Just Do Nothing: Parenting Better by Doing Less
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Now on to today's episode:
What if the hardest part of parenting adult children isn’t knowing what to do—but knowing when to stop?
In this episode of Bite Your Tongue, Denise sits down with licensed therapist and author Joanna Hardis to unpack her counterintuitive but powerful philosophy: doing nothing can be one of the most supportive things a parent does.
Joanna introduces the concept of distress tolerance—our ability to sit with discomfort without reacting—and explains why parents so often over-function, over-talk, over-explain, and over-apologize when their adult children struggle. While it may feel helpful in the moment, those reactions are often driven by our own anxiety rather than our child’s actual needs.
Together, Denise and Joanna explore:
- Why parents confuse love with action—and how that backfires
- How “doing nothing” is not abandonment, but emotional regulation
- The difference between responding thoughtfully vs. reacting emotionally
- Why swooping in sends the message “I don’t trust you”
- How over-talking and people-pleasing quietly erode connection
- The shift from doing mode to being mode in parenting
- Practical, small “weight-lifting” exercises to build distress tolerance
Joanna offers concrete tools parents can start using today—beginning with something surprisingly simple: putting your phone down and sitting with discomfort.
This conversation is a must-listen for parents who love deeply, worry constantly, and want healthier, calmer relationships with their adult children—without losing themselves in the process.
Guest Resources: 🌐 JoannaHardis.com
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Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.
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