Why Do I Always Feel Guilty? Dial Emma: What am I Missing?

Hello and welcome back to Dial Emma! Today I want you to think about the last time you felt guilty. Maybe you actually did something you regretted. But I wonder how many other things make you feel guilty too - saying no, cancelling plans when you're exhausted, buying something for yourself, resting on a Sunday, or even feeling happy when someone you love is struggling.

We use the same word for all of these very different experiences. And once we've called it guilt, we tend to assume it's telling us something true. If I feel guilty, I must be guilty. But feelings aren't verdicts. So perhaps the more useful question isn't why do I feel guilty, it's what is this particular guilt actually trying to tell me?

Today's dilemma comes from a listener I'm calling Rachel. She feels guilty about almost everything - saying no, not seeing her parents enough, working instead of being with her children, being with her children instead of working, resting, spending money on herself. She doesn't think she's a selfish person, and she knows rationally she can't keep everybody happy. But knowing that doesn't make the feeling go away. She wants to know how to tell when she should actually listen to her guilt.

I don't think the goal is to become someone who never feels guilty. I think it's to become someone who knows what to do when guilt arrives. Sometimes you listen and repair, and sometimes you recognise an old rule knocking at the door and decide it doesn't get to run the house.

Dial Emma is hosted by Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Lauren Brook.

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