Crime Pays But Botany Doesn’t
- Episodes
- 297
- Released
- every two weeks
- Latest episode
- Oct 4, 2026
About the podcast
Why do some plants grow where they do? How can geology cause new plant species to evolve? Why are some plants pollinated by flies, some by bats, some by birds, and others by bees? How does a plant evolve to look like a rock? How can destroying lawns soothe the soul? This is a show about plants and plant habitat through the lens of natural selection and ecology, with a side of neurotic ranting, light humor, occasional profanity, & the perpetual search for the filthiest taqueria bathroom.
Episodes 297
Bolivia Rants
2 hours of rants - recorded from a filthy motel room in Miami, Florida during an intermittend layover - about the route from Santa Cruz dela Sierra, Bolivia West into the dry Inter-Andean Valleys and up to the …
Show notes
2 hours of rants - recorded from a filthy motel room in Miami, Florida during an intermittend layover - about the route from Santa Cruz dela Sierra, Bolivia West into the dry Inter-Andean Valleys and up to the Altiplano, and the many plants encountered along the way :
Onoseris acerifolia,
Deuterocohnia meziana,
Neoraimondia herzogiana,
Schinus mollis,
Puya glomerata,
Schinopsis lorentzii,
Cereus hankeanus,
Harrisia tetracantha,
Blossfeldia liliputana,
Puya humilis,
Trichocereus tunariensis,
Trichocereus bridgesii,
Zanthoxylum coco,
Koeberlinia holacantha, and more.Nonhuman Teachers presents Joey Santore - _Kicked Outta the Botanic Garden_
Originally recorded June of 2026 in Los Angeles California.
Paleobotanical Origins of The Reflecting Pool Disaster
In this episode we talk with Chuck Delwiche about the early evolution of land plants, photosynthetic bacteria, what Earth may have looked like 4 billion years ago, what some of the first land plants look like …
Show notes
In this episode we talk with Chuck Delwiche about the early evolution of land plants, photosynthetic bacteria, what Earth may have looked like 4 billion years ago, what some of the first land plants look like, why bioluminescent dinoflagellates (Pyrocystis) "light up", and the species of algae responsible for the reflecting pool disaster that nearly have the president an aneurysm over the summer.
Chuck Delwiche is a professor of biology at University of Maryland who studies green algae, archaea, and the early evolution of plants.
Reflecting Pool Video
https://youtu.be/z3rExfzXYSw?is=RRys648nwoEze0dXCorruption, Cronyism, & Destroying a National Park
Laiken Jordahl is the national public lands advocate for the center for biological diversity. In this episode he tells us about the destruction of Big bend National Park for a pointless and unnecessary border …
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Laiken Jordahl is the national public lands advocate for the center for biological diversity. In this episode he tells us about the destruction of Big bend National Park for a pointless and unnecessary border wall and what efforts have been made to stop it.Taos & Denver Rants
Rants about Taos, Garden Design in the sba to j aisle, how to tell if a plant has massive tuberous roots, Peteria scoparia, a new species of Paronychia leucochthonicola, Texas Madrone in Denver, US intervention …
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Rants about Taos, Garden Design in the sba to j aisle, how to tell if a plant has massive tuberous roots, Peteria scoparia, a new species of Paronychia leucochthonicola, Texas Madrone in Denver, US intervention in Latin America, and more.Tennessee Oak Savanna Rants
Ad-free episodes of the podcast are available on the crime pays but botany doesn't patreon. A reminder to any complaining jadrools : I don't choose the ads. Your own algorithm does. Thank your corporate …
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Ad-free episodes of the podcast are available on the crime pays but botany doesn't patreon. A reminder to any complaining jadrools : I don't choose the ads. Your own algorithm does. Thank your corporate overlords.
This episode contains rants about Tennessee Oak Savannas, suburban Chicago fire ecology, granite balds in South Carolina and Georgia, the close ties between shame, status and native plants in South Texas-Mexican American communities, a hopeful city council meeting about a native plant ordinance, and more.June in Ft. Worth Rants
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntRants about the Extinction of the Ft. Worth Prairie, the rediscovery of Dalea sabinalis, plants …
Show notes
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Rants about the Extinction of the Ft. Worth Prairie, the rediscovery of Dalea sabinalis, plants with huge taproots, dry limestone plants, idiotic development, getting fleeced and ripped off in Costa Rica, fleabag motels, the Bowel Movement Supermarket, reminiscing about riding freight trains to Ft. Madison Iowa for the $5 cinema, and moreInterstate 8 Tour Rants
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntIn this episode we rant about all night drives through the desert, meth-amphetamine and Del …
Show notes
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
In this episode we rant about all night drives through the desert, meth-amphetamine and Del Taco Management, Phoenix Horticultural Atrocities, the "Kicked Outta Da Botanic Garden" Tour, plumbing leaks, Brad Lancaster's work in the Dunbar Spring Neighborhood of Tucson, and more.North Carolina Rants (NSFW)
(NSFW) Rants about Dr Phil, Fire Ecology, Carnivorous Plants, the Piedmont Forests of North Carolina, Sandhills, Coastal Plain Longleaf Pine Savannas and more...All Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are …
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(NSFW) Rants about Dr Phil, Fire Ecology, Carnivorous Plants, the Piedmont Forests of North Carolina, Sandhills, Coastal Plain Longleaf Pine Savannas and more...
All Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntCulture and Plants in Nuevo León, Mexico : Carlos "Aztekium" Velasco
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntCarlos "Aztekium" Velasco is a biologist, educator, and naturalist in Nuevo León, Mexico who …
Show notes
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Carlos "Aztekium" Velasco is a biologist, educator, and naturalist in Nuevo León, Mexico who has been teaching and studying the region's botany for 30+ years. He has written a guidebook to the plants of Nuevo León and helped describe new species such as Astrophytum caput-medusae.
In this episode we talk about the endemic plants of the Sierra Madre, the habitat of Huasteca Canyon, the urban river known as Rio Santa Catarina and its potential as native plant habitat, Ethnobotany of Mexican Plants, a growing appreciation of native plants in Northern Mexican culture, why the North lost so much of its Ethnobotany compared to the South, and more.Oakland Bio - Saumitra Kelkar
Saumitra Kelkar is a biologist and public educator In Oakland, California. This episode we talk about getting kids into nature, Bay area plant habitats, human selection of native plants and native plant …
Show notes
Saumitra Kelkar is a biologist and public educator In Oakland, California. This episode we talk about getting kids into nature, Bay area plant habitats, human selection of native plants and native plant cultivars, remnant edible wild gardens created by indigenous people, human-plant mutualisms, illegal gardening and more.
Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntDirty Backyard Biology with Damon Tighe
In this episode we talk about the dead fly fungus, fertilizing Trichocereus with piss, how to get a good compost heap running, the science of backyard microbes, human manure composting, cultivating oyster …
Show notes
In this episode we talk about the dead fly fungus, fertilizing Trichocereus with piss, how to get a good compost heap running, the science of backyard microbes, human manure composting, cultivating oyster mushrooms, trying to find out what mycorrhizal fungus associates with Texas Madrones, and more.
Follow Damon Tighe on IG at @damontighe
Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntNuevo Leon & Borderlands Rants
Rants about Mexican Cops, finding Arroyo Sweetwood in the wild, refugial canyons of the Sierra Madre that feel like humid forests in Georgia, and more .Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available …
Show notes
Rants about Mexican Cops, finding Arroyo Sweetwood in the wild, refugial canyons of the Sierra Madre that feel like humid forests in Georgia, and more .
Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the patreon at ww.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntRafflesia Rants
Ad-Free episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesnt podcast are available on the Patreon at: www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntRants about the Philippines, street trees of Manila, the jade vine …
Show notes
Ad-Free episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesnt podcast are available on the Patreon at:
www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Rants about the Philippines, street trees of Manila, the jade vine Stronglyodon macrobotrys, the parasitic plant genus Rafflesia and its host Tetrastigma (Vitaceae), understory forest palms, old world lineages of aroids, and more.Philippine Rants
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntIn this episode we talk Philippines Botany with Jayson Mansibang and Johnny Altomonte from …
Show notes
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
In this episode we talk Philippines Botany with Jayson Mansibang and Johnny Altomonte from Philippine Taxonomic Initiative. We talk about biogeography, Nepenthes, diversity in the genus Ficus, Dacrydium, Begonias, Dipterocarpaceae and the genus Shorea, describing new species, ultramafic areas of the Philippines, how a childhood filled with dinosaurs got us into botany, and more.Back Porch Rants
All episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available at www.patreon.com/CrimepaysbutbotanydoesntRants about saving the Borderlands Caper Tree, salvaging star cactus from a housing development in South Texas …
Show notes
All episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available at www.patreon.com/Crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Rants about saving the Borderlands Caper Tree, salvaging star cactus from a housing development in South Texas, mowing (and "dethatching") dead turf grass, vandalizing Nandina domestica in private landscaping, and more.Drought Tolerant Rants
Ad-free episodes of The Crime pays but Botany doesn't podcast can be listened to on the Patreon at: https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt
Botanizing California in a 2000 Honda Civic, with Jessie Dickson
All episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't podcast are available - without obnoxious ads - on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/CrimepaysbutbotanydoesntA conversation about California Native Plants with …
Show notes
All episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't podcast are available - without obnoxious ads - on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/Crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
A conversation about California Native Plants with Jessie Dickson aka "Sacramento Food Forest" (he has no interest in permaculture). Jessie Dickson is responsible for stoking interest in native plants and ecosystems in quite a few thousand people who might not otherwise have any interest in it. In this episode we talk about fighting the Coyote Creek solar project, California redwoods, getting zoomers into botany, sobriety, the California deserts and much more.Missouri
All episodes of The Crime pays podcast are available ad free on the Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt
Rainwater Harvesting & Plants-As-Infrastructure with Brad Lancaster
Brad Lancaster is a guerilla tree-planter and rainwater harvester in Tucson who has been instrumental in changing the way that the city he lives in treats rainwater and street trees. He has helped covince the …
Show notes
Brad Lancaster is a guerilla tree-planter and rainwater harvester in Tucson who has been instrumental in changing the way that the city he lives in treats rainwater and street trees. He has helped covince the city of Tucson to update its own infrastructure so as to absorb - rather than waste - rainwater by using things like curb-cuts, street-side infiltration basins and native plants. In this conversation, we learn how cities in hot, arid climates can update infrastructure and use native plants to reduce flooding, keep the landscape cooler and provide a better overall quality of life for the people that live in them. This conversation is full of hope. check out the abundance of resources and diagrams on Brad's website : www.harvestingrainwater.com and neighborhoodforesters.org
Ad-free episodes of the crime pays podcast are available on the patreon at : www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
BRAD'S WEBSITES:
HarvestingRainwater.com
CosechaDeAguaDeLluvia.com
NeighborhoodForesters.org
BRAD LANCASTER'S YouTube CHANNEL:
https://www.youtube.com/c/HarvestingRainwater
BRAD'S BOOKS (available at deep discount direct from him):
https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/shop/
RAIN GARDEN PLANTING ZONES - and how to figure out what to plant where
https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/resources/rain-garden-planting-zones/
Urban Drool Harvesting in Los Angeles
https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/2009/03/harvesting-urban-drool/
Self-guided water tours in Tucson (in-person or virtual)
https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/tour/
Hydrologic redistribution of soil moisture by mesquites (there are better studies, but this is a start)
https://eos.org/research-spotlights/how-mesquite-trees-gain-a-competitive-edge-in-arid-arizona
Guerilla planting
https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/2022/09/guerrilla-planting-of-rain-and-native-food-forests-vibrant-acts-of-hope-collaboration-and-letting-go/
Before and after images of water-harvesting in our neighborhood streets:
https://dunbarspringneighborhoodforesters.org/2022/09/before-and-after-photos-of-green-infrastructure-in-dunbar-spring-neighborhood/
Eddy basins:
https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/resource/backwater-or-eddy-basins/
DIY curb cuts:
https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/resource/do-it-yourself-curb-cut-guide/Ecuador Rantzzzz
All episodes of The Crime pays podcast can be listened to ad-free on the patreon : www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Rants about the Texas Caper, Abuelitas Hating Nature, Asphalt Heat Islands, etc
Ad-free episodes of the CPBBD podcast can be heard at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntIn this episode we talk about South Texas Development, remnant thorn forests surrounded by McMansions, the Asphalt …
Show notes
Ad-free episodes of the CPBBD podcast can be heard at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
In this episode we talk about South Texas Development, remnant thorn forests surrounded by McMansions, the Asphalt Heat Island, the South Texas Caper (Quadrella incana, Caper Family - Capparaceae, Mustard Order - Brassicales), grannies that hate street trees Crime Pays fan appreciation, Fighting City Hall for native scapes, general societal ignorance regarding the living world, Jack faking his own death in order to eat more hot dogs and more.Rants about Tree Planting, the Urban Heat Island, Etc
Ad-free episodes of the podcast can be enjoyed on the crime pays Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntOpening song is about Jerry Falwell.
Estado de Hidalgo Rants
Rants about the plant life of the state of Hidalgo Mexico, including but not limited to Cephalocereus senilis, Fouquieria fasciculata, Fouquieria purpusii, Magnolia scheidiana, obsidian piles, and more. All …
Show notes
Rants about the plant life of the state of Hidalgo Mexico, including but not limited to Cephalocereus senilis, Fouquieria fasciculata, Fouquieria purpusii, Magnolia scheidiana, obsidian piles, and more.
All episodes of The Crime Pace podcast are available for ad-free listening on the Patreon at : https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt
Mexico Plants Checklist : https://drive.google.com/file/d/1a5GcJ39ysO_n2XbsazLZeyF9H1wDi4Zx/view?usp=drivesdk
Diversidad Floristica Oaxaca : https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-EXwZV3FOd5sahIE2wlnUmqN_JcLC4bB/view?usp=drivesdkSan Luis Potosí Rants
In this episode we rant about cacti that grow in ephemeral lagoons, 1500 year old Montezuma Cypresses, cryptic cacti that grow in salty mud basins, Mexican Jays dispersing weeping pinion pine seeds, a fern that …
Show notes
In this episode we rant about cacti that grow in ephemeral lagoons, 1500 year old Montezuma Cypresses, cryptic cacti that grow in salty mud basins, Mexican Jays dispersing weeping pinion pine seeds, a fern that grows out of marble, how the summer-wet/winter-dry habit affects some carnivorous plant forms, and more...
Reminder that episodes of this podcast are available ad-free on the Crime Pays Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntClimate Town with Rollie Williams
Ad-Free episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't podcast are available on the Patreon atwww.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesntRollie Williams is host of the youtube series "Climate Town". In this …
Show notes
Ad-Free episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't podcast are available on the Patreon at
www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt
Rollie Williams is host of the youtube series "Climate Town". In this episode, we talk about "supplying demand" Capitalism, the Oil Lobby, why certain interests are just so dang good at propaganda, how the CEOs became the heroes and the scientists became the bad guys, palm oil plantations, ethanol, government-sponsored cheese caves and more.Please Don't "Save the (honey)Bees"
Reed Booth and his assistant Hosh are killer bee exterminators based out of Bisbee, Arizona. In this episode we talk about the ferocity of the scutellata hybrid (aka "killer bees"), the fact that this hybrid …
Show notes
Reed Booth and his assistant Hosh are killer bee exterminators based out of Bisbee, Arizona. In this episode we talk about the ferocity of the scutellata hybrid (aka "killer bees"), the fact that this hybrid doesn't occur in nature ANYWHERE, why most feral honeybee colonies end up being dominated or taken over by the scutellata hybrids, the reductions in native bee and plant biodiversity that the presence of both feral and domesticated honeybees results in, and why it may just not be a good idea to keep backyard honeybees anymore (at least in North America).Native Bee Diversity w/ Krystle Hickman
Ad-Free episodes of the podcast are available on the Patreon at : www.patreon.com/CrimepaysbutbotanydoesntKrystle Hickman is a biologist, native bee researcher, and conservationist from Los Angeles, California …
Show notes
Ad-Free episodes of the podcast are available on the Patreon at : www.patreon.com/Crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Krystle Hickman is a biologist, native bee researcher, and conservationist from Los Angeles, California and author of the book "The ABCs of California's Native Bees". In this 2-hour conversation we talk about how to identify bees to genus, different groups of native bees (IE longhorn bees, cactus bees, leaf cutter bees, sweat bees, Euglossine bees, and more), specialist relationships between native bees and native plants, how native bees could be utilized to pollinate human crops simply if farmers created hedgerows of native plants in between their fields, how honeybees reduce native bee species diversity as well as reducing fitness in native plants, how to get good macro photos and more.Black Forager : On Connecting with the Living World
A 2 hour conversation with Alexis Nicole Nelson aka Black Forager about connecting with the living world, ethnobotany, lawn-killing, native plants, hopefulness and humility, using native plants for fibers, and …
Show notes
A 2 hour conversation with Alexis Nicole Nelson aka Black Forager about connecting with the living world, ethnobotany, lawn-killing, native plants, hopefulness and humility, using native plants for fibers, and a sh*t ton more.
Full episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast can be listened to ad-free on the Patreon at:
https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesntPaleoforaging - The Ethnobotany of Some Central Texas Plants w/ Cyrus Harp
Cyrus Harp is an ethnobotanist, ethnobiologist and author based out of Cetral Texas. In this episode we talk about a number of different plant species, chipping chert, using Agave & Yucca for fiber, Agarita …
Show notes
Cyrus Harp is an ethnobotanist, ethnobiologist and author based out of Cetral Texas. In this episode we talk about a number of different plant species, chipping chert, using Agave & Yucca for fiber, Agarita (Berberis trifoliolata) as dye, Mescal Beans and the history of pre-European human settlement and botany in Texas.
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