What if You Could Stop Feeling So Bad about Feeling Bad? Finding Wisdom in Our Darkest Emotions. With Daniel Smith

What if the goal isn’t to get rid of our difficult feelings, but to change our relationship with them?

Our guest today is Daniel Smith, Psychotherapist and best selling author. Today we discuss his most recent book Hard Feelings. Finding the Wisdom in our Darkest Emotions to explore why emotions like anxiety, anger, envy, shame, and despair are such a challenging—but essential—part of being human.

Daniel shares how his own lifelong struggle with anxiety, major life upheavals, and how his work as a Psychotherapist shaped his understanding of our emotional lives. We talk about why labeling feelings as “negative” can make them harder to navigate, how we can get caught in the trap of feeling bad about feeling bad, and what it means to treat our emotions as signals rather than enemies.

We also explore the Buddhist idea of the second arrow, the importance of curiosity and self-compassion, and why cultivating wholeness may be more meaningful than striving for constant happiness.

If you’ve ever judged yourself for feeling jealous, lost your patience with someone you love, or wished you could simply switch off an uncomfortable emotion, this conversation offers a gentler way forward: pause, get curious, and remember that having a hard feeling is part of being human.

Resource: Smithmhc.com

NEW: I want to tell you about my new book, The Questions that make a Life. It includes quotes, prompts and reflections gathered from the last 10 years of untangle interviews. It’s Part book, part journal, One “testimonial calls it A wise, warm, and deeply human companion for anyone navigating the messiness of life. It’s available on amazon or there’s a link to a faster way to order on bookbaby.com. https://store.bookbaby.com/book/the-questions-that-make-a-life

A special thanks to our amazing sponsors: Quince, Stio, Born Shoes.

MORE on this episode:

In this episode, we explore:

• Why Daniel wrote Hard Feelings and how his experiences with anxiety and major life changes shaped the book.
• How family dynamics and the emotional atmosphere of childhood may influence our own emotional lives.
• Why trying to eliminate difficult emotions can sometimes make them more powerful.
• The Buddhist concept of the second arrow—and how feeling ashamed of our feelings adds another layer of suffering.
• What envy can reveal about comparison, insecurity, and losing touch with what matters to us.
• How to acknowledge emotions without judging ourselves for having them.
• When acceptance is enough and when persistent emotions may call for deeper reflection or professional support.
• Why curiosity is such an important tool in relationships, especially when anger or frustration takes over.
• How to repair after emotional reactions rather than expecting ourselves to be perfect.
• The difference between pursuing happiness and cultivating a sense of wholeness.
• Why patience, mindfulness, and slowing down can help us stay present with uncomfortable experiences.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.