Six Steps to Being a Non-Anxious Presence

Hey folks, Ned here. In this episode, I’m diving into something that feels more essential now than ever—how to be a non-anxious presence for the people who count on you. Whether it’s your kids, students, partner, or even yourself, being that calm, steadying force can make all the difference. I know from personal experience and years of working with families that this isn’t easy, especially when the world feels like it’s spinning off its axis.

So, I break down six practical, research-backed steps you can take to help yourself stay grounded, build emotional resilience, and show up as the helper people need—even when things get messy. I’ll walk you through stories from my own life, including the toughest parenting experience I’ve faced, and offer concrete strategies for managing your own stress so you can be that safe harbor in the storm.

Episode Highlights:

[1:47] - Opening reflection on “helpers” and what it means to be a non-anxious presence.
[4:22] - Step 1: Assessing your own baseline level of stress and why many of us don’t realize how stressed we really are.
[7:56] - Step 2: Identifying your personal stress triggers using the N.U.T.S. framework. (Novelty, Unpredictability, Threat, Low Sense of Control).
[11:34] - Step 3: Spotting your “tells” and emotional signals when you're not at your best.
[14:10] - Step 4: Claiming your space—how to communicate your emotional needs without blowing up.
[19:32] - Step 5: Facing challenges by confronting your fears and reframing anxious thinking.
[22:18] - Step 6: Emergency and preventative stress relief techniques—laughter, breathing, exercise, and more.
[24:40] - Personal story: How my son and I reframed our thinking during his brain tumor diagnosis and what we both learned about resilience and peace.
[26:50] - Final thoughts on raising kids to thrive through hardship and modeling courage and calm.

Links & Resources:

• How Exercise Can Calm Anxiety: https://archive.nytimes.com/well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/03/how-exercise-can-calm-anxiety/
• The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook - Out now!

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Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com