Part six, the final episode of our coercive control series, is all about you. Clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova joins Mum and me on the trauma that stays in your body, the window of tolerance and how to widen it, the shark cage, why coercive control has been called a cult of one, and how long recovery really takes.

Guest: Krasi Kirova, Clinical Psychologist.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Healing After Coercive Control: Getting Yourself Back

02:00 – Disclaimer and Family Violence Trigger Warning

03:00 – "Which Parts Are Trauma and Which Parts Are Me?"

05:00 – What Trauma Really Is: What Happens Inside You

06:00 – Complex Trauma vs One-Off Trauma Explained

08:00 – "My Body Is Still in the Trenches" a Year On

09:00 – The Window of Tolerance and Why Yours Narrowed

11:00 – Calming Your Nervous System in the Moment

12:00 – Widening the Window: Rest, Sleep and Movement

17:00 – Sensory Tools vs Daily Practices: What Helps Most

19:00 – Co-Regulation: Why You Heal Around Safe People

22:00 – "How Do I Trust My Own Judgment Again?"

24:00 – Trust Is Built in Small Increments, Not All at Once

26:00 – How Capable People End Up There More Than Once

28:00 – The Shark Cage: Building Your Own Protection

30:00 – Red Flags and Writing Your Own No-Go List

33:00 – Testing a New Partner and Knowing Your Alarm Bells

37:00 – Krasi's Research Call-Out: Share Your Experience

39:00 – "Will I Ever Understand Why He Did This?"

42:00 – Still Living by Their Rules: Coercive Control as a Cult of One

44:00 – Rebuilding Autonomy and Learning to Tolerate Guilt

48:00 – Untangling Self-Blame and "The Part I Played"

52:00 – How Long Does Recovery Actually Take?

54:00 – Post-Traumatic Growth and What Becomes Possible

59:00 – Where to Turn: Services That Can Actually Help

01:03:00 – Closing the Series and the Cushions

🎧 Episodes Mentioned

Ep 323 – Coercive Control vs a Bad Relationship https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-vs-a-bad-relationship-how-to-tell/id1503451022?i=1000774925805

Ep 324 – Coercive Control Separated Under One Roof https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-while-separated-under-one-roof-how/id1503451022?i=1000775886114

Ep 325 – Financial Abuse and Coercive Control https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/financial-abuse-and-coercive-control-when-money/id1503451022?i=1000776879697

Ep 326 – Coercive Control and Your Kids https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-and-your-kids-how-to-protect-your/id1503451022?i=1000777679728

Ep 330 – How Do I Prove Coercive Control? https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/how-do-i-prove-coercive-control-the-evidence-that/id1503451022?i=1000779988943

Ep 216 – The Post-Divorce Glow-Up https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-post-divorce-glow-up-steps-to-emotional-recovery/id1503451022?i=1000731905804

Ep 322 – Survival Mode in Divorce: 3 Anchors https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/survival-mode-in-divorce-3-anchors-to-steady-yourself/id1503451022?i=1000773944015

🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au | 🎓 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

Krasi's research survey: https://jtwqtij4vdy.typeform.com/to/bjpm4Gy2

The Body Keeps the Score (Bessel van der Kolk) | The Shark Cage (Ursula Benstead) | Emma Katz research | EMDR

If this episode helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast.