Metaperception & Fear: How to Move Forward Anyway

I have been genuinely nervous to publish lately. Which is ridiculous, given the size of my audience. But the reality is I put all of these pressures on myself externally, around what people think of me.

Where I found my whimsy in the world this summer, I lost the whimsy of creating. I’ve been living quite extraordinarily by my standards this year, and I’ve come across some incredible humans along the way. In those little moments of living, I’ve had a lot of big conversations about how our perception of how people perceive us is actually how we see ourselves.

There’s a name for that and it’s called metaperception.

What Is Metaperception?

Metaperception is what we believe other people think of us - not what they actually think. It’s a construct. A guess our brain makes and then treats like evidence.

Here’s the problem: we don’t have the facts of how people see us. Our brain creates a reality we aren’t always backing it up with actual proof. Think of it like being on trial and having to defend your thoughts with real evidence. As keen as I am on understanding our feelings, I’m also acutely aware that sometimes our feelings lie. If you were asked for proof, sometimes you would not be able to provide it other than “that’s how I feel.”

Why It Matters

If you’re making decisions — about your work, your voice, your next move — based on a story your brain invented about what other people think, you’re not actually making a choice.

You’re managing an imagined jury.

This is where fear-based decision-making lives. The amygdala flags a perceived social threat before your prefrontal cortex has a chance to weigh in with actual evidence. Your nervous system reacts to the story as if it’s already happened. That’s the mechanism behind cognitive reappraisal work - learning to catch the story before it runs the show, and asking it to prove itself.

One of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten is that I show people how to live boldly and be authentically themselves. Recently, someone asked me how I do that for myself. His follow up question was asking how I find the discipline to keep doing it over and over again.

So that’s what I’ve written about today, as I reintegrate into something that actually terrifies me: being seen for my big old brain that doesn’t always have the words to appropriately express my understanding of the world.

The Allure of the Excuse

I am an example whore, so I’ll give you one in regards to this metaperception.

I haven’t posted in over a month. I was really afraid to post again. I sat with that and asked myself the incredibly obvious question: why am I afraid to post again? The answer came down to I was afraid people would judge me for taking a month off. They would call me lazy and not dedicated.

Great. Now I know why I was afraid. But that’s only half the battle. We do a lot of knowing on our healing journey, and not a lot of action.

Here is where the allure of the excuse seems so god damn appealing.

If I never posted again, I could’ve said:

* “I have multiple jobs.”

* “I have a new opportunity coming my way and that’s taking all my time.”

* “I decided to travel a lot and wanted to protect my peace.”

* “I decided to listen to what I preach and create space within my day.”

* “It just wasn’t growing my business the way I wanted it to.”

And that’s why I didn’t keep going.

Blah, blah, blah. I’m sure you skimmed through those excuses because they are BORING.

The reality is, I didn’t want to step into the spotlight of showcasing my biggest weakness - time management - and moving forward anyway. This is where the ACTION exists.

Excuses are very rational. They make so much sense to us but instead we need to look at the facts.

Moving forward is the scariest possible thing you could do for your body, brain, and nervous because we don’t somatically understand what happens on the other end of the step into the unknown.

Breaking the Freeze

Understanding why fear shows up is how I get over the fear of the action in front of me. Your brain wants to keep you safe, so any hit of fear or self-doubt tells you to stay in the space where you already understand what can happen.

Think the devil you know scenario.

Here’s the process, step by step on how to get out of the freeze and take the step:

* Recognize it. Notice when you feel fear before you try to explain it away.

* Feel it. Don’t skip past the sensation to get to the “fixing.”

* Break it down. Ask yourself directly - why am I afraid of this specific thing?

* Trace it. Find where that belief or story first came from in your life.

* Question the excuse. Rational-sounding reasons are still excuses if they’re protecting you from being seen.

* Ask the real question. Is this really the person I want to be at the end of the day?

If you’re stuck in the freeze between knowing and doing, this is the work I do 1:1 with high achievers and leaders helping them recognize fear-based patterns in real time and regulate their way through them, not around them.

It is the work I do and love to see people take scary steps that are life changing in more ways than one.

I love hearing your story and would love to connect - but for now! Choose the next step and play with these tools.

Lots of love,

Tia

FAQ

What is metaperception in psychology? Metaperception is the belief about how others perceive you — which is often inaccurate and shaped more by your own nervous system state than by actual feedback.

Why do we freeze before big decisions or public moments? The brain’s threat-detection system can flag social exposure or judgment as danger, triggering a fear response before you’ve consciously evaluated whether the threat is real.

How do I stop making decisions out of fear? Start by naming the fear specifically, tracing where the underlying belief came from, and asking whether your reasoning is fact-based or excuse-based before you decide.

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