The Self-Driven Child
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- 75
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- mensuelle
- Dernier épisode
- 20 Oct 2026
À propos du podcast
Helping parents raise kids with healthy motivation and resilience in facing life's challenges. Oh, and having more fun while doing it!
Épisodes 75
Let’s Play! An interview with Dr. William Stixrud on the neuroscience of play, the critical ingredient for a child’s resilience and motivation
What if one of the most important things we can do to raise confident, resilient, and motivated kids is simply to let them play? And I don't mean organized sports, adult-supervised activities, or …
Notes de l’épisode
What if one of the most important things we can do to raise confident, resilient, and motivated kids is simply to let them play? And I don't mean organized sports, adult-supervised activities, or structured playdates. I'm talking about good old-fashioned, kid-directed play. The kind where kids make the rules, take risks, solve problems, and figure things out for themselves. In this episode, I'm joined by my dear friend, colleague, and co-author, Dr. William Stixrud, to explore why play isn't just fun. It's absolutely essential for healthy brain development and mental health.
Inspired by Dr. Peter Gray's wonderful new book, Restoring Childhood: How to Set Kids Free in the Age of Anxiety, Bill and I dig into the neuroscience of play and its powerful connection to autonomy, motivation, executive functioning, and stress tolerance. We talk about why protecting kids from every possible risk may actually make them more anxious, what unstructured play teaches that academics simply can't, and why our well-intentioned efforts to keep kids safe may be getting in the way of helping them feel brave. If you've ever wondered whether your kids need more freedom and less structure, this is a conversation you won't want to miss.
Episode Highlights
[0:00] - Introducing our new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child, and putting parenting advice into practice.[1:29] - Why play is essential for healthy brain development, resilience, motivation, and a sense of control.
[4:00] - How the decline in childhood play connects to rising anxiety and kids feeling less control over their lives.
[6:44] - The four defining characteristics of real play and why child-directed activities matter.
[7:26] - How play develops autonomy, self-control, working memory, and cognitive flexibility.
[8:58] - What neighborhood games teach kids about managing emotions, negotiating rules, and maintaining friendships.
[12:41] - Why taking risks and navigating stressful situations helps kids develop confidence and courage.
[13:51] - The importance of physical and social risks, from climbing trees to finding your place in a group.
[17:19] - How challenging experiences help wire the brain to handle stress and develop resilience.
[20:00] - Are we making kids more anxious by constantly telling them to be careful?
[22:25] - Why playgrounds should encourage exploration and how parents can help kids learn to keep themselves safe.
[25:59] - The remarkable life skills kids develop through self-directed play, including initiative, motivation, and problem-solving.
[28:01] - Why reducing recess and making kindergarten more academic may be working against children's development.
[28:48] - The neuroscience of resilience and how play may help kids cope with anxiety and school avoidance.
[31:59] - What happens when children lose the ability to play freely and why they need time to think and reflect.
[34:03] - Why the United Nations recognizes play as a fundamental childhood right.
[35:04] - The surprising relationship between play, academic achievement, and children's readiness to learn.
[37:28] - Why movement, multiple recesses, and unstructured play help kids learn, focus, and thrive.
[38:31] - Final takeaways on raising brave, independent, and resilient kids by giving them more opportunities to play.
Links & Resources
- Dr. Peter Gray: Restoring Childhood: How to Set Kids Free in the Age of Anxiety
- Let Grow: letgrow.org
- Dr. Jean Twenge: jeantwenge.com
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share The Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Why Children Need More Freedom to Thrive with Dr. Peter Gray
Maybe it wasn’t all about the cell phones after all.In this episode, I’m joined by eminent psychologist, researcher, and author Dr. Peter Gray to explore what may really be driving the decline in children’s …
Notes de l’épisode
Maybe it wasn’t all about the cell phones after all.
In this episode, I’m joined by eminent psychologist, researcher, and author Dr. Peter Gray to explore what may really be driving the decline in children’s mental health. While smartphones and social media often take center stage in conversations about teen anxiety and depression, Peter makes the case that we need to look much more closely at what has happened to childhood itself: less autonomy, less independent play, more academic pressure, and a shift from a play-based childhood to a competition-based one. We dig into why video games can actually qualify as real play, what kids learn when adults aren’t directing them, how changes in schools may relate to rising anxiety and depression, and what parents can do to help restore independence, confidence, connection, and joy to childhood.
Episode Highlights
[2:08] - Maybe it wasn’t all about cell phones and social media after all.[4:34] - Where Peter agrees—and disagrees—with Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation.
[6:14] - Why video games can be real play and meet kids’ needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
[10:13] - Why children are naturally motivated to play away from adult control.
[12:24] - What pickup baseball teaches kids that organized, adult-directed sports simply can’t.
[15:44] - Why negotiating the game may be even more valuable than playing it.
[18:45] - What changes when adults turn children’s play into competition.
[22:00] - Have we replaced a play-based childhood with a phone-based world—or a competition-based world?
[24:23] - Peter’s case for looking at Common Core, standardized testing, and school pressure when examining the rise in youth mental health problems.
[28:07] - Why school pressure consistently emerges as a major source of stress for young people.
[30:23] - What happens to pediatric mental health concerns when summer vacation begins.
[32:33] - Comparing youth mental health trends in the United States with Europe and other countries.
[36:47] - How homework followed children home—and pulled parents into managing schoolwork.
[38:48] - What Peter’s research during COVID school closures revealed about kids’ stress and family relationships.
[43:06] - Becoming a TAS parent: trustful, autonomy-supportive parenting.
[45:51] - Practical ways parents can create more opportunities for independent play.
[47:15] - One powerful question parents can ask to help children build independence and courage.
[49:20] - Why the sound of children playing outside may be one of the signals our communities are missing.
[50:29] - Peter’s hope that restoring childhood can become a movement for meaningful change.
Links & Resources
Dr. Peter Gray — Books & Resources:Restoring Childhood: How to Set Kids Free in the Age of Anxiety and Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant and Better Students for Life
https://www.petergray.org/blank-2
The Atlantic — Article on Phones, Play & Childhood Mental Health
https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/2026/07/phones-haidt-play-gray/687846/
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
An interview with Juliette Blake: the teen tech founder who became a mom and built a safer social media platform for girls
All of us worry about the potentially negative impacts of technology. We worry our kids are online too much, that social media is disrupting their sleep, academics, mental health, and relationships—and frankly …
Notes de l’épisode
All of us worry about the potentially negative impacts of technology. We worry our kids are online too much, that social media is disrupting their sleep, academics, mental health, and relationships—and frankly, taking away good time outdoors. And it doesn’t feel good to have the same fight over screens again and again. But what if the answer isn’t simply taking technology away? What if we could design it differently—and help our kids learn to use it well?
In this episode, I talk with Juliette Blake, founder of Moxies, who has been thinking about girls, media, and technology since she was a teenager herself. Now a mom of three, Juliette brings the perspectives of both a tech founder and a parent to our conversation about social media, digital literacy, addictive design, and healthy screen habits. We explore how technology can be built with kids’ well-being as the North Star—and what we parents can do to help our kids become thoughtful, capable digital citizens.
Episode Highlights
[3:31] - Juliette’s remarkable origin story: how watching her eight-year-old sister and her friends struggle with body image and friendships inspired her to start a company as a teenager.[6:05] - Why the tween years are such an important—and often overlooked—developmental stage, particularly for girls navigating media and brand imagery.
[8:45] - Kids don’t bring every problem to their parents. Why simply knowing “I’m not the only one” can sometimes matter as much as the advice they receive.
[10:33] - Magazines then, social media now: the medium has changed, but many of the pressures facing girls haven’t.
[13:36] - Can technology be part of the solution? Moving away from the attention economy and making well-being our North Star.
[15:35] - What “safe by design” actually means—and why companies building products for kids should bear responsibility for protecting them.
[20:58] - “Dark-patterned persuasive design features”: streaks, likes, notifications, endless rewards, and other features designed to keep kids coming back.
[24:22] - Why Moxies shuts down chat at night and how thoughtful guardrails can support kids when their own self-control gets wobbly.
[27:43] - Teaching digital citizenship in real time by helping girls reconsider an unkind message before they send it.
[31:17] - Autonomy with safeguards: creating online spaces where tweens can connect with people they actually know rather than strangers.
[35:56] - Building digital literacy into technology itself, from privacy and passwords to confidence and emotional skills.
[38:26] - The Anxious Generation, phone bans, and why simply taking devices away isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution.
[42:00] - Endless scrolling and the important difference between kids wanting to return to technology and feeling they have to.
[45:42] - Why “my kid isn’t on TikTok” doesn’t necessarily mean they’re avoiding the same addictive design elsewhere online.
[50:46] - Practical advice for parents: explain the why behind boundaries, start conversations early, and model the digital habits we hope our kids develop.
[54:09] - Why keeping devices out of bedrooms can protect sleep, relationships, and healthy boundaries.
Key Takeaways
- We’re still underestimating media’s influence on tweens. Social media and brand imagery can have an outsized impact on developing minds, particularly for young girls.
- Tweens won’t bring every problem to their parents. Sometimes discovering “I’m not the only one” can be just as valuable as the advice they receive.
- The medium has changed, but the issues haven’t. Whether the images come from magazines or social media, kids’ well-being should always be our North Star.
- Parents shouldn’t have to outsmart addictive technology. Companies have a responsibility to protect kids from “dark-patterned persuasive design features” designed to keep users clicking, scrolling, and coming back.
- Digital citizenship has to be taught. Screens make it easier to say things we might never say face-to-face. Kids need coaching to understand the real impact of their words online.
- Our own digital habits matter. If we want our kids to put their devices down and be present, we need to model that ourselves.
Links & Resources
Moxies Social Media Platform — joinmoxies.comIf this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Teens Talk: Teen Takeovers and Third Spaces
What do teens really need to grow into confident, capable adults? In this episode, I sit down with two remarkable young advocates—Rona Majumder and Faris Smith—to explore why today's teens are asking for …
Notes de l’épisode
What do teens really need to grow into confident, capable adults? In this episode, I sit down with two remarkable young advocates—Rona Majumder and Faris Smith—to explore why today's teens are asking for more autonomy, more trust, and more places where they can simply exist. Together, we unpack the growing conversation around "third spaces," teen gatherings, social media, and what adults often misunderstand about adolescent development.
We also discuss why teen "takeovers" are making headlines, how parental anxiety can unintentionally limit healthy growth, and what schools, parents, and policymakers can do to create safer, more supportive environments without over-controlling young people. If you've ever wondered how to better support the teens in your life, this conversation offers thoughtful perspectives you won't want to miss.
Episode Highlights
[0:00] - Introducing The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child Workbook and why putting ideas into practice matters.
[1:40] - Meet teen advocates Rona Majumder and Faris Smith and hear why third spaces matter so much to young people.
[3:59] - What exactly is a "third space," and why today's teens feel they're disappearing.
[10:18] - Why teens crave more independence, trust, and the freedom to simply exist without constant supervision.
[15:04] - Navigating the difficult transition as parents gradually hand over responsibility and independence.
[21:05] - Teen takeovers: what's really driving them, and why punishment alone won't solve the problem.
[23:33] - The role of consumerism, disappearing community spaces, and the need for free places where teens can gather.
[26:57] - Rona and Faris share firsthand experiences attending teen gatherings and discuss the social skills young people need to navigate them safely.
[33:18] - Social media: connection, FOMO, and whether it has become today's version of a third space.
[40:29] - Would teens choose to erase social media if they could? The surprising answer.
[43:27] - Practical advice for parents: reduce surveillance, build trust, and avoid parenting from anxiety.
[45:11] - How schools can foster student agency by creating opportunities that are truly student-led.
[47:00] - What policymakers should do to better include teen voices and invest in meaningful community spaces.
[49:13] - Why today's generation may be uniquely equipped to handle tomorrow's biggest challenges.
Links & Resources
Danah Boyd: It’s Complicated, the Social Lives of Networked Teens
Ned Johnson article in The Washington Post, March 2, 2020: How we can help kids increase their sense of control as the coronavirus approaches
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Grade A+ Deception: student journalists on the academic pressure to cheat
What happens when academic pressure becomes so intense that cheating starts to feel normal? In this conversation, I’m joined by student journalists Ethan Chan and Meryem Orazova from Palo Alto High School’s …
Notes de l’épisode
What happens when academic pressure becomes so intense that cheating starts to feel normal? In this conversation, I’m joined by student journalists Ethan Chan and Meryem Orazova from Palo Alto High School’s award-winning newspaper, The Campanile. Their investigation into academic dishonesty uncovered some troubling realities about student stress, achievement culture, and the growing pressure surrounding college admissions.
Together, we explore why so many students feel compelled to take shortcuts, how external pressures can crowd out intrinsic motivation, and what parents and educators can do to help young people pursue success without sacrificing their well-being. If you care about raising resilient, self-driven kids, this is a conversation you won’t want to miss.
Episode Highlights
[1:41] - Meet student journalists Ethan Chan and Meryem Orazova
[3:25] - Inside Palo Alto’s high-pressure academic culture
[4:25] - When students first begin feeling college admissions pressure
[7:00] - How achievement culture shapes student identity and self-worth
[10:11] - The surprising findings from A Grade A+ Deception
[11:14] - Why cheating has become normalized for many students
[14:08] - The role of AI, answer sharing, and academic shortcuts
[17:50] - How external rewards can undermine the joy of learning
[20:46] - Choosing classes for genuine interest versus college applications
[23:50] - Why the “best” college may not be the right college
[26:58] - The hidden emotional costs of constant comparison
[29:28] - What students wish parents understood about academic stress
[33:56] - Why cheating ultimately hurts learning and confidence
[37:14] - Building school cultures that support integrity and well-being
[41:06] - Practical ways adults can reduce pressure and support growth
[43:46] - Final reflections on success, motivation, and thriving
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Tapping into what really motivates teens: an interview with bestselling author and psychologist Dr. David Yeager
Dr. David Yeager joins me for a fascinating conversation about what really motivates adolescents — and why so many adults misunderstand teenage behavior in the first place. Drawing from his groundbreaking book …
Notes de l’épisode
Dr. David Yeager joins me for a fascinating conversation about what really motivates adolescents — and why so many adults misunderstand teenage behavior in the first place. Drawing from his groundbreaking book 10 to 25, David explains why teens aren’t “lazy” or irrational at all. They’re deeply motivated by status, belonging, respect, and purpose — and when adults learn how to connect healthy behaviors to those drives, everything changes.
We also unpack the “mentor mindset” that helps parents, teachers, and coaches guide young people without falling into the traps of overprotection or harsh enforcement. From belonging uncertainty and resilience to project-based learning, earned prestige, and the future of education in the AI era, this conversation is packed with practical insight for anyone raising, teaching, or supporting adolescents.
Episode Highlights
[1:08] - Dr. David Yeager explains why adolescence really spans ages 10 to 25 — and how motivation changes during that developmental window.
[7:25] - Why the “teen brain is broken” narrative has done more harm than good for parents, educators, and young people themselves.
[15:41] - How adults can motivate teens more effectively by connecting long-term goals to what matters to them right now.
[17:59] - The surprising anti-smoking campaign that completely failed with teens — and the one that transformed adolescent behavior nationwide.
[25:00] - David introduces the “mentor mindset”: high standards paired with high support and deep respect.
[30:49] - Why struggle, stress, and anxiety are often signs of growth — not signals to quit.
[38:25] - A powerful discussion on belonging uncertainty and why transitions can feel so destabilizing for young people.
[47:22] - The concept of “earned prestige” and why many schools unintentionally make academic success feel low-status.
[56:00] - How schools can reduce competition and bullying by creating multiple paths for students to thrive.
[1:01:00] - The hidden story behind Jaime Escalante and what truly creates transformational learning environments.
[1:08:40] - David shares why the rise of AI makes motivation, purpose, and meaningful learning more important than ever.
Links and Resources
Dr. David Yeager’s book: 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Simply weathering the storm of modern life? Help your kids survive and THRIVE!
In this episode, I sit down with the brilliant Stephanie Malia Krauss to unpack what it really means to help our kids—and ourselves—not just survive, but truly thrive in today’s world. We dig into the idea that …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode, I sit down with the brilliant Stephanie Malia Krauss to unpack what it really means to help our kids—and ourselves—not just survive, but truly thrive in today’s world. We dig into the idea that modern life isn’t just busy—it’s fundamentally out of sync with how humans are wired to live. Stephanie introduces a powerful framework around the “dangerous weather” we’re all navigating and why so many families feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, and stretched thin.
Together, we explore a hopeful path forward. What if thriving isn’t about eliminating challenges, but about reclaiming the essential conditions that help us endure and enjoy life at the same time? From sleep and movement to play and connection, this conversation will shift how you think about parenting, education, and what our kids really need to flourish—without waiting for the whole system to change.
Episode Highlights
[00:00] - Why I’m excited about helping parents put “self-driven child” principles into action[03:30] - Introducing Stephanie and the idea of “dangerous weather” in modern life
[08:30] - The word cloud experiment: what families are really feeling right now
[13:30] - Thriving isn’t the absence of struggle—it’s learning to live well within it
[20:59] - Allostatic load explained: when stress becomes toxic
[25:30] - The four forces: overtapped, overworked, overstimulated, overwrought
[34:00] - Rehumaning: reclaiming movement, play, and connection in daily life
[49:30] - Why sleep may be the single most important factor for kids’ well-being
[1:00:10] - The concept of a “thriving ecosystem” and collective care
[1:03:15] - Final reflection: what it means to truly help our kids—and ourselves—thrive
Links & Resources
Substack: @stephaniemaliakrauss
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephaniemaliakrauss
YouTube: @stephaniemaliakrauss
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
When the World Feels Too Big: Talking With Our Kids About Hard Things
In a world where violent incidents, political upheaval, and shocking news dominate headlines --- from immigration enforcement violence in Minnesota to studies pointing to "nihilistic" violence without clear …
Notes de l’épisode
In a world where violent incidents, political upheaval, and shocking news dominate headlines --- from immigration enforcement violence in Minnesota to studies pointing to "nihilistic" violence without clear motives --- many parents and caregivers are left wondering: How do we talk about this with our kids? And more importantly, how do we process our own feelings so that we don't become overwhelmed or paralyzed by fear, uncertainty, or anger?
In this episode, Ned speaks with teen mental health and parenting expert Julie Baron, LCSW-C guides listeners through developmental, emotional, and practical frameworks for navigating these conversations with children and adolescents. We'll explore the psychological roots of feeling out of control, the maladaptive ways people try to regain a sense of agency (including in forms of violence), and evidence-based tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and her innovative CARE model for parenting that help families cope, connect, and act --- even in uncertainty.
Episode Highlights
[0:00] - Why we fall back into old parenting habits—and how to change that
[3:11] - Julie’s work with teens and families using DBT skills
[6:39] - How parent and child emotions feed off each other (and escalate)
[9:46] - The impact of technology and social media on teen mental health
[15:12] - Practical strategies to manage overwhelming news and stress
[18:10] - The role of control—and why feeling powerless fuels anxiety
[21:33] - Understanding maladaptive coping (and what’s underneath it)
[23:43] - What we can control: attention and behavior
[28:21] - How to talk with kids about scary or overwhelming world events
[31:41] - Why connection matters more than saying the “right” thing
[36:22] - DBT communication skills: goals, relationships, and self-respect
[40:27] - Choosing your parenting battles wisely
[44:01] - The power of validation (and how to use it effectively)
[46:24] - Why inconsistent parenting responses can backfire
[47:45] - Managing stress: increasing healthy “outflows”
[49:34] - Final takeaway: connection is the ultimate buffer against stress
Links & Resources
What Works With Teens Newsletter
Parenting Teens Through Connection
Julie Baron and Associates: Website
Linkedin: Julie Baron
Instagram: @parentingteensthroughconnection
Facebook: Julie Baron and Associates
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
8 Setbacks to Make A Child a Success: With Michelle Icard
If you’ve ever watched your child struggle and felt that almost unbearable pull to step in, fix it, smooth it over, or make it disappear, this episode is for you. In this conversation, I sit down with author …
Notes de l’épisode
If you’ve ever watched your child struggle and felt that almost unbearable pull to step in, fix it, smooth it over, or make it disappear, this episode is for you. In this conversation, I sit down with author and parent coach Michelle Icard to explore why setbacks—real, uncomfortable, sometimes humiliating ones—are not detours from development but the very path toward adulthood.
Michelle joins me to talk about her latest book, Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success, and to unpack why adolescence is meant to include missteps, awkward experiments, and moments of regret. We explore rites of passage, identity formation, impression management, and the fine line between support and overprotection. Most importantly, we discuss how parents can respond when things go sideways in ways that build resilience rather than shame.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] – Why we revert to old parenting habits, even when we know better
[2:06] – Why watching kids struggle is painful—and why that discomfort is necessary
[5:00] – Rites of passage: separating, stumbling, and reintegrating wiser
[9:46] – “Am I doing this for them, or for me?” A powerful parenting pause
[10:28] – Impression management: how teens hide, deflect, and protect their identity
[15:00] – Modeling mistakes out loud so kids can learn how adults process setbacks
[18:25] – Friend shifts, value testing, and why adolescence requires trial and error
[21:21] – Why insisting on values can backfire—and how to invite real conversation instead
[26:33] – Curiosity over correction when teens embrace rigid or controversial ideas
[30:52] – Why natural consequences are often enough—and why piling on rarely helps
[38:11] – Failure vs. setback: when disconnection becomes the real danger
[40:00] – Contain, Resolve, Evolve: a three-step model for responding to setbacks
[43:45] – Letting the bruise heal: why parents must eventually stop poking
[46:23] – The turkey story: a rite of passage, public shame, and lasting growth
[51:00] – The question parents answered almost unanimously: would you erase the hard years?
Links & Resources:8 Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success by Michelle Icard
Homesick and Happy by Michael Thompson
14 Talks by Age 14 by Michelle Icard
Erving Goffman: The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life
Scott Galloway: Notes on Being a Man
Sarah Rosensweet: Reimagine Peaceful Parenting
Dr. Devorah Heitner: Mentoring Kids in a Connected World
Dr. Lisa Damour: Untangling 10-20
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Mattering: an interview with Jennifer Wallace
If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the right things—checking boxes, meeting expectations—yet still wondering whether any of it really matters, this episode is for you. In this conversation, I sit down …
Notes de l’épisode
If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the right things—checking boxes, meeting expectations—yet still wondering whether any of it really matters, this episode is for you. In this conversation, I sit down with New York Times bestselling author and researcher Jennifer Wallace to explore one of the most fundamental human needs we rarely name directly: mattering.
Jennifer joins me to talk about her latest work and the research behind why feeling valued—for who we are, not just what we do—is essential for resilience, mental health, and motivation. Together, we unpack how mattering shows up in families, schools, workplaces, and communities, and why rebuilding connection may be one of the most important things we can do for our kids—and ourselves.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] – Why thriving kids (and adults) need more than good intentions
[1:07] – Introducing Jennifer Wallace and the idea of mattering as a basic human need
[3:05] – From Never Enough to mattering: what parents revealed behind the scenes
[5:44] – Why caring for children means caring for parents too
[6:18] – The “pay-to-play village” and what we’ve lost culturally
[7:12] – Why kids (and adults) need more trusted adults in their lives
[9:03] – Capitalism, religion, and who society decides “matters”
[10:25] – Aging, invisibility, and the pain of no longer being invested in
[12:52] – Why mattering is a felt experience—not something you can force
[14:46] – Defining mattering and the SAID framework
[18:32] – Community, reciprocity, and the power of mutual investment
[22:59] – Clean fuel vs. dirty fuel and what truly motivates kids
[26:48] – Honest feedback, gratitude, and real investment in relationships
[30:11] – Mental subtraction, appreciation, and noticing who matters most
[34:53] – Why gratitude and mattering protect mental health
[37:05] – Helping kids strive without tying worth to achievement
[42:48] – Rebuilding spaces of mattering in an isolated world
[43:08] – Key takeaways and why reminding others they matter helps us tooLinks & Resources:
- Rick Weissbourd at the Making Caring Common Project
- https://www.thereciprocityeffect.org/about
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mudita
- A Wonderful Life by Frank Martela
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Adolescents Are Identity Scientists: Exploring With Chris Balme
In this episode, I sit down with education leader, parent, and author Chris Balme for a deep, thoughtful, and often funny conversation about what adolescents are really doing during the middle school and teen …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode, I sit down with education leader, parent, and author Chris Balme for a deep, thoughtful, and often funny conversation about what adolescents are really doing during the middle school and teen years. We explore why this stage of life is less about “figuring kids out” and more about understanding the intense social, emotional, and neurological work they’re already doing every day. Chris offers a powerful frame that I love: adolescents as identity scientists, running experiments to answer one core question—who am I, and where do I belong?
We talk about how adults can make that work easier instead of harder, why third spaces and unhurried time matter so much, and how validation, sleep, peers, and belonging shape everything during these years. If you live with, teach, or care about adolescents—or if you’re willing to remember your own—this conversation will resonate.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] – Why it’s so hard to change how we parent, even when we know better
[1:40] – Why adolescence is the right time to reinvent yourself
[3:10] – Chris introduces the idea of kids as “identity scientists”
[5:15] – Identity is built through social experiments—and adults can help or hinder
[7:45] – The importance of different social spaces where kids can reinvent themselves
[9:35] – Why “third spaces” and non-parent adults matter so much
[13:30] – The critical role of unhurried time and reflection
[15:35] – Sleep deprivation and what it explains about teen behavior
[18:25] – Social approval, belonging uncertainty, and the adolescent brain
[21:15] – Why validation beats fixing, lecturing, or minimizing
[24:30] – Middle school memories, awkward experiments, and empathy
[28:50] – Belonging comes first—before achievement and authenticity
[31:15] – What we gain, as parents, by walking this journey with our kidsLinks & Resources:
Allo Parents:
Ned's podcast Interview with Michaeleen: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hunt-gather-parent-with-michaeleen-doucleff/id1676859533?i=1000643496031
About Michaeleen: https://www.npr.org/people/348778932/michaeleen-doucleff
Adolescents Are Identity Scientists: https://chrisbalme.substack.com/p/adolescents-are-identity-scientists
About Chris: https://www.chrisbalme.com/
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Why We Sleep - The Great Sleep Challenge
In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with my longtime partner, co-author, and neuropsychologist Dr. William Stixrud to dig deep into something hiding in plain sight: sleep. We talk about …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with my longtime partner, co-author, and neuropsychologist Dr. William Stixrud to dig deep into something hiding in plain sight: sleep. We talk about why so many kids, teens, and frankly adults are walking around chronically exhausted—and what that’s quietly doing to learning, emotional health, and overall well-being. This conversation grew out of a powerful question a student asked us after we issued a real-world “sleep challenge,” and it opened the door to a fascinating look at how sleep actually works in the brain.
Bill and I explore what happens when kids don’t get enough rest, why tired brains struggle with attention, memory, and emotional regulation, and how sleep might be one of the most underestimated tools we have for supporting mental health, learning, and resilience. If you care about helping kids thrive—and about thriving yourself—this is one you won’t want to miss.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] – Why helping kids thrive is harder than it should be—and why sleep keeps getting overlooked
[2:15] – The student sleep challenge and the big question: what does sleep actually do to the brain?
[4:20] – How chronic sleep deprivation acts like chronic stress on developing brains
[6:00] – Emotional control, anxiety, and why tired brains are more reactive and negative
[9:00] – “Overnight therapy”: how REM sleep helps regulate emotions and perspective
[10:25] – Sleep deprivation, anxiety, and depression: cause, effect, and the vicious cycle
[11:59] – Why sleep regularity matters as much as total hours of sleep
[15:00] – Sleep, physical health, appetite, and injury risk for athletes
[17:20] – Why sleep deprivation mimics ADHD and wrecks attention and organization
[19:55] – The startling study showing how small sleep losses erase years of cognitive growth
[21:40] – How the brain replays and consolidates learning during sleep
[22:30] – Why sleeping more can literally make you better at skills—even without more practice
[27:15] – Practical, realistic strategies families can use to make sleep a shared value
[31:00] – Why we need collective action, not lectures, to help teens get the sleep they needLinks & Resources:
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
How to Have Happy Holidays: What Science Suggests
In this episode, I dig into one of my favorite topics—what really makes us happy—and why the holidays are the perfect time to rethink how we create joy for ourselves and our kids. If you’ve ever wondered why …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode, I dig into one of my favorite topics—what really makes us happy—and why the holidays are the perfect time to rethink how we create joy for ourselves and our kids. If you’ve ever wondered why the things you anticipate don’t always end up being the things that actually fill your heart, you’re not alone. I explore the science behind pleasure versus happiness, why we confuse the two, and how small intentional choices can make the holiday season feel richer, calmer, and more meaningful.
Rather than chasing quick hits of dopamine, I walk through the PERMA model and share science-backed ways to help kids—and ourselves—feel more grounded, connected, and genuinely content. If you’re craving a holiday experience that lingers well beyond the wrapping paper and pumpkin pie, this episode will help you set the stage.
Links & Resources:
[0:00] – Opening welcome + exciting announcement about our new workbook
[1:20] – Why the holidays bring both joy and disappointment
[2:18] – Pleasure vs. happiness: how dopamine tricks us
[4:10] – The rush of rewards, hedonic adaptation, and why pleasure fades
[5:30] – Serotonin and the science of contentment
[6:20] – Reflecting on past holidays and why those memories stick
[7:05] – Introducing PERMA: the science of lasting happiness
[7:40] – P: Positive emotions—exercise, rest, gratitude, and Thanksgiving traditions
[8:55] – E: Engagement—how “I get to” changes everything
[9:35] – R: Relationships—the strongest predictor of long-term happiness
[10:51] – M: Meaning—why contributing and giving matter more than getting
[12:40] – Achievement—keeping accomplishment in healthy perspective
[14:10] – Better conversation starters for kids and teens
[15:20] – How intentional activities shape half of our happiness
[16:15] – Final reflections on gifts, gratitude, and meaningful experiences
[17:20] – Closing thoughts + message for parents who may want extra supportLinks & Resources
- PrepMatters – https://prepmatters.com
- Phone: 301-951-0350 (for families wanting to connect with our team)
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Great Parenting Advice From Lenore Skenazy ("America's Worst Mom") Or, "Why I Let My 9 Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone"
Ever wonder if we’re raising our kids with too much fear and not enough freedom? In this episode, I’m joined by Lenore Skenazy—founder of Let Grow, author, and self-described “America’s Worst Mom”—to dig into …
Notes de l’épisode
Ever wonder if we’re raising our kids with too much fear and not enough freedom? In this episode, I’m joined by Lenore Skenazy—founder of Let Grow, author, and self-described “America’s Worst Mom”—to dig into what’s really holding our kids back. We talk about the shift from play-based to phone-based childhoods, and how we, as parents and educators, can reverse course by letting kids take back some independence—without feeling like we’re putting them in danger.
We explore how anxiety, both in kids and adults, is often fueled by overprotection, and how letting kids do more on their own actually builds emotional resilience, executive function, and confidence. Lenore shares powerful stories, smart strategies, and even a few laughs to help us rethink how we support our kids in becoming more capable and self-reliant. If you’ve ever worried about being too overprotective—or just want to help kids thrive—this conversation will inspire you to take that first step.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] - Opening thoughts on parenting struggles and intro to my new workbook
[1:35] - Welcoming Lenore Skenazy and how she became known as “America’s Worst Mom”
[3:54] - The column that sparked a national conversation
[5:17] - The disconnect between our childhoods and how we raise our kids now
[7:53] - How school policies and culture reinforce parental anxiety
[8:50] - The myth of stranger danger and why statistics don’t ease fears
[11:52] - The Let Grow Experience and how it rewires parent and child behavior
[15:06] - Why emotional courage is essential for both kids and parents
[17:59] - The anxious generation of parents—and how overprotection feeds the cycle
[19:43] - What free play really teaches and how it rewires the brain
[24:11] - Why sandbags belong in play clubs and other fun discoveries
[27:29] - Real-world problem solving in play: Franklin and the leaf pile
[30:41] - Why squabbling is not a problem—it’s the learning process
[31:07] - The hero’s journey and how hardship builds emotional resilience
[33:34] - A flat tire becomes a triumph of independence
[34:04] - Phones out, yes—but we must also restore play
[35:15] - Let Grow’s mission to support independence and responsibility
[38:59] - Helping parents take courageous actions, even if they’re still worried
[41:36] - The goal isn’t to eliminate worry—it’s to act with courage anywayLinks & Resources:
Lenore's TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/lenore_skenazy_why_you_should_spend_less_time_with_your_kids?subtitle=en
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
What Are They Thinking?: The Neuroscience of Nagging in Parents and Teens
If you've ever caught yourself reminding your kid—again and again—to get that homework done, check in with the coach, or finally read that book, this episode is for you. I dive deep into the psychology and …
Notes de l’épisode
If you've ever caught yourself reminding your kid—again and again—to get that homework done, check in with the coach, or finally read that book, this episode is for you. I dive deep into the psychology and brain science behind why we nag, how it impacts both our stress levels and our kids’ behavior, and what we can do instead to be more effective, compassionate, and calm.
I share a personal story from my own household (yes, I'm guilty too!) and explore what’s really going on in the minds of both the "nagger" and the "nag-ee." You’ll also hear a powerful example of how one family made a simple shift in communication—and had their best night in years. If you want to support your child in a way that actually works—and feels better for everyone—don’t miss this one.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] - Introducing the workbook: The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child
[1:10] - My own struggle with nagging during my son’s senior year
[3:00] - Why we nag: the emotional drive behind our reminders
[4:35] - The illusion of control and the stress of unfinished tasks
[6:25] - Brain science: what happens in the mind of the nagger
[8:15] - What nagging does to kids’ brains—MRI findings from a key study
[9:55] - A story of a family overwhelmed by homework stress
[11:10] - A simple 3-step plan for changing the dynamic
[12:55] - The power of phrasing: how supportive language changes everything
[14:20] - Shifting from nagging to nurturing—and why it works
[15:41] - About PrepMatters and how we support students without added pressureLinks & Resources:
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Stress Relief vs. Stress Release: What We All Need In Anxious Times
Hey folks, Ned here. If you’ve ever felt like life’s got you underwater—like you’re just barely catching your breath before the next wave crashes in—this one’s for you. In this episode, I sit down with my dear …
Notes de l’épisode
Hey folks, Ned here. If you’ve ever felt like life’s got you underwater—like you’re just barely catching your breath before the next wave crashes in—this one’s for you. In this episode, I sit down with my dear friend, partner, and co-author Dr. William Stixrud to talk about something that’s more relevant now than ever: how we actually relieve stress—not just dodge it.
We unpack the critical difference between stress relief (those momentary escapes) and stress release (the tools that really let the pressure out), and why both are necessary. We also dive into practices that help us become non-anxious presences for our kids, and how that calm can be just as contagious as stress. Whether it’s exercise, meditation, social connection, or just laughing with friends, we explore the science-backed ways to bring your nervous system back online and show up for your family with clarity and calm.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] - Introduction and announcement of the new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child
[1:39] - That overwhelmed feeling—why so many of us are barely staying afloat
[3:12] - Stress relief vs. stress release: what’s the difference and why it matters
[5:39] - Coping methods kids use—and why many of them are just avoidance strategies
[7:32] - The trouble with short-term fixes like weed and excessive screen time
[8:31] - Real stress release through exercise, baking, and yes—carrot cake
[10:15] - How parents’ stress regulation directly impacts their children
[11:38] - Two paths to calm: cognitive reframing and physiological practices
[14:42] - Radical acceptance—how shifting our mindset reduces suffering
[16:31] - The vital role of calm people and community in weathering storms
[20:08] - Emergency stress relief: laughter, singing, deep breathing, and movement
[22:50] - The power of consistent practices like meditation and gratitude
[25:57] - Final thoughts: combining cognitive, physiological, and social strategies for real resilience
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Wise Effort with Diana Hill
We all want our kids to thrive—not just survive the pressure of school, sports, and life. But let’s be honest, it’s not easy. Too often we fall back into the same old habits, even when we know better. That’s …
Notes de l’épisode
We all want our kids to thrive—not just survive the pressure of school, sports, and life. But let’s be honest, it’s not easy. Too often we fall back into the same old habits, even when we know better. That’s why I was so excited to sit down with two incredible people: my friend and co-author, Dr. Bill Stixrud, and psychologist Dr. Diana Hill. Diana’s new book Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most shows us that our kids—and we parents too—don’t have to choose between doing well and being well.
In this conversation, we dig into what it means to use our energy wisely, how to recognize and nurture “genius energy” in ourselves and our children, and why psychological flexibility might just be the most important skill we can teach and model. If you’ve ever felt like your family is running full speed but not sure you’re heading in the right direction, this episode will speak to you.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] – Kicking things off: why Bill and I created The Self-Driven Child Workbook
[1:08] – Diana’s story of strawberries, watercolor, and the uniqueness of every child
[2:53] – Introducing my guests: Dr. Bill Stixrud and Dr. Diana Hill
[4:23] – Diana explains ACT and Buddhist principles as foundations for Wise Effort
[6:27] – What “genius energy” really means and why it matters for kids and parents
[9:01] – Helping kids see their strengths beyond grades and sports
[10:10] – Practicing “watering flowers”: appreciating kids for who they are
[13:51] – Bill shares how affirming kids’ strengths changes lives
[16:08] – The three-part framework of Wise Effort: curiosity, openness, and focus
[19:21] – Why psychological flexibility is essential for kids and parents
[22:22] – Pain and values: two sides of the same coin
[24:51] – How values-driven goals outperform standard “SMART” goals
[27:51] – Genius + values = the sweet spot of wise effort
[30:17] – Family chores as a practice of genius and values in action
[32:42] – Making the most of limited time with our kids—before the runway ends
[33:21] – How meaningful activities actually expand our sense of time
[35:11] – A moving story of Daniel, a father with cancer, learning to invest in presence
[37:37] – Final reflections: helping parents and kids feel better and do betterLinks & Resources:
https://drdianahill.com/ Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most by Dr. Diana Hill
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Dream School: Finding the College That's Right for You
In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down once again with my good friend and New York Times bestselling author Jeff Selingo. You probably know Jeff from his book Who Gets In and Why, which …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down once again with my good friend and New York Times bestselling author Jeff Selingo. You probably know Jeff from his book Who Gets In and Why, which cracked open the mysterious college admissions process. But now, he’s back with a powerful new guide, Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You.
We explore the realities behind the college admissions frenzy—the pressures, the myths, and the real indicators of student success. Jeff and I dive deep into why so many students and families narrow their college lists too soon, how prestige bias and community pressure shape decision-making, and what really matters when it comes to finding the best college fit. Whether you're a parent, student, educator, or just curious about higher education, this episode is a roadmap to cutting through the noise and focusing on what will actually help kids thrive.
Episode Highlights:
[1:55] - Welcoming back Jeff Selingo and his new book Dream School
[3:41] - Unpacking the narrative arc from elite admissions to finding fit
[5:27] - Why students and parents fixate on prestige and how that narrows options
[7:40] - Grade inflation and the overconfidence trap
[10:44] - Why balanced college lists matter more than ever
[13:49] - Conformist bias and how schools like Archer are challenging the status quo
[16:38] - Misconceptions around adding more "backup" schools
[18:21] - Is college worth it? A nuanced look at ROI and student outcomes
[23:06] - Why regional job markets matter more than college name
[26:45] - The value of being a "big fish" at a smaller school
[30:56] - Faculty incentives, mentorship, and why engagement matters
[34:50] - Hands-on learning and mentors as keys to student success
[37:09] - How to spot signs of strong faculty engagement on campus visits
[41:23] - Belonging uncertainty and how it affects student retention
[45:47] - First-year programming that fosters connection and success
[46:59] - Extracurriculars as a path to discovery, not just admissions
[49:59] - Bringing joy back to the college search
[51:55] - Finite vs. infinite games and redefining what college is really aboutLinks & Resources:
· Jeff Selingo's new book: Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You
· College Scorecard: https://collegescorecard.ed.gov
· National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE): https://nsse.indiana.edu
· The Craziest Year Ever in College Admission with Jeff Selingo: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-craziest-year-ever-in-college-admission-with/id1676859533?i=1000650463806
· Who Gets In and Why with Jeff Selingo: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/who-gets-in-and-why-with-jeff-selingo/id1676859533?i=1000613195766
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Your Child Is Ready For College. Are You?
Hey folks, Ned here! In this episode, I sit down once again with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud for a candid, real-world conversation not just about whether your kid is ready for college—but whether …
Notes de l’épisode
Hey folks, Ned here! In this episode, I sit down once again with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud for a candid, real-world conversation not just about whether your kid is ready for college—but whether you are too. While we’ve talked before about student readiness, today we focus on the parent side of the equation.
We dive deep into the emotional rollercoaster of sending a kid off to college—especially that first semester. From managing your own stress and expectations to shifting your role from fixer to consultant, we cover the principles that help young adults step up while helping parents step back (without losing their minds). Whether your teen is packing their bags or you're still a few years out, this episode is packed with wisdom, laughs, and some very practical takeaways to support both you and your child through this major life transition.
Episode Highlights:
[1:27] - Framing the college transition and the emotional load it carries for both kids and parents
[3:24] - Why so many students flounder during the first semester of college
[4:50] - What it really means to be "college-ready": from laundry to self-regulation
[7:33] - Parents’ struggle to let go: DoorDash, bad Wi-Fi, and the illusion of control
[9:10] - The N.U.T.S. framework: understanding stress triggers in the college transition
[13:06] - How to show up as a “non-anxious presence” for your college-bound kid
[15:18] - Why being a consultant—not a commander—is more effective and brain-friendly
[18:45] - Teaching resilience through trust and shared problem-solving
[21:01] - Handling late-night panic calls and how not to take on your kid’s stress
[24:21] - Setting healthy communication boundaries without harming the relationship
[26:21] - Tuition, leverage, and waivers: what parents can control
[27:51] - How regular Sunday check-ins can be a win-win for parents and students
[33:10] - The messy, non-linear path to adulthood—and why that’s okay
[35:18] - Plan B thinking: preparing mentally and emotionally for alternate routes
[37:51] - Gap years, burnout, and why "not now" doesn't mean "never"
[41:20] - A personal story: why Ned didn’t call his son that first night of college
[43:12] - Final takeaways: consult, don't control—and maybe get a dogLinks & Resources:
· Who's Ready For College: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-self-driven-child/id1676859533?i=1000653304892
· Navigating Childhood Anxiety: A Conversation With Dr. Eli Lebowitz: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-self-driven-child/id1676859533?i=1000619235562
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Challenge Accepted: 50 Adventures to Make Middle School Awesome
As parents, we often think of middle school as a gauntlet—something our kids just need to survive. But my guest today, education leader, author, and school founder Chris Balme, sees it differently. To him …
Notes de l’épisode
As parents, we often think of middle school as a gauntlet—something our kids just need to survive. But my guest today, education leader, author, and school founder Chris Balme, sees it differently. To him, middle school is an extraordinary time of growth and self-discovery—a period where young people’s brains are changing at their fastest pace since early childhood, making it the perfect time to nurture creativity, agency, and resilience.
Chris joins me to share ideas from his new book, Challenge Accepted: 50 Adventures to Make Middle School Awesome—a guide for kids themselves to turn these years into something remarkable. With challenges ranging from stealth artistry to healing broken friendships, Chris shows us how experiences can inspire, connect, and grow the skills kids truly need for life. Along the way, we talk about adolescent brain development, the power of awe, peer-led conflict resolution, and why middle schoolers deserve more agency than they usually get.
If you’ve got a tween about to make the leap—or you’re already in the thick of it—this conversation will help you see these years not as a trial to endure, but as a hero’s journey worth embracing.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] – Kicking off with a quick update on The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: The Workbook
[1:37] – Introducing Chris Balme and his passion for transforming the middle school experience
[4:19] – Why middle schoolers are the “ultimate underdogs” and how reframing these years changes everything
[7:25] – Building a curriculum of experiences—how “Challenge Accepted” was born
[10:19] – Science-backed challenges for the TikTok generation that build connection, creativity, and agency
[13:04] – The “Stealth Artist” challenge and the value of positive rule-breaking
[23:54] – “Propose a Better Rule” and empowering students to create real change
[29:01] – The brain science and benefits behind “Find Awe in Nature”
[35:06] – “Heal a Broken Bond”—tools and mindsets for repairing friendships
[46:27] – Why middle schoolers are heroes in their own epic adventureLinks & Resources:
· Chris's Website https://www.chrisbalme.com/about
· Harry Chapin: Flowers Are Red https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cVpkzZpDBA
· Mike Nicholson - educator https://www.learninspired.org/about
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
School Phone Policies With An Educator Who Helped Craft Them
What happens when schools set boundaries on student phone use—not to punish, but to empower learning? In this episode, I sit down with Julie Yang, President of the Montgomery County, Maryland Board of …
Notes de l’épisode
What happens when schools set boundaries on student phone use—not to punish, but to empower learning? In this episode, I sit down with Julie Yang, President of the Montgomery County, Maryland Board of Education, to explore the increasingly complex relationship between students, smartphones, and learning environments. Julie brings both personal and professional insights from her roles as an educator, board leader, and parent to help us unpack how thoughtful school policies can shape healthier, more focused, and less anxious learning experiences.
We dive into how schools are navigating the pros and cons of technology in classrooms, what research says about screen time and attention, and why policies need to be rooted in both compassion and practicality. Julie walks us through the real-life rollout of phone regulations in one of the country’s largest school systems, and the student feedback that’s reshaping how we think about tech in education. If you’re a parent, educator, or student wondering what “phone away for a better day” really looks like—this conversation’s for you.
Episode Highlights:
[3:44] – Why regulating phone use in schools is such a hot topic right now
[5:18] – Montgomery County’s current phone policy and the balance between rules and student self-regulation
[7:30] – How student phone use has evolved through the 2010s, the pandemic, and beyond
[10:28] – The rise of screen addiction and why setting boundaries isn’t anti-tech—it’s pro-learning
[13:26] – Including student voices: What focus groups revealed about phone policies
[16:45] – Middle school and high school student reactions to phone-free learning environments
[18:49] – Creative implementation strategies from different schools—no one-size-fits-all approach
[23:34] – How to help teens develop respectful and effective phone habits
[29:00] – Teaching students that even phones need recess—and how digital detox benefits us all
[35:23] – Are Chromebooks and other tech tools part of the problem too?
[38:57] – Social media, mental health, and why phones are only one piece of a bigger puzzle
[43:45] – Final thoughts on partnership, reflection, and the importance of revisiting regulationsLinks & Resources:
Julie's website: https://www.julieyang.org/
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Summer Downtime: The Power of Trees and the Default Mode Network
It’s summer, and that means more time outside—and for me, that means time with trees. In this episode, I dive deep into how trees, those quiet giants of our world, can actually help us and our kids develop …
Notes de l’épisode
It’s summer, and that means more time outside—and for me, that means time with trees. In this episode, I dive deep into how trees, those quiet giants of our world, can actually help us and our kids develop healthier minds and deeper self-awareness. I unpack some fascinating science behind what nature, especially time spent among trees, does for our brains, our stress levels, and even our test scores.
Inspired by Peter Wohlleben’s The Hidden Life of Trees, I explore not just the hidden life of trees, but the hidden life in trees—and what it can teach us about connection, cooperation, and the power of downtime. Whether you're a fellow tree-lover, a parent looking for ways to support your child’s mental health, or just someone who needs a reason to unplug and take a walk, this episode is for you.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] - Why we fall back into old habits and the launch of our new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child
[1:20] - Introducing the episode theme: my love for trees and what they offer us mentally and emotionally
[3:14] - What Peter Wohlleben teaches us about trees' communication, cooperation, and support systems
[5:55] - Why intergenerational connections matter—and how forests model this beautifully
[7:03] - Green spaces and mental health: insights from Denmark and beyond
[9:02] - Understanding the default mode network and why downtime is vital for brain development
[12:25] - How nature improves test performance: the Johns Hopkins study and real-life results
[14:30] - A personal story of helping a student prep for the ACT with a walk in the woods
[16:08] - The danger of overscheduling our kids and the need for daily unstructured time
[17:40] - My son’s dreamy daydreaming as a child and how it shaped his path as a composer
[18:50] - How to gently support kids in managing phone use and embracing digital downtime
[19:46] - Final reflections and a call to get out in nature and enjoy a moment of peace and connectionLinks & Resources:
- The Hidden Life of Trees by Peter Wohlleben: https://www.peterwohllebenbooks.com/
· Article: "Rest Is Not Idleness" by Mary Helen Immordino-Yang: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26168472/
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
A Teen Perspective on Teen School Phone Policies
Hey folks, Ned here. If you're anything like me, you're always curious about how the younger generation views the world we're handing them—including the phones we put in their pockets and the …
Notes de l’épisode
Hey folks, Ned here. If you're anything like me, you're always curious about how the younger generation views the world we're handing them—including the phones we put in their pockets and the social platforms we love to worry about. In this episode, I sit down with two remarkable high school students, Ellie and Flair, to talk not just about screen time and school phone policies, but how they really experience technology, anxiety, education, and what it means to grow up today.
Ellie and Flair are bright, honest, and totally engaging. They bring a much-needed perspective on teen tech use, mental health, screen addiction, and the nuanced balance between connection and distraction. This isn’t a conversation about teens—it’s a conversation with them. You’ll walk away with new insight into what our kids are thinking and feeling, and hopefully, how we can better support them.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Welcome and an exciting announcement about the new workbook
[1:30] Ellie reflects on generational changes in parenting and tech use
[3:35] Meet our brilliant guests: Flair and Ellie
[5:16] What BCC High School is like—diversity, size, and school culture
[6:17] Launching into today’s topic: phones, social media, and school policies
[8:23] What “PMDs” are and how new rules are enforced (or not)
[10:49] Why students in advanced classes often self-regulate better
[12:03] Calling out the adult double standard in screen use
[14:05] Social media as both connection and distraction
[17:01] Doomscrolling vs. genuine engagement—mental health reflections
[18:17] The healing power of nature and how it competes with dopamine
[21:05] How overprotection in the real world may fuel under-preparation
[24:51] Discussing “The Anxious Generation” and parental fears
[27:52] Does banning phones really solve anything?
[29:11] Ellie gets real about anxiety, overdiagnosis, and support systems
[33:11] Why blanket policies don’t reflect lived experience
[36:16] Can schools craft phone policies with students, not just for them?
[40:58] On class, academic support, and how expectations shape outcomes
[45:56] Highlighting the MoCAT exhibit and teen voice in action
[48:34] Final reflections: What teens really need from adultsLinks & Resources:
The Museum of the Contemporary American Teenager (MoCAT): July 2–7 on the National Mall https://festival.si.edu/2025/youth-future-culture/mocat
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Reimagining Education with Dr. Stuart Slavin
Hey folks, Ned here! This episode is a continuation of our eye-opening conversation with Dr. Stuart Slavin, a pediatrician, medical educator, and mental health advocate who's making waves in education …
Notes de l’épisode
Hey folks, Ned here! This episode is a continuation of our eye-opening conversation with Dr. Stuart Slavin, a pediatrician, medical educator, and mental health advocate who's making waves in education reform. We dive deep into the hidden stressors in elite academic environments and explore what happens when you challenge the status quo.
In Part Two of our discussion, Stuart unpacks his groundbreaking research on high-performing high schools and reveals the sobering mental health statistics that too often go unnoticed. We also talk about real, practical solutions—from pass/fail grading to autonomy-supportive school cultures—that can drastically improve students' well-being without sacrificing academic outcomes. It's a powerful reminder that doing well and being well don't have to be at odds.
Episode Highlights:
[1:54] - Welcoming back Dr. Stuart Slavin and setting the stage for Part Two of our conversation.
[3:38] - Why it's "and," not "or": unpacking social media's role in student stress alongside deeper cultural forces.
[6:31] - Eye-opening survey data from 18 high schools revealing staggering rates of anxiety and depression.
[9:25] - Students define themselves by grades; extracurriculars are no longer fun—they're just more stress.
[11:19] - The "free day" pilot at SLU: one day off every other week led to better mental health and test scores.
[13:32] - How principles from positive psychology boosted connection, meaning, and performance.
[16:33] - Letting go of false incentives: moving from extrinsic to intrinsic motivation through pass/fail reforms.
[17:53] - Challenges schools face in shifting culture and making bold changes.
[20:06] - Stuart's upcoming parenting book: offering families a saner, science-based path to raising healthy kids.
[22:56] - It's not just the kids: how we're all part of the system that's failing them.
[25:49] - Schools must redefine what makes them "good": test scores or student wellness?
[29:22] - Practical mental health tools: meditation, breathing, and cognitive restructuring.
[33:41] - Real-life stories from students who found unexpected joy outside the Ivy League.
[35:26] - The dangers of rigid, narrow goals and the power of reframing.
[37:21] - Autonomy, connection, competence: how self-determination theory explains what students need.
[41:09] - Schools can change—if they have the courage. The research is clear, the model is ready.
[42:33] - A challenge to school leaders: want to try this? We’re in. Let’s make it happen.
Links & Resources:
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Dr. Stuart Slavin: Simple Curricular Changes That Decreased Student Depression by 85% AND Raised Board Scores
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Stuart Slavin—pediatrician, medical educator, and a true superhero in the world of educational reform. Stuart’s groundbreaking work has shown that yes, we can dramatically …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Stuart Slavin—pediatrician, medical educator, and a true superhero in the world of educational reform. Stuart’s groundbreaking work has shown that yes, we can dramatically improve student mental health without compromising academic performance—and he has the results to prove it.
We get into why today's high schoolers are more stressed than med students, how maladaptive perfectionism is quietly damaging our youth, and what it really means to build resilience that lasts. Whether you're a parent, educator, or just someone who cares deeply about kids and learning, you don’t want to miss this conversation. Stuart's work is inspiring, actionable, and—best of all—hopeful.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] - Introducing our new workbook, "The 7 Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child".
[1:08] - Dr. Stuart Slavin on the surprising pressures teens face—more intense than med school.
[3:22] - Stuart’s origin story and how a curriculum role led to mental health reform.
[5:32] - How adolescent anxiety and perfectionism carry into adulthood.
[7:42] - The dangerous cost of maladaptive perfectionism and chronic stress.
[8:36] - What Stuart’s research revealed about depression, suicide risk, and medical students.
[11:41] - The 3-part intervention that changed everything at Saint Louis University.
[14:10] - Can cutting 10% of class time improve both health and test scores? (Spoiler: Yes.).
[17:54] - How a 90-minute resilience curriculum taught students to challenge toxic thoughts.
[22:01] - Why we must teach kids to recognize and reframe distorted thinking early.
[24:20] - Replacing perfectionism with a healthy pursuit of excellence.
[26:53] - Ned shares his own experience with depression and the power of having tools.
[28:26] - From frustrated parent to systemic change: Stuart’s fight for student well-being.
[30:21] - Final thoughts: to help kids thrive, we have to start upstream.Links & Resources:
- Learn more about Dr. Stuart Slavin's work at ACGME: https://www.acgme.org/
- Episode 49 of The Self-Driven Child: How To Redesign Schools to Unleash Extraordinary Learning For All
- Research cited in the episode:
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Six Steps to Being a Non-Anxious Presence
Hey folks, Ned here. In this episode, I’m diving into something that feels more essential now than ever—how to be a non-anxious presence for the people who count on you. Whether it’s your kids, students …
Notes de l’épisode
Hey folks, Ned here. In this episode, I’m diving into something that feels more essential now than ever—how to be a non-anxious presence for the people who count on you. Whether it’s your kids, students, partner, or even yourself, being that calm, steadying force can make all the difference. I know from personal experience and years of working with families that this isn’t easy, especially when the world feels like it’s spinning off its axis.
So, I break down six practical, research-backed steps you can take to help yourself stay grounded, build emotional resilience, and show up as the helper people need—even when things get messy. I’ll walk you through stories from my own life, including the toughest parenting experience I’ve faced, and offer concrete strategies for managing your own stress so you can be that safe harbor in the storm.
Episode Highlights:
[1:47] - Opening reflection on “helpers” and what it means to be a non-anxious presence.
[4:22] - Step 1: Assessing your own baseline level of stress and why many of us don’t realize how stressed we really are.
[7:56] - Step 2: Identifying your personal stress triggers using the N.U.T.S. framework. (Novelty, Unpredictability, Threat, Low Sense of Control).
[11:34] - Step 3: Spotting your “tells” and emotional signals when you're not at your best.
[14:10] - Step 4: Claiming your space—how to communicate your emotional needs without blowing up.
[19:32] - Step 5: Facing challenges by confronting your fears and reframing anxious thinking.
[22:18] - Step 6: Emergency and preventative stress relief techniques—laughter, breathing, exercise, and more.
[24:40] - Personal story: How my son and I reframed our thinking during his brain tumor diagnosis and what we both learned about resilience and peace.
[26:50] - Final thoughts on raising kids to thrive through hardship and modeling courage and calm.Links & Resources:
- How Exercise Can Calm Anxiety: https://archive.nytimes.com/well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/03/how-exercise-can-calm-anxiety/
- The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook - Out now!
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Ch. 8: "Seven Principles" for Supporting Student & Teacher Autonomy in Schools
In this episode, I’m joined by my dear friend and co-author, Dr. Bill Stixrud. We dive into a topic that’s been at the heart of so many recent conversations: how schools can do a better job supporting students’ …
Notes de l’épisode
In this episode, I’m joined by my dear friend and co-author, Dr. Bill Stixrud. We dive into a topic that’s been at the heart of so many recent conversations: how schools can do a better job supporting students’ mental health, motivation, and overall well-being.
Bill and I have spent a lot of time lately visiting schools, giving talks, and listening—really listening—to what kids are telling us about their experience in today’s education system. We’re talking chronic stress, anxiety, and a relentless pressure to perform that’s robbing too many students of joy and curiosity. In this episode, we explore why this is happening, how schools got here, and most importantly, what we can do to change it. From the science of autonomy to the powerful impact of rethinking homework, we unpack real strategies that can make school a place of growth, not just grades.
Episode Highlights:
[1:07] – A student’s bold question about homework and mental health gets a thunderous response.
[2:25] – Why we took a hard look at public schools in our new book’s bonus chapter.
[3:29] – The critical role of autonomy in mental health and intrinsic motivation.
[5:03] – Two big opportunities for schools: more voice and healthier environments.
[6:16] – Striking data: mental health outcomes are worse during the school year.
[8:14] – Students share how their lives revolve around impressing college admissions officers.
[11:00] – Why school often ignores what neuroscience says about how brains actually learn.
[13:32] – A principal shadows students for a day—and is shocked by the experience.
[14:30] – The importance of downtime and unstructured moments between classes.
[16:33] – Three steps for teachers to reflect on the purpose and impact of homework.
[18:28] – Low intrinsic motivation is linked to nearly every mental health issue.
[19:34] – A bold shift: one district makes homework optional and ungraded.
[22:17] – How over-emphasizing homework can backfire on learning and wellness.
[23:14] – Reducing content, adding autonomy: how med schools improved outcomes.
[24:56] – Can we build schools that foster joy, not just performance?
[29:47] – Inspire, don’t require: how one school reimagined homework.
[34:31] – Collaborating across schools and communities to create real change.
[36:14] – Parents can respectfully ask for the evidence behind educational practices.
[38:21] – Radical downtime, meditation, and how calmer minds lead to better learning.
[39:59] – Final thoughts: Let's reframe schools as places of growth, joy, and human development.Links & Resources:
- https://www.cdc.gov/classroom-management/approaches/student-autonomy-empowerment.html
- https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/childrens-risk-of-suicide-increases-on-school-days/
- https://news.yale.edu/2020/01/30/national-survey-students-feelings-about-high-school-are-mostly-negative
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
How To Redesign Schools to Unleash Extraordinary Learning For All
If you’ve ever looked at your kid’s school and thought, “Is this really the best we can do?”—this episode is for you. I sat down with the incredible Jenee Henry Wood, a national leader in community-based school …
Notes de l’épisode
If you’ve ever looked at your kid’s school and thought, “Is this really the best we can do?”—this episode is for you. I sat down with the incredible Jenee Henry Wood, a national leader in community-based school design, and co-author of Extraordinary Learning for All. We dive deep into why our current educational system—designed a hundred years ago for a very different world—often fails to meet the needs of today’s young people, and what it would look like to redesign schools to actually serve them better.
Jenee brings so much wisdom, humor, and hope to this conversation. We talk about the real challenges of educational reform, how parents and students can become catalysts for change, and what it takes to create schools that are co-owned and co-loved by the communities they serve. Trust me, this isn’t your typical education podcast—it’s a call to action rooted in agency, relevance, and hope.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] - Introducing the episode and our latest book, The Self-Driven Child Workbook
[1:44] - What does it mean to redesign schools—and are today’s schools meeting kids’ needs?
[3:01] - Jenee Henry Wood shares her background and mission with Transcend Education
[5:46] - The “three big ideas” behind redesigning education: design awareness, prioritizing experience, and community-based transformation
[11:15] - Why the old model of school no longer fits the world our kids are inheriting
[12:52] - The politics of change: why we stall at the 20% we disagree on
[15:07] - What kids and parents really want from school (hint: it’s not just test prep)
[17:22] - The power of voice, agency, and building trust in the redesign process
[20:56] - A powerful story from North Dakota about shifting from imposed solutions to shared ownership
[24:31] - How to start a redesign process—yes, even without a superintendent's blessing
[26:54] - Jenee’s message of hope: “Institutions are of us, from us. Change starts with you.”Links & Resources:
- Transcend Academy Website: https://transcendeducation.org/
- Extraordinary Learning for All: How Communities Design Schools Where Everyone Thrives: https://www.amazon.com/Extraordinary-Learning-All-Communities-Everyone/dp/1394230540
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Our New Book! The Seven Principles For Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook
In this very special episode, I sit down with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud to celebrate the arrival of our third “baby” — our brand new book, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A …
Notes de l’épisode
In this very special episode, I sit down with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud to celebrate the arrival of our third “baby” — our brand new book, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook. If you’ve ever read our earlier books (The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say?), and found yourself thinking, “I love these ideas, but how do I actually apply them?”—this episode (and this book!) is for you. We created this workbook to help you go beyond the theory and actually make the Self-Driven Child way your way.
Bill and I unpack the inspiration behind the workbook and walk through the seven core principles that anchor it. We talk about everything from building calm, connected homes to the delicate art of motivating kids without trying to change them. Along the way, we share powerful stories from families we’ve worked with, lessons from years of practice, and candid reflections from our own parenting journeys. This episode has actionable insights to support you—and your kids—in building a happier, healthier, and more autonomous life.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] - Kicking things off with the big news: our new book has officially launched!
[3:00] - Why we wrote a workbook and how it supports parents in putting ideas into practice.
[6:24] - How old myths about parenting can derail connection, and why reflecting is essential.
[8:39] - Real-life stories of transformation when parents shift their approach.
[11:15] - It takes practice to make new parenting habits stick—why this book is about just that.
[13:25] - Diving into the first principle: “Put connection first” and why it matters most.
[15:00] - Principle #2: Be a consultant, not the boss—fostering autonomy through trust.
[16:19] - Communicating healthy vs. toxic expectations—and the power of belief in your kid.
[17:33] - Why kids need an accurate model of reality (and success isn't a straight line).
[21:03] - Motivating kids without trying to change them—how to be more effective and empathetic.
[24:22] - The critical role of being a non-anxious presence and how it strengthens the whole family.
[25:14] - Principle #6: Practicing radical digital downtime for mental clarity and brain health.
[26:26] - Bonus chapter! What education could look like if we built it around brains, not just grades.
[33:51] - Our favorite exercises from the workbook—and how they’ll help you build connection and effectiveness.Links & Resources:
To order The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook: https://politics-prose.com/book/9780143138259
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
From Damsel in Distress to Superhero: The Making of a Teen Mental Health Advocate For Students
If you've ever felt like the challenges of school, stress, and expectations are just too much, you’re not alone. In this episode, I sit down with the incredible Riana Alexander, a college freshman and …
Notes de l’épisode
If you've ever felt like the challenges of school, stress, and expectations are just too much, you’re not alone. In this episode, I sit down with the incredible Riana Alexander, a college freshman and mental health advocate, who turned her own struggles into a movement for change. Riana opens up about her journey—from a high-achieving student battling anxiety and depression to the founder of Arizona Students for Mental Health, a nonprofit dedicated to improving mental health resources in schools. We also dive into her fight for change within her school district, the resistance she faced, and the powerful impact she and her peers have made.
We also discuss the misconceptions around mental health, the role schools should play in student well-being, and how adults can better support struggling teens. If you’re a student, a parent, or an educator, this conversation will challenge and inspire you. A quick content note: We do discuss suicidal ideation and suicide in this episode. If you or someone you know needs support, call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Episode Highlights:
[3:10] – Meet Riana: A college student, mental health advocate, and founder of Arizona Students for Mental Health.
[5:49] – Riana’s struggle with anxiety and depression during high school and how she found her way forward.
[7:55] – The disconnect between academic pressure and mental health—and how schools often miss the signs.
[12:45] – The tragic events that sparked Riana’s advocacy work.
[15:40] – Facing school board resistance: “This isn’t a school problem”.
[25:42] – How student-led advocacy finally pushed the district to take action.
[30:29] – The launch of the Hope Institute and its life-saving impact.
[32:34] – What adults can do to support struggling teens.
[42:16] – The importance of asking direct questions about mental health.
[49:27] – Why open conversations and community involvement are key to change.Links & Resources:
- Suicide Prevention Hotline: https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox
- How to talk to someone who may be in crisis: https://jedfoundation.org/resource/how-to-ask-someone-if-theyre-thinking-about-suicide/
- Washington Post article featuring Riana Alexander https://wapo.st/3Qvyyd7
- Arizona Students For Mental Health:
- Children's Risk of Suicide Rises on School Days: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/childrens-risk-of-suicide-increases-on-school-days/
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
Get trusted, research-grounded parenting advice based on Ned Johnson’s work with Dr. William Stixrud, available through Human Up in an interactive, personalized format. Podcast listeners can try the app free for three months with no obligation. Visit humanup.com or visit our episodes' show notes to access this special offer.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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