Feminist Wellness
- Episodes
- 474
- Released
- weekly
- Latest episode
- Nov 12, 2026
About the podcast
You weren't born anxious, depleted, and second-guessing yourself. You were taught to be. The Feminist Wellness podcast is where nervous system science meets the truth nobody wants to say out loud: most of what you think is "self-care" is just performing wellness while your body stays stuck in survival mode. Host Béa Victoria Albina - NP, life coach, and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner - breaks down the codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing habits that keep you trapped in what she calls Emotional Outsourcing™: constantly looking outside yourself for permission, validation, and proof that you're enough. This isn't another show about bubble baths and boundaries. It's about understanding why your body says yes when you mean no, why rest feels impossible, and how to stop treating your own needs like an inconvenience. If you're done white-knuckling your way through life, performing okayness while feeling like you're constantly failing some invisible test, this show will help you see what's actually happening - and what becomes possible when you stop abandoning yourself to please everyone else. New episodes weekly. Start anywhere.
Episodes 474
Ep #404: Intuition vs. Wishful Thinking: How to Know Which Voice to Trust
#404: Do you know what you want, but struggle to tell whether your gut is guiding you or you're simply hoping for a particular outcome? When that uncertainty hits, it's easy to ask everyone else what they think …
Show notes
#404: Do you know what you want, but struggle to tell whether your gut is guiding you or you're simply hoping for a particular outcome? When that uncertainty hits, it's easy to ask everyone else what they think and end up even more confused.
This week, I explore the difference between intuition and wishful thinking, and why emotional outsourcing can make it so difficult to recognize your own inner knowing. I explain how fear, nervous system activation, and old survival patterns can drown out the steady signals your body is trying to communicate.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/404
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #52: Practical Tools to Quiet the Mental Chatter | Paperback Book Series
Tenderoni Hotline #52: You're lying in bed at 2 a.m., replaying that conversation from earlier where your joke fell flat or someone looked uncomfortable after you shared a story.Your brain grabs onto that …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #52: You're lying in bed at 2 a.m., replaying that conversation from earlier where your joke fell flat or someone looked uncomfortable after you shared a story.
Your brain grabs onto that moment like a dog with a bone, analyzing every word, every facial expression, every micro reaction like you're CSI social interaction. The mental hamster wheel spins: Did I say something wrong? Are they mad at me? Do they think I'm weird now?
This is exactly the exhausting cycle I help you break in End Emotional Outsourcing.
Start quieting that mental chatter today by odering my book: End Emotional Outsourcing: beatrizalbina.com/book
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #403: Parental Curiosity: Were Your Parents Actually Interested in You?
#403: Did your parents actually want to know you? Not just how you were doing at school or whether you were behaving, but what you thought, felt, loved, and wondered about? This week, I explore parental …
Show notes
#403: Did your parents actually want to know you? Not just how you were doing at school or whether you were behaving, but what you thought, felt, loved, and wondered about?
This week, I explore parental curiosity and what happens when we grow up with parents who provide for us but aren't particularly interested in our inner worlds. I look at how this quiet absence can shape our sense of worth, teach us to focus on everyone else's needs, and contribute to emotional outsourcing, people pleasing, and perfectionism.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/403
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #51: Did I Make It All Up or Am I Actually Hurt? | Paperback Book Series
Tenderoni Hotline #51: You can spot when someone's being lousy to other people from 3 miles away. You're like an emotional bloodhound who knows when your friend is lying, when your coworker is stressed, when …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #51: You can spot when someone's being lousy to other people from 3 miles away. You're like an emotional bloodhound who knows when your friend is lying, when your coworker is stressed, when your mom is about to lose it. But when someone hurts you, you suddenly need a jury of 12 of your peers to confirm that what just happened was actually messed up and maybe it's okay for you to be hurt.
This habit of emotional outsourcing at its most painful means you're literally giving away your right to trust your own experience and handing it over to the person who hurt you, random friends, or the internet.
This is such a crucial part of what I teach in my book, End Emotional Outsourcing. In the book, you'll learn about the nervous system science behind why you doubt yourself, plus, of course, somatic body-based practices to help you reconnect with your body's wisdom.
Order the book now at https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #402: Eldest Daughter Syndrome: You Were Never Supposed to Do It All
#402: Are you exhausted by how incompetent everyone around you seems, yet somehow still feel responsible for making sure everything gets done? What if your irritation isn't simply a personality flaw, but a …
Show notes
#402: Are you exhausted by how incompetent everyone around you seems, yet somehow still feel responsible for making sure everything gets done? What if your irritation isn't simply a personality flaw, but a response to everything you were expected to carry as a child?
In this episode, I explore the eldest daughter role, which isn't necessarily about birth order. It's about being the child who learned to anticipate everyone's needs, manage the household, and never need too much herself. I look at how this role can develop into emotional outsourcing, perfectionism, hypervigilance, and a deep exhaustion that rest alone can't fix.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/402
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #50: You're Not Loving Them, You're Managing Them | Paperback Book Series
Tenderoni Hotline #50: Your value isn't in your productivity. That uncomfortable feeling when you stop moving, stop doing, stop managing everyone else's life? That's not laziness talking. It's the voice of a …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #50: Your value isn't in your productivity. That uncomfortable feeling when you stop moving, stop doing, stop managing everyone else's life? That's not laziness talking. It's the voice of a nervous system that learned early on that being needed equals being safe.
Your actual people want you to rest. They want you to have needs, wants, preferences. They want to take care of you sometimes too. And all of this is exactly what I break down in my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing.
Order the book now at https://beatrizalbina.com/book
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Ep #401: Take Me at My Word (Part 2): When Helping Becomes Pushing
#401: What happens when your good intentions leave someone you love feeling unheard? When you keep offering suggestions, asking if they're sure, or trying to convince them to change their mind, even after …
Show notes
#401: What happens when your good intentions leave someone you love feeling unheard? When you keep offering suggestions, asking if they're sure, or trying to convince them to change their mind, even after they've given you a clear answer?
In this episode, I explore the role of the pusher and how emotional outsourcing can lead us to manage other people's choices because of our own discomfort, anxiety, or fear of not mattering. I look at why we sometimes mistake being useful for being loved, and how repeated attempts to help can erode trust and create distance in our relationships.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/401
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #49: How to Stop Shrinking Yourself for Others | Paperback Book Series
Tenderoni Hotline #49: This episode explores how childhood messages about being "too much" create lifelong patterns of self-shrinking that affect every area of your life. When you spend years making yourself …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #49: This episode explores how childhood messages about being "too much" create lifelong patterns of self-shrinking that affect every area of your life. When you spend years making yourself smaller to fit other people's comfort levels, you lose track of where you end and their expectations begin.
But what if I told you that's a lie? What if I told you that the right people are starving for your realness? What if I told you that your "too much" is actually someone else's "just right?" What if you're not too much at all? What if you've just been around people who are too small for your bigness?
This is exactly why I wrote End Emotional Outsourcing, to help you stop apologizing for who you are and start celebrating your fullest self.
Order the book now at https://beatrizalbina.com/book
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #400: Take Me at My Word (Part 1): How to Stop Second-Guessing When Others Question You
#400: Have you ever clearly said what you want, only to have someone question it, suggest something else, or act like they know your preferences better than you do? This week, I explore what happens when we are …
Show notes
#400: Have you ever clearly said what you want, only to have someone question it, suggest something else, or act like they know your preferences better than you do?
This week, I explore what happens when we are not taken at our word, especially in our closest relationships. We look at how having our desires, feelings, and internal experiences repeatedly questioned can slowly create self-doubt, disconnect us from ourselves, and reinforce emotional outsourcing patterns.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/400
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #48: Are You Performing? | Paperback Book Series
Tenderoni Hotline #48: There's this bone-deep fatigue that seeps into you when you've been performing yourself for everyone else instead of living your life for you.It's different from being tired after a busy …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #48: There's this bone-deep fatigue that seeps into you when you've been performing yourself for everyone else instead of living your life for you.
It's different from being tired after a busy day. It's the exhaustion that comes from constantly calculating what version of yourself the room needs.
Meanwhile, real love doesn't require a costume. No tap dancing required for real, true, authentic, grounded, open-hearted love, love, love.
That's what my book, End Emotional Outsourcing, is all about: helping you take off the mask and discover that this big, messy world needs the real you, not the performing you.
Order the book now at https://beatrizalbina.com/book
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #399: If He Wants To, He’d Google: Stop Doing His Emotional Work For Him
#399: What happens when loving someone turns into managing their growth, their choices, and their willingness to change? This week, I’m exploring the way we can end up taking responsibility for someone else’s …
Show notes
#399: What happens when loving someone turns into managing their growth, their choices, and their willingness to change?
This week, I’m exploring the way we can end up taking responsibility for someone else’s development, emotional state, and readiness while losing connection with our own needs. We’re talking about the emails I receive from women asking for resources for their husbands, boyfriends, or sons, and the deeper pattern underneath searching for the “right” book, therapist, or conversation that will finally make someone else change.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/399
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #47: Are You Living For Everyone Else? | Paperback Book Series
Tenderoni Hotline #47: Ever have that moment where you realize you've been living your entire life for everyone else? You’re not alone, and you’re not broken. You’ve just been emotionally outsourcing.In this …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #47: Ever have that moment where you realize you've been living your entire life for everyone else? You’re not alone, and you’re not broken. You’ve just been emotionally outsourcing.
In this book series, I name the pattern, share why it develops, and explain how it shapes everything from your relationships to your sense of self. And I’ll tell you how my book, End Emotional Outsourcing, can help you start coming home to yourself - no longer orbiting everyone else’s needs, but finally living for you.
Order the book now: beatrizalbina.com/book
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #398: My Book Is Here in Paperback: Why I Wrote End Emotional Outsourcing
#398: What if the patterns you’ve been blaming yourself for were actually survival strategies you learned for a reason? This week, I’m celebrating the paperback release of my book, End Emotional Outsourcing …
Show notes
#398: What if the patterns you’ve been blaming yourself for were actually survival strategies you learned for a reason?
This week, I’m celebrating the paperback release of my book, End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcome Your Codependent, Perfectionist, and People-Pleasing Habits. I’m sharing why I wrote this book, the experiences that led me to create the framework of emotional outsourcing, and why I believe we need a new way to understand these patterns.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/398
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #46: Why Boundaries Feel So Hard + Why You Keep Procrastinating
Tenderoni Hotline #46: Hello my love! Welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our cozy corner of the Feminist Wellness podcast where I answer your most tender, honest, and heartfelt questions about healing …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #46: Hello my love! Welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our cozy corner of the Feminist Wellness podcast where I answer your most tender, honest, and heartfelt questions about healing, self-trust, and nervous system care.
In today’s episode, we’re exploring why setting boundaries can feel so hard, and why guilt often floods in after you finally speak your truth. We’ll talk about the deep nervous system wiring that makes boundaries feel threatening, especially if you were raised to believe that love means self-sacrifice. You’ll learn how your biology, past experiences, and systemic conditioning all collide to make boundary-setting feel unsafe, even when you know it’s the right thing.
We’re also unpacking why you procrastinate, even on things that matter deeply to you. Spoiler alert: it’s not about laziness. It’s your nervous system trying to protect you from real or perceived danger. You’ll learn how freeze shows up, how perfectionism fuels it, and what gentle, practical tools can help you shift from stuck to self-led.
This work is compassionate, science-backed, and deeply honoring of your lived experience. Because you deserve to set boundaries without betrayal, take action without fear, and build a life rooted in your own nervous system safety and self-trust.
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #397: Catharsis Is Cute. Integration Changes Your Life.
#397: What happens after the breakthrough? After the ceremony, the therapy session, the retreat, or the moment where everything suddenly makes sense? Why do we sometimes return to the same patterns even after …
Show notes
#397: What happens after the breakthrough? After the ceremony, the therapy session, the retreat, or the moment where everything suddenly makes sense? Why do we sometimes return to the same patterns even after something profound has opened?
This week, I explore the difference between catharsis and integration, and why the peak experiences that create possibility are not the same thing as the daily practice that creates lasting change. We’ll look at why a powerful opening can create a window for change, but why it is the ordinary moments afterward, the conversations, choices, and pauses, where new patterns actually take root.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/397
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #45: Nervous System Regulation Tips + How to Stop Losing Yourself in Others’ Needs
Tenderoni Hotline #45: In this episode, we’re diving into how to stop emotional outsourcing, that habit of looking outside yourself for safety, belonging, and worth, and start reclaiming those from within. I’ll …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #45: In this episode, we’re diving into how to stop emotional outsourcing, that habit of looking outside yourself for safety, belonging, and worth, and start reclaiming those from within. I’ll share how to recognize when you’re losing yourself in other people’s needs, plus simple, science-backed nervous system regulation tools to help you catch dysregulation before it hits a 10.
This work is gentle, practical, and profoundly powerful. You deserve to feel safe in your own body and to belong deeply to yourself.
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #396: How to Stop Running From Your Feelings
#396: What if your feelings aren’t something to control, fix, or get rid of, but something trying to guide you back to yourself? This week, I explore what it really means to stop running from your feelings and …
Show notes
#396: What if your feelings aren’t something to control, fix, or get rid of, but something trying to guide you back to yourself?
This week, I explore what it really means to stop running from your feelings and why so many of us have learned to push our emotions down, power through, or disconnect from what’s happening inside. We look at how our nervous systems, social conditioning, and past experiences teach us that some feelings are unsafe, inconvenient, or too much, and how those patterns can keep us disconnected from our own wisdom.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/396
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #44: Why You Get Triggered When Someone Says “Calm Down” + Why Your Body Feels Sick Before a Call
Tenderoni Hotline #44: Hello, my love. If you’ve ever been told to “calm down” and felt your anger spike instead of settle, or found yourself feeling anxious, nauseous, or completely overwhelmed at the thought …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #44: Hello, my love. If you’ve ever been told to “calm down” and felt your anger spike instead of settle, or found yourself feeling anxious, nauseous, or completely overwhelmed at the thought of making a simple phone call, you are so not alone.
In this episode, we gently unpack what is really happening in your body in those moments. We explore why “calm down” can feel so deeply invalidating, especially for those of us who were taught to shrink, soften, or second guess our emotions, and we look at why something as ordinary as a phone call can activate a full stress response, leaving your body feeling anything but okay.
This is not about fixing yourself. It is about understanding yourself with more compassion. Because your reactions are not random. They are protective. They are intelligent. And they make sense. So take a breath, settle in, and let’s get curious together. You are safe. You are held. You are allowed to feel what you feel.
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #395: Suffering: The Second Arrow You Don’t Have to Shoot
#395: What if the pain you’re experiencing is real, but the suffering you’re carrying on top of it is something you can choose to put down? This week, I explore the Buddhist concept of the second arrow and how …
Show notes
#395: What if the pain you’re experiencing is real, but the suffering you’re carrying on top of it is something you can choose to put down?
This week, I explore the Buddhist concept of the second arrow and how we often add to our own suffering through self-blame, judgment, and the stories we create about the painful things that happen in our lives. We look at the difference between honoring our pain and getting stuck in the additional suffering that keeps us disconnected from ourselves.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/395
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #43: Why People Get Defensive About Your Feelings + What Emotional Outsourcing Really Means
Tenderoni Hotline #43: Hello my love! Welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our cozy corner of the Feminist Wellness podcast where I answer your most tender, honest, and heartfelt questions about healing …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #43: Hello my love! Welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our cozy corner of the Feminist Wellness podcast where I answer your most tender, honest, and heartfelt questions about healing, self-trust, and nervous system care.
In today’s episode, we’re exploring what happens when you finally find the courage to speak your truth, only to be met with defensiveness, blame, or long explanations that leave you feeling unseen and small. We’ll talk about why this happens in the body, how your nervous system perceives defensiveness as danger, and how your own body might freeze, fawn, or shut down in response. You’ll learn somatic tools to help you stay grounded in your truth, even when the person in front of you can’t meet you there.
We’ll also unpack what emotional outsourcing really means and how codependent, perfectionist, or people-pleasing habits actually live in the body. You’ll discover how your nervous system learned early on to locate safety, love, and belonging in other people’s moods or opinions, and how somatic work can gently rewire that pattern so you can begin to feel safe inside yourself again.
This conversation is tender, compassionate, and rooted in science. Because you deserve relationships where honesty feels safe, boundaries are respected, and love doesn’t require self-abandonment.
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #394: Self-Compassion: How to Stop Beating Up Your Past Self
#394: What if the thing keeping you stuck isn’t your past choices, but the way you continue to judge yourself for making them? This week, I explore why self-compassion is such a powerful part of real change and …
Show notes
#394: What if the thing keeping you stuck isn’t your past choices, but the way you continue to judge yourself for making them?
This week, I explore why self-compassion is such a powerful part of real change and why beating yourself up for who you used to be only creates more shame, disconnection, and stuckness. We dive into how we often reject the version of ourselves who learned survival strategies like codependency, perfectionism, and people pleasing, instead of recognizing that our past selves were doing the best they could with the tools they had.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/394
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #42: What To Do If Someone Ignores Your Boundary + How To Get Out Of The Victim Mindset
Tenderoni Hotline #42: What happens when you finally set a boundary you've been terrified to say out loud, only to have someone ignore it completely? And how do you know when you're stuck in a victim mindset …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #42: What happens when you finally set a boundary you've been terrified to say out loud, only to have someone ignore it completely? And how do you know when you're stuck in a victim mindset that's keeping you from creating the life and relationships you want?
In this episode, I answer two listener questions about boundaries, accountability, and nervous system healing.
First, we explore what it really means when someone walks through a boundary you've clearly communicated. If boundaries aren't meant to control other people's behavior, then what are they actually for? And what do you do next when someone shows you they aren't willing to respect your limits?
Then we dive into victim mindset as a nervous system strategy. We'll talk about why this pattern develops, how it can keep us feeling powerless, and practical ways to build more agency, responsibility, and self-trust without shame or self-blame.
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #393: People Pleasing: What Keeping Others Happy Costs You
#393: People pleasing can look like compassion, generosity, and care, but what happens when it comes at the cost of your own needs? This week, I dive into why people pleasing happens, how it becomes a pattern …
Show notes
#393: People pleasing can look like compassion, generosity, and care, but what happens when it comes at the cost of your own needs?
This week, I dive into why people pleasing happens, how it becomes a pattern that shapes our relationships and sense of self, and why it can leave us feeling disconnected, resentful, and overwhelmed. I explore how these habits were often brilliant survival strategies that helped us get our needs met, while also showing how they can create challenges for us as adults.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/393
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #41: How to Stop People Pleasing Habits + Nervous System Healing for CPTSD
Tenderoni Hotline #41: If you know you’re a people pleaser but cannot seem to stop, this episode is for you. In this Tenderoni Hotline, I answer two listener questions that go straight to the heart of emotional …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #41: If you know you’re a people pleaser but cannot seem to stop, this episode is for you. In this Tenderoni Hotline, I answer two listener questions that go straight to the heart of emotional outsourcing and nervous system healing.
First: “I know I’m a people pleaser. How do I stop?” We explore why people pleasing is not a personality flaw or lack of boundaries. It is a nervous system adaptation. When connection felt conditional, your body learned to scan, adjust, perform, and prioritize others to stay safe. That strategy was brilliant. And now it may be exhausting.
Then we move into a second question from a listener with CPTSD who shared that words like safe, belonging, and worthy feel abstract or unreachable in their body. If that resonates, you are not alone. Nervous systems do not organize around concepts. They organize around lived experience. So we unpack what “safe enough” actually means in relational terms, how belonging often gets confused with self-erasure, and why worth is less about self-esteem and more about non-abandonment.
This work is not about forcing calm or becoming unbothered. It is about learning to stay with yourself when tension arises. It is about building safety from the inside out so you no longer have to abandon yourself to stay connected.
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #392: Ritual vs. Routine: Why Meaning Matters More Than Productivity
#392: Have you ever wondered why routines feel impossible to maintain, even when you know they’re supposed to help you? What if the problem isn’t your discipline, motivation, or ability to be consistent, but …
Show notes
#392: Have you ever wondered why routines feel impossible to maintain, even when you know they’re supposed to help you? What if the problem isn’t your discipline, motivation, or ability to be consistent, but the way you’ve been taught to structure your life?
This week, I explore the difference between ritual vs. routine and why ritual may be a more supportive framework for brains and nervous systems that don’t thrive on rigid repetition. We dive into how routines became tied to productivity and performance, while rituals help us mark time, create meaning, and reconnect with ourselves.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/392
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #391: How to Stop Self-Abandoning Without Becoming a Jerk
#391: This week, I explore the question so many of us struggle with: how do we stop overextending ourselves and self-abandoning… without losing the parts of ourselves that genuinely love supporting others? Tune …
Show notes
#391: This week, I explore the question so many of us struggle with: how do we stop overextending ourselves and self-abandoning… without losing the parts of ourselves that genuinely love supporting others?
Tune in this week to learn how to recognize when you’re giving from a place of genuine care versus fear, obligation, or a need to prove your worth. I’ll guide you through understanding how your nervous system drives people-pleasing patterns, how resentment can be a clue that you’ve crossed your own boundaries, and how setting limits can actually be one of the most loving things you do for yourself and your relationships.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/391
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #40: Are You Ready for Real Love If You're Still Healing + Why focusing on yourself is not selfishness
Tenderoni Hotline #40: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tender Hotline, the soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most intimate and layered questions about …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #40: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tender Hotline, the soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most intimate and layered questions about healing, nervous system care, and reclaiming your self-trust.
In this episode, we’re diving into three powerful questions that so many emotionally outsourced folks grapple with: Do I have to fully love myself before I’m ready for real love? How do I know if I’m truly healing or just coping while everything stays the same? And is focusing on myself while the world feels like it’s falling apart actually selfish?
Together, we unpack the myth that healing has to happen in isolation. You’ll hear why real love isn’t reserved for the “fully healed,” and how our capacity for connection grows not in perfection, but in proximity and presence. We also explore how nervous system regulation can sometimes turn into a strategy for tolerating the intolerable, and how to shift from performative calm to embodied clarity and action.
We talk about how emotional outsourcing, or looking to others for your sense of safety, belonging, and worth, distorts love and keeps you stuck in survival mode. And we name the ways that focusing on your own healing and self-connection is not selfish, but a radical act of reclamation that serves both you and the collective. So my love, go ahead and grab your softest blanket, pour something warm and grounding, and settle in. I’m so glad you’re here.
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Learn more about Anchored and join the waitlist here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #390: When Helping Hurts: Codependent Habits in the Healing Professions
#390: Have you always been the person who knows how to help? The one who notices everyone else’s needs, steps in quickly, and feels responsible for making things better? In this episode, I explore why so many …
Show notes
#390: Have you always been the person who knows how to help? The one who notices everyone else’s needs, steps in quickly, and feels responsible for making things better?
In this episode, I explore why so many people in healing professions struggle with exhaustion, over-functioning, and self-abandonment. We look at how becoming “the helper” often starts long before your career, and how those early survival strategies can follow you into your work as a nurse, therapist, teacher, coach, social worker, or other caring professional.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/390
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Ep #389: Failure Is Your Best Friend: How to Learn, Grow, and Keep Going
#389: Have you ever felt like failure defines you? Like missing a goal, making a mistake, or falling short is proof that you’re broken or incapable? In this episode, I explore what failure really is and how our …
Show notes
#389: Have you ever felt like failure defines you? Like missing a goal, making a mistake, or falling short is proof that you’re broken or incapable?
In this episode, I explore what failure really is and how our interpretation of it shapes whether we get stuck or grow. Drawing on my own experiences, from life coaching to ceramics, I explore how the stories we tell ourselves after failure can either trap us or propel us forward.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/389
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
Tenderoni Hotline #39: Why You Feel Off After Talking to Your Mom + Why You Pull Your Hair Without Realizing + Why You Can’t Stay Present
Tenderoni Hotline #39: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous …
Show notes
Tenderoni Hotline #39: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself.
In today’s episode, we’re diving into three powerful questions that illuminate just how deeply our nervous systems are wired to protect us, even when those protections feel confusing or frustrating.
First, why do I feel anxious and disoriented after talking to my mom, even when the conversation seemed “fine”? We’ll explore how old relational patterns, emotional labor, and unspoken survival strategies can leave your body braced and buzzing long after you hang up.
Next, we unpack what’s really going on when you pull your hair without realizing it. If you’ve ever felt ashamed about this, please know you are not broken. You’ll learn how body-focused behaviors like hair pulling can be unconscious attempts to regulate or ground when your system doesn’t have other tools.
Finally, we explore what it means to be physically present, but mentally checked out. If you’ve felt like you’re watching your life from a distance or constantly lagging behind real time, this conversation on dissociation and functional freeze will help you understand why, and what you can do about it.
You’ll walk away with insight, compassion, and nervous-system-centered practices to support your healing from the inside out.
Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected]
Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en
Mentioned in this episode:
Join The Shift today!
You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshift
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