2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

1. Shane Gillis vs SNL: Round 2 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   October 19, 20261 h 7 minEpisode 344

   SPONSORS: Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month. Download the DraftKings Sports app and use code BEARS. New DraftKings customers can spend five and get two hundred in total bonuses …

   Show notes

   SPONSORS:

   • Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month.

   • Download the DraftKings Sports app and use code BEARS. New DraftKings customers can spend five and get two hundred in total bonuses paid within 21 days – includes all markets.

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   This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in with Tom in Austin and Bert in New York for the Food & Wine Festival. Tom opens by tackling the Shane Gillis backlash from his SNL monologue, while Bert tries to stay out of it for once (he just really loves those pants). The Bears react to the livestreamed execution of the Fort Hood shooter getting called off. Then Bert declares himself Team Katie for new White House press secretary Katie Zacharia, from her shaky first briefing to her gym pics and the bar exam she failed, and the guys give her three months, tops. He also opens up about his people-pleasing after a woman on a plane Googles him and asks, "What did you do?" Plus: Condoleezza Rice's 9/11 story, Bert buying Napoleon's cologne in Paris, Pope Leo's surgery, a maintenance guy catching Bert's 54-year-old mirror selfie, Bert's street-interview do-over, Chris Distefano charming Rachael Ray on Something's Burning, and Mark Zuckerberg's first Guinness.

   
   

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 344

   
   

   https://tomsegura.com/tour

   https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

   https://store.ymhstudios.com

   
   

   Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://ccpg.org/. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 21 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at https://dkng.co/audio. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State.

   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:00:58 - Shane Gillis' SNL Monologue

   00:06:28 - Bert Stays Quiet For Once & Those Gym Pants

   00:18:35 - The Fort Hood Shooter's Execution Gets Called Off

   00:23:15 - Katie Zacharia & Condoleezza Rice's 9/11 Story

   00:27:58 - The George Bushes & Napoleon's Cologne

   00:35:03 - The Press Secretary Failed The Bar & Bert's Oval Office Plan

   00:42:31 - "What Did You Do?" Bert Gets Googled On A Plan

   00:48:25 - Pope Leo, Bert's Mirror Selfie, & The Street Interview Do-Over

   00:56:50 - Chris Distefano Charms Rachael Ray

   01:01:30 - Zuckerberg's First Guinness & Wrap Up

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2. The Sebastian Maniscalco SiriusXM Drama | 2 Bears, 1 Cave | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   October 12, 20261 h 11 minEpisode 343

   SPONSORS: If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Aligning for the Agentic Era: How AI Is Changing Everyday Work, at https://netsuite.com/BEARS. Start your free online …

   Show notes

   SPONSORS:

   • If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Aligning for the Agentic Era: How AI Is Changing Everyday Work, at https://netsuite.com/BEARS.

   • Start your free online visit today at http://hims.com/bears for personalized care-from hair to ED to weight loss and more.

   • Thanks to MANSCAPED® for sponsoring today’s episode! Get The Lawn Mower® Ultra Gen 6 for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com!

   • Sign up for your free Shopify trial at https://shopify.com/bears

   This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in from the road, with Tom in Atlanta and Bert in Philly on his Permission to Party World Tour. The Bears debate whether they'll watch the Pentagon's livestreamed firing squad execution of the Fort Hood shooter, then dig into the SiriusXM Raw Dog Radio shakeup that had comics coming after Sebastian Maniscalco, and how one video turned into Bert starting a comedians union (Leanne is handling it). From there, Bert swears he'll die with his beard, finally tells Tom about the shot in Bad Thoughts season two he can't believe made the cut, and gets fired up over hood horse racing in Mississippi. Plus: Mike Ditka's one-take steakhouse commercial, Michael Jordan finding his lost championship rings in a forgotten safe, Chamillionaire's $25,000 autograph, Barry Sanders and The Fridge, and Tom getting pitched hair transplants.

   
   

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 343

   
   

   https://tomsegura.com/tour

   https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

   https://store.ymhstudios.com

   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:06:15 - Should You Watch The Fort Hood Shooter's Execution?

   00:12:14 - Black Horse Racing & Sprinting On A Horse

   00:19:31 - Bert Will Die With This Beard & The Bad Thoughts Shot

   00:24:52 - SiriusXM, Raw Dog Radio, & The Sebastian Maniscalco Backlash

   00:35:19 - Bert's Comedians Union

   00:41:25 - Spam Calls & Mike Ditka's One-Take Commercial

   00:46:34 - Michael Jordan's Lost Championship Rings

   00:56:52 - Barry Sanders, The Fridge, & Elway's Two-Minute Drill

   01:03:07 - Tommy Time & Wrap Up

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3. The Most Delusional Man In Comedy | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   October 5, 20261 h 11 minEpisode 342

   SPONSORS: Head to https://BlueChew.com and buy two months of BlueChew Gold you get the third FREE with promo code BEARS. Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in …

   Show notes

   SPONSORS:

   • Head to https://BlueChew.com and buy two months of BlueChew Gold you get the third FREE with promo code BEARS.

   • Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS . Application times may vary. Rates may vary. Trustpilot rating as of 6/1/2025.

   • This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. Get 10% off your first month. Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to explore your payment options.

   • Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/bears

   • Sign up now and join over 14 million people already investing with Acorns. New customers get a $20 bonus investment just for signing up. Head to https://acorns.com/bears to claim your $20 bonus today. Limited time offer. Terms and conditions apply. See https://acorns.com/terms for details.

   This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer call in from opposite ends of the map: Tom on a day off from his movie in Atlanta, Bert from Cleveland's Rocket Mortgage arena. Bert pulls up old Hollywood stars next to today's to prove Tom belongs in Cocoon, and Tom fires back that Bert looks like ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag. Then Bert drags in an arena worker to vouch for his looks, and she guesses Tom is 45. From there, the Bears lock in a bench press push-up challenge, Bert asks Claude who he should support between Israel and Palestine, before he finally admits to needing a seatbelt extender. They also get into Zach Bryan's Free Palestine shirt at Gillette Stadium, Ari Emanuel's memoir Roll the Calls, Bert's brutal gum surgery, Tom Cruise's Digger, and Tom introducing Bert to the cinematic universe of Quan Millz.

   
   

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 342

   
   

   https://tomsegura.com/tour

   https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

   https://store.ymhstudios.com

   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:04:09 - Football, The Metric System, & Catching Strays

   00:09:13 - Tom Belongs In Cocoon

   00:16:07 - One-Drink Bert & The Bench Press Push-Up Challenge

   00:28:11 - Club Runs, Zach Bryan, & The Pillow Debate

   00:33:20 - Goodwill Listening & The Gillette Stadium Beef

   00:37:15 - Bert Asks Claude To Pick A Side

   00:44:10 - "Do You Need Readers, Ma'am?"

   00:46:58 - Pretty Privilege & Bert's Seatbelt Extender

   00:50:31 - Ari Emanuel's Memoir & The Quan Millz Universe

   00:58:24 - Animating Bert's Dreams & Tom Cruise's Digger

   01:05:23 - Oppenheimer On A Phone & Wrap Up

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4. Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth Out w/ Rob Lowe | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   September 28, 20261 h 53 minEpisode 341

   Presale tickets for Toms new tour Preposterous go live September 30th at 10am. Make sure to get yours over at https://tomsegura.com/tour and use code: TOMMY SPONSORS: Head to https://superpower.com/bears for …

   Show notes

   Presale tickets for Toms new tour Preposterous go live September 30th at 10am. Make sure to get yours over at https://tomsegura.com/tour and use code: TOMMY

   
   

   SPONSORS:

   • Head to https://superpower.com/bears for $50 off your membership. Get 150+ biomarkers tested every year plus a personalized health plan and on-demand care team. Detect early signs of 1,000+ conditions. #superpowerpod

   • Start learning a new language TODAY with Babbel. Right now listeners can save up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS.

   • Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you.

   • If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Aligning for the Agentic Era: How AI Is Changing Everyday Work, at https://netsuite.com/BEARS .

   • Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com, with code cave.

   This week, Tom is off somewhere, so Bert Kreischer is joined by the legendary Rob Lowe, back in the Cave to talk about his new movie The Musical, the Sundance comedy with a twist so audacious the big distributors were too scared to buy it, now playing in theaters. Rob breaks down the 18-day shoot, the moment that makes audiences gasp, and why a small theatrical run still beats a mystery streaming "hit." From there, the two get into learning stick on La Cienega, LeeAnn's endless story recaps, Tom Cruise pulling his own tooth for The Outsiders, and Paul Newman's legendary hangs. Bert opens up about his Free Bert season two meltdown and the night he forgot how to yawn, Rob shares what 36 years of sobriety taught him, and they pitch the ultimate Netflix show: 24 Hours with Rob & Bert, starring Mark Wahlberg as Dirk Diggler. Plus: Usher's house tour, Bryson DeChambeau's eagle, and the national anthem bit.

   
   

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 341

   
   

   https://tomsegura.com/tour

   https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

   https://store.ymhstudios.com

   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:00:39 - Skinny Bert & Driving Stick On La Cienega

   00:10:43 - Bert Doesn't Listen & The Cousin Who Can't Eat Anything With A Hoof

   00:23:54 - Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth & Butch Cassidy Cool

   00:32:05 - The Musical & The Twist Nobody Would Buy

   00:48:40 - The Night Bert Couldn't Yawn

   00:54:54 - Measured Drinking & Rob's 36 Years Sobriety

   01:00:37 - Paul Newman

   01:05:43 - Rob's Headshot Composites & Growing Up Before Phones

   01:11:15 - Timothée Chalamet, Press Tours, & Tom Cruise's Perfect Day

   01:20:22 - Mark Wahlberg's 4AM Club & Bryson DeChambeau's Eagle

   01:32:11 - Stunt Flying With Tom Cruise & & The National Anthem Bit

   01:41:58 - Humble Sons & Usher's Netflix House Tour

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5. Raygun Deserved The Gold Medal | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   September 21, 20261 h 13 minEpisode 340

   SPONSORS: New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS, spend five bucks to get $150 in rewards within 14 days - includes all markets. Get your free quote at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Let’s eat real. Head …

   Show notes

   SPONSORS:

   • New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS, spend five bucks to get $150 in rewards within 14 days - includes all markets.

   • Get your free quote at https://ethos.com/BEARS.

   • Let’s eat real. Head to https://factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. See website for more details.

   • Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears. 

   • Start learning a new language TODAY with Babbel. Right now listeners can save up to 60% off at https://babbel.com/BEARS.

   • Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you.

   This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are on separate sides of the country, but still together in our hearts. Tom's about to film a movie and Bert's been running his takes through ChatGPT before he says them out loud, which still doesn't stop LeeAnn and his daughters from destroying him over The Pastor's Wife. Bert explains how Last Comic Standing edited him into the villain, and how much public misrepresentation a person should take before they swing back; Michael Jackson, Shane Gillis, Johnny Depp, Joe Rogan, and Bert's "how many bees until you start swatting" theory. From there, Bert delivers the two greatest analogies of his life, Tom demands the production Bible for Tenet to understand it better, and Bert turns his garage door into a guillotine. They also get into Kyle Forgeard of Nelk Boys running seven marathons in seven days, Bert's daughters hijacking his couples therapy to tell the therapist he only feels emasculated at Lowe's, and Bert's case that Raygun should have won the gold medal and that Jackson Pollock was a shill.

   
   

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 340

   
   

   https://tomsegura.com/tour

   https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

   https://store.ymhstudios.com

   
   

   Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit http://ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 14 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at http://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State.

   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:00:38 - ChatGPT Approved Takes & Death Of The Pastor's Wife

   00:07:17 - How Many Bees Until You Start Swatting? + Purple Doritos

   00:15:02 - Tom's Movie Beard & Revisiting Tenet

   00:28:44 - 365 One-Minute Episodes & Bryson DeChambeau's Hole In One

   00:34:08 - Mountain Dew Sizzle

   00:38:01 - Football Segue

   00:39:19 - Kyle Forgeard's Seven Marathons & Andrew Schulz's Miami Era

   00:43:50 - Bert's Tom Impression & Couples Therapy With The Girls

   00:51:03 - The Honey Deuce & Bert's Return To Drinking

   00:56:16 - What Olympic Sport Could You Actually Get Good At?

   01:02:50 - Raygun Deserved The Gold & Jackson Pollock Was A Shill

   01:12:15 - Wrap Up

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6. What Percent Gay Are You? | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   September 14, 20261 h 13 minEpisode 339

   Check out Hoop and Huddle, YMH Studios' new comedy sports show, hosted by comedians Luke Touma & Nate Marshall. Two friends talking basketball, football, and whatever ruined their weekend. Less "analysts breaks …

   Show notes

   Check out Hoop and Huddle, YMH Studios' new comedy sports show, hosted by comedians Luke Touma & Nate Marshall. Two friends talking basketball, football, and whatever ruined their weekend. Less "analysts breaks down the tape," more "your boys yelling at the TV." https://www.youtube.com/@UCdaQbXFKAuvKcZcwieo8A6A

   SPONSORS:

   • Thanks to MANSCAPED® for sponsoring today’s episode! Get The Lawn Mower® Ultra Gen 6 for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com!

   • The DraftKings Sports app is now live in all 50 states! Head to https://dkng.co/bears

   • For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears

   • Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears.

   • Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you.

   Welcome back to the cave! Hunter Biden says he's 48% gay, which raises the only question that matters: what percent are you? Bert and Tom build the math from zero, clothes, dicks, physiques, saunas, eye patches, a $5,000 face laser, and Bert climbs a lot higher than he expected to.

   Along the way: why Bert can't watch Sophie Cunningham highlights, the uncomfortable truth about loving Jason Williams, John Stockton's total lack of pizzazz, the hunt for a white DB in the NFL, Bert calling his dad mid-episode to check the family for slave owners (Tom's family does not come out clean), Bert's sister telling him to grow up about his sleep anxiety, Ila volunteering to fight Tom's ten-year-old in the Octagon, the 2:30am Dodger Stadium aftermath, a device that grades your poop, and Bert's full-throated defense of the Philadelphia Eagles' male cheerleader.

   Plus: this week's Mountain Dew summer sizzle submissions, including one that requires $2.6 million of CGI and one that just shuts Bert up.

   
   

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 339

   
   

   https://tomsegura.com/tour

   https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

   https://store.ymhstudios.com

   
   

   In Partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get $50 in Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year, issued every 7 days via click to claim for 21 days. 1 non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends July 19th. Terms at https://dkng.co/audio.

   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:00:14 - Hunter Biden Says He's 48% Gay

   00:06:23 - Clip Farms, Sophie Cunningham, & Jason Williams

   00:15:32 - John Stockton, White Boxers & Tim Dwight

   00:29:23 - California's Slavery Bill & Bert Calls His Dad

   00:34:41 - The Girlfriend, The Sister, & The Fight Challenge

   00:42:34 - The Dodgers Game Aftermath & A Whoop For Your Toilet

   00:46:11 - Male Cheerleaders, Female Urologists, & Checking Out Men

   00:52:38 - Hiding From Lightning With A Grindr Meetup

   00:59:05 - Comedian OnlyFans & Ohtani's $17 Million Translator

   01:05:44 - Mountain Dew Summer Sizzle Submissions

   01:11:34 - Wrap Up

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7. Jelly Roll Called The President A Fat Pig | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   September 7, 20261 h 14 minEpisode 338

   SPONSORS: Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com Visit https://ethos.com/BEARS Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/bears Sign up now and …

   Show notes

   SPONSORS:

   • Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com

   • Visit https://ethos.com/BEARS

   • Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/bears

   • Sign up now and join over 14 million people already investing with Acorns. New customers get a $20 bonus investment just for signing up. Head to https://acorns.com/bears to claim your $20 bonus today. Limited time offer. Terms and conditions apply. See https://acorns.com/terms for details.

   • New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get $200 in rewards within 21 days - includes all markets.

   Welcome back to 2 Bears 1 Cave! This week Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer dive right in with Jelly Roll's headline-grabbing Kimmel monologue where he addressed the president as "from one fat pig to another." Bert then takes full credit for Jelly Roll's weight loss and the entire genesis of the Two Bears 5K, because technically he was in the room when that casually became a thing. They also have exciting news, a new 5K is coming in April and it's going to be bigger than ever.

   From there, Bert opens up about the panic attacks he's been having, severe, physical, and rooted in something he now understands: a complete lack of childhood bedtime structure. Tom grew up getting nightly Catholic prayers, a sign of the cross from mom, and the full rosary in the car for any trip over ten minutes. Bert grew up watching Letterman alone at nine years old at 3am while his dad slept off a ten mile run. The bears compare notes on childhood bedtime routines, how they each put their own kids down now, and what sleep anxiety looks like when it hits a grown adult, including Bert's most recent 36-hour panic attack that started when a friend told him he yawns too much and he forgot how to do it. He couldn't yawn for a day and a half. He finally yawned in couples therapy. That's where we are.

   They also get into Mel Gibson getting lightly canceled for mocking a sign language interpreter (on the scale of Mel Gibson incidents, this doesn't even register), a game of complimenting Salma Hayek on the one thing she's never heard in her 60 years on earth, Tom Hardy's new rap album, Jonah Hill's white belt jiu jitsu bravado and whether he'd actually beat Jason Bateman's ass, the Eddie Bravo black eye that made Bert walk out of a jiu jitsu class without ever taking his jeans off, and the Times Square Stabber whose fat padding made every taser completely ineffective and whose stabbing motion made this incident appear beyond ridiculous at first.

   
   

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 338

   
   

   https://tomsegura.com/tour

   https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

   https://store.ymhstudios.com

   
   

   Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Bet with DraftKings Sportsbook to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days OR Trade with DraftKings Predictions to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer void in New York. Non-withdrawable Rewards issued as Fifty dollar click-to-claims every seven days for twenty-one days. Terms at https://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State.

   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:00:18 - Jelly Roll Called Trump A Fat Pig on Kimmel

   00:15:49 - Mel Gibson's Sign Language Incident & Cancel Culture

   00:22:32 - Childhood Bedtimes & Panic Attacks

   00:33:38 - Putting Kids to Bed & Bert's Sleep Anxiety Deep Dive

   00:41:44 - Bert Forgot How to Yawn and Had a 36-Hour Panic Attack

   00:51:25 - Salma Hayek At 60

   00:55:47 - Tom Hardy's Album, Shapeshifters & Jonah Hill's White Belt Energy

   01:05:56 - The Times Square Waddling Stabber

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8. Breaking Down The Barstool Brawl | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   August 31, 20261 h 46 minEpisode 337

   SPONSORS: https://dkng.co/bears New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get $200 in rewards within 21 days, includes all markets. For simple, online access to personalized and …

   Show notes

   SPONSORS:

   • https://dkng.co/bears New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get $200 in rewards within 21 days, includes all markets.

   • For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears

   • If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, go to https://netsuite.ai/bears.

   • Visit https://Betterhelp.com/BEARS.

   • Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com, with code cave.

   Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave and surprise surprise, Bert opens with a confession: he wishes he'd never quit drinking. What follows is a full inventory of the modern male brain, the online pastor Tom watches every morning to get inspired, why 17-year-olds have no business being nostalgic for anything, the exact moment each of them gave up on playing pro sports, and why comedians never seem to get that same reality check. The guys break down Bert's Whoop addiction and the blood clot that started it, get talked into a completely fictional performance-enhancing stack for a 5K, fall in love with bull riding legend JB Mauney, pitch the worst sponsorship idea in podcast history, and watch a food delivery driver take on the entire Barstool office. Then it's cringe cancellation, sobriety influencers, 4:23 a.m. morning routine guys, and a long, very funny argument about which movie stars are actually men and which ones just look at themselves in the mirror. Plus Bert's new fragrance obsession, the colognes of Napoleon, Elvis and JFK, Sebastian Maniscalco's four seasonal robes, Joe Rogan's splits, Billy Bob Thornton at the CMAs, and a big announcement about the future of the show.

   
   

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 337

   
   

   https://tomsegura.com/tour

   https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

   https://store.ymhstudios.com

   
   

   Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for twenty-one days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at https://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State.

   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:00:17 - The Jewish Joke Bert Can't Tell On Stage

   00:04:26 - Pastor Manning

   00:09:09 - Period Sex Confessions & Giving Up On Sports

   00:21:50 - Nobody Quits Comedy Or Drinking

   00:31:31 - Whoop Obsession, The Blood Clot, & Tren

   00:37:09 - JB Mauney & The PBR

   00:44:27 - Motorcycles & The 12 O'clock Boys Sponsorship

   00:46:56 - The Barstool Helmet Fight

   00:52:58 - Fighting Women

   00:56:13 - Cringe Cancellation

   01:01:35 - Tom's Pep Talk & Bert's Therapy

   01:05:05 - Sobriety Influencers & Morning Routine Guys

   01:09:04 - Cringey Actors vs. Real Men

   01:19:33 - Bert's Fragrance Obsession

   01:30:00 - Drakkar Noir Nostalgia

   01:36:49 - Sebastian Maniscalco Is A Study

   01:40:04 - Bert Meets Billy Bob At The CMAs

   01:44:26 - 2 Bears Is Going Back To Weekly

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9. Stavvy Called Us Out | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   August 24, 20261 h 26 minEpisode 336

   SPONSORS: Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring today’s video! Get The Beard Hedger Plus for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code “BEARS” at …

   Show notes

   SPONSORS:

   • Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com

   • Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring today’s video! Get The Beard Hedger Plus for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code “BEARS” at https://Manscaped.com!

   • Start your free trial at https://SHOPIFY.COM/bears

   • For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears for your free online visit.

   • This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://Betterhelp.com/BEARS.

   • Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026.

   • https://babbel.com/BEARS for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply.

   This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Bert officially entering the Guinness Book of World Records for The Machine, possibly the most performed signature story in comedy history, and immediately spiral into the comedy record arms race: Shane Gillis' 77,000-person show, Nate Bargatze's 2 million tickets, the Dane Cook vs. Dave Chappelle longest-set war, and Bert's plan to lock 75,000 paid "hostages" inside Raymond James Stadium and perform for ten straight hours. Then the Bears respond to Stavros Halkias calling out comics who fly private, and explain why he's absolutely right: nobody gets funnier on a private jet. From there, Bert declares Busboys, the new Theo Von and David Spade movie, the greatest piece of art he's ever seen, and Tom finally watches The Odyssey, only for Bert to officially turn on it over the Travis Scott cameo. Plus: Gaddafi's all-female Amazonian Guard, plane-crash hypotheticals, Chimp Empire is the best reality show ever made, Mick Jagger on fame, and why the Bears are grateful they got famous late.

   
   

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 336

   
   

   https://tomsegura.com/tour

   https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

   https://store.ymhstudios.com

   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:00:18 - Comedians Getting Guinness Records

   00:07:24 - The Attendance Record Arms Race

   00:18:09 - Stavvy Says Private Jets Don't Make You Funnier

   00:24:25 - Lunch Pail Phonies & Staying Honest

   00:35:39 - Busboys Is A Secret Masterpiece

   00:41:55 - Tom Finally Saw The Odyssey

   01:03:45 - Por Osos At Frenchies & MacDill

   01:07:29 - The Sexiest Military & Plane Crash Hypotheticals

   01:12:08 - Chimp Empire

   01:15:26 - Leanne's Birthday & The Black Crowes

   01:20:28 - Mick Jagger On Fame

   01:24:18 - Wrap Up

   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

10. Tom & Bert's Brutally Honest Odyssey Review | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    August 10, 20261 h 2 minEpisode 335

    SPONSORS: Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com Shopify: Turns out you don’t need a real job. Build your own business with a free trialat …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS:

    • Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com

    • Shopify: Turns out you don’t need a real job. Build your own business with a free trial
      at http://shopify.com/bears

    • Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started.

    • New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get one hundred fifty in rewards within 14 days, includes all markets. Over at https://dkng.co/bears.

    • For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at http://Mengotomars.com.

    This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave after eight weeks apart, and they open with a full review of The Odyssey, Lupita Nyong'o as Helen of Troy, Matt Damon's rogue Boston accent, and why Jon Bernthal is Hollywood's most legendary napper. From there, Bert unveils his billionaire rebrand (Sabah shoes, LBJ Stetsons, and the top five shoes billionaires wear this fall) before getting real about sobriety, anxiety attacks, and self-diagnosing 12 terminal illnesses in a single month. The Bears also spiral into the movies that blindsided them, Primal Fear, The Sixth Sense, Memento, Fight Club, and why the DIY hits like Obsession prove Hollywood is in another pivot moment. Plus: Project Hail Mary vs. the 15-hour audiobook, Bert's theory that this is the funniest (and most jacked) generation of comics ever, college football weight-room PRs, Jason Kelce showing up for a 9 AM bench session, and a meet & greet at MacDill Air Force Base August 14. If you missed the Bears, this one's for you.

    
    

    2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 335

    
    

    https://tomsegura.com/tour

    https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

    https://store.ymhstudios.com

    Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800 GAMBLER, 1-800 MY RESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit http://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Fifty dollars in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for fourteen days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Terms at http://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Chapters

    00:00:00 - Intro

    00:00:26 - The Bears Review The Odyssey

    00:10:34 - Bears At MacDill Air Force Base

    00:11:15 - Project Hail Mary & Bert's Cute Shoes

    00:23:37 - Bert's Drinking Again

    00:33:36 - Obsession & The New Hollywood Pivot

    00:39:00 - The Best Twist Movies Ever

    00:52:33 - Everyone's Got Abs

    00:56:02 - College Weight Room Energy

    01:00:44 - Wrap Up

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11. Fat Tommy Vs Skinny Tom | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    July 27, 20261 h 3 minEpisode 334

    SPONSORS: Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com Visit https://ethos.com/BEARS Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American Original …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS:

    • Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com

    • Visit https://ethos.com/BEARS

    • Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com

    • Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears

    • Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://shipstation.com, with code cave.

    • If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, go to https://NetSuite.AI/BEARS.

    • Head to Factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off.

    This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer compare their two very different eras of being fat, Tom's custom-made fat guy shirts, hard visceral fat vs. soft fat, and why losing weight made everyone think Tom got lip injections. Bert's sober documentary binge takes them from Patient Zero "Gay Tom" spreading AIDS across the Air Canada route map to Concorde pricing scams. Tom also reveals the fattest thing he's ever seen Bert do: ten appetizers, four entrées, and twenty doubles in Tallahassee. Bert also retells Bill Hader's retelling of Henry Rollins meeting David Lee Roth, and his daughter's instantly legendary Boston Tea Party take. Then things get real: a midlife crisis YouTube video sends Bert and LeeAnn into a "sell everything and get five apartments in five cities" fantasy, LeeAnn gets brutally honest about when she was happiest, and Tom breaks down the difference between happy and content. Plus: Hulk Hogan inflating Andre the Giant's weight, Julian's belt reaction to the Michael Jackson movie, Whoop resting heart rate brags, Craig Robinson's dunk, and the great first sweat vs. last sweat debate.

    2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 334

    https://tomsegura.com/tour
    https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
    https://store.ymhstudios.com

    Chapters
    00:00:00 - Intro
    00:00:52 - Fat Tommy Vs Skinny Tom
    00:09:16 - Patient Zero, Polio, & The Concorde
    00:19:38 - The Fattest Thing Tom Ever Saw Bert Do
    00:23:55 - Bill Hader, David Lee Roth & Boston Tea Party
    00:32:21 - Hulk Hogan, Macho Man & LeeAnn Off Leash
    00:36:37 - Five Apartments In Five Cities
    00:46:12 - Bert's Midlife Crisis Theory
    00:54:34 - "You're Not Hitting The Notes, Mike"
    00:57:05 - Whoop Brags & Craig Robinson Dunking
    01:02:36 - Wrap Up

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12. Bert Gets Bullied By Lou Reed's Ghost | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    July 13, 20261 h 14 minEpisode 333

    SPONSORS: Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS:

    • Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com

    • Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring today’s video! Get The Beard Hedger Plus for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code “BEARS” at https://Manscaped.com!

    • For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears

    • Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started.

    • Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears

    • Start your free trial at https://shopify.com/bears

    This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer spiral through Bert's newest crisis: figuring out which musicians would actually like him. After Lou Reed tells him off mid-treadmill (entirely inside Bert's head), Bert starts deleting Jane's Addiction and Radiohead from his library, relives Shane Gillis walking out of a Wilco concert after five seconds, and learns his most-played song of all time is "Higher" by Creed. From there, the Bears get into Tom's tour of Kid Rock's 20,000-square-foot, two-bedroom replica White House and meeting Jimmy John from Jimmy John's, a deep dive on Subway Takes and why Bert believes celebrity hot takes are all fake, the viral "white people shouldn't sit on stoops in Bed-Stuy" debate, and a deeply satisfying story of a first-class line cutter getting humbled in front of Viola Davis. Bert also opens up about the final days of his five-and-a-half-month sobriety run, including the recovery books, journaling on planes, and why his first drink back is happening at his daughter Georgia's University of Oregon graduation before going scorched earth on the dad who posted his 4-year-old breaking a rope swing "world record" in Moab. Plus: the MyPillow guy, the thumb-to-arm gut health test, Garth Brooks friendship fantasies, and why Moby would hate them both. If you missed this show, this one's for you.

    2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 333

    https://tomsegura.com/tour
    https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
    https://store.ymhstudios.com

    Chapters
    00:00:00 - Intro
    00:01:11 - Lou Reed Talks Shit to Bert on the Treadmill
    00:04:27 - Kurt Vile, Bob Dylan, & Shane Gillis Walking Out on Wilco
    00:16:15 - Deleting Every Musician Who Wouldn't Like Bert
    00:25:00 - Kid Rock's Replica White House & Jimmy John From Jimmy John's
    00:28:51 - MyPillow, Workout Underwear & Sleeping Naked
    00:31:11 - Subway Takes & J.Lo's Rented Hot Take
    00:41:01 - White People on Stoops
    00:43:47 - Airport Line Cutters
    00:50:09 - Bert's Last Week of Sobriety
    01:01:21 - The 4-Year-Old Moab Rope Swing Rant
    01:13:03 - Wrap Up

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13. Tom Poops The Bucket, Bert Shit The Bed | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    June 29, 20261 h 7 minEpisode 332

    SPONSORS: Look for American Dew limited-time packaging or find it in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Don't sleep on @‌ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code BEARS at https://takeultra.com! …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS:

    • Look for American Dew limited-time packaging or find it in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com

    • Don't sleep on @‌ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code BEARS at https://takeultra.com! #UltraPouches #ad

    • New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get two hundred in rewards within 21 days. https://dkng.co/bears

    • For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS.

    • Get up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS

    • Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com

    This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer dig into the wild, unexpected Black audience response to Bad Thoughts Season 2, Tom debuting his "out of your control" philosophy on how comedy lands, and a hilarious accounting of which comedians did and didn't text Bert about his new show. Bert opens up about getting nastier and setting harder boundaries in sobriety, comparing himself to the A-Rod and Rafael Nadal documentaries, and Tom reveals his ongoing health investigation that involves shitting in a bucket for a lab test. The Bears also spiral into a debate on regional diets and genetics, plan a mushroom trip with an actual shaman, get Bert's dad on the phone to discuss his own legendary history of public accidents, and revisit boys' locker room culture versus Gen Z's aversion to male nudity. Plus: a Mountain Dew summer sizzle reel callout to fans, a celebration-of-life merch drop business plan for when they die, and the most detailed bowel movement breakdown the show has ever produced.

    2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 332

    https://tomsegura.com/tour
    https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
    https://store.ymhstudios.com

    In Partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MY-RESET. New York: call 8778-HOPENY, text HOPENY. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get fifty dollars in Predictions Dollars that expire in one year, issued every seven days via click to claim for twenty-one days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends July 19th. Terms at http://dkng.co/audio

    Chapters
    00:00:00 - Intro
    00:00:14 - Bad Thoughts' Black Fanbase
    00:07:28 - Mountain Dew Summer
    00:11:31 - Healthiest Guy at the Party
    00:16:33 - The Subconscious Mind & Nasty Bert
    00:26:17 - Setting Boundaries & the A-Rod Documentary
    00:30:25 - Black Graduations, Bert's Identity Crisis & the Rafa Nadal Doc
    00:40:43 - Merch Plans for When You Die
    00:46:12 - Mushroom Trip & The Gut Health Investigation
    00:52:10 - Bert Shit Himself in His Sleep
    00:55:58 - Locker Room Talk
    01:00:33 - Breeding

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14. Patrice O’Neal Destroyed Me | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    June 15, 20261 h 16 minEpisode 331

    SPONSORS: Look for American Dew limited-time packaging or find it in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS:

    • Look for American Dew limited-time packaging or find it in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com

    • Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears

    • For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS

    • Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears

    • If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Demystifying AI, at https://www.netsuite.com/bears

    • New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get two hundred in rewards within 21 days. https://dkng.co/bears

    This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Por Osos landing in Publix just in time for the 4th of July, which sends Bert into a full nostalgic spiral about pub subs, boat days, and taking his daughters into "international waters." From there, things get historical, the bears break down the story of the guy who invented the meter and got guillotined for it, which leads them down a rabbit hole of people killed for their big ideas, the French Revolution as the original cancel culture, and Martin Luther versus the Catholic Church.
    Then Bert tells stories about his relationship with the late Patrice O'Neal: getting destroyed at his first open mic, the Edinburgh trip where they lived together for 29 days watching Bruce Lee movies and Bert getting his feelings systematically demolished, and the moment he found out Patrice had tweeted something kind about him right before the stroke. Tom and Bert also spiral deep into funeral planning, who's required to show up, who gets a Sandler video instead of a live appearance, why Ari's funeral is going to involve hardcore Brooklyn relatives and a lot of confusion, the Andrew Schultz balloon clown apology Bert wants delivered posthumously, and whether or not to get cremated when science might figure something out. Plus: horror movies vs. comedy movies as investments, the film Obsession and its director Curry Baker, Bert's dad crashing the podcast mid-funeral conversation, the band Goose vs. the band Geese, and Mount Joy watching Passion of the Christ on the tour bus.

    2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 331

    https://tomsegura.com/tour
    https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
    https://store.ymhstudios.com

    In Partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MY-RESET. New York: call 8778-HOPENY, text HOPENY. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org . On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Ontario. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Sportsbook Bonus bets expire in seven days. $50 in Predictions Dollars issued weekly for three weeks, expire in one year. Redeem one non-withdrawable reward. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends June 28th. Terms at http://dkng.co/audio

    Chapters
    00:00:00 - Intro
    00:02:21 - Por Osos in Publix & Florida Pub Sub Gospel
    00:08:45 - The Daniel Boone Documentary
    00:18:51 - The Guy Who Invented the Meter Got Killed for It
    00:24:59 - People Executed for Big Ideas
    00:33:46 - Patrice O'Neal Destroys Bert at His First Open Mic
    00:41:27 - Showtime Special, Party Bus, & Patrice's Funeral
    00:48:31 - Funerals Vs Celebration Of Life
    00:57:00 - Nick Kroll, Andrew Schultz & the Balloon Clown Apology
    01:04:11 - Bert's Dad Chimes In
    01:05:54 - Noga Erez, Goose Vs. Geese & Mount Joy
    01:09:02 - Curry Barker's Obsession & Horror vs. Comedy Movies
    01:15:10 - Wrap

    
    

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

15. Nick Kroll Convinced Netflix to Air Animated Animal Sex | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    June 1, 20261 h 45 minEpisode 330

    Gape your 4th eye with Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell's new podcast Mystery Boys and get to the bottom of what's really going on in the world: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-i3EV1v5hLfZinN-4ZV4wmZ862 …

    Show notes

    Gape your 4th eye with Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell's new podcast Mystery Boys and get to the bottom of what's really going on in the world: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-i3EV1v5hLfZinN-4ZV4wmZ862wupBWF Also, check out Tom's new bakery, Ciccio Bomba, at the new third location at 1100 South Lamar Blvd in Austin, right across from the Alamo Drafthouse. SPONSORS: - Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com - Right now, Babbel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to https://Babbel.com/BEARS - Sponsored by Better Help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Nick Kroll joins Tom and Bert to break down his new Netflix animated series Mating Season, why animation produces tighter comedy than anything shot on the fly, and the emotional formula behind Big Mouth that turned a filthy puberty show into something people actually shed real tears for. Along the way, they get into an all-timer story from a legendary comedy industry gathering featuring basically every comic you've ever loved, Tom's Charlie Murphy sushi dinner story, Bert's 50-pound weight loss and very specific relapse date, a true urban legend about Michael Landon and a javelin, a genuinely compelling movie pitch called The Quad Squad, and somehow end up in a deep dive on the Eichmann trial, featuring Sir Ben Kingsley showing up to a table read entirely off-book with a swastika-covered script. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 330 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:30 - Why Animation Forces Comedians to Actually Write 00:18:31 - The Greatest Comedy Photo You're Not In 00:25:25 - Tom's Charlie Murphy Sushi Dinner Story 00:39:33 - Raccoons, Black Voice, & Building the Mating Season Universe 00:54:46 - Did Michael Landon Kill a Man With a Javelin? 01:01:18 - A Completely Serious Movie Pitch 01:04:19 - Clothes, Bert's Transformation, & Relapse Date 01:13:07 - Nacho Figueras & the Argentina Horse Riding Disaster 01:25:13 - Gay Moose, Goats, & Nick Kroll's Full Project Lineup 01:29:54 - N.O.R.E Calls In 01:32:30 - Nick Kroll Speaks Spanish 01:36:45 - Hunting Eichmann & Sir Ben Kingsley's Unhinged Table Read 01:44:11 - Wrap

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16. Live from the Rose Bowl | 2 Bears 5K ft. Jelly Roll, Ari Shaffir, Joe DeRosa & Are You Garbage?

    May 18, 20261 h 12 minEpisode 329

    The End is here! Ari's new storytelling show is $5.99 per episode at https://theend.ymhstudios.com. There's a total of 7 episodes for you to enjoy! Check out Joe DeRosa's new podcast Vile and Horrendous Pull up …

    Show notes

    The End is here! Ari's new storytelling show is $5.99 per episode at https://theend.ymhstudios.com. There's a total of 7 episodes for you to enjoy! Check out Joe DeRosa's new podcast Vile and Horrendous Pull up a chair and listen to what Joe does best: piss and moan! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWvLI8xCAa0 Also, check out Tom's new bakery, Ciccio Bomba, at the new third location at 1100 South Lamar Blvd in Austin, right across from the Alamo Drafthouse. SPONSORS: - 🌎 Get an exclusive 15% discount on Saily data plans! Use code bears at checkout. Download Saily app or go to https://saily.com/bears ⛵ - Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring today’s video! Get The Beard Hedger® Plus for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code “BEARS” at https://Manscaped.com! - Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears. - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com with code cave - For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://Mengotomars.com Live from the legendary Rose Bowl during Netflix Is A Joke Fest, the Bears are back and even sweatier than usual! Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer take the stage fresh off the 2 Bears 5K for a completely unhinged live episode packed with race stories, weight loss victories, comic cameos, chaos, and pure degeneracy. Joined by Jelly Roll, Ari Shaffir, Joe DeRosa, and the guys from Are You Garbage?, the crew covers everything from losing hundreds of pounds and surviving airplane bathrooms while fat, to bidet discoveries, Netflix brunch disasters, H. Foley's iPhone nightmare, and the emotional insanity that surrounds the 2 Bears community. Plus: Bert reveals he mailed busts of his own dick to his closest friends, Tom bombs in front of Eddie Murphy and lives to tell the tale, Ari returns from traveling the world with a surprise award, and the whole crew spirals into stories about body transformations, sobriety, addiction, and comedy fame. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 329 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:50 - Jelly Roll aka The Third Bear 00:23:40 - H. Foley & Kevin Ryan 00:49:51 - Ari Shaffir 01:03:38 - Joe DeRosa 01:12:56 - Wrap & Plugs

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

17. The Bears Go Up In Smoke | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    May 4, 20261 h 16 minEpisode 328

    The End is here! Ari's new storytelling show is $5.99 per episode at https://theend.ymhstudios.com. There's a total of 7 episodes for you to enjoy! Check out Joe DeRosa's new podcast Vile and Horrendous Pull up …

    Show notes

    The End is here! Ari's new storytelling show is $5.99 per episode at https://theend.ymhstudios.com. There's a total of 7 episodes for you to enjoy!

    
    

    Check out Joe DeRosa's new podcast Vile and Horrendous Pull up a chair and listen to what Joe does best: piss and moan! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWvLI8xCAa0

    
    

    SPONSORS:

    - Brought to you by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears.

    - Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com

    - Get up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS.

    - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears

    - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary.

    - Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started.

    
    

    This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tim and Bart go up in smoke, sharing cigars together as they talk about whatever floats around in their collective heads. They talk about fat guy problems, before going into Tiger Woods' spiraling personal life. The Bears also walk down memory lane, comparing the infamous fat Bert pitching photo to one of him recently, and the drastic change is pretty staggering. They also unpack the text exchange between a student and the teacher sister of influencer Noah Beck, share some wild drug stories, and check out a clip of Doug Stanhope roasting a city council. Also the 2 Bears 5k is coming up! Hope you been training.

    
    

    2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 328

    
    

    https://tomsegura.com/tour

    https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

    https://store.ymhstudios.com

    
    

    Chapters

    00:00:00 - Intro

    00:01:56 - Fat Guy Problems

    00:09:23 - Tiger Woods & Cigars

    00:21:23 - Pitching Fat Pictures

    00:29:30 - Noah Beck's Sister's Texts

    00:43:40 - Age Differences

    00:47:12 - Girl Talk

    00:48:17 - Wild Drug Stories

    00:59:19 - Doug Stanhope Fought City Hall

    01:05:40 - Brendon Walsh Shenanigans

    01:11:33 - Sabbatical & Wrap Up

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18. The End Is Here w/ Ari Shaffir | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    April 20, 20261 h 12 minEpisode 327

    The End is Ari's new storytelling show! And it's finally here! Only at https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ . Get 7 full, hour long episodes of completely unfiltered stories for $29.99. Get it now! SPONSORS: - Go to …

    Show notes

    The End is Ari's new storytelling show! And it's finally here! Only at https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ . Get 7 full, hour long episodes of completely unfiltered stories for $29.99. Get it now!

    
    

    SPONSORS:

    - Go to https://ShipStation.com and use code cave for sixty days for free!

    - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS.

    - Text BEARS to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply.

    - Get 15% OFF your entire order @‌MANSCAPED with promo code BEARS at https://manscaped.com! #ManscapedPartner #TCSociety

    - Brought to you by BetterHelp. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears.

    - Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com

    Welcome back to 2 Bears 1 Cave! This week, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are joined by the always unpredictable Ari Shaffir, dropping in to promote “The End”, a bold, no-holds-barred storytelling series that serves as a spiritual sequel and final evolution of his cult-favorite show This Is Not Happening.
    This episode dives deep into Ari’s return to long-form storytelling, breaking down how The End was independently produced with a stacked lineup featuring top-tier comics and a unique profit-sharing model that actually pays performers. The trio reflects on the evolution of comedy since Ari's original show, from Comedy Central’s heyday to today’s creator-driven landscape. The conversation spirals into outrageous personal stories, behind-the-scenes industry insights, and hilarious debates about everything from sobriety culture to the lost art of live storytelling. There’s also an unforgettable deep dive into a near-collaboration with Tracy Morgan, a story that almost made it into final show, and the unhinged unseriousness of morning show promotional interviews. Check out The End, y'all! We legit worked hard on it here at Studio Jeans.

    2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 327

    
    

    https://tomsegura.com/tour

    https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

    https://store.ymhstudios.com

    
    

    Chapters

    00:00:00 - Intro

    00:01:37 - The End

    00:04:13 - Big Dicks & Big Chicks

    00:12:20 - The Missing Tracy Morgan Story

    00:31:10 - Morning Show Chaos

    00:43:47 - 2 Bears 5K

    00:47:30 - Booze Tales & Sobriety Influencers

    01:01:09 - Road Trip Stories

    01:08:31 - Tito's Vodka & Final Thoughts

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19. Somethings Burning And It's Bert's Bus | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    April 6, 20261 h 15 minEpisode 326

    The End is Ari's new storytelling show! It's almost here! Premieres April 16 on https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ . Presale pricing only available for a short time! You get 7 full, hour long episodes of completely …

    Show notes

    The End is Ari's new storytelling show! It's almost here! Premieres April 16 on https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ . Presale pricing only available for a short time! You get 7 full, hour long episodes of completely unfiltered stories for $24.99. Afterwards, the price will increase so get it now!

    SPONSORS: - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS . Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code BEARS. https://bluechew.com - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears - Brought to you by BetterHelp. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears. - Get up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS. - Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura are back with a wild new episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, and this one has everything: a terrifying tour bus fire, Bert’s ongoing recovery from blood clots, near-death anxiety, celebrity gossip, and a heated defense of napping. Bert breaks down the shocking story of how his bus blew a tire outside Fargo, was left behind overnight, and then burst into flames just hours later — a moment that may have saved everyone on board. He and Tom unpack how close the situation really was, what Bert lost in the fire, and why he’s still obsessing over the hats. The Bears also dive into Bert’s fear of flying, life on blood thinners, what it means to face mortality without booze, and the bizarre mental spiral that comes with multiple near-death experiences in a matter of months. From there, the conversation takes its usual chaotic turn into Club Shay Shay, the “lost everything and got it back” misunderstanding, the Jeffrey Epstein email chatter, Chappell Roan backlash, and whether Jon Bernthal is dead wrong about naps. They also talk about the upcoming 2 Bears 5K in Pasadena on May 9, Bert’s current fitness goals, and whether he can break 30 minutes in the race. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 326 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:20 - Bert's Bus Burned Down 00:14:47 - Losing Everything 00:18:19 - A Really Cool Gift 00:20:40 - Death Is A Cruel Mistress 00:34:34 - Air Canada Accident + Other Aviation Disasters 00:43:10 - Chappell Roan 00:50:28 - Beefing With Jon Bernthal About Naps 00:56:34 - 2 Bears 5K 01:00:20 - New Bus & Doing Stand-Up Again 01:07:33 - Epstein, Fluffy, & KREISCHER

    
    

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20. The Most Redacted Episode Ever | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    March 16, 20261 h 17 minEpisode 325

    SPONSORS: - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS . Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - For simple …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS: - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS . Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. - Your emotional wellbeing matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears. - Learn a new Language and get up to 60% off your subscription at https://Babbel.com/BEARS - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears In this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura cover everything from Bert’s sorta sober lifestyle, weight loss, sleep improvement, and 5K training to marriage non-negotiables, separate bedrooms, and life on tour. The Bears also react to internet beef between Quentin Tarantino and Rosanna Arquette, joke about the Epstein files, discuss "kept women", talk Trump and Mar-a-Lago, share a tense aborted plane landing story, and spiral into one of their darkest and funniest hypothetical conversations yet. If you missed this show, this one's for you. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 325 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:19 - Bert's Weight Loss Journey 00:07:14 - Tarantino Beef & Unbothered Rogan 00:18:31 - Chef Drama 00:22:51 - Non-Negotiables 00:33:05 - Kept Women, Money, and Wild Relationship Logic 00:39:57 - Bert Learns He's In The Epstein Files 00:43:47 - Trump & Mar-A-Lago 00:50:07 - Dahmer & Plane Crashes 00:54:59 - How Would You Prefer To Die 01:02:23 - What Language Would You Prefer To Be Killed By? 01:06:55 - Racist Thing A Black Guy Told Me 01:11:40 - Vince Vaughan On The Pod? 01:13:35 - Wrap up

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21. Bert's Not Dead | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    February 9, 20261 h 2 minEpisode 324

    SPONSORS: - Sponsored by Pepsi. Go try Pepsi Zero Sugar today. Let Your Taste Decide. - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS:

    - Sponsored by Pepsi. Go try Pepsi Zero Sugar today. Let Your Taste Decide. - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code BEARS at https://bluechew.com - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears - Sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears - Head to https://factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off and free breakfast for a year. - Get up to 55% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS. This week on Two Bears, One Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer spiral gloriously through brand loyalty, fast-food hot takes, donuts, Super Bowl commercials, health scares, and the kind of brutally honest conversations only best friends can have. The Bears break down why Pepsi Zero Sugar might actually be better than Coke Zero, debate McDonald’s fries vs. literally everyone else, and revisit classic brand wars like Burger King vs. McDonald’s and Dunkin’ vs. Krispy Kreme. From Blooming Onion horror stories to why you should never order seafood at a steakhouse, this episode is packed with food takes that will absolutely start arguments. Bert also opens up about his recent blood clot scare, panic attacks, medications, and how the experience completely shifted his perspective on health, mortality, and gratitude. The guys also talk sleep apnea machines, Benadryl addictions, Mounjaro side effects, testosterone confusion, and why medical advice somehow never agrees ever. Plus: donut shop conspiracies in Los Angeles, Cambodian vs. Vietnamese sandwich excellence, Krispy Kreme’s wild history, Instagram’s “fatties eating” algorithm, tracking down Ari Shaffir in the jungle, and why the 2 Bears 5K might literally save lives. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 324 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:06 - Brand Wars 00:07:07 - Weight Loss Drugs 00:14:58 - Pepsi Challenge 00:22:40 - I Bought A Donut Shop 00:39:22 - Coin Pusher 00:40:54 - 2 Bears 5K Is Back! 00:45:13 - Bert's Blood Clot 00:49:38 - Where In The World Is Ari Shaffir? 00:54:39 - Black Appreciation 01:00:41 - Wrap Up

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22. The End Of Humanity | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    January 12, 20261 h 3 minEpisode 323

    SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. - Protect your family with life …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears The OG Bears are back on this absolutely unhinged episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura dive headfirst into VR porn disasters, accidental virtual orgies, and the terrifying realization that Oculus might actually be ending humanity. Bert recounts a weekend alone that spirals into nine virtual orgies, soul-stealing eye contact, and panic-induced controller fumbling in a pitch-black room. The Bears also unpack loneliness, online hate comments, incel psychology, and how social media gives angry dudes a place to scream just to feel noticed. From there, things somehow get deeper: wealth guilt, excess consumption, purging hundreds of shoes and jackets, Mounjaro weight loss, beating Jelly Roll in the next 2 Bears 5K, parenting chaos, friendship evolution, Jake Paul as a “god,” and why success is always part luck. Enjoy the Bears while they're here. https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2 https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 323 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. New York: call 8778- HOPENY or text HOPENY. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777 or visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Wager tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus in most states. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://DKNG.co/audio Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:14 - Bert's First Threesome 00:05:58 - Mean Comments 00:13:05 - Hanging With The Kids During Christmas 00:30:02 - Stroke Of Luck 00:34:11 - Excess & Purging Stuff 00:44:05 - Weight Loss, Mounjaro & Jelly Roll 00:55:15 - Jake Paul Is A God? 01:01:01 - Wrap Up

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23. New Year New Roast | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    January 5, 20261 h 8 minEpisode 322

    SPONSORS: - Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code BEARS. Visit https://bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS: - Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code BEARS. Visit https://bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. - This January, quit overspending on wireless with 50% off Unlimited premium wireless. Plans start at $15/month at https://mintmobile.com/BEARS. - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears It’s the final Winter Bears of the season, and Stavros & Chris are ringing in the New Year the only way they know how: complaining about first class, overeating pastries, and making terrible life decisions! As 2025 wraps, the boys reflect on blown resolutions, chaotic travel plans, New Jersey “vacations,” and Chris’ catastrophic decision to roast the entire Jersey Shore cast. Plus: Delta lounge politics, childhood SNL trauma, double-the-bread-double-the-head, and Stav helping Chris talk through the worst career choice he’s ever made. Grab a croissant, buckle up, and celebrate the end of the Winter Bears era as we begin a new year! https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2 https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 321 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ https://www.stavvy.biz/ https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call 8778-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://DKNG.co/audio. Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:09 - First Class Complaints & Latent Homo Things 00:09:00 - New Years Resolutions 00:18:27 - Roasting The Jersey Shore Cast 00:28:45 - Workshopping Roast Jokes 00:39:43 - This Is Probably A Dumb Idea 00:45:02 - The Jersey Shore Photo Roast Session 00:51:31 - New Years Plans & NFL Roasts 00:55:00 - More "Fan" Questions 01:03:37 - Final Thoughts

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24. Pimping Podcast Producers | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    December 29, 20251 h 6 minEpisode 321

    SPONSORS: - New Year, New Me! Get Huel for FIFTEEN PERCENT OFF with this exclusive offer for New Customers only with code BEARS at https://huel.com/bears (Minimum $75 purchase). The Winter Bears Stavros Halkias …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS: - New Year, New Me! Get Huel for FIFTEEN PERCENT OFF with this exclusive offer for New Customers only with code BEARS at https://huel.com/bears (Minimum $75 purchase). The Winter Bears Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano return for another completely unhinged takeover of 2 Bears 1 Cave. With Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer nowhere to be found, the guys openly admit they once again didn’t prepare, and then immediately spiral into bread rankings, prostate exams, STD horror stories, religion, celebrity gossip, and the most deranged podcast business ideas ever pitched. From focaccia-based trauma, to almost doing business with Jeffrey Epstein’s brother, this episode goes fully off the rails and never checks the map again. Hit subscribe, brace yourself, and remember: this episode exists only because someone might need it someday. https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2 https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 321 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ https://www.stavvy.biz/ https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:38 - Fat Boy Pastry Shop 00:07:42 - Just The Tip 00:11:53 - Sexually Transmitted Hilarity 00:25:13 - Family 00:31:15 - Third World Fun & Legendary Funbags 00:35:13 - Pimping Podcast Producers 00:43:42 - Doing Business With An Epstein 00:54:16 - Health Corner 01:01:52 - In Conclusion

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25. Chris & Stavvy Save Christmas! | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    December 22, 20251 h 10 minEpisode 320

    SPONSORS: - If you’re 21 or older, get 25% OFF your first order + free shipping @IndaCloud with code BEARS at https://inda.shop/BEARS! #indacloudpod - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS: - If you’re 21 or older, get 25% OFF your first order + free shipping @IndaCloud with code BEARS at https://inda.shop/BEARS! #indacloudpod - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com Merry Winter Bears-mas! Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano take over 2 Bears 1 Cave while Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are away, and immediately turn it into a holiday fever dream. The Winter Bears dive into chaotic Christmas traditions, Jewish Christmas supremacy, family trauma, weight-loss delusion, wild childhood memories, and the politics of gift-giving. Along the way, they spiral into ancestry revelations, Oldboy-level revenge fantasies, questionable parenting strategies, croissant mukbangs, and an all-time debate over the perfect Christmas Chinese food order. Grab a pastry and strap in — this might be the most unhinged holiday episode in 2 Bears history. https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2 https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 320 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ https://www.stavvy.biz/ https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:57 - Revenge & Christmas Plans 00:06:57 - The Germans Always Make Good Stuff 00:16:33 - Perfect Holiday Dinner Conversations 00:23:38 - Are Greeks Whites? 00:30:40 - Let's Eat Some Tommy Bunz 00:33:35 - Christmas Gifts 00:44:09 - Greek Thieves, Bribing Kids, & Daddy Stavvy 00:52:17 - Favorite Chinese Food Order 00:59:00 - Living The NYC Dream 01:02:28 - Answering Some "Fan" Questions

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26. The Summer Bears Came For The Winter | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    December 15, 20251 h 10 minEpisode 319

    SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS - Protect your family with life …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get your free quote at https://Ethos.com/BEARS - Head to https://DRINKAG1.com/BEARS you’ll get the welcome kit, a Morning Person hat, a bottle of Vitamin D3+K2, a AG1 Flavor Sampler and you’ll get to try their new sleep supplement AGZ for free. - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears. Christmas CAME early! The Summer Bears are now the *Winter Bears* and they have returned to phone it in and fulfill some contractually obligated laughs. Chris Distefano and Stavros Halkias invade YMH Studios to talk awful breakfast decisions, Bert’s cruise from hell, fat-guy medicine science, Husky-induced life chaos, bombing on MTV, fighting GLP-1 drugs, Mike Tyson saving Big Pun at The Tunnel, and why both of them should never own pets, houses, or functioning digestive systems. It’s chaotic, barely prepared, medically concerning, and absolutely perfect. Enjoy! https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2 https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 319 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ https://www.stavvy.biz/ https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call 8778-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://DKNG.co/audio. Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:29 - Slutty Little Breakfast 00:07:14 - Podcast Polyamory 00:14:15 - Chrissy Housing Crisis 00:21:35 - Stavros Vs Fat Guy Medicine 00:31:48 - Fat Joe, Guy Code, & Graveyard Of Failed Shows 00:46:14 - Maybe The Worst Dog Ever 00:56:17 - Geopolitical Shenanigans & NYC Mayors 01:08:11 - Wrap Up

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27. My Soul Will Always Be Fat | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    December 8, 20251 h 7 minEpisode 318

    SPONSORS: - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com - If you’re 21 or older, get 25% OFF your first order + free shipping @IndaCloud with code BEARS at …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS: - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com - If you’re 21 or older, get 25% OFF your first order + free shipping @IndaCloud with code BEARS at https://inda.shop/BEARS! #indacloudpod - For a limited time Hollow Socks is having a Buy 2, Get 2 Free Sale. Head to https://hollowsocks.com/ today to check out their huge sale. #HollowSockspod - Get 15% OFF your entire order with code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com. - Anyway, if you want to try Rho Nutrition’s NAD+, the Glutathione, whatever, they’re giving 20% off with the code BEARS at https://rhonutrition.com/discount/BEARS This week, Bert’s wasting away, Tom’s tucking in his shirts, and the Bears are going into hibernation for the winter. Before that good news, Bert breaks down losing 25 lbs in a month, projectile-vomiting in airport bathrooms, and Tom producing Olympic-level protein farts. Tom also talks his new pastry empire and defends his son’s obsession with suits and hair product; along the way they dive into Bert’s DEXA scan nightmare, and some chaotic CMA stories including a Steve Martin panic-meeting and Billy Bob Thornton being a king. They also discuss robe culture, aging out of podcasting, comedian fashion, the future of 2 Bears with guest hosts, tours and the 2 Bears 5K, plus they announce the return of the Summer Bears next week. Enjoy! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 318 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:02 - OzemBert & Gassy Tim 00:09:17 - Fat Boy Dreams 00:19:35 - Dressing Like An Adult Is Hard 00:28:44 - Country Music Awards Chaos 00:39:57 - Robe Guys & Big Joe Pesci Energy 00:46:22 - Crisis Of Appearance 00:52:03 - Quentin Tarantino 00:55:46 - The Winter Bears, 2025 Look Back, & 2 Bears 5k 01:06:14 - Wrap Up

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28. The Dark Side of Internet Fame w/ Marcus King | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    December 1, 20251 h 28 minEpisode 317

    SPONSORS: - Go to https://HelloFresh.com/bears10fm now to Get 10 Free Meals + a Free breakfast for Life! - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com This week, Bert …

    Show notes

    SPONSORS: - Go to https://HelloFresh.com/bears10fm now to Get 10 Free Meals + a Free breakfast for Life! - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com This week, Bert Kreischer sits down with musician Marcus King for a wild, emotional ride—naked ocean stories with Navy SEALs, cocaine confessions, microdosing mushrooms, Southern rock rankings, and why internet comments haunt grown men at 3AM. Plus: TikTok ruining music, therapy drunk, and Bert accidentally following people who hate him. Check it out! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 317 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:30 - Southern Rock & Creating Your Own Lane 00:07:01 - Marcus' Process, New Album, & Otis Redding 00:14:55 - Cigars With James Earl Jones 00:17:47 - Sobriety, Microdosing, & Losing the Sparkle 00:29:52 - Loving Yourself While The Internet Hates You 00:42:43 - Ranking Southern Rock Bands 00:49:44 - TikTok Ruining Music & Comedy 00:54:55 - It's Raining Tom 00:57:00 - Authentic Relationships 01:02:23 - The Most Realest Artists Out There 01:13:49 - Back To Top Southern Rock Bands 01:20:31 - Eulogies & Final Thoughts

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29. Louis C.K. on Writing His First Novel and Returning to Stage | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    November 24, 20251 h 9 minEpisode 316

    SPONSORS: - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get your free quote at https://ethos.com/bears - Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off your first …

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    SPONSORS: - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get your free quote at https://ethos.com/bears - Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears. ‌ In this powerful and surprisingly emotional episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura sits down with Louis C.K. to discuss his new novel Ingram, the creative process behind writing fiction, and the brutal emotional reality of loneliness and childhood struggle. Louis explains why he quit stand-up for over a year, how stepping away from the stage changed his life, and what ultimately pulled him back into comedy. The conversation dives deep into fear, pain, trauma, comedy philosophy, empathy, war stories, emotional burnout, and why the darkest moments in life can shape the most powerful art. Tom reveals that reading Ingram made him cry, and Louis talks about the deeply disturbing next book he’s finishing—including a scene that shocked even him while writing it. They also explore the controversial idea of “punching down” in comedy, the ethics of humor, and why Louis believes the funniest material comes from the messy truth of being human. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 316 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call 8778-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://dkng.co/audio. Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:00 - Becoming A Novelist, Eastern Europe, & Russian Literature 00:05:12 - Quitting Stand Up & Daily Rituals 00:08:47 - Writing Ingram & Why Tom Teared Up 00:19:38 - Loneliness, Street Kids, & the Human Threshold for Empathy 00:34:27 - Trauma, War & Emotional Damage 00:39:17 - Coming Back to Stand-Up & Rebuilding Material 00:46:22 - Upsetting Audiences, Articulating Thoughts, & Punching Down 00:59:59 - Touring Burnout & The Future of Live Comedy 01:06:42 - Final Thoughts & Tom Praises Ingram

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30. My Dad Was Probably A Murderer w/ Kirk Fox | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    November 17, 20251 h 9 minEpisode 315

    SPONSORS: - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears - If you’re 21 or older, get 40% OFF your first order + free shipping @‌IndaCloud with code BEARS at https://inda.shop/BEARS ! …

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    SPONSORS: - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears - If you’re 21 or older, get 40% OFF your first order + free shipping @‌IndaCloud with code BEARS at https://inda.shop/BEARS ! #indacloudpod - Head to https://DRINKAG1.com/BEARS to get a FREE Welcome Kit with an AG1 Flavor Sampler and a bottle of Vitamin D3 plus K2, when you first subscribe! - Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears ‌ Tom Segura returns to the cave with the one-and-only Kirk Fox, comedian, actor, and possibly a future Supermax inmate, depending on how you interpret this episode. The two dive into Kirk’s accidental tennis-career-turned-acting path, his eccentric family upbringing (outdoor showers, blood-written memorials, and a grandma in a box), and his lifelong dream of becoming either an FBI profiler or a serial killer — whichever opportunity arrives first. From Waymo self-driving cars acting like drunk Uber drivers to territorial pissings, choke etiquette, BTK, Tommy Lynn Sells, Vince Champ the stand-up sex criminal, and a full breakdown of Supermax prison life, this episode spirals into a darkly hilarious masterclass on murder, consent, and why prison might actually be relaxing if you need more sleep. If the FBI is listening — it’s all jokes. Probably. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 315 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:34 - Tennis Legend Kirk Fox 00:08:40 - Charo Looks Like Bon Jovi 00:11:20 - Kirk’s Home Life 00:17:53 - Golden Showers 00:24:46 - More Killers & AI Sex Robots 00:33:42 - Tommy Lynn Sells & Killing by Train 00:37:43 - The Next Killer in Our Friend Group 00:40:49 - Supermax Prison Fantasy 00:46:29 - My Dad Was A Serial Killer 00:52:38 - Vince Champ: The Sex Crime Comedian 00:58:21 - Kirk’s FBI Dreams & Shamelessness 01:02:22 - Kirk & Tom Check Out Vince Champ's Comedy 01:06:07 - See You In Prison

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