The cult.ture podcast
- Épisodes
- 46
- Parution
- toutes les deux semaines
- Dernier épisode
- 8 Nov 2026
À propos du podcast
Welcome to the cult.ture podcast
Exploring the fine line between belief and manipulation
In this podcast, we dive deep into the stories of cult survivors, unraveling the psychological, emotional, and social forces that pull people into these high-control groups. Through candid conversations, analysis, and firsthand accounts, we explore how belief can transform into manipulation, and how resilience leads to recovery.
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Épisodes 46
45-Leaving JW and Learning to Feel Safe with Shaina
What happens when the place you were taught was safe becomes a place you need to leave? In Episode 45, Derek welcomes Shaina to share her story, with Abby returning from Episode 20 as guest co-host. Raised in a …
Notes de l’épisode
What happens when the place you were taught was safe becomes a place you need to leave?
In Episode 45, Derek welcomes Shaina to share her story, with Abby returning from Episode 20 as guest co-host. Raised in a devoted Jehovah’s Witness family, Shaina grew up under constant pressure to be exemplary. Baptized at 13 and married at 19, she describes how her hopes for a life of faith and belonging collided with an abusive marriage and how seeking help left her feeling even more alone.
Shaina opens up about the experiences that pushed her toward leaving, the fear of Armageddon that followed her for decades, and how becoming a mother changed the way she understood her own childhood. Together, she, Derek, and Abby explore religious trauma, the grief of missing people you once felt close to, and the challenge of building connections after leaving a high-control religion.
There’s humor here, too from denim skirts to “dinosaur violence” alongside an honest conversation about finding your voice and discovering that the world outside holds more goodness than you were taught to expect.
Books, Films & Resources Mentioned
Combating Cult Mind Control — Steven Hassan: Discussed alongside the BITE Model and recognizing patterns of control. Find on Amazon
Religulous — documentary featuring Bill Maher: The film Shaina describes watching as she began questioning her religious beliefs. Find on Amazon
Jurassic Park: The source of the episode’s “dinosaur violence” conversation. Find on Amazon
Mary Poppins: Mentioned during the discussion about inconsistent entertainment rules. Find on Amazon
Mary Poppins Returns: The sequel Derek recalls seeing with other Witnesses. Find on Amazon
Star Wars: Discussed in connection with restrictions around the Force. Find on Amazon
The Lord of the Rings: Mentioned during the conversation about fantasy and magic. Find on Amazon
Harry Potter: Also referenced in the discussion about entertainment restrictions. Find on Amazon
Podcasts & Online Resources
Shunned Podcast — Shaina describes finding the podcast through resources shared by her therapist.
Millstone Research on YouTube — Videos Shaina mentions while discussing her changing understanding of the organization.
Ex-Jehovah’s Witness Reddit community — The community she found while searching for others experiencing Armageddon fears.
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
44-American Trickster: Uncovering Carlos Castaneda with Ru Marshall
Carlos Castaneda promised a different reality. What happened to the people who believed him? Writer and artist Ru Marshall joins Derek to discuss American Trickster: The Hidden Lives of Carlos Castaneda, the …
Notes de l’épisode
Carlos Castaneda promised a different reality. What happened to the people who believed him?
Writer and artist Ru Marshall joins Derek to discuss American Trickster: The Hidden Lives of Carlos Castaneda, the result of nearly two decades spent investigating one of the counterculture’s most influential and controversial figures.
From The Teachings of Don Juan to the secretive inner circle that formed around its author, we explore how Castaneda built his mythology and how academic credibility, compelling storytelling, and the desire to believe helped sustain it. Marshall discusses the women known as his “witches,” the promises behind his Tensegrity movement practice, and the troubling disappearance of five women following his death.
Along the way, we examine the disputed origins of his teachings, his influence on popular culture, and how the promise of spiritual freedom can become a means of control.
A conversation about charisma, deception, and the difficult work of questioning the stories we want to be true.
Connect with Ru Marshall
Books, films, and music from the conversation
A Separate Reality: A Novel — Ru Marshall
The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge — Carlos Castaneda
Amy Wallace’s memoir, Sorcerer’s Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda
Don Juan’s Reckless Daughter — Joni Mitchell
Joyce Carol Oates * James Frey * Harold Garfinkel * Walter Goldschmidt * Timothy Leary * Bob Dylan
Lobsang Rampa * Helena Blavatsky * Neville Goddard * Richard de Mille * John Lennon
Federico Fellini * Friedrich Nietzsche * Max Weber
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
43-Rewriting Life After Religious Control - Terry Wayne Carpenter
What happens when the people who teach you about love make that love conditional? In this episode of the cult.ture podcast, Derek sits down with Terry Wayne Carpenter, a former Jehovah’s Witness, artist …
Notes de l’épisode
What happens when the people who teach you about love make that love conditional?
In this episode of the cult.ture podcast, Derek sits down with Terry Wayne Carpenter, a former Jehovah’s Witness, artist, novelist, and former sports journalist, to explore his journey through religious control, family estrangement, and rebuilding a life on his own terms.
Terry shares his experiences with judicial committees as a teenager, the lasting impact of shunning, and how becoming a father changed his understanding of unconditional love. We discuss how high-control groups use language to shape reality and how storytelling can help us reclaim our identities.
We also explore his debut novel, The Basket Weaver, a story of young love set in the Arkansas Ozarks in 1975. Drawing on experiences familiar to many former Jehovah’s Witnesses, Terry explains why he chose fiction over memoir and why he wanted to write a story that leaves room for hope.
An honest conversation about belonging, boundaries, creativity, and finding peace after leaving a world that once defined everything.
Connect with Terry
Instagram: @theterrywayne
Where to find The Basket Weaver
Books referenced — Amazon links
Religious texts and publications mentioned
The Quran, mentioned briefly.
The Watchtower and Awake!, including bound volumes.
Film and other screen references
The Children Act — Amazon. This is likely the unnamed film Terry describes involving Stanley Tucci, a court case, and a blood transfusion.
Fallout — Amazon. A television series referenced during the discussion about leaving a sheltered environment.
Kintsugi — an anime project by Sean Miller, mentioned in the conversation.
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
42-Leaving Isn’t Healing: Growing Up Adventist with Melissa Duge Spiers
What happens when you leave a high-control religion—but keep living by the rules it taught you? This week, I’m joined by Melissa Duge Spiers, author of Holy Disobedience, for an honest conversation about …
Notes de l’épisode
What happens when you leave a high-control religion—but keep living by the rules it taught you?
This week, I’m joined by Melissa Duge Spiers, author of Holy Disobedience, for an honest conversation about growing up as a fourth-generation Seventh-day Adventist, leaving at 18, and realizing decades later how much of that upbringing she still carried.
We compare notes from our Adventist and Jehovah’s Witness childhoods: end-times fear, strict rules, purity culture, and learning to obey before learning to trust yourself. Melissa opens up about painful family secrets, her account of her father’s abuse, and how she sees the conditioning of her childhood reflected in her adult relationships.
We also talk about speaking out, finding community, and making peace with the possibility that the people who hurt you may never give you the answers you need.
There’s humor, some hard truths, and a reminder that leaving can be the beginning of the work.
Connect with Melissa Duge Spiers
Book: HOLY DISOBEDIENCE: Sex, Sin, and Secrets in the Biggest Church No One Knows
ExSDA TikTok: @the.glory.whole
ExSDA Instagram: @the.glory.whole
Personal Instagram: @melissadugespiers_writer
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
41-I Am Not Mormon | Audra Phelps Reclaims Her Identity
Leaving a high-control religion may end your participation but it doesn’t immediately undo the identity, fear, shame, and expectations it placed inside you. In this episode of the cult.ture podcast, Derek sits …
Notes de l’épisode
Leaving a high-control religion may end your participation but it doesn’t immediately undo the identity, fear, shame, and expectations it placed inside you.
In this episode of the cult.ture podcast, Derek sits down with Audra Phelps, a former Mormon and coach who helps women, particularly mothers, rebuild their lives after leaving the LDS Church.
Raised in a strict Mormon household, Audra grew up with a prescribed identity and a clear roadmap for what it meant to be a faithful woman, wife, and mother. After more than a decade of questioning, international travel gave her the physical and emotional distance to see her religious upbringing differently. In 2015, a church policy affecting LGBTQ+ families became her breaking point. She removed her temple garments, looked at herself in the mirror, and said the words she had struggled for years to say: “I am not Mormon.”
Audra and Derek discuss the difference between leaving and recovering, grieving without regretting your decision, rebuilding trust in yourself, setting boundaries, navigating marriage, and learning to parent without relying on an external religious authority.
They also explore what it means to break generational cycles and change the emotional inheritance passed down to your children.
SPECIAL OFFER FOR CULT.TURE LISTENERS
Audra is offering podcast listeners 50% off their first individual coaching session. This offer is open to any woman navigating a faith transition after leaving a high-control organization—not only former Mormons.
Learn more about one-on-one coaching and book a free consultation with Audra:
https://mamaaudra.com/oneonone
Mention “PODCAST” during your consultation to receive the discount.
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
40-Let It Be the End of a Chapter | Devin Fish
This is a different conversation... Devin Fish spent much of his life hiding what he was carrying. Raised amid poverty, instability, addiction, and repeated moves, Devin entered the U.S. Army looking for …
Notes de l’épisode
This is a different conversation... Devin Fish spent much of his life hiding what he was carrying.
Raised amid poverty, instability, addiction, and repeated moves, Devin entered the U.S. Army looking for direction. Over nearly a decade of service as both a cavalry scout and career counselor he learned resilience, but he also absorbed the belief that asking for help was a sign of weakness.
Behind that armor were the death of his mother, unresolved family trauma, isolation, online exploitation, blackmail, and a mental health crisis that ultimately brought him to the hospital.
In this episode of cult.ture, Devin joins Derek and Trent to discuss the experiences behind his book, Answering the Hard Questions: Let It Be the End of a Chapter, Not the End of the Book. Together, they explore military culture, masculinity, coercive online tactics, parental addiction, grief, faith, self-hatred, and what can happen when someone finally allows others to see what they have been hiding.
Devin’s story is a reminder that asking for help is not weakness and that the hardest chapter of your life does not have to become the end of your story.
Follow Devin on Facebook
Buy Answering the Hard Questions: Let It Be the End of a Chapter, Not the End of the Book on Amazon
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
39-Breaking the Umbrella | Bri’s Journey Out of IBLP
Bri grew up homeschooled in a conservative Christian family before becoming deeply involved with the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), the fundamentalist organization founded by Bill Gothard and …
Notes de l’épisode
Bri grew up homeschooled in a conservative Christian family before becoming deeply involved with the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), the fundamentalist organization founded by Bill Gothard and closely associated with the Duggar family.
She believed in the teachings enough that, as an adult, she planned to bring IBLP into her own family.
Then she became a mother.
When Bri attempted “blanket training” with her infant son, a practice she says was intended to teach blind obedience, her instinct was to comfort him when he cried. That instinct led to a question that changed everything: Why should comforting her own crying baby be considered breaking the rules?
Bri joins cult.ture to talk about growing up sheltered, homeschooling, the Duggar family's influence, Bill Gothard, IBLP's “umbrella of authority,” gender hierarchy, obedience, parenting, and the process of beginning to question a worldview she once fully believed.
We also explore the anger and discovery that followed as Bri began researching the people and institutions she had been taught to trust, and how she is now raising her own children with more freedom to question, explore, and decide what they believe for themselves.
It's a conversation about control disguised as protection, the moment instinct collided with indoctrination, and what it can mean to break a cycle.
Follow Bri here
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
38-From Armageddon Fear to Public Service with Gisselle
What happens when a child is taught that the world may end before she ever reaches adulthood? Gisselle grew up as a first-generation Latina in a strict Jehovah’s Witness family in Phoenix. From an early age …
Notes de l’épisode
What happens when a child is taught that the world may end before she ever reaches adulthood?
Gisselle grew up as a first-generation Latina in a strict Jehovah’s Witness family in Phoenix. From an early age, she was taught that Armageddon was imminent, that life in the present world was temporary, and that pursuing a career or higher education was largely unnecessary.
In this audio-only conversation, Gisselle joins Derek to discuss the isolation of growing up “in the world” but never being allowed to fully participate in it. She reflects on the pressure to maintain appearances, the lack of empathy she witnessed inside the congregation, the suppression of her cultural identity, and the painful consequences of disfellowshipping within her own family.
Gisselle also shares how her desire to attend Bethel unexpectedly led her to community college and how using the research skills she had been taught eventually exposed contradictions she could no longer ignore. After discovering the organization’s handling of child sexual abuse cases and witnessing an elder verbally intimidate her younger brother, she decided that she would never return to another meeting.
Leaving at 19 did not immediately erase the fear, isolation, or pressure. But it gave Gisselle the opportunity to begin creating a future she had never been taught to imagine.
Today, she holds a bachelor’s degree in mass communications, media studies, and journalism and is pursuing a Master of Public Administration and Public Policy at Arizona State University. Her interests in civic engagement, voting access, and public service have become part of the process of reclaiming a voice she once felt forced to silence.
This conversation explores:
• Growing up in a strict Spanish-language Jehovah’s Witness congregation
• Cultural identity, representation, and the Gen Z ex-JW experience
• Armageddon fear and being raised without a vision for the future
• Family instability, disfellowshipping, and conditional belonging
• Higher education and the pressure to abandon college
• Researching Watchtower teachings and discovering misrepresented sources
• The meeting that became Gisselle’s final night in the congregation
• Rebuilding family relationships after leaving
• Political neutrality, voting, and reclaiming civic participation
• Creating a meaningful life beyond a high-control religionGisselle’s story is a reminder that leaving is not the end of someone’s life. Sometimes, it is the first opportunity they have had to truly begin it.
Follow Gisselle on Tik Tok: @gisselle.ara
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
37-Finding Freedom | Scott Homan & Witness Underground
What happens when your greatest act of resistance is simply becoming yourself? This week, we sit down with filmmaker Scott Homan, director of the acclaimed documentaryWitness Underground, to explore life …
Notes de l’épisode
What happens when your greatest act of resistance is simply becoming yourself?
This week, we sit down with filmmaker Scott Homan, director of the acclaimed documentaryWitness Underground, to explore life growing up as a second-generation Jehovah’s Witness, the underground music scene that became a lifeline, and the long journey of rebuilding identity after leaving a high-control religion.
Scott shares the moment he realized he was living two lives, one dictated by the expectations of the Watchtower and another fueled by creativity, music, and authentic connection. Together, we unpack the psychology of indoctrination, fear, deconstruction, chosen family, and why art often becomes one of the first languages of freedom.
In this episode we discuss:
- Growing up as a second-generation Jehovah’s Witness
- Music as a path toward authenticity and self-discovery
- The hidden underground scene of Jehovah’s Witness musicians
- Fear, indoctrination, and the psychology of control
- The moment Scott recognized he was in a cult
- Deconstruction, atheism, and rebuilding a worldview
- Friendship, community, and healing after high-control religion
- The making of Witness Underground
Whether you’ve experienced religious trauma, left a high-control group, or simply want to better understand how people reclaim their identity after systems of control, this is a conversation about resilience, creativity, and what it means to finally live on your own terms.
Learn More About Scott Homan & His WorkWitness Underground
Documentary exploring the underground music scene within Jehovah’s Witness culture and the journey of those who found freedom through creativity.
https://www.witnessunderground.com/Watch / Stream Witness Underground
Available through multiple platforms including Apple, Amazon, Tubi, Plex, YouTube Movies, and more.
https://www.witnessunderground.com/Banana Island Films
https://www.bananaislandfilms.comBanana Island Films YouTube Channel
https://www.youtube.com/@bananaislandfilmsGuidedoc (International Streaming)
https://guidedoc.tv/documentary/witness-underground-love-letter-to-the-outcast-documentary-film/Rotten Tomatoes
https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/witness_undergroundIMDb
Follow Scott
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15215562Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/scotthomanWitness Underground Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/witnessundergroundFacebook
Other Projects
https://www.facebook.com/WitnessUndergroundHanoi Mixtape
A documentary exploring the underground music scene in Hanoi, Vietnam.
https://www.hanoimixtape.com/Music and the Mystical Experience
Documentary project exploring music, consciousness, and psychedelic therapy.
https://www.sutherlandsounds.com/music-for-psychedelic-therapyNuclear Gopher
Resources Mentioned
New music from the artists and recording studio covered in Witness Underground
https://www.nucleargopher.com/For those questioning faith, recovering from religious trauma, or rebuilding after high-control environments:
Recovering From Religion
https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/Secular Therapy Project
https://www.seculartherapy.org/DECULT
A documentary and resource project exploring cult recovery and coercive control.
https://decult.net/DECULT: Beyond Belief Documentary
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZMhsGHTn30Cults to Consciousness
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdruRz-kWtIBIzgURq05lzwIf this episode resonates with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who may need to hear it. Your support helps us continue creating conversations that explore identity, belief, recovery, and the human experience with honesty and compassion.
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
36-Brittany Hart on IHOPKC, Spiritual Abuse, and Rebuilding Faith
In this episode, Derek and Trent sit down with Brittany Hart, writer, poet, and author of Surviving Wonderland: A Journey Beyond Control. Brittany Hart is an author and poet who writes at the intersection of …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode, Derek and Trent sit down with Brittany Hart, writer, poet, and author of Surviving Wonderland: A Journey Beyond Control.
Brittany Hart is an author and poet who writes at the intersection of spiritual trauma and recovery. Her debut collection, Surviving Wonderland: A Journey Beyond Control, transforms her experience in a high-control religious group into art for anyone reclaiming their voice and finding their way back to themselves. She now supports fellow survivors through creative writing, online guides, and spaces of gentle, grounded healing.
Brittany shares her experience inside the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, also known as IHOPKC, and how a high-control religious environment shaped her sense of identity, time, purpose, and faith. What began as a sincere search for God slowly became wrapped in fear, urgency, end-times messaging, intense worship culture, and the belief that rest, normal life, and even questioning could mean spiritual failure.
Through her book, Brittany uses poetry and the imagery of Alice in Wonderland to describe the process of going down the rabbit hole, waking up, and finding language for what happened. This conversation explores spiritual abuse, the power of music and repetition, the grief of lost time, the role of therapy, and what it can look like to rebuild faith in a way that is no longer rooted in fear.
This is a conversation about control, healing, and the courage it takes to come back to yourself.
Brittany’s poetry collection, Surviving Wonderland: A Journey Beyond Control, is now available on Amazon
Untangle from end times anxiety with help from Brittany here
Follow Brittany on Instagram
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
35-They Reinstated an Apostate | Jeron's Story
Jeron Benton joins cult.ture to share his journey growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, becoming inactive, returning to the organization after a near-death experience, and ultimately waking up after a shocking …
Notes de l’épisode
Jeron Benton joins cult.ture to share his journey growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, becoming inactive, returning to the organization after a near-death experience, and ultimately waking up after a shocking judicial committee experience.
In this conversation, Jeron opens up about being disfellowshipped after spending two years trying to return to the faith, the moment he realized the system wasn't what he believed it was, and the bold plan that led him to be reinstated after he had already become an apostate.
We also explore the deeper realities of leaving a high-control religion: losing family, rebuilding identity, navigating grief, finding authentic friendships, and learning to trust yourself after years of being taught not to.
Most importantly, this episode is about healing. Jeron shares what freedom looks like today, the struggles that still remain, and the practices that help him move forward.
Topics include:
• Jehovah's Witness upbringing
• Disfellowshipping and shunning
• Judicial committees
• Family loss after leaving
• Cult recovery and deconstruction
• Emotional healing and men's mental health
• Authenticity and personal freedom
• Rebuilding life after a high-control groupFollow Jeron:
YouTube: Jeron Benton
Instagram: @jerons_worldSupport cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
34-Stop the Shunning: A Conversation with Bethany Leger
In this episode of cult.ture, Derek sits down with author, speaker, and Stop the Shunning creator Bethany Leger. Raised as a Jehovah's Witness, Bethany shares her journey from questioning the organization to …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode of cult.ture, Derek sits down with author, speaker, and Stop the Shunning creator Bethany Leger.
Raised as a Jehovah's Witness, Bethany shares her journey from questioning the organization to ultimately leaving alongside her husband. Together, they explore the emotional realities of shunning, the complexities of family estrangement, and what it means to rebuild a life after a high-control environment.
The conversation dives into Bethany's books, Physically and Mentally Out and her newest release, Burning Down the House, which examines toxic family dynamics, boundaries, conditional love, and healing after emotional control.
Topics include:
• Leaving Jehovah's Witnesses
• The impact of shunning
• Family estrangement
• Toxic family systems
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Identity after high-control groups
• Activism and recovery
• Finding authenticity after traumaWhether you're navigating religious trauma, family estrangement, or simply learning how to reclaim your voice, Bethany offers insight, honesty, and hope for the journey forward.
Connect with Bethany:
YouTube
WebsiteSupport cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
33-Novice Enthusiasm: Creativity After Control — with Sean Miller
In this episode of cult.ture pod, Derek and Trent sit down with artist, writer, and former Jehovah’s Witness Sean Miller for a raw, grounded, and deeply human conversation about life after high‑control …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode of cult.ture pod, Derek and Trent sit down with artist, writer, and former Jehovah’s Witness Sean Miller for a raw, grounded, and deeply human conversation about life after high‑control religion.
Sean grew up as a born‑in JW, the son of a respected elder, and followed the expected path of baptism at 16, auxiliary pioneering, regular pioneering, ministerial servant. But beneath the surface, he carried a creative drive that the organization repeatedly framed as selfish, dangerous, or worldly. As he puts it in the episode, “Go try to take a passion project and throw it into the creative industry when you’ve been taught you don’t even deserve kindness.”
Together, we explore:
What it’s like to rediscover your identity after leaving a high‑control group
How creativity becomes both a survival tool and a reclamation of self
The psychological cost of being an artist in a restrictive religious environment
The difference between “what the cult took” and “where we land afterward”
Why Sean finally finished his book Novice Enthusiasm — and how this podcast played a role
The strange, beautiful ways the universe nudges us forward
This conversation is honest, funny, grounded, and refreshingly free of bitterness. It’s about growth, not grievance and about the creative life that becomes possible once you step outside the boundaries someone else drew for you.
If you’ve ever left a high‑control group, struggled with self‑worth, or tried to reclaim your creative voice, this episode will resonate.
Find Sean Here:
Website: www.seangregorymiller.com
Book: Novice Enthusiasm
Socials: Instagram
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
32-Blood Doctrine, Programming & Conditional Love | Audrey’s Story
Audrey joins Trent and Derek to share her experience growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness and what ultimately led her to leave in 2025. In this episode, Audrey opens up about the emotional pressure of trying to …
Notes de l’épisode
Audrey joins Trent and Derek to share her experience growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness and what ultimately led her to leave in 2025.
In this episode, Audrey opens up about the emotional pressure of trying to live a “perfect” life inside the organization, the fear surrounding blood transfusions, purity culture, elder involvement in marriage and sexuality, conditional relationships, and the difficult process of rebuilding life outside the religion.
We also explore what it’s like waking up while married to a non-Witness, the emotional pull to return, navigating family dynamics, and learning how to trust yourself after years inside a high-control belief system.
Audrey’s story is raw, honest, emotional, and deeply human.
If you’ve ever questioned a system of control or struggled with rebuilding your identity after leaving one, this conversation may resonate with you.
Follow Audrey:
TikTok: @audrey.breaks.freeInstagram: @_audrey_la_latinga_
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
31-Lydia's Story: Approved, Watched, Controlled
In this episode, we sit down with Lydia, a former Jehovah’s Witness who grew up in a fourth-generation family deeply rooted in the organization. From a young age, Lydia was seen as “exemplary”, giving talks at …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode, we sit down with Lydia, a former Jehovah’s Witness who grew up in a fourth-generation family deeply rooted in the organization.
From a young age, Lydia was seen as “exemplary”, giving talks at assemblies, pioneering, and doing everything expected of her. But beneath the praise was something else: pressure, anxiety, and a growing disconnect from her own identity.
We explore what it’s like to grow up performing your worth, the subtle ways control shows up through approval, and how even “good” experiences can carry hidden weight.
Lydia shares her journey through waking up, navigating therapy, redefining identity, and processing moments that only later revealed themselves as harmful or inappropriate.
This conversation is about more than leaving a belief system.
It’s about learning how to think, feel, and choose for yourself for the first time.If you’ve ever questioned your identity, your worth, or the system you were raised in, this one will resonate.
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
30-Breaking Free from a Catholic Cult: Ryan’s Story
Ryan, host of The Truth That Heals, joins us to share his story of growing up Catholic and eventually being pulled into a high-control religious group that claimed legitimacy within the Church. What began as a …
Notes de l’épisode
Ryan, host of The Truth That Heals, joins us to share his story of growing up Catholic and eventually being pulled into a high-control religious group that claimed legitimacy within the Church.
What began as a calling rooted in faith turned into over a decade of control, fear, and psychological manipulation.
In this episode, we explore:
- How spiritual language is used to recruit and control
- The role of fear, guilt, and “divine calling”
- What it’s like to live inside a constantly evolving belief system
- The moment things started to crack
- And what it takes to finally walk away
This is a conversation about identity, autonomy, and the courage to question what you were taught to never doubt.
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
29-Everything Changed: How Jordan Left a High-Control Religion
What happens when you choose yourself… and lose everything? In this episode of cult.ture, Derek is joined by Jordan, a former Jehovah’s Witness who shares his journey of waking up and walking away from a …
Notes de l’épisode
What happens when you choose yourself… and lose everything?
In this episode of cult.ture, Derek is joined by Jordan, a former Jehovah’s Witness who shares his journey of waking up and walking away from a high-control religious system.
Jordan opens up about:
Growing up in the Jehovah’s Witness organization
Struggling with identity and sexuality inside a restrictive belief system
The moment everything started to unravel
Being shunned by family
The emotional reality of “losing” people who are still alive
Finding healing, voice, and purpose through sharing his story
This conversation explores the deep psychological and emotional impact of leaving high-control groups and what it takes to rebuild your identity on your own terms.
If you’ve ever questioned your beliefs, felt the weight of conditional love, or are navigating life after a controlling environment, this episode is for you.
Video LINK discussed on pod
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
28-Finding Your Life After: Correen Hardin on Leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses
In this episode of cult.ture, Derek and Trent sit down with Correen Hardin, author of Best Life After, to explore what life can look like after leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses. Correen shares her personal story of …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode of cult.ture, Derek and Trent sit down with Correen Hardin, author of Best Life After, to explore what life can look like after leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Correen shares her personal story of growing up inside the religion, the complex process of leaving, and the emotional and psychological realities that follow when someone steps outside a high-control belief system. The conversation explores identity, autonomy, relationships, and the long process of rebuilding a life after religious deconstruction.
Rather than focusing only on what people leave behind, this episode looks at what comes next, how people begin rediscovering themselves, creating new meaning, and finding their voice again.
This is a thoughtful and honest conversation about belief, identity, and the courage it takes to reclaim your life.
About Our GuestCorreen Hardin is the author of Best Life After, a book exploring the journey of rebuilding life after leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses.
📖 Best Life After
https://bookshop.org/p/books/best-life-after-correen-r-hardin/2d356d53a1814687🌐 Website
https://corismaly.com/about-the-autho/📸 Instagram
https://instagram.com/444corelyse888🎵 TikTok
https://tiktok.com/@444corelyse888Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
27-A Thousand Tiny Cuts: Patriarchy, Control & the Cost of “God’s Will”
On this episode of cult.ture pod we sit down with Katherine Spearing the author of A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, founder of Tears of Eden, trauma recovery coach, and survivor of the Christian patriarchy movement …
Notes de l’épisode
On this episode of cult.ture pod we sit down with Katherine Spearing the author of A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, founder of Tears of Eden, trauma recovery coach, and survivor of the Christian patriarchy movement.
Katherine grew up in a world where women were expected to move from the authority of their father to the authority of their husband. College wasn’t encouraged. Autonomy wasn’t modeled. And “God’s will” often ended the conversation before it began.
But abuse in high-control systems isn’t always loud.
Sometimes it’s subtle.
Sometimes it’s polite.
Sometimes it’s spiritual.In this episode, we explore:
The “stay-at-home daughter” movement
Patriarchy as a control mechanism
Why you can’t argue with God in high-control religion
DARVO and the BITE model in action
The overlap between evangelicalism and cult dynamics
What healing actually looks like after religious trauma
Why living a thriving life may be the most powerful response
Katherine shares how thousands of small spiritual “paper cuts” can build into something life-threatening and how therapy, community, and autonomy helped her rebuild.
If you’ve ever questioned authority…
If you were told obedience equals holiness…
If your autonomy was framed as rebellion…This conversation is for you.
Connect with Katherine Spearing:
https://www.katherinespearing.com
Instagram
Uncertain on Spotify
Uncertain on Apple PodcastsAbout the Book & Publisher:
A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts published by Lake Drive Books
Lake Drive Books on Instagram
Community Resource:
Tears of EdenSupport cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
26-From Shunning to Rebuilding with Griswold House
In this episode, we sit down with McKenzie and Marcell childhood friends who grew up inside Jehovah’s Witnesses, lost each other to shunning, and eventually found their way back to one another after …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode, we sit down with McKenzie and Marcell childhood friends who grew up inside Jehovah’s Witnesses, lost each other to shunning, and eventually found their way back to one another after deconstructing.
Marcell shares what it was like growing up in poverty, finding “divine” love inside the organization, and fully believing it was the truth even while quietly believing he would die at Armageddon.
McKenzie opens up about being raised in a fully immersed family system, marrying young, navigating divorce under Watchtower policy, and the moment she realized she could never treat her own children the way she had been treated.
Together, they unpack:
• Love bombing and conditional community
• Growing up believing you’re never “good enough
• Shunning and rebuilding authentic friendship
• Patriarchy and being treated like a pawn
• COVID wake-ups & the Australian Royal Commission
• The fear of Armageddon even when you’re “doing everything rightNow, on the other side, they’re building something new through Griswold House, a creative venture rooted in authenticity, agency, and chosen community.
Connect with them:
Website: https://griswoldhouse.com/
Marcell / Griswold
Griswold Creative House (Business)
McKenzie (TikTok)Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
25-Finally Waking Up — Fear, False Prophecy, and Life After
Stephanie spent most of her life carrying a fear she didn’t choose. Raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, baptized at just fourteen, and taught from early childhood that the end of the world was “right around …
Notes de l’épisode
Stephanie spent most of her life carrying a fear she didn’t choose.
Raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, baptized at just fourteen, and taught from early childhood that the end of the world was “right around the corner,” Stephanie grew up measuring her life in countdowns: 1914, Armageddon, obedience, and survival.
Although she physically left the organization in 1998, the fear never left her.
It wasn’t until February 19, 2025, nearly three decades later, that something finally cracked. A single social media post. A forbidden word: apostate. And a question she’d never allowed herself to ask.
In this episode, Stephanie joins Derek and Trent to share what it’s like to wake up late to realize at fifty years old that your anxiety, your lost opportunities, and your constant guilt were rooted in false prophecy and high-control belief.
We talk about:
Growing up under the shadow of the 1914 doctrine
Being baptized as a minor and the weight of “spiritual contracts”
Living physically out but mentally trapped for decades
Fear-based obedience and the cost of delayed awakening
Grief for a stolen childhood and the courage to reclaim what’s left
This conversation is about what fear does to a human beings and what happens when it finally loosens its grip.
If you’ve ever felt like it’s “too late” to wake up, this episode is for you.
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
24-Put It on the Shelf: Mormonism, Control, and the Cost of Faith
In this episode, we sit down with Amy, who grew up deeply embedded in Mormonism as the daughter of a bishop and mission president. From early-morning seminary and strict behavioral rules to temple rituals that …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode, we sit down with Amy, who grew up deeply embedded in Mormonism as the daughter of a bishop and mission president.
From early-morning seminary and strict behavioral rules to temple rituals that demand lifelong commitments without full consent, Amy shares what it was like to grow up inside a system that quietly governs every part of life from what you drink to how you think.
Together, we explore Mormonism through the lens of high-control dynamics: obedience, gender hierarchy, secrecy, “putting doubts on the shelf,” and the emotional cost of being told that happiness comes later in the next life, the next kingdom, the next promise.
Amy also speaks candidly about women’s roles in the church, LGBTQ+ exclusion, transactional spirituality, and the slow, painful process of deconstruction not as rebellion, but as self-trust.
This episode is about recognizing when belief becomes control and what it takes to reclaim your voice after leaving a high-demand system.
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
23-Leo’s Conversation — The Body Keeps the Truth
Leo grew up Jehovah’s Witness in a home where abuse was happening and being ignored. In this conversation, Leo speaks about what it means to survive when harm is known, authority goes unquestioned, and silence …
Notes de l’épisode
Leo grew up Jehovah’s Witness in a home where abuse was happening and being ignored.
In this conversation, Leo speaks about what it means to survive when harm is known, authority goes unquestioned, and silence is treated as righteousness.
This episode explores:
How religious authority can shield abusers
What happens when elders “handle it internally”
Dissociation, lost memory, and trauma held in the body
EMDR therapy and what it means when healing brings truth back
This is not a discussion of belief or doctrine.
It’s an account of what happens when systems protect harm and the long, uneven work of surviving what was never acknowledged.Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
22-From Black-and-White to Color with Jamie
Jaime joins Derek and Trent to share what it was like growing up Jehovah’s Witness in a divided home never fully belonging in either world, and carrying fear long before she had words for it. Jaime talks about …
Notes de l’épisode
Jaime joins Derek and Trent to share what it was like growing up Jehovah’s Witness in a divided home never fully belonging in either world, and carrying fear long before she had words for it.
Jaime talks about the slow unraveling: raising three kids inside the routine, living under constant self-monitoring, and realizing her children were afraid she might stop speaking to them if they didn’t believe. Even while she still believed, she reached a breaking point because a “paradise” that required leaving her family behind wasn’t love.
Her awakening comes in an unexpected place: working in a preschool and teaching three-year-olds basic emotional boundaries, she realizes she’s learning at 39 what she was never allowed to learn. In the middle of a classroom she googles “signs you’re in a cult,” and everything clicks.
Now, a few years out, Jaime shares what freedom has actually felt like: therapy, three birthdays, a more connected family life, and the quiet relief of watching a movie without guilt and no apology prayer afterward. She also names what still lingers: the stomach-drop moment of seeing Witnesses “in the wild,” and the echoes of fear that take time to unlearn.
Jaime closes with the heart of this episode: her biggest fear came true and on the other side of it, life became better than she ever imagined.
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
21-Devan's Story: What Survives After the World Doesn’t End
In today’s episode of cult.ture, Derek and Trinity sit down with Devan, someone who wasn’t raised in the Jehovah’s Witnesses Faith, but still grew up inside a high-control Christian system that shaped every …
Notes de l’épisode
In today’s episode of cult.ture, Derek and Trinity sit down with Devan, someone who wasn’t raised in the Jehovah’s Witnesses Faith, but still grew up inside a high-control Christian system that shaped every corner of his childhood.
Devan’s early years took place deep in the Oregon woods at an isolated fundamentalist Baptist camp, where his father ran the ministry and his family lived off the land. He was homeschooled, cut off from the world, sleeping above bins of stored grain while his parents prepped for the rapture.
As a child he watched end-times films of Christians being executed by guillotine for refusing the mark of the beast, the kind of imagery meant to terrify adults, but handed straight to kids.Love was talked about from the pulpit, but at home it looked like punishment, emotional distance, and an authority that didn’t allow mistakes.
As Devan grows older, his world expands: Bible school in England, drifting through hostels in Israel, discovering Christian communities that weren’t ruled by fear. Then the grunge culture of the 90s and a place where he felt both freedom and an easy slide into numbing. A rushed first marriage. Secret drinking. A second marriage he tried desperately to hold together. Shame, guilt, and the feeling that he was constantly performing a version of himself he never chose.
Everything shatters in 2012 when Devan, drunk and hopeless, finds himself at the center of a police standoff with 17 officers, a K-9 unit, and a loaded gun. On the pavement, shoulder broken, he prays a single sentence:
“God, if you’re real, show me who you are, not who I’ve made you to be.”
That moment becomes the beginning of a life rebuilt from the ground up.
In this conversation, we talk about:
Growing up under fear-based Christianity
Being raised for the apocalypse instead of adulthood
Isolation, shame, and the rubber-band effect of suppression → rebellion
Addiction as a survival strategy when you were never taught to cope
The day everything broke and the grace that came after
What faith can look like beyond fear, ego, and control
And the quiet power of choosing your own life for the first time
Whether you’re inside a high-control religion, slowly peeling away, years into healing, or trying to understand someone you love there’s room for you here.
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
20-Agency, At Last: Abby’s Exit From Control
Abby’s story moves from love-bombing and baptized hope to grief, coercive control, boundaries, and finally freedom and family. She shares how vulnerability was targeted, why she pursued baptism after trauma …
Notes de l’épisode
Abby’s story moves from love-bombing and baptized hope to grief, coercive control, boundaries, and finally freedom and family. She shares how vulnerability was targeted, why she pursued baptism after trauma, and the cost of “paper-thin comfort” in a doomsday framework. We talk stalking elders, weaponized “good example” theology, and the moment she chose safety over image. Abby also remembers her brother Elijah and how losing him during COVID cracked the last pieces of belief and the wild grace of her son being born on Elijah’s birthday. This one sits with grief, names misogyny, and celebrates reclamation: choosing the present over paradise, boundaries over guilt, and a life she built herself.
Themes: religious trauma, love-bombing, coercive control, shunning, boundaries, grief, rebuilding, chosen family, parenting after high-control groups
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Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
19-Above Water: Freedom, Friction, and Finding Your Compass - Dustin Returns
Content note: Mentions religious trauma, suicide, and substance use. In the U.S., dial or text 988 for support. Derek and Trinity welcome back Dustin Jetmore for a raw check-in since disassociating from …
Notes de l’épisode
Content note: Mentions religious trauma, suicide, and substance use. In the U.S., dial or text 988 for support.
Derek and Trinity welcome back Dustin Jetmore for a raw check-in since disassociating from Jehovah’s Witnesses (letter July 4, announcement July 10). We revisit the 2019 Love Never Fails convention, Derek’s last through the moment the veil lifts: choreographed “love,” scripted routes, even restroom control. Derek also shares the day his dad survived a heart event in the stands thanks to a wearable defibrillator vest.
Then, life on the surface:
“You’re a natural human, you break at natural points, then get reprimanded for it.”
Trinity’s metaphor: waking up is breaking the ocean and hitting sunlight then learning to breathe there.
Take it back: head high on your own street even when a neighbor invites Janelle to a Sunday talk (and likely counts time).
Shunning in a tiny bagel shop (including Dustin’s 13-year-old).
Roles after leaving: from hierarchy to partnership; how the head-of-household script breeds chauvinism—and why some narcissists thrived in it.
Therapy, triggers, and grounding: meditation/yoga (once “demonic”) now tools—plus the reality that not every tool fits every brain.
Mental overload: the spiral of over-processing, decision-fatigue, and learning when to simply shut the brain off without numbing out.
Trinity’s sobriety note: sober since April 21, 2023 and learning to live with an always-on mind without alcohol.
Firsts without guilt: horror movies, pluralism (10k+ gods; belief shaped by where/when you’re born), and choosing your own lane with an internal compass.
After the shock: the candy-room phase (no rules!) → balance and cycles/lulls after a big life high.
Shrinking support networks, learning to voice pain, and asking for help.
Looking ahead: a 25th anniversary as “free folk,” curiosity as fuel, and the permission to reassess every parameter of life.
Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
18-PIMO to POMO: Drag, Therapy, and Saying No with Juan
Juan spent years PIMO—Physically In, Mentally Out, performing the part while hiding his truest self. We trace the pressure to baptize, the “bad association” rules that killed sports and friendships, and how …
Notes de l’épisode
Juan spent years PIMO—Physically In, Mentally Out, performing the part while hiding his truest self. We trace the pressure to baptize, the “bad association” rules that killed sports and friendships, and how family + culture can be weaponized to keep you compliant. Therapy (and the XJW community) gave him language for boundaries and room to say who he is: pansexual, a drag artist, and done pretending.
When his parents discovered his drag clothes, everything snapped into focus. He left in a storm, crossed a state line, and celebrated his first night out at an LGBTQ bar. The next morning: a quiet apartment, mattress on the floor, and a new kind of silence, freedom. We talk last-assembly loneliness (“900 people and I’ve never felt so alone”), Noah’s Ark scare tactics, moving out without a goodbye, coping and lows (including cannabis), naming anxiety (Lexapro), finding community, first drag gigs (and the high of stage lights), Halloween joy (trick-or-treating at 23), and why history isn’t anti-queer.
Juan’s north star now: keep performing, set real goals (“a dream becomes a goal when you write the steps”), and advocate so other XJWs know they’re not alone.Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon
Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
17-Growing Beyond the Box with Micah Allen Losh
Author–poet Micah Allen Losh (Mentally Diseased, The Apostasy Trilogy) joins Derek for an unflinching look at life inside a doomsday faith and the long road out. Micah reads a poem written during 77 days in …
Notes de l’épisode
Author–poet Micah Allen Losh (Mentally Diseased, The Apostasy Trilogy) joins Derek for an unflinching look at life inside a doomsday faith and the long road out.
Micah reads a poem written during 77 days in jail his first sober stretch in years and traces the journey from a childhood of constant Armageddon fear and being labeled “blood guilty” to the moment he could say: “That person no longer exists.” He shares how his father died loyal to the blood doctrine, how he dissociated at seven giving a Bible reading, and how he was baptized four months after the funeral hoping to get his dad back.
When compassion was needed, cruelty answered: an elder dismissed his suicide plan, another spread a false threat rumor, his mother evicted him, and elders told him to “move into a shelter.” A marriage kept secret from in-laws collapsed into binge drinking during a pandemic he feared was Armageddon and even glancing at “apostate” material felt dangerous after years of being told not to trust his own mind.
Under a bridge, a line from The Office snapped him awake “The fallacy is that the steamroller decides whether the object is destroyed.” Micah chose to live for his son and publish a book. When an agent vanished, he went DIY: ten self-edits, a lawyer review, an indie editor, and a cover by ex-JW artist Sarah Riches—half boy, half man. He released it on his 40th birthday to reclaim it. A friend’s message stopped a planned suicide; soon after, readers wrote to say his book helped them stop drinking.
Micah’s art became a trail of breadcrumbs back to himself his first poem tattooed in his own handwriting, early pieces once rejected by his mother now guiding his rebirth. He purged every symbol of the past, rebuilt his values from zero, and learned that authenticity attracts the right people and repels the wrong. These days, he savors small joys a Halloween movie with his son, a post-book cigar and lives by the belief that strength is kindness.
He’s found his tribe, even if it’s a small one and people who connect through shared art, music, and story. One decision to stop self-destructing created a chain of unexpected good: reconnections, creative freedom, and a new sense of peace.
Since Mentally Diseased: poetry collection Gangrenous Speeches, a horror allegory, a 99¢ e-book on deconstruction, a children’s book (The Boy Who Loved a Monster), a Witness Underground producer credit, and new fiction including Malachites, a satire built on logical fallacies. He calls high-control life the square-watermelon box growth forced to fit. Leaving that box led to sobriety on his own terms—nearly five years as of Sept 2—and a life built on chosen values and a community of ex-believers determined to be better.
Find Micah at MicahAllenLosh.com with links to his books, blog, interviews, Threads, Instagram, TikTok, and active Facebook. Archived Twitter/X content also available.16-Smooth Operator to the New Personality: A solo chat with Mitch
Derek sits down for a solo chat with Mitch (@exjdub) an elder’s kid who spent decades performing inside Jehovah’s Witnesses to talk about abuse, denial, power, and the long work of becoming real. For the first …
Notes de l’épisode
Derek sits down for a solo chat with Mitch (@exjdub) an elder’s kid who spent decades performing inside Jehovah’s Witnesses to talk about abuse, denial, power, and the long work of becoming real. For the first time publicly, Mitch shares the abuse he endured, the moment his abuser said “I don’t remember it never happened,” the night he numbed out with a bottle of rum, and why therapy finally helped him name the patterns: chasing control, emotional entanglements, ghosting with the “high of the hunt.”
We also get candid about ego and authority in the org (wanting the mic, telling a coordinator “I want to be COBE”), race and belonging across Chicago/Houston → rural Georgia/Atlanta, being an elder’s child, self-reporting/shame cycles, and the ever-moving “generations” goalpost. Mitch shares the grief of losing his sister, choosing not to destabilize his aging parents’ faith, fading on his own terms in Dec 2024 after years of being PIMO, and why accountability not shame changed him.
In the back half, Mitch and Derek sit with uncertainty: afterlife, agnostic hope, and Jung’s individuation—the hard work of stripping off programming to find the authentic self. “Sometimes it’s a step forward, two back…but we keep moving.”
Find Mitch: @exjdub everywhere
Raw, unpolished, and hopeful—an episode about breaking silence, naming power, and choosing real life.
Disclaimer:
The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy.Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.
Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.
You are not alone.
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