Phases – A Parenting podcast with Dr Courtney

The matching pajamas, elaborate traditions, holiday outings, cookie decorating, and endless activities… When did making the holidays magical become another parenting job? In this episode, Dr. Courtney and Scott talk about the pressure parents feel to create picture-perfect holiday memories and why we sometimes get so caught up in making everything special that we forget to enjoy it ourselves. They explore what actually helps kids build lasting memories and how to make the holidays meaningful without adding more to your plate. Topics discussed include:

• Why we feel so much pressure to create magical holiday experiences for our kids.
• What actually helps children form lasting memories (and why the simplest moments may stick).
• How family traditions create connection and a sense of belonging.
• The social media comparison trap and the pressure to do it all.
• Why a holiday doesn't have to be perfect to be meaningful.
• Simple ways to create traditions your family genuinely enjoys, without overcomplicating things.

Because your kids don't need a perfect holiday. They need connection, time together, and traditions that feel like your family.

Have a question or topic you'd like us to cover? Send it to us at phases.fm/questions, and follow @Phases.fm for more of the psychology behind everyday kid behavior.

👻 Is this parenting advice helpful… or just plain scary?

In today’s episode, Dr. Courtney and Scott are busting some of the spookiest parenting advice out there! We’re separating fact from fiction, looking at what the research actually says, and reminding you that just because everyone says it doesn’t mean you have to follow it.

From comforting your child to setting boundaries, we’re digging into some common parenting myths, including:

• Are you spoiling your child by comforting them?
• Do you have to be tough to earn your child’s respect?
• Should you really listen to your child’s side of the story during a disagreement?
• Do kids always need a push to do hard things?
• Are time-outs bad parenting? And how can you use them effectively at home?

The takeaway? You don’t have to follow every piece of parenting advice you hear. Let’s look at what actually helps kids thrive!

Have a question for us? Leave it here, and we may answer it in our next Q&A. Follow us on Instagram and YouTube @Phases.fm, and share this episode with a friend who could use a little less scary parenting advice!

Dr. Courtney and her husband Scott discuss why shifting from telling kids what NOT to do to what TO do can make a difference in how we approach behavior. They break down the psychology behind clear directions, why kids may struggle to follow through even when they know the rules, and practical ways to help kids learn what to do instead.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why parents default to “Stop it!” and “Don't do that!” — and what kids may be missing from those directions.
• How to turn common behavior struggles into clear, actionable directions.
• Three simple ways to make directions easier for kids to understand and follow.
• What to do when your child knows what to do but still struggles to follow through.
• When saying “NO” or “STOP” is exactly what your child needs to hear.

The goal isn't to stop setting limits. It's to move beyond stopping unwanted behavior and start teaching the skills kids need to succeed.

Have a question for us? Leave it here, and we may answer it in our next Q&A!

October is Dyslexia Awareness month! Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, dive deeper into supporting struggling readers at home. Whether you suspect your child may have dyslexia or if they're just behind a bit in reading, this episode highlights the top tips that you can use to help your child read with confidence. We discuss:

• A review of what dyslexia is and how to explain it to your child.
• What parents often get wrong when trying to help their child with reading.
• The best tips to help with reading at home, including how to pick appropriate books and incorporate technology.
• Whether audiobooks are a 'shortcut' or a necessity for struggling readers.
• Homework tips that lessen the burden of reading at home.
• How to get more support with reading if your child is still struggling.

Resources Mentioned:

• Lexile Book Finder: https://hub.lexile.com/find-a-book/
• Scholastic Wizard: https://www.scholastic.com/teachers/teaching-tools/articles/looking-for-scholastic-book-wizard--here-s-where-to-find-it-.html
• Tonie Box
• Yoto Player
• Sora
• Libby
• Kindle Colorsoft

Have a question for Dr. Courtney? Leave it here and we may answer it in our next Q&A.

October is Dyslexia Awareness Month! Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, talk all about dyslexia, including:

• What dyslexia is (and what it's not)!
• How dyslexia impacts the way kids read.
• 10 signs of dyslexia that parents might miss.
• How to reframe the way you think about dyslexia.

Have a question for Dr. Courtney? Leave it here and we may answer it in our next Q&A.

Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, talk about how to approach parent-teacher conferences with confidence—not panic. From preparing ahead of time to navigating unexpected concerns, we share practical strategies to help parents feel more prepared, calm, and engaged in the conversation. In this episode, we cover:

• What your role is as a parent during the conference—and what isn’t your job.
• Why preparing ahead of time matters and what to think about before you walk in.
• How to stay calm when something unexpected comes up, especially when a teacher raises a concern.
• Questions to ask to get more information and better understand what your child is experiencing.
• How to turn the conference into a conversation rather than simply receiving a report about your child.

Have a question for us? Leave it here and we may ask it in the next Q&A.

Your child comes home upset because a friend excluded them, wouldn't let them play, said something hurtful, or suddenly seems to be pulling away. As a parent, how do you know when to step in—and when to let them work it out? In this episode, we talk about:

• How friendships change from younger elementary through middle school.
• Why neurodivergent kids may need additional support navigating friendship and social situations.
• How to know as a parent when you should step in and what to say to your kids.
• How to coach kids to feel confident handling social situations independently.
• Why it's important to check in with yourself to make sure you aren't projecting your own worries onto your kids.

Have a question for us? Leave it here and we may answer it in our next Q&A.

“How Was School?” “Fine.” “What Did You Do?” “Nothing.” Sound familiar?

You haven’t seen your child all day, so naturally, you want to know how their day went. But for many kids, especially neurodivergent kids, the dreaded after-school questions can feel more like an interrogation than an invitation to connect. So…is it the question? The timing? Or do they really just not want to talk to us?

In this episode, we’re breaking down why “How was school?” often gets us nowhere—and what parents can do instead. We’ll talk about why open-ended questions can be challenging for kids, why giving them time to decompress after school can make a huge difference, and how to create low-pressure opportunities for kids to actually open up.

We’ll cover:

• Why “How was school?” can be surprisingly difficult for kids to answer
• Why timing matters—especially right after pickup
• Fun and playful ways to ask about their day
• How to listen without immediately correcting, lecturing, or trying to solve the problem
• What to do when your child tells you something difficult or scary
• Signs that your child’s silence might be part of a bigger concern
• How to become the person your child feels safe coming to when something really matters

Have a question for us? Leave it here and we may answer it in our next Q&A.
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Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to provide medical, psychological, or professional advice. Every child and family is different, and the information shared in this episode may not apply to every situation. If you have concerns about your child’s behavior, development, emotional well-being, or mental health, we encourage you to seek guidance from a qualified healthcare or mental health professional who can provide individualized support.

Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, talk about common phrases that kids often say and break down what's likely happening underneath the surface for our kids. We talk about:

• "I hate school."
• "You're so mean!"
• "I can't do it."
• "I don't care."
• "Leave me alone."
• "I didn't do it!"
• "Nobody likes me."

We share helpful ways to respond to these phrases - as well as what not to do - to help you feel confident the next time your child says something they may not really mean.

Have a question for us? Leave it here and we may answer it in our next Q&A!
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Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to provide medical, psychological, or professional advice. Every child and family is different, and the information shared in this episode may not apply to every situation. If you have concerns about your child’s behavior, development, emotional well-being, or mental health, we encourage you to seek guidance from a qualified healthcare or mental health professional who can provide individualized support.

Dr. Courtney and her husband, Scott, share their top tips for navigating homework battles at home. They discuss:

• What typically happens for parents when homework becomes a struggle.
• The science behind what really could be going on for kids - and how to help.
• What to avoid that often makes the homework battle worse.
• What to do when you need more support.

Helpful Homework Tools Mentioned:

• Visual Timer
• Wiggle Stool
• Bumpy Cushion
• Checklist

Got a question for Dr. Courtney? Leave it here and we may answer it in our next Q&A.

In this episode, Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, share their favorite books, apps and tech for reading that they recommend for preschool and elementary aged kids. Dr. Courtney also shares her favorite books for special topics, such as neurodiversity, social/emotional development and growth mindset.

Preschool

• Busytown books
• Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site
• Hotrod Hamster
• Dragons Love Tacos & High Five series
• How to Catch Books
• The Gruffalo / Room on the Broom
• Peppa Pig Series
• Bluey Books
• You Can Do it - Sesame Street
• Little People, Big Dreams
• Beautiful Oops
• The Little Engine that Could
• Pete the Cat series
• Chicka Chicka Boom Boom
• Lift the Flap Books: First 100 Animals; Q&A About Dinosaurs, etc.
• Little Kids First Big Book of Why
• I Can Read Phonics Boxes

Early Elementary (K-2)

• I Can Read Level Books
• Graphic Novels:
  • Elephant & Piggy Series
  • Dog Man Series
  • Captain Underpants
  • Babysitters Little Sister
  • Narwhal & Jelly
  • Bird & Squirrel
• Creepy Underwear Series
• Very Impatient Caterpillar Series
• Fly Guy Series
• The Questioneers Series - e.g. Rosie Revere; Ada Twist Scientist
• Search and Find Books -- Where is Claris? Where's Waldo?
• Early Chapter books
  • Eerie Elementary
  • Magic Tree House
  • Junie B Jones
  • Amelia Bedelia
  • Wild Robot
  • Mercy Watson Series

Reading Apps/Devices

• Sora App (Audio Books / Library books for kids)
• Epic Books (Leveled DRA / Audio Books)
• Tonie Box or Yoto Player
• Kindle Colorsoft for Kids

Upper Elementary (3-5)

• Last Kids on Earth
• I Survived
• My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish
• Big Nate
• Comics - Marvel; Calvin and Hobbes
• Wayside school
• Diary of a Wimpy Kid
• Judy Blume Fudge Series
• Baby Sitters Club
• Wings of Fire
• National Park Mystery Series
• The Way Things Work

Special Topics

• ADHD/Autism: Its Hard to Be A Verb; I Have Ants in My Pants; My Mouth is a Volcano; Uniquely Wired all by Julia Cook
• Growth Mindset: Your Fantastic Elastic Brain by Joann Deak
• Neurodiversity: Wonderfully Wired Brains by Luise Gooding
• Anxiety/Perfectionism: The Girl who Never Made Mistakes by Mark Pett & Gary Rubenstein
• Emotions: The Color Monster by Anna Lleanas

Have a question for Dr. Courtney? Submit it here and we may answer it in the next Q&A.

Dr. Courtney Tolinski, and her husband, Scott, talk about what happens when kids do really well at school, but meltdown at home. They get into all of the science behind why kids this happens, including:

• Why the nervous system can hold it together at school but is dysregulated at home.
• How to recognize and identify patterns that trigger meltdowns.
• The do's and don'ts of after school schedules.
• Scripts and behavior management strategies that help to manage big behaviors.
• Where to go when you need more support.

In this episode, Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, talk about why the back to school season can be harder for many kids. It's filled with big transitions and more structure, which often lead to big feelings and behaviors. Topics discussed include:

• Why going back-to-school is often hard for kids.
• How to prep your kids for the transition in the weeks leading up to going back to school.
• Special considerations for neurodiverse kids.
• Scripts that parents can use to help their kids stay calm and feel confident the night before and week of.
• Remembering to celebrate the wins and shift the hard stuff after the first week.
• How to access our back-to-school guide for neurodiverse kids.

Got a question for Dr. Courtney? Leave it here and we may answer it in our next Q&A.

Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, discuss how dysregulated behaviors can actually look like disrespect - and why it's important to distinguish. They get into:

• What dysregulation actually looks like in kids, including the signs to pay attention to.
• What's going on underneath dysregulated behavior.
• Scripts that parents can use in moments of heightened dysregulation that actually help.
• What not to say to kids when they're trying to regulate themselves, and what to do once they've calmed down.
• Where and when to get more support if the typical strategies don't help.

Have a question about neurodiversity or raising kids? Ask us here and we may answer it in our next Q&A!

Dr. Courtney and her husband Scott talk all about what to do when your child says the dreaded, "I'm Bored!". They discuss:

• Why boredom isn't an emergency - and parents shouldn't panic.
• Real life skills that kids actually develop when they navigate boredom.
• Reasons why dealing with boredom may be harder for some kids - and what to do about it.
• What to say the next time your kid says "Im bored!"

Got a question? Ask us here and we may answer it in the next Q&A.

Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, discuss executive functioning skills - what they are, how they impact kids' success and why it's important to pay attention to. Topics covered include:

• What are executive functioning skills?
• How executive functioning skills show up during the phases of childhood.
• Why we need to help kids develop their executive functioning skills.
• Practical ways that parents can help their kids with these skills at home.
• Important reminders as parents to ask yourself when it still feels hard.

Have a question for Dr. Courtney? Head over to https://phases.fm/questions and we may cover your question in the next Q&A.

Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, discuss the reasons why it's important for parents to build in time for each other in the thick of parenting. They talk about:

• Why relationships often take a back seat when parenting.
• Why your relationship matters for your child's development.
• Signs your relationship may need some attention.
• Easy, practical ways to stay connected to each other.
• Action steps to take if it still feels hard.

Have a question for Dr. Courtney? Head over to https://phases.fm/questions and we may answer it in the next Q&A.

In this Q&A episode, Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, will tackle your biggest parenting challenges at home. We cover:

• Tips for raising resilient and well rounded kids.
• How to navigate sensory overwhelm.
• Managing challenging behavior with toddlers.
• Parenting advice for the newborn phase.
• How to set your child up for success when switching between 'fun' and 'less-fun' activities.
• Ways to support your child when another sibling is often having a hard time.

Resources Mentioned:
- What To Expect The First Year
- Happiest Baby on the Block
- Simplest Baby Book in the World

Questions for Dr. Courtney? Submit them at Phases.Fm and we may cover them in the next Q&A episode.

In this episode, Dr. Courtney and her husband, Scott, unpack common behaviors that kids may show at all developmental phases and determine what is "normal" and what's not. We talk about the ways that parents often misinterpret these behaviors, how to reframe your expectations and when to get support if needed. Topics discussed include:

• Is it normal when your little kids don't listen to you?
• Is it normal if your younger kids are lying to you?
• Is it normal that my kid is an excellent, well behaved student at school but an emotional wreck at home?
• Is it normal that my teen is lazy and unmotivated?
• Is it normal if my older teen is closed off or seems annoyed all the time?

Tools Mentioned:
Visual Timer

White Board for Chores or Tasks

Questions for Dr. Courtney? Head over to Phases.fm to submit your question for the podcast!

Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, share their top tips that make traveling with kids a breeze. Whether you're going on an overseas trip or staying close to home, these tips will help to make summer travel easier and more fun for your family.

• Why summer travel can go wrong, but also why it's still amazing and we do it anyway!
• How to prep and plan with your kids even before the vacation starts.
• Why it's important to not over schedule your trip.
• What to pack (i.e. not just the clothes) and why it's so important.
• How to think about travel activities for kids and why we let go of screen time worries.
• Top tips for the day of travel (think busy airports or long car tips).
• How to manage big behaviors on the trip while staying calm.
• Remembering to think about adult time too!

Questions for Dr. Courtney? Head over to Phases.fm to submit your question for the podcast!

Dr. Courtney and her husband, Scott, talk about six incredible tools that you can make for your kids in minutes. These tips are not your standard AI slop. They are all created with your unique family's needs in mind - either to use your child's imagination and creativity, to promote structure or communication in your family, or to enhance your child's confidence. We discuss prompts that you can easily enter (included below) and talk about ways to trouble shoot working with AI to make the process smoother.

1. Creating coloring pages for kids (ideal for preschool - 2nd grade).

Prompt: "A children's coloring page, featuring a "cute bunny, rainbows, unicorns and/or candy," thick clean black lines, minimalist, flat white background, no shading, no grayscale, whimsical and fun style, high resolution." **Tip: Will only do 1 page at a time. To create more, prompt with "Make another one" for as many as you need.**

2. Make a visual schedule for your family (works for any age - adjust for your kid's developmental level).

Prompt: "Make me a visual schedule for my family to use. It should have images and a chart easy to read." Then go into specifics... e.g. "We have 2 kids, ages 6 and 8. At 9am, we eat breakfast. At 10am, we play outside. At 12pm, we eat lunch. At 1pm, we take a nap. At 2pm, we play or go to the park. At 4pm, we read a book. At 5pm, we eat dinner. At 7pm, we take baths and get ready for bed. At 8pm, we go to sleep."

3. Create a chore chart for your kids to help around the home (works for any age - adjust for your kid's developmental level).

Prompt: "Make me a visual chore chart that my kids can check off each day. Chores include (specify here): e.g. walking the dog, emptying the dishwasher, making their bed, putting clothes away, taking out the trash and brushing their teeth."

4. Make a specialized feelings chart for your child to help them connect with and talk about their feelings.

Prompt: "Make me a feelings chart with 15 different feelings for a 7 year old. Add a script in the chart that says "I feel___ when ___. I need ____".

5. Create a boredom menu for kids to look at when they're feeling bored or need ideas on what to do.

Prompt: "Make me a chart that gives 10 different options my kids (age 6 and 8) can do when they are bored. Include visuals and the following ideas: read a book, draw, trampoline, marble run, eat a healthy snack, etc."

6. Develop an affirmation poster with your child that uses their words to describe their strengths and interests.

Prompt: "Can you create us a cool affirmation poster for a 9 year old boy? Here are his strengths: Playing Video Games, Coding, Making Funny Comics, Good at math & science, I'm nice, Im very funny, i'm a good doodler, extremely good friend." **Tip: Tweak as needed to make it look/sound like your child or have the aesthetic your child likes.

Questions for Dr. Courtney? Head over to Phases.fm to submit your question for the podcast!

Dr. Courtney and her husband, Scott, discuss how to create a summer that is both intentional and fun for your family. They discuss:

• Why summer can be so disregulating for families.
• How to structure your summer to provide a sense of balance and joy.
• The reason why siblings fight more during the summer and what to do about it.
• Juggling work and having kids at home.
• Becoming intentional about your needs and how you want to show up as a parent this summer.

Questions for Dr. Courtney? Head over to Phases.fm to submit your question for the podcast!

Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott, talk all things family game night. They discuss:

• How games are legitimate learning tools to foster cognitive, academic, executive functioning and social skills.
• The sense of structure and routine for your family that game nights provide, all while building connection.
• Game ideas for all different phases of development - preschool through adolescence.
• What to do when game nights go wrong (meltdowns, cheating and more).
• How to make game nights stick in your routine.

Links to Games

Preschool

• Zingo
• Sequence for Kids
• Candy Land
• Chutes and Ladders

Early Elementary (K-2nd Grade)

• Uno
• Sleeping Queens
• Pokemon Labyrinth
• Monopoly Junior
• Connect 4
• Guess Who
• Rat a Tat Cat
• Clue Jr
• Charades for Kids
• Guess in 10
• Math Island
• My First Carcassonne
• Ticket to Ride First Journey
• Catan Jr

Late Elementary (3-5th Grade)

• Cascadia
• Ticket to Ride
• Rummikub
• Scrabble
• Sequence
• Settlers of Catan

Middle School+

• Codenames
• Scattergories
• Monopoly
• Yahtzee
• Exploding Kittens
• Playing Cards
• Euchre

Cooperative

• Hoot Owl Hoot
• Outfoxed

Questions for Dr. Courtney? Head over to Phases.fm to submit your question for the podcast!

We're discussing the October 2025 article by The Cut, titled "Do Deeply Feeling Kids Really Exist?" This article challenges Dr. Becky Kennedy's concept of a 'Deeply Feeling Kid,' citing that many parents who subscribed to this community ended up missing that their child was neurodivergent. We get into:

• What is a Deeply Feeling Kid?
• The concept of a Highly Sensitive Child, which was first introduced in the late 1990's.
• The article's criticisms of the Deeply Feeling concept and how it says it failed many parents.
• What are key signs of neurodiversity that you need to look out for if you have a deeply feeling child.
• How neurodiversity and deeply feeling/highly sensitive kids often overlap.
• What to do if you suspect your child may be deeply feeling/highly sensitive but also neurodivergent.

Questions for Dr. Courtney? Head over to Phases.fm to submit your question for the podcast!

In this episode, Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband, Scott Tolinski, talk about the secret to raising confident kids. Topics covered include:

• The research on confidence among kids and teens.
• What is confidence and where does it come from.
• Red flags to look out for as a parent that might indicate low self-confidence.
• How your can help as a parent to improve your child's confidence.

Have a question for Dr. Courtney?
Submit it at: phases.fm/questions

In today's episode, Dr. Courtney Tolinski and her husband Scott tackle what it means to be a 'Good Enough' parent. Topics covered include:

• Why many parents are feeling so drained right now.
• Research on 'Good Enough' parenting from Donald Winnicott.
• What Good Enough parenting actually looks like.
• 15-Minute parenting resets for the busy season of the end of the school year.
• Effective parenting hacks that are 'Good Enough'.

Have a question for Dr. Courtney?
Submit it at: phases.fm/questions

Dr. Courtney Tolinski is answering your top questions about parenting and child development. Topics covered in this episode include:

• How to talk to your child about their neurodivergent brain, including whether you should use "labels" and your own experiences to help them understand.
• Navigating what to do when your child and their friend (or siblings) have a conflict at your house.
• Helping preschool-aged kids manage their big feelings and how to stay calm in the storm.
• Knowing when to consider medication for a child with ADHD and how to work with their teacher to manage it.
• Does gentle parenting actually produce successful adults?
• What to do if your child has a big dream (professional sports; artist, etc.) and you want to be both realistic and supportive.

Resources Discussed:

https://explainingbrains.com/

https://www.understood.org/

Have a question for Dr. Courtney?
Submit it at: phases.fm/questions

Have a question for the Courtney?
Submit it at: phases.fm/questions
Q&A episodes are coming!

Dr. Courtney and Scott talk about the surprising ways that anxiety might show up in your child. They discuss:

• What anxiety looks like in kids (and how it's different from adults).
• The worry cycle that kids often get stuck in and how to recognize it.
• How parents often respond to worry in ways that may make it worse for their kids.
• Tools to actually teach your child science-backed tools to help them (and you!) cope with it.
• How to recognize when therapy may be a helpful addition to your child's life.

Helpful Resources Discussed:

Go Noodle Mindfulness Videos on Youtube
https://www.gonoodle.com/

Guided Anxiety Book (CBT) for Kids
https://amzn.to/423a8NL

Anxiety Book to Help Parents
https://amzn.to/4mEHn3P

If you liked this episode, let us know if you want to hear more about anxiety!

phases.fm

Have a question for the Courtney?
Submit it at: phases.fm/questions
Q&A episodes are coming!

Courtney and Scott talk about what self care actually looks like when you’re parenting and already stretched thin. They talk about why self-care isn’t selfish (it’s how you stay regulated enough to show up), how it changes depending on what phase your kid is in, and how to find small pockets of time when your day already feels full.

Pick one small thing from this episode and try it this week.

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You've noticed the signs. Now what? In part two of this series, Courtney and Scott break down the actual steps you can take when you suspect your child has a learning disability. Who to call first, what to ask for, what evaluations look like, and what rights you have as a parent (more than you probably think).

In this episode:

• Where to start when you suspect a learning disability
• The difference between school evaluations and private evaluations
• What to say to your child's teacher (and what to ask for)
• Your legal rights as a parent and how to use them
• What an IEP and 504 plan actually are and how to get one
• How to advocate for your kid without feeling like you're fighting the system