When Words Don't Work: Finding a Way Forward

Whether it’s an intractable dispute at the United Nations or a teenager’s dirty clothes on the floor, some conflicts are impossible to solve with words.

When we raise difficult issues in our relationships, such as whether to have a child, address a partner’s alcohol consumption, or negotiate spending, we may discover that the other person stonewalls. A refusal to engage can take us from one difficult question to another: what does obstruction say about the relationship? Are we strong enough to handle difficult conversations?

When repeated attempts at communication fail, a different approach may be needed. Deb shares her mentor’s rule: if you have clearly raised an issue three times without a meaningful response, it is time to step back and find support, perhaps from a friend, a therapist or a lawyer. This can lead to self-examination, a new perspective, or facing a painful reality and developing the strength to act.

The famous conflict between Jung and Freud proved unresolvable, leading to a permanent schism between the two giants of psychoanalysis. This plunged Jung into his confrontation with the unconscious that generated all his subsequent work and established analytical psychology as a discipline. Creative possibilities can arise if we have the strength to move on when there is no prospect of repair with the other.

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