The Psychology of Relationships
- Épisodes
- 55
- Parution
- hebdomadaire
- Dernier épisode
- 12 Nov 2026
À propos du podcast
Every couple has a story: the sparks, the late-night talks, the fights about nothing, and the moments that change everything. So why do some relationships thrive while others fall apart? The answer isn’t luck; it’s psychology. Join Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, hosts of the hit podcast Dateable and authors of the book 'How to Be Dateable,' as they navigate this next phase of long-term committed relationships. Together with leading experts in the field, they'll explore what science really tells us about love, conflict, and connection — and translate it into tools you can actually use.
Épisodes 55
How Friendships Evolve: Navigating Different Relationship Stages Without Growing Apart w/ Danielle Bayard Jackson
Romantic relationships often get the spotlight, but our friendships can be just as important to our happiness, well-being, and sense of belonging. So why do we sometimes treat friendship as secondary to finding …
Notes de l’épisode
Romantic relationships often get the spotlight, but our friendships can be just as important to our happiness, well-being, and sense of belonging. So why do we sometimes treat friendship as secondary to finding love? Julie & Yue are joined by Danielle Bayard Jackson, friendship educator and author of Fighting for Our Friendships, to explore the psychology of women’s friendships and what it takes to build and maintain meaningful connections. Together, they discuss how friendships evolve, how to show up for the people we care about, and how to navigate the harder parts of friendship, from conflict and exclusion to loneliness and growing apart.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why friendships are essential to our happiness, health, and sense of belonging
- How to navigate the different stages of friendship as life changes
- How to support a friend in a way that actually makes them feel heard
- How to handle friendship conflict, exclusion, and friend breakups
- How to maintain meaningful friendships when you and your friends enter different stages of life
To learn more about Danielle, follow her at @daniellebayardjackson and learn more about her work at ttps://www.betterfemalefriendships.com/
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
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Being single can feel like living in the waiting room of your own life, especially when you’re constantly told to enjoy the present while searching for your future partner. Julie & Yue are joined by Dr. Jenny …
Notes de l’épisode
Being single can feel like living in the waiting room of your own life, especially when you’re constantly told to enjoy the present while searching for your future partner. Julie & Yue are joined by Dr. Jenny Taitz, clinical psychologist and author, to explore how to find happiness while single without giving up on the desire for love. She shares science-based strategies for challenging unhelpful thought patterns, enjoying your own company, and building a fulfilling life that doesn’t depend on relationship status.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to stop treating being single as a waiting period
- Why being in a relationship doesn’t automatically make you happier
- How to challenge the thoughts that make being single harder
- Practical ways to enjoy your own company and build a fulfilling life
- How the skills you develop while single can strengthen future relationships
To learn more about Dr. Jenny Taitz, follow her @drjennytaitz and visit www.jennytaitz.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
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What if the healthiest relationship isn’t the one that follows the traditional blueprint—but the one that actually fits the people in it? Julie & Yue are joined by relationship coach and educator Ellecia Paine …
Notes de l’épisode
What if the healthiest relationship isn’t the one that follows the traditional blueprint—but the one that actually fits the people in it? Julie & Yue are joined by relationship coach and educator Ellecia Paine to explore how inherited expectations can shape the way we think relationships are “supposed” to look. Together, they unpack how to question those assumptions, communicate what you genuinely want, and intentionally create a partnership that allows both people to feel fulfilled rather than simply successful on paper.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How inherited expectations shape our relationships
- Why wanting something different doesn’t mean you’re asking too much
- How to identify the relationship “shoulds” you’ve internalized
- Why there’s no single blueprint for a healthy partnership
- How to intentionally create a relationship where both people can thrive
To learn more about Ellecia Paine, follow her @elleciapaine and visit www.elleciapaine.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacySingle on Purpose: How to Stop Waiting for a Relationship to Start Your Life w/ John Kim
Being single can easily feel like something we’re supposed to endure until we find someone—but what if it’s actually an opportunity to build a life you genuinely love? Julie & Yue are joined by John Kim …
Notes de l’épisode
Being single can easily feel like something we’re supposed to endure until we find someone—but what if it’s actually an opportunity to build a life you genuinely love? Julie & Yue are joined by John Kim, licensed therapist and author of Single On Purpose, to explore what happens when we stop treating partnership as the finish line. From rebuilding your relationship with yourself to “masturdating,” John offers a different way to think about singlehood, self-growth, and ultimately partnership.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely
- How to build a fulfilling life outside of partnership
- Why we sometimes stop growing once we enter relationships
- What “masturdating” can teach you about yourself
- How a stronger relationship with yourself changes your relationships with others
To learn more about John Kim, follow him @theangrytherapist and visit www.theangrytherapist.com.
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacyThe Psychology of Better Sex: How Intimacy Can Strengthen Your Relationship w/ Dr. Ian Kerner
A fulfilling sex life isn’t just about chemistry or technique—it’s about feeling comfortable enough to communicate, explore, and be vulnerable with each other. Julie & Yue are joined by licensed psychotherapist …
Notes de l’épisode
A fulfilling sex life isn’t just about chemistry or technique—it’s about feeling comfortable enough to communicate, explore, and be vulnerable with each other. Julie & Yue are joined by licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, to explore how couples can use sex as an opportunity for deeper connection. From becoming more “cliterate” to expanding our understanding of pleasure beyond intercourse, Ian offers a practical look at creating more satisfying and connected intimacy.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why communication is essential to a satisfying sex life
- What it means to become more “cliterate”
- Why pleasure goes far beyond intercourse
- How couples can explore intimacy without pressure
- How sexual connection can strengthen emotional intimacy
To learn more about Ian Kerner, visit www.iankerner.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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When does wanting love become needing it? For some people, relationships can become a source of obsession, validation, and emotional dependence—making it difficult to feel secure without another person. Julie & …
Notes de l’épisode
When does wanting love become needing it? For some people, relationships can become a source of obsession, validation, and emotional dependence—making it difficult to feel secure without another person. Julie & Yue are joined by Sherry Gaba, LCSW, psychotherapist and relationship addiction expert, to unpack the psychology behind love addiction and the patterns that can keep people chasing connection at the expense of themselves.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to recognize the difference between love and love addiction
- Why some people become dependent on romantic validation
- How low self-worth can fuel unhealthy relationship patterns
- Why being alone can feel so uncomfortable
- How to rebuild self-trust and a sense of wholeness
To learn more about Sherry Gaba, follow her @codependencycurious and visit www.sherrygaba.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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What if the parts of yourself you’ve spent years trying to fix are actually connected to your greatest strengths? Julie & Yue are joined by psychotherapist and Deeper Dating author Ken Page to explore how our …
Notes de l’épisode
What if the parts of yourself you’ve spent years trying to fix are actually connected to your greatest strengths? Julie & Yue are joined by psychotherapist and Deeper Dating author Ken Page to explore how our perceived flaws can point toward the qualities that make us most authentic, passionate, and alive. Rather than trying to become more lovable, we explore what happens when we recognize our core gifts, embrace the parts of ourselves we’ve learned to hide, and choose relationships where those qualities can truly be appreciated.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How your perceived flaws can reveal your greatest gifts
- Why trying to become more lovable can backfire
- How to recognize the qualities that make you uniquely you
- Why authenticity can lead to stronger relationships
- How to find connections where your gifts are genuinely valued
To learn more about Ken Page, follow him @deeper.dating and visit www.deeperdating.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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We’re often taught that being in a relationship is the goal—but what if partnership isn’t something we need in order to have a fulfilling life? Julie & Yue are joined by Simone Milasas and Brendon Watt …
Notes de l’épisode
We’re often taught that being in a relationship is the goal—but what if partnership isn’t something we need in order to have a fulfilling life? Julie & Yue are joined by Simone Milasas and Brendon Watt, co-authors of Relationship.: Are You Sure You Want One?, to challenge the idea that being partnered is inherently better than being single. After consciously uncoupling from their own long-term relationship, they share what they learned about choosing partnership, creating a meaningful life independently, and redefining what a successful relationship can look like.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why we’re so conditioned to believe we need a relationship
- How to tell the difference between wanting a partner and needing one
- Why a fulfilling life doesn’t have to revolve around romantic partnership
- What makes a relationship genuinely enhance your life
- How to choose relationships from desire and intention rather than fear or expectation
To learn more about Simone Milasas and Brendon Watt, visit www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Attachment styles have become one of the most popular ways to understand relationships—but they’re often reduced to a few labels on social media. Julie & Yue are joined by licensed marriage and family therapist …
Notes de l’épisode
Attachment styles have become one of the most popular ways to understand relationships—but they’re often reduced to a few labels on social media. Julie & Yue are joined by licensed marriage and family therapist Lauren Korshak to take a closer look at what attachment theory actually tells us about love, closeness, and security. Rather than treating attachment as a fixed identity, we explore how our patterns develop, why insecurity can show up even in secure relationships, and how awareness can help us create more compassionate and connected partnerships.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What attachment theory actually tells us about relationships
- How anxious and avoidant patterns develop
- Why even securely attached people can feel insecure
- How attachment patterns can change over time
- How to use attachment as a tool rather than a label
To learn more about Lauren Korshak, visit https://www.lovewellsf.com/
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacyMoney & Relationships: What Financial Compatibility Really Means for Couples w/ Joe Gavazza
Money can create some of the biggest tensions in a relationship—but the conflict usually isn’t just about money. It’s about what money represents: security, freedom, control, priorities, and the future you want …
Notes de l’épisode
Money can create some of the biggest tensions in a relationship—but the conflict usually isn’t just about money. It’s about what money represents: security, freedom, control, priorities, and the future you want to build together. Julie & Yue are joined by Joe Gavazza of Gavazza Wealth Management to explore what financial compatibility really looks like and how couples can talk about spending, saving, debt, and long-term goals before they become sources of conflict.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What financial compatibility actually means beyond income
- How your money mindset can shape your relationship
- How to talk about spending, saving, and debt
- Why financial transparency can strengthen trust
- How couples can create greater alignment around their future
To learn more about Joe Gavazza, visit www.gavazza.com.
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacyRelationship Self-Sabotage: Why We Push Away the Love We Actually Want w/ Dr. Raquel Peel
Sometimes the things we do to protect ourselves from getting hurt are the very things that create distance in our relationships. Julie & Yue are joined by psychologist and relationship researcher Dr. Raquel …
Notes de l’épisode
Sometimes the things we do to protect ourselves from getting hurt are the very things that create distance in our relationships. Julie & Yue are joined by psychologist and relationship researcher Dr. Raquel Peel to explore why we sometimes sabotage healthy relationships, from pulling away when things get serious to criticizing, becoming defensive, or shutting down when we feel vulnerable. Together, they unpack the Four Horsemen and how greater self-awareness can help us respond differently before protective patterns become relationship-ending habits.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why we sometimes sabotage relationships that are actually healthy
- How fear and self-protection can create relationship problems
- What the Four Horsemen reveal about relationship conflict
- How to recognize your own self-sabotaging patterns
- Ways to respond with more vulnerability and intention
To learn more about Dr. Raquel Peel, visit https://www.raquelpeel.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Most people enter relationships without ever being taught the skills needed to sustain one. Communication, conflict, intimacy, and emotional responsibility are often learned through trial and error instead of …
Notes de l’épisode
Most people enter relationships without ever being taught the skills needed to sustain one. Communication, conflict, intimacy, and emotional responsibility are often learned through trial and error instead of intention. Dr. Alexandra Solomon—licensed therapist, professor at Northwestern University, and author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back—joins Julie & Yue to explore the lessons behind her popular course Marriage 101. Rather than focusing on finding “the one,” her work centers on becoming “the one” through self-awareness, emotional growth, and relational skill-building.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why self-awareness is essential for healthy relationships
- How family history shapes the way we love
- Why conflict is something to work through, not avoid
- The role emotional and sexual intimacy play in long-term love
- What differentiation means and why it matters in relationships
To learn more about Dr. Alexandra Solomon, follow her @dralexandrasolomon and visit dralexandrasolomon.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacyThe New Science of Emergent Love: How to Build Relationships That Grow Instead of Collapse w/ Dr. Sara Nasserzadi
What if healthy relationships require more than simply falling in love? Many traditional relationship models teach couples to merge into one shared identity, but that approach can sometimes weaken connection …
Notes de l’épisode
What if healthy relationships require more than simply falling in love? Many traditional relationship models teach couples to merge into one shared identity, but that approach can sometimes weaken connection instead of strengthening it. Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, social psychologist and author of Love by Design, joins Julie & Yue to introduce the Emergent Love Model—a more intentional framework for lasting partnership. She explains why thriving relationships allow both people to continue evolving individually while building a meaningful life together.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The difference between emergent and submergent relationships
- Why “becoming one” can sometimes weaken connection
- The six ingredients that support lasting love
- How intentional partnership differs from passive expectation
- Ways to approach relationships with more clarity and design
To learn more about Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, follow her @dr.saranasserzadeh and visit https://www.sara-nasserzadeh.com/
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacySex Talks: The Five Conversations Every Couple Needs To Transform Their Love Life w/ Vanessa and Xander Marin
Sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship—and one of the hardest topics for couples to talk about openly. Vanessa Marin, licensed psychotherapist and author of Sex Talks, joins Julie & Yue …
Notes de l’épisode
Sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship—and one of the hardest topics for couples to talk about openly. Vanessa Marin, licensed psychotherapist and author of Sex Talks, joins Julie & Yue alongside her husband and collaborator Xander Marin to unpack why conversations around intimacy often feel so uncomfortable, and how avoidance can quietly create distance in relationships. Together, they explore how communication, emotional safety, and vulnerability shape intimacy far beyond the physical side of sex.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why so many couples struggle to talk about sex openly
- How avoidance impacts intimacy and emotional connection
- Ways to communicate needs without shame or pressure
- Why emotional safety is essential for a healthy sex life
- How better conversations can strengthen intimacy overall
To learn more about Vanessa and Xander Marin, follow them @vanessaandxander and visit vmtherapy.com.
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacyHow to Break Toxic Relationship Cycles for Good w/ Pharaoh Kyle
After enough painful relationships, many people start asking the same question: why do I keep ending up here? Pharaoh Kyle, spiritual coach and entrepreneur, joins Julie & Yue to explore how toxic relationship …
Notes de l’épisode
After enough painful relationships, many people start asking the same question: why do I keep ending up here? Pharaoh Kyle, spiritual coach and entrepreneur, joins Julie & Yue to explore how toxic relationship patterns form, why people ignore red flags, and what it takes to break unhealthy cycles. He shares how emotional wounds and lost self-trust can keep people stuck in dynamics that no longer serve them—and how healing those patterns can lead to healthier, more aligned relationships moving forward.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The common signs of toxic relationship patterns
- Why people ignore red flags and stay stuck
- How to rebuild trust in yourself after unhealthy relationships
- What keeps old relational cycles repeating
- Tools for healing and choosing healthier connections moving forward
To learn more about Pharaoh Kyle, follow him @pharaohkyle and visit pharaohkyle.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacyThe Science Behind Knowing Yourself: How Self-Awareness Changes the Way You Love w/ Dr Tasha Eurich
Most people believe they’re self-aware—but research shows we’re often far less aware of our patterns, behaviors, and impact on others than we think. Dr. Tasha Eurich, organizational psychologist, researcher …
Notes de l’épisode
Most people believe they’re self-aware—but research shows we’re often far less aware of our patterns, behaviors, and impact on others than we think. Dr. Tasha Eurich, organizational psychologist, researcher, and bestselling author of Insight, joins Julie & Yue to explore how self-awareness shapes relationships, communication, and long-term compatibility. She explains why the gap between how we see ourselves and how others experience us can quietly influence attraction, conflict, and connection—and how increasing awareness can change the way we show up in relationships.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The difference between internal and external self-awareness
- Why most people overestimate how self-aware they are
- How self-awareness impacts attraction and communication
- Why asking “what” instead of “why” creates more change
- Ways to become more conscious of your relationship patterns
To learn more about Dr. Tasha Eurich, follow her @tashaeurich and visit tashaeurich.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
* Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacyHow To Avoid That Big Breakup or Divorce: The Relationship Warning Signs Most Couples Miss w/ Matthew Fray
Relationships rarely end because of one major event. More often, they slowly break down through small moments where one partner feels dismissed, unseen, or emotionally unsupported. Matthew Fray, relationship …
Notes de l’épisode
Relationships rarely end because of one major event. More often, they slowly break down through small moments where one partner feels dismissed, unseen, or emotionally unsupported. Matthew Fray, relationship coach and author of This Is How Your Marriage Ends, joins Julie & Yue to unpack the lessons behind his viral article An Open Letter to Shtty Husbands*. He shares how emotional neglect quietly erodes connection, why these patterns often go unnoticed until it’s too late, and what it actually takes to become a more present, emotionally aware partner.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How emotional neglect quietly damages relationships
- Why small dismissive moments matter more than people realize
- The hidden warning signs relationships are struggling
- How these patterns can begin long before marriage
- Ways to become a more emotionally present partner
To learn more about Matthew Fray, follow him @frayrelationships and visit matthewfray.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
* Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacyCreating Chemistry: The Hidden Signals of Attraction and Connection w/ Vanessa Van Edwards
Chemistry isn’t always something you either have or don’t – it’s often shaped by behavior, body language, and the subtle signals people send without realizing it. Vanessa Van Edwards, behavioral researcher …
Notes de l’épisode
Chemistry isn’t always something you either have or don’t – it’s often shaped by behavior, body language, and the subtle signals people send without realizing it. Vanessa Van Edwards, behavioral researcher, bestselling author of Cues and Captivate, and founder of Science of People, joins Julie & Yue to break down how to read attraction signals and build deeper connections. She explains how first impressions, micro-signals, and social cues influence attraction and trust within seconds, and why understanding these behaviors can completely change the way we connect with others.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How first impressions shape attraction and connection
- The subtle cues people send without realizing it
- Why some interactions feel natural while others feel forced
- How body language impacts chemistry and trust
- Ways to create stronger connection without trying so hard
To learn more about Vanessa Van Edwards, follow her @vvanedwards and visit scienceofpeople.com
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Most of us grow up believing love should feel effortless if we meet the “right” person. But many of the relationship stories we absorb through romcoms and pop culture don’t actually reflect how healthy …
Notes de l’épisode
Most of us grow up believing love should feel effortless if we meet the “right” person. But many of the relationship stories we absorb through romcoms and pop culture don’t actually reflect how healthy relationships work. Relationship scientists Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel join Julie & Yue to unpack what movies get right—and wrong—about attraction, compatibility, and long-term connection. Together, they explore the myths shaping modern relationships and what science says actually creates lasting love.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What romcoms get wrong about compatibility and attraction
- Why “the spark” isn’t always a reliable predictor of long-term success
- How modern expectations may be hurting relationships
- What relationship science says actually builds lasting love
- Why healthy relationships are often less effortless than we expect
To learn more about Paul Eastwick, follow him @paulweastwick and visit https://pauleastwick.com/. To learn more about Eli Finkel, follow him @elfinkel and visit elifinkel.com.
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Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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Communication is often called the foundation of healthy relationships—but most people were never actually taught how to communicate effectively when emotions run high. Sandy Weiner, relationship coach, author …
Notes de l’épisode
Communication is often called the foundation of healthy relationships—but most people were never actually taught how to communicate effectively when emotions run high. Sandy Weiner, relationship coach, author, and host of The Last First Date Radio podcast, joins Julie & Yue to explore the four communication archetypes and what they reveal about the way we handle conflict, emotional triggers, and connection. She explains why communication patterns are often tied to nervous system responses, attachment styles, and past relationship experiences—and how healthier communication can be learned through awareness and practice.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The four communication archetypes and how to identify yours
- Why conflict can feel so emotionally triggering
- How attachment patterns shape communication under stress
- Ways to express needs without aggression or withdrawal
- How to become a more effective and emotionally aware communicator
To learn more about Sandy Weiner, follow her @lastfirstdate1 and visit lastfirstdate.com
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Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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The biggest factor shaping your relationships may not be the other person—it may be the version of you that shows up in connection. Lair Torrent, LMFT and author of The Practice of Love, joins Julie & Yue to …
Notes de l’épisode
The biggest factor shaping your relationships may not be the other person—it may be the version of you that shows up in connection. Lair Torrent, LMFT and author of The Practice of Love, joins Julie & Yue to explore the different “parts” of ourselves that emerge in dating and relationships, from grounded and open to anxious or guarded. He explains how past experiences and emotional patterns influence the way we connect, and how mindfulness can help us recognize these shifts before they quietly shape our relationships.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why different versions of yourself show up in relationships
- How trauma and past experiences shape connection
- The role mindfulness plays in dating and communication
- How protective behaviors can create disconnection
- Ways to bring more awareness and authenticity into relationships
To learn more about Lair Torrent, follow him @lairtorrentholistictherapist and visit https://www.lairtorrent.com
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Our Sponsors:
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Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences in relationships—but the psychology behind why people cheat is often far more complex than betrayal alone. Dr. Nicolle Zapien, licensed psychotherapist and sex …
Notes de l’épisode
Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences in relationships—but the psychology behind why people cheat is often far more complex than betrayal alone. Dr. Nicolle Zapien, licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist, joins Julie & Yue to unpack the emotional, relational, and psychological factors that can lead to infidelity. Together, they explore what cheating reveals about attachment, unmet needs, emotional disconnection, and personal responsibility, along with the difficult question many couples face afterward: can trust truly be rebuilt?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The most common psychological drivers behind infidelity
- Why some people may be more prone to cheating patterns
- How unmet needs and emotional disconnection play a role
- What rebuilding trust after betrayal actually requires
- How to determine whether reconciliation is possible
To learn more about Dr. Nicolle Zapien visit https://www.drzapien.com/
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Love can make us believe that if the feelings are strong enough, everything else will work itself out. But lasting relationships require more than chemistry or attraction. Mark Manson, bestselling author of The …
Notes de l’épisode
Love can make us believe that if the feelings are strong enough, everything else will work itself out. But lasting relationships require more than chemistry or attraction. Mark Manson, bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* and Love Is Not Enough, joins Julie & Yue to unpack why people stay stuck in situationships, chase unavailable partners, or settle for relationships that no longer serve them. He explains why compatibility matters just as much as passion, how emotional patterns keep us repeating the same cycles, and why healthy relationships require both emotional connection and practical alignment.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why love alone doesn’t guarantee a healthy relationship
- How compatibility differs from chemistry and attraction
- Why people stay stuck in unhealthy relationship dynamics
- The role emotional patterns play in repeating cycles
- How to approach relationships with both heart and clarity
To learn more about Mark Manson, follow him @markmanson and visit markmanson.net
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Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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Breakups have a way of forcing us to confront the patterns we often avoid seeing in relationships. Whether it’s a slow fade, an almost-relationship, or a breakup you never fully processed, endings can reveal a …
Notes de l’épisode
Breakups have a way of forcing us to confront the patterns we often avoid seeing in relationships. Whether it’s a slow fade, an almost-relationship, or a breakup you never fully processed, endings can reveal a lot about attachment, emotional availability, and the dynamics we keep repeating. John Kim—licensed therapist, author of Breakup. On Purpose., and host of The Angry Therapist podcast—joins Julie & Yue to unpack the psychology behind modern breakups and why endings can become powerful catalysts for growth instead of proof of failure.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why some relationships slowly lose momentum over time
- The psychology behind almost-relationships and ambiguity
- How attachment patterns shape breakups and healing
- Why endings can create opportunities for self-awareness
- How to move forward with more clarity and emotional insight
To learn more about John Kim, follow him @theangrytherapist and visit theangrytherapist.com
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Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacyBreaking Free from Anxious Attachment: Calming Your Nervous System in Love w/ Kirstie Taylor
Do you find yourself overthinking, seeking constant reassurance, or fearing abandonment when dating or in relationships? These patterns often signal an anxious attachment style—but anxiety doesn’t have to …
Notes de l’épisode
Do you find yourself overthinking, seeking constant reassurance, or fearing abandonment when dating or in relationships? These patterns often signal an anxious attachment style—but anxiety doesn’t have to control your love life. In this episode, Kirstie Taylor, dating coach, writer, and author of What I Wish I Knew About Love, breaks down why anxiety heightens sensitivity to shifts in connection, how it impacts communication and conflict, and how to distinguish intuition from fear-driven reactions. In this episode, we share practical tools to strengthen self-trust, regulate anxious thoughts, and reshape core beliefs about love and worthiness.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• How anxious attachment shapes your experiences in relationships
• Why reassurance-seeking and overthinking happen
• How to tell fear-driven reactions from intuition
• Tools to strengthen self-trust and emotional regulation
• How to build secure, fulfilling connection from the inside out
To learn more about Kirstie Taylor, follow her @kirstietaylorr and visit https://kirstietaylor.com
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Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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Divorce. For some, it’s a lived experience. For others, it’s a quiet fear in the back of every serious relationship. In this episode, divorce expert and coach Alicia Robertson reframes the “D word” as a turning …
Notes de l’épisode
Divorce. For some, it’s a lived experience. For others, it’s a quiet fear in the back of every serious relationship. In this episode, divorce expert and coach Alicia Robertson reframes the “D word” as a turning point rather than a failure. She explains how fear of endings can keep people stuck in misaligned relationships or avoiding love altogether, and how understanding these fears can lead to growth, clarity, and deeper self-trust. Alicia also shares practical strategies for moving forward, healing past narratives, and approaching relationships from a place of alignment and confidence.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• Why fear of divorce can hold you back in relationships
• How identity, shame, and cultural narratives shape relationship fears
• Strategies for moving on without bitterness
• How to approach new relationships with clarity and self-trust
• Why endings can create space for more aligned love
To learn more about Alicia Robertson, follow her @lemonadelifecoach and visit https://lemonadelife.ca/
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Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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Ever feel like you keep ending up with the same “type” of partner even when it hasn’t worked out before? You might be unconsciously choosing the wrong people and repeating patterns that keep you stuck. Julie & …
Notes de l’épisode
Ever feel like you keep ending up with the same “type” of partner even when it hasn’t worked out before? You might be unconsciously choosing the wrong people and repeating patterns that keep you stuck. Julie & Yue are joined by Marc Sholes, Psychotherapist and author of Reset Your Romantic GPS, to explore why we’re drawn to familiar but unfulfilling partner types. He explains the ways attachment styles influence our choices, why awareness can help you break the cycle, and how to distinguish a rough patch from true incompatibility—so you can make healthier, more fulfilling relationship choices.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• Why you keep choosing the same “type” of partner
• How attachment styles shape your patterns
• Signs a relationship is worth working through versus letting go
• Practical strategies to identify triggers and subconscious tendencies
• How to make choices that lead to healthier, more aligned relationships
To learn more about Marc Sholes, follow him @marcsholes and visit https://marcsholeslcsw.com/
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Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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Early experiences quietly shape how we attach, communicate, and handle conflict in adult relationships—without us even realizing it. In this episode, Vienna Pharaon, marriage and family therapist and author of …
Notes de l’épisode
Early experiences quietly shape how we attach, communicate, and handle conflict in adult relationships—without us even realizing it. In this episode, Vienna Pharaon, marriage and family therapist and author of The Origins of You, explores the five core childhood wounds many carry into adulthood. She explains how these wounds can appear as avoidance, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, or staying stuck in unhealthy patterns—and why they were protective strategies, not flaws. Vienna also shares practical tools to heal these patterns so your past informs you without defining your future.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• The five core childhood wounds and how they show up in relationships
• Why early protective strategies can later limit intimacy
• How attachment styles, emotional triggers, and beliefs about love are formed
• Tools for identifying the narratives driving your relationship choices
• How to heal old patterns to build healthier, more connected relationships
To learn more about Vienna Pharaon, follow @mindfulmft and visit https://viennapharaon.com/
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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Strong, lasting relationships aren’t just about chemistry or shared interests—they’re about how we relate to each other every day. Julie & Yue sit down with Dr. Adam Bandelli, psychologist and relational …
Notes de l’épisode
Strong, lasting relationships aren’t just about chemistry or shared interests—they’re about how we relate to each other every day. Julie & Yue sit down with Dr. Adam Bandelli, psychologist and relational intelligence expert, to dive into why relational intelligence is essential for deep, meaningful connections. He shows how tuning into your partner’s emotions, responding with empathy, and communicating with intention can deepen trust, create emotional safety, and help your relationship grow stronger over time. Dr. Bandelli also breaks down the five core skills of relational intelligence, showing why empathy, attunement, and rapport impact the relationship from its early stages to months and decades in.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• What Relational Intelligence is and why it matters
• The five essential skills for building trust and connection
• Why empathy and attunement matter more than chemistry
• How relational intelligence strengthens intimacy
• Ways to make your relationship more resilient
To learn more about Dr. Adam Bandelli, follow him @adambandelli and visit https://bandelliandassociates.com
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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For decades, the 5 Love Languages have shaped how we understand connection—but relationships, culture, and expectations have evolved, and our framework for love might need an update. In this episode, Molly …
Notes de l’épisode
For decades, the 5 Love Languages have shaped how we understand connection—but relationships, culture, and expectations have evolved, and our framework for love might need an update. In this episode, Molly Owens, CEO and founder of Truity, introduces the 7 Love Styles, a modern evolution of how we give and receive love. She explains why love languages still resonate, where they fall short today, and how these updated styles reflect changes in identity, communication, and partnership dynamics. Molly explains what your love style reveals about your relational strengths and areas for growth—and how that awareness can transform the way you show up in relationships, both new and long-term.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• Why love languages still matter – and what they miss today
• How the 7 Love Styles reflect modern relationship dynamics
• The connection between love styles and attachment, personality, and emotional patterns
• How misreading love styles creates friction and disconnection
• How awareness of your style (and your partners) can deepen communication and intimacy
To learn more about Truity, follow @truitylabs and take the assessment at https://www.truity.com/test/love-styles-test
Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW
Our Sponsors:
* Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show!
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