382: How Cognitive Load Can Show Up as Big Emotions and Behavior, with Dr. Amy Moore
Show notes
A meltdown over homework is rarely just about the homework. When our neurodivergent kids fall apart over one worksheet, one chore, or one simple request, there's almost always more happening beneath the surface than we can see. Very often, it's cognitive load.
In this episode, I talk with cognitive psychologist Dr. Amy Moore about how cognitive load, the amount of mental work we're asking the brain to hold and act on at once, can show up as big emotions, meltdowns, and behavior that looks like refusal. For kids with ADHD, autism, and other brain differences, that load builds fast and pushes the nervous system toward dysregulation. Dr. Amy shares research on more than 5,000 people with ADHD showing that attention wasn't the weakest cognitive skill. Working memory, long-term memory, and processing speed were. That changes how we understand what our kids are carrying.
We walk through a single homework moment layer by layer: a missed lesson, a conversation in the kitchen, a looming soccer practice, hunger, fatigue, an itchy shirt tag, and rejection sensitivity. It's not one task. It's all of it at once.
We also talk about becoming a curious detective about behavior, catching dysregulation early in the rumble rather than trying to problem-solve mid-meltdown, and what to do when your child can't tell you what's wrong. Dr. Amy explains why a child who knows how to do something but suddenly can't is showing us freeze, not defiance, and why permission to do just one thing at a time can lower frustration for everyone. Plus, why caring for your own nervous system is part of showing up well for your kids.
If your child seems to melt down or shut down over the smallest requests, this conversation will help you see what's really happening underneath.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Take the free quiz to find out where to start with your neurodivergent child: parentingadhdandautism.com/quiz
Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/382
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.
You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.
In this episode, I talk with cognitive psychologist Dr. Amy Moore about how cognitive load, the amount of mental work we're asking the brain to hold and act on at once, can show up as big emotions, meltdowns, and behavior that looks like refusal. For kids with ADHD, autism, and other brain differences, that load builds fast and pushes the nervous system toward dysregulation. Dr. Amy shares research on more than 5,000 people with ADHD showing that attention wasn't the weakest cognitive skill. Working memory, long-term memory, and processing speed were. That changes how we understand what our kids are carrying.
We walk through a single homework moment layer by layer: a missed lesson, a conversation in the kitchen, a looming soccer practice, hunger, fatigue, an itchy shirt tag, and rejection sensitivity. It's not one task. It's all of it at once.
We also talk about becoming a curious detective about behavior, catching dysregulation early in the rumble rather than trying to problem-solve mid-meltdown, and what to do when your child can't tell you what's wrong. Dr. Amy explains why a child who knows how to do something but suddenly can't is showing us freeze, not defiance, and why permission to do just one thing at a time can lower frustration for everyone. Plus, why caring for your own nervous system is part of showing up well for your kids.
If your child seems to melt down or shut down over the smallest requests, this conversation will help you see what's really happening underneath.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- What cognitive load is and how it shows up as big emotions and behavior
- Why working memory and processing speed may weigh on ADHD kids more than attention
- How to catch dysregulation early, before the meltdown
- Why doing one thing at a time lowers frustration for everyone
Take the free quiz to find out where to start with your neurodivergent child: parentingadhdandautism.com/quiz
Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/382
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.
You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com. It's not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.