Refrigerator Moms
- Episodes
- 72
- Released
- weekly
- Latest episode
- Nov 11, 2026
About the podcast
Refrigerator Moms is an autism podcast by and for autism moms, hosted by Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott.
Born from 20 years of friendship, during which they navigated the trenches of autism parenting and advocacy, the Refrigerator Moms is Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott’s way of reaching out to parents waging the same battles they were. Their purpose with this podcast is to clear the fog, silence the noise, and find a path through neurodivergence for parents that are stuck between bad choices. They tackle parenting topics such as mom guilt, tantrums, pathological demand avoidance, siblings, medication, comorbidities, social media, and much more.
Contributors
Episodes 72
Refrigerator Mother Theory and the Legacy of Blame
Hosts Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen explain the history behind the name Refrigerator Moms and why they chose it on purpose. They dig into the refrigerator mother theory, the mid-century idea that doctors …
Show notes
Hosts Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen explain the history behind the name Refrigerator Moms and why they chose it on purpose. They dig into the refrigerator mother theory, the mid-century idea that doctors used to tell mothers they had caused their children's autism by being emotionally cold, and trace it from Leo Kanner's 1943 writing through a 1948 Time magazine article and Bruno Bettelheim's parentectomy model at the University of Chicago. As an autism podcast, this show keeps returning to one point: Autism parenting has always carried a weight of blame that was never fully earned, and autism moms are still handed new versions of it today, from vaccines to diet choices.
Key takeaways:
- The refrigerator mother theory told mothers their coldness caused their children's autism
- A 1948 Time magazine article, "Frosted Children," described autistic children as being kept in a refrigerator that never defrosted
- Leo Kanner's original 1943 notes mentioned a lack of warmth in some parents, which snowballed into full blame
- Bruno Bettelheim ran the University of Chicago's Orthogenic School and advocated separating autistic children from their parents
- In 1969, Kanner told the newly formed National Society for Autistic Children that parents were not to blame, but the damage had already been done
- Blame did not disappear, it shifted to vaccines, gluten, casein and other parenting choices
- Julianna and Kelley talk about glass child syndrome and the pressure moms put on themselves on top of outside blame
- The hosts connect this history to pathological demand avoidance and how PDA parenting overlaps with autism parenting generally
- The name Refrigerator Moms is meant as an homage to the first autism advocates, the mothers who were blamed and kept fighting anyway
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Why the show is named Refrigerator Moms
02:03 The 1948 Time magazine article "Frosted Children"
06:36 Bruno Bettelheim and the parentectomy
09:06 Kanner tells parents they are off the hook
10:54 Blame shifts to vaccines and diet choices
11:45 Glass child syndrome and mom guilt
12:47 PDA parenting and autism parenting overlapWhat Autism Parents Should Know About AI
Julianna and Kelley unpack what they are seeing in the fast growing world of AI and autism, from Julianna's trip to the Stanford Neurodiversity Summit to the apps, wearables and chatbots already being pitched …
Show notes
Julianna and Kelley unpack what they are seeing in the fast growing world of AI and autism, from Julianna's trip to the Stanford Neurodiversity Summit to the apps, wearables and chatbots already being pitched to parents and clinicians. They dig into AI video screening tools being tested for toddler autism diagnosis, virtual reality programs aimed at social skills, wearables meant to flag sensory overload before it escalates, and a chatbot called Nora designed to coach workplace social interactions. Along the way they ask the harder question underneath all of it: does any of this actually address the loneliness and human connection at the center of the autism experience, or is it a stand in for a shortage of real therapists. This is an honest, sometimes skeptical look at where autism parenting and autism research are headed as AI tools multiply.
Key takeaways:
- An AI video screening app was tested on 475 toddlers and showed high diagnostic accuracy alongside caregiver questionnaires
- Researchers frame these screening tools as low barrier and scalable, not standalone diagnostic replacements
- VR for social skills shows more promise for level one autism than for profoundly autistic individuals
- Wearables that track heart rate and other physiological signs aim to warn caregivers before a meltdown or anxiety spike
- A chatbot named Nora coaches real time social responses for workplace small talk, raising questions about whether this teaches masking
- Several Stanford Neurodiversity Summit talks focused on AI's role in employment and job interview preparation for autistic adults
- The hosts question whether AI tools designed to extend human connection actually risk replacing it instead
- In-person connection with other parents and providers stood out as the most valuable part of the summit, more than any single AI tool
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
Sense to Know app, an AI powered video screening tool for toddlers discussed at the summit that uses computer vision to track facial expressions, gaze, head movement and a bubble popping game to assess early signs of autism
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/sensetoknow/id1543459433Cognitive Leap, a neuroscience company building VR and AI based assessment and training tools for neurodivergent individuals, deployed across hospitals, clinics, schools and homes
https://test.cognitiveleap.comNora, a chatbot discussed at the summit that coaches real time social skills like asking questions and responding empathetically, aimed at workplace social situations
https://www.heynoora.comMindly, a patient facing app with a clinician facing dashboard that uses video logs and journal entries to track treatment progress
https://mindlyapp.com🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 AI and autism, is this helpful
00:13 Stanford Neurodiversity Summit recap begins
01:13 AI video screening app for toddlers
04:08 VR for social skills, pros and cons
07:22 Wearables for sensory overload
12:16 Stanford keynote on AI and social communication
12:36 Nora the chatbot coaches workplace skills
17:01 VR and AI for childhood health conditions
21:09 Mindly app and clinician dashboards
23:46 Is AI just extending humans or replacing them
24:52 Pathological demand avoidance and summit takeaways
25:44 What the summit really offered beyond the dataDoes PDA Parenting Actually Work Against ABA Therapy?
Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) has become one of the most talked about frameworks in autism parenting, and it is often presented as the opposite of ABA therapy. This episode takes a second look at that …
Show notes
Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) has become one of the most talked about frameworks in autism parenting, and it is often presented as the opposite of ABA therapy. This episode takes a second look at that assumption. Drawing on years of old therapy binders, home visit notes, and a recent neurodivergence summit, the hosts compare the PANDA framework point by point against classic ABA principles and find far more overlap than the social media narrative admits. The conversation covers low arousal profiles, choice making, functional communication, and why rewards and consequences can backfire for some kids. This is a grounded, personal look at what actually helped one autistic child grow, and why the goal was never compliance, it was comfort and function.
Key takeaways:
- PDA autism and ABA share far more technique overlap than most parenting advice admits
- The PANDA framework maps closely onto established ABA principles like antecedent interventions
- Offering real choices, not just preferred choices, is common ground between both approaches
- Autism parenting should prioritize comfort and function over compliance and appearance
- Sticker charts and token rewards can backfire and increase anxiety for some autistic kids
- Natural, close-to-the-event rewards tend to work better than delayed token systems
- Collaborative and proactive solutions and ABA functional communication training aim at the same goal
- Progress in autism parenting podcast topics like emotional regulation can take years to show up
- The real question is not PDA versus ABA, it is what helps your child function and feel safe
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Does PDA count as an ABA technique
00:56 A deep dive into old ABA binders
02:03 PDA parenting versus ABA with new words
04:05 Offering real choices to reduce demands
06:30 About Brain Performance Technologies
07:22 Tracing PDA roots back to B.F. Skinner
08:50 Skinner named counter control in 1953
09:49 Autonomy as a personality trait
13:14 Breaking down the full PANDA framework
14:46 Anxiety management and low arousal
19:04 Negotiation and collaboration in PDA
21:40 Disguise and manage demands explained
24:40 Brain care at Brain Performance Technologies
26:42 Collaborative and proactive solutions explained
27:58 Why sticker charts can backfire
32:04 Years of progress with emotional regulationChapters (16)
Inside the Making of "An Open Door" with John Festervand
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
This episode of Refrigerator Moms goes behind the scenes of An Open Door: Temple Grandin, the documentary that picked up where the HBO film left off. John Festervand, executive producer of the film and longtime …
Show notes
This episode of Refrigerator Moms goes behind the scenes of An Open Door: Temple Grandin, the documentary that picked up where the HBO film left off. John Festervand, executive producer of the film and longtime colleague of Dr. Temple Grandin at Colorado State University, joins Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen to talk about how the project came together, what it took to tell the rest of Temple's story, and what he has learned about autism parenting and the autism community from years working alongside her.
He shares how he met the film's director a year before he met Temple, how ten students helped build the film from the ground up, and what Temple herself asked to see included. The conversation also touches on her work with the Temple Grandin Equine Center, her devotion to her students, and the side conversations that reveal what has actually helped her over a lifetime.
Key takeaways:
- John Festervand explains how a chance meeting at the Temple Grandin Equine Center groundbreaking led to a documentary
- The film took nine months and ten student crew members to produce
- Temple Grandin personally asked that her drawings and collaborators be included in the film
- Her legacy goal is simple: keep her website and books available after she is gone
- Side conversations after events reveal what has genuinely helped her, including diet and past medications
- Temple Grandin's work with equine therapy research and organizations teaching autistic adults trades reflects her hands on approach to autism parenting and advocacy
- The documentary aims to show the full arc of her career, not just the part the HBO movie covered
- Her students and the ag community describe her as deeply generous with her time and attention
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
An Open Door: Temple Grandin — the documentary discussed throughout the episode, covering Temple Grandin's life, career and impact beyond the 2010 HBO film.
https://templegrandindocumentary.comTemple Grandin (2010 HBO movie) — the earlier biographical film starring Claire Danes the guest references as the inspiration for telling "the rest of the story."
The Temple Grandin Equine Center — the Colorado State University program in Fort Collins named in her honor, researching equine therapy.
https://agsci.colostate.edu/tgec/
Surfers Healing — an organization mentioned as the group the film's director, John Barnhart, was working with prior to the documentary, taking autistic kids surfing around the country.
https://www.surfershealing.org/
The Creative Act (Rick Rubin) — referenced as the book the guest and the director listened to while editing the film down to its final length.
https://sites.prh.com/thecreativeact
TACT (Teaching Autistic Community Trades) — an organization mentioned as providing trade certifications and job placement for autistic adults, led by Danny Combs.
https://www.buildwithtact.org/
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Intro to John Festervand and the documentary
01:18 How he met Temple Grandin at Colorado State
03:23 Deciding to tell the rest of her story
06:06 His philanthropy role and building the film team
09:47 Pitching the documentary idea to Temple
11:25 Biggest lessons learned making the film
13:12 Her legacy and giving back to students
19:00 Her impact on the agricultural community
20:10 What got left on the cutting room floor
22:19 Temple's notes and directives for the film
26:16 Side conversations about medication and diet
29:13 The Temple Grandin Equine Center and TACT
35:41 Where to watch the documentary
37:12 The most memorable compliment they receivedTemple Grandin: Why High Expectations Beat Overprotection in Autism Parenting
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Dr. Temple Grandin joins Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen to talk about the refrigerator mother theory this show is named for, and what her own mother's book actually says about it. Temple, a distinguished …
Show notes
Dr. Temple Grandin joins Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen to talk about the refrigerator mother theory this show is named for, and what her own mother's book actually says about it. Temple, a distinguished professor of animal science at Colorado State University and one of the most influential voices in autism parenting, walks through her early speech therapy, why her mother pushed her toward independence instead of stepping in, and how that balance of high expectations and smart accommodations shaped her childhood. The conversation moves through screen time, nutritional deficiencies in restrictive eaters, the overprescribing of medication, the DSM's autism levels, pathological demand avoidance, and how different thinking styles (visual, pattern, and word-fact) point toward different careers. Temple also talks about her mother Eustacia Cutler, who turned 100 last month, and about building a life around a special interest instead of around a diagnosis.
Key takeaways:
- Temple's mother avoided the refrigerator mother theory's worst damage because it hadn't caught on yet when Temple was young
- Early speech therapy centered on three things: learning to talk, taking turns, and basic daily skills
- High expectations paired with specific accommodations, like a corridor to run in or a cabin away from a ferry horn, built resilience
- Food selectivity should be addressed in the kitchen with sensory play, not at the dinner table
- Undiagnosed vitamin deficiencies, including scurvy, are showing up in kids with very restricted diets
- Medication can help, but too many kids are prescribed multiple drugs at once with little thought
- Autism levels don't work well for young children, since severity can look very different later
- Visual thinkers, pattern thinkers, and word-fact thinkers need different paths into careers
- Pathological demand avoidance as a separate profile struck Temple as a poor fit for how her generation was simply expected to do hard things
- Shared interests, not forced socializing, are what actually build friendships for autistic kids and adults
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin, the book where she discusses her antidepressant use and includes the chapter "A Believer in Biochemistry"
https://www.templegrandin.comThe Autistic Brain by Temple Grandin, referenced as part of her body of work on autism and the brain
https://www.templegrandin.comAnimals in Translation by Temple Grandin, referenced as part of her body of work
https://www.templegrandin.comVisual Thinking by Temple Grandin, discussed in relation to object visualizers, pattern thinkers, and word-fact thinkers
https://www.templegrandin.comAnimals Make Us Human by Temple Grandin, discussed for its breakdown of the core emotional systems in mammals
https://www.templegrandin.comAn Open Door: Temple Grandin, a documentary presented by Colorado State University, reflecting on her life and legacy in humane livestock handling, autism rights, and neurodiversity
https://www.templegrandindocumentary.com/
The HBO movie Temple Grandin, referenced for its portrayal of the refrigerator mother theory and a scene with a magazine editor
https://www.hbomax.com/movie/670fcfdd-b70b-4826-8966-66370ee59e7dWesternaires, a self-funded volunteer horse program in Colorado for kids including precision riding drill teams
https://www.westernaires.org/The Temple Grandin and Eustacia Cutler Autism Fund, which offers free webinars and papers for parents
https://www.tgecautismfund.org/The Temple Grandin plush toy from Future Horizons, a toy company that partnered with Temple on the design
https://www.futurehorizons.comSource Code by Bill Gates, mentioned as his explanation of being raised to give back
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/742811/source-code-by-bill-gates/🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
Timestamps:
00:00 Intro, the refrigerator mother theory origin
00:35 Welcoming Dr. Temple Grandin
01:36 Early speech therapy and talking school
04:39 How teachers motivated a young autistic child
05:06 Early intervention wait lists today
06:19 The rise of screens in childhood
08:43 Does screen time actually regulate kids
11:05 Eustacia Cutler turns 100, pushing with accommodations
12:41 Food selectivity and sensory play in the kitchen
13:04 Vitamin deficiencies and scurvy in restrictive diets
14:15 Medication, overprescribing, and starting doses
18:46 DSM autism levels and profound autism
20:43 Visual, pattern, and word fact thinking styles
23:35 Advice for bullied autistic teens
25:58 Building external memory with checklists
29:23 The self funded Westernaires horse program
36:13 Eustacia Cutler's isolation and her push to speak
39:07 Self-diagnosis and pathological demand avoidance
43:16 Making friends through shared interests
48:10 The Temple Grandin and Eustacia Cutler Autism Fund
52:04 Still doing 100 push ups a day
56:44 Not letting a diagnosis define youChapters
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What Nobody Tells You About Autism and Puberty
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Puberty is hard enough without autism in the mix, and almost nobody talks about it honestly. Julianna and Kelley tackle the cringy, necessary conversations that come with an autistic teen's changing body, from …
Show notes
Puberty is hard enough without autism in the mix, and almost nobody talks about it honestly. Julianna and Kelley tackle the cringy, necessary conversations that come with an autistic teen's changing body, from hygiene and masturbation to consent, comorbidities, and the difficult question of permanent birth control. Grounded in their own family experience and the Refrigerator Moms research paper on the topic, this is the second in a three part series on autistic teens.
Key takeaways:
- Autistic teens show higher rates of gender dysphoria and reduced sexual awareness compared to peers
- The Circles of Intimacy tool, often introduced through ABA, gives kids a visual for who can see or touch their body
- Privacy and redirection, not shame, are the right response to masturbation
- Hygiene struggles are not a personal autonomy issue and need consistent, team wide messaging
- Puberty is a common trigger for new or shifting comorbidities like anxiety, depression, and OCD
- Permanent birth control is a real conversation for some families and deserves years of lead up, not a snap decision
- Sex ed adapted to a child's functional level belongs in the IEP
- Zones of regulation help teens name feelings that get more abstract during adolescence
- Pornography and unrealistic expectations need direct, ongoing discussion, not silence
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
HBO, The Pitt: Season 2, Episodes 10 and 11
A medical drama referenced for a storyline involving a character's sister and a UTI tied to sexual activity, used as an example of how autistic people's sexuality gets overlooked in fictionZones of Regulation: https://zonesofregulation.com/
A framework for naming and communicating emotions, described as useful for adolescents as feelings become more abstractSex Ed Rescue: sexedrescue.com/puberty-for-autistic-kids
A hub of articles from sexual health nurse Cath Hakanson on autism and puberty, with guides for girls, boys, and periods. Offers explicit, concrete language and sensory-aware strategies for teaching body changes, hygiene, and privacy.Planet Puberty: planetpuberty.org.au
A free resource from Family Planning Australia for parents and caregivers of children with intellectual disability and autism. Organized by topic (body changes, feelings, relationships, identity, safety), with teaching plans, printable resources, and workshops.🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms
Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com00:00 Why nobody talks about autism and puberty
00:36 What is the role of parents, doctors, therapists
07:23 Circles of Intimacy as an ABA tool
09:26 Nonspeaking kids and masturbation privacy
12:19 Autonomy and privacy versus safety
13:00 Hygiene, smells, and periods
15:16 How comorbidities shift during puberty
17:05 Consent and permanent birth control
23:24 What to do when puberty hits
27:57 What not to do, panic and shame
28:39 Where to find the paper and more episodesChapters
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Pokemon Meltdowns, ABA Controversy, and Phone Bans in Schools
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen dig back into the world of autism parenting social media, starting with a viral thread about a mom whose son melted down over Pokémon cards and the flood of PDA-affirming advice …
Show notes
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen dig back into the world of autism parenting social media, starting with a viral thread about a mom whose son melted down over Pokémon cards and the flood of PDA-affirming advice she received in response. Kelley breaks down why most of that advice, dressed up in new language, is really just classic behavioral intervention (delayed gratification, redirection, reward systems) repackaged and sold back to autism parenting communities. The two also take a detour into Julianna's own special interest, the Jane Austen Society, before returning to social media comments on ABA therapy controversy, new state laws banning phones in schools, and the Lindsay Clancy trial and what it reveals about psychotropic medication and postpartum mental health care.
Key takeaways:
- Solving for yes and delayed gratification tactics are sticker charts with new names
- PDA-affirming advice often just relabels standard aba therapy strategies
- Sometimes no is a complete sentence, even in PDA parenting
- Private equity has made ABA therapy staffing chaotic, but the principles still work
- Julianna's real-life special interest is the Jane Austen Society of North America
- Phone bans in schools are showing kids handle the friction better than parents expect
- The Lindsay Clancy trial raises hard questions about psychotropic medication oversight
- Parents should not self diagnose or opinion shop for medication changes
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Pokémon meltdowns and PDA advice begins
01:23 The PDA-affirming advice breakdown
04:33 Solving for yes is a sticker chart
06:07 Can we start saving for the card
09:27 Sometimes we just have to accept disappointment
12:09 Not about autism: the Jane Austen Society
16:20 ABA does nothing, social media comments
18:22 State laws banning phones in schools
22:07 The Lindsay Clancy trial and medication oversightChapters
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Why Self-Diagnosing Autism Online Can Backfire
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Nearly a third of American adults have self diagnosed a mental health condition, and half of Gen Z has done the same, so Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen dig into what that means for autism specifically. TikTok …
Show notes
Nearly a third of American adults have self diagnosed a mental health condition, and half of Gen Z has done the same, so Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen dig into what that means for autism specifically. TikTok checklists promise a diagnosis in ninety seconds, but the criteria on those videos (liking the sound of a hairdryer, having strong opinions, researching a purchase before buying it) has little to do with autism levels or the clinical picture used in an actual assessment. Julianna and Kelley separate the legitimate reasons adults seek out self diagnosis, including cost, long wait lists, and mistrust of the healthcare system, from the diagnostic creep that pathologizes ordinary introversion and everyday bad behavior. They also cover the real harm: diluting the meaning of autism, building an identity that is hard to walk back from, and letting treatable issues like anxiety or undiagnosed ADHD go unaddressed. If you're curious whether an autism diagnosis fits you, this conversation lays out where curiosity is a fine starting point and where the real work has to begin.
Key takeaways:
- Self diagnosis of mental health conditions has spiked sharpest in adults ages 26 to 34
- TikTok checklists often describe normal human traits, not clinical criteria
- 52% of top ADHD videos and 41% of autism videos studied contain inaccurate medical information
- Legitimate barriers to formal diagnosis include cost, access, stigma, and fear of not being believed
- Loneliness, not TikTok trends, is often the real driver behind the search for a label
- A label should be the start of doing the work, not a reason to stop trying
- Self diagnosing without follow up can dilute the public understanding of autism and autism parenting
- Some conditions mistaken for autism, like anxiety or trauma, are highly treatable on their own
- Medication decisions should never be made from an online quiz alone
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com\
00:00 Should You Self-Diagnose Autism?
00:09 Nearly A Third Of Adults Self-Diagnose
00:53 Why This Trend Is Rising Now
01:30 Curiosity, Isolation And Community
02:37 How This Differs From Parent Diagnosis
03:36 Adolescents And Identity Formation
04:13 Is It Users Or Licensed Professionals?
05:39 Parents Diagnosing Their Kids Online
05:56 Diagnostic Creep Explained
07:09 Pathologizing The Normal
07:42 When Labels Excuse Bad Behavior
09:08 The Loneliness Epidemic Connection
10:21 The Work Begins, It Doesn't End
10:43 Real Barriers To Formal Diagnosis
12:19 The Permission Structure Of A Label
15:24 Should Only Autistic People Diagnose?
17:14 What Do You Want For Yourself?
17:57 The Case Against Self-Diagnosis
20:13 Real Harm Of Diluting Autism
21:18 Building An Identity Hard To Leave
22:05 Who Are These People Really?
23:15 What We'd Actually Recommend
26:11 Medication Is Not A DIY DecisionChapters
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How to Handle Depression as an Autism Parent with Dr. Scott Eilers
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Dr. Scott Eilers, known online as the Depression Doctor, joins Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen to unpack the tools he built after living through a decade of severe depression himself. The conversation covers …
Show notes
Dr. Scott Eilers, known online as the Depression Doctor, joins Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen to unpack the tools he built after living through a decade of severe depression himself. The conversation covers why shame loses power the moment it's spoken aloud, why platitudes like "you don't get more than you can handle" fall flat, and why contentment, not happiness, may be the more sustainable goal for parents navigating chronic stress. Dr. Eilers also shares how becoming a special needs parent forced him to refocus his time and energy, and offers a framework for deciding how much access anyone gets into your life.
Key takeaways:
- Shame shrinks when shared; keeping it hidden means only your harshest critic (you) gets a vote
- Platitudes fail because they overshoot; acknowledging reality works better than forcing positivity
- Consider the source, both on social media and inside your own head, before absorbing criticism
- Special needs parenting often forces a "KonMari-style" refocusing of time, energy and relationships
- No two people's parenting can be scientifically compared; there is no experimental control
- Contentment, not happiness, is the more sustainable emotional target on hard days
- Impulsivity often comes down to sleep, food, movement and caffeine, not willpower
- Not all anxiety is pathological; some of it is a rational response to real circumstances
- Going no contact with family can be warranted, but boundaries should track a person's actual behavior, not their title
- Shifting from consumption to creation, even small acts like cooking or a walk, changes how a hard day feels
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
When Everything Is Burning by Dr. Scott Eilers, his book written for people dealing with chronic, deep seated depression, discussed throughout the episode as the source of several frameworks covered.
https://www.drscotteilers.com/resources/for-when-everything-is-burning-book
The Psychology of Depression and Anxiety, Dr. Eilers' podcast, mentioned as part of his body of work.https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOD3pCPK--mHDqVuW75ATxBDsTlK5xVxp
The KonMari Method, referenced by Julianna as a comparison point for decluttering relationships and obligations during hard seasons of parenting.
The Minimalists, the podcasting and writing trio whose work on intentional living and letting go of excess reflects the episode's discussion of decluttering as an emotional, not just physical, practice.https://www.theminimalists.com/
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Cold open: the opposite of depression
00:22 Meet Dr. Scott Eilers, the Depression Doctor
01:14 Why we wanted to talk about situational depression
01:57 Shame grows when sheltered, withers when expressed
06:21 Why platitudes fall flat for struggling parents
09:23 A realistic statement beats a positive one
11:09 Where did "you never get more than you can handle" come from
13:01 The KonMari method for your mental clutter
15:17 The day early intervention arrived at the door
18:14 Considering the source in your own head
19:44 Considering the source on social media
21:29 The autism industrial complex
22:31 When therapy offices aren't built for autistic clients
25:07 How to vet a parent coach's credentials
26:19 Why so many therapists are becoming coaches
29:43 The six lies the world tells you
33:35 Redefining what a father provides
34:03 Going no contact with family
35:36 A framework for safety and openness in relationships
38:05 Adaptive versus maladaptive perfectionism
40:13 Rewrite the research on your negative beliefs
43:07 Why happiness might be the wrong goal
46:35 The case for contentment over happiness
48:39 Sleep, food, movement and impulsivity
50:40 Sorting pathological anxiety from rational anxiety
53:26 Creation versus consumption
54:36 Where to find Dr. EilersChapters
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Not About Autism Book Club: We Read The Viral Novel Yesteryear
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen launch the Not About Autism Book Club, with their first pick, Carol Clare Burke's viral bestseller Yesteryear. The novel follows a trad wife influencer who wakes up living in …
Show notes
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen launch the Not About Autism Book Club, with their first pick, Carol Clare Burke's viral bestseller Yesteryear. The novel follows a trad wife influencer who wakes up living in 1855, and the hosts dig into what the book gets right and wrong about performative Christianity, the manosphere, trad wife culture, and social media escapism. They debate the unlikable main character, the polarizing ending, and whether the story's twist actually lands. Spoilers included throughout.
Key Takeaways
- Yesteryear follows a trad wife influencer who wakes up living in 19th century conditions on her ranch
- The hosts discuss the book's central criticism, that Christianity is portrayed as a theatrical villain
- Clementine and the preacher are named as the story's more redeeming, genuinely Christian characters
- The author's writing process, including her rushed first draft and two editors, gets discussed in detail
- The rumor that Anne Hathaway ghostwrote the book is addressed and debunked
- Caleb's arc into the manosphere sparks a conversation about male identity and validation
- The hosts unpack why trad wife content is aspirational fantasy rather than reality
- They discuss the book's divisive twist ending and the lack of redemption for the main character
- Both hosts rate the book differently, weighing societal relevance against the quality of the writing
- The next book club pick, Ann Patchett's Whistler, is announced at the end
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
- Yesteryear by Carol Clare Burke, the book club's first pick, following a trad wife social media influencer who wakes up living in 1855.
- Diabolical Lies, the podcast hosted by author Carol Clare Burke.
- Whistler by Ann Patchett, our next book club pick.
🔗 Learn More
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
Timestamps
00:00 Launching the Not About Autism book club
01:03 Introducing Yesteryear and its viral buzz
01:36 What Yesteryear is about
02:06 First impressions of the book
03:07 Spoiler warning before the ending talk
03:25 Is Christianity the book's villain
04:46 A social justice warrior as the real villain
05:16 The author's rushed first draft process
06:06 Editors and publishers shaping the book
07:06 Why Kelley reads acknowledgments
07:42 The Anne Hathaway ghostwriter rumor
09:36 Fleshing out Caleb's character for film
10:20 Sympathy for Caleb's stupidity
11:18 Caleb's pull into the manosphere
11:55 Social media silos and trad wife fantasy
12:21 Was Caleb aware of his own role
14:08 The unlikability of Shannon's arc
15:22 The reading is sexy shirt moment
15:53 Real homesteaders versus influencers
16:20 Trad wife ideology meets modern woman
17:23 Ballerina Farms and hidden help
18:29 Why trad wife content is appealing
19:29 Escapism and fantasy in trad wife culture
20:10 Trad wife versus stay at home mom
21:27 Social media as a sewing circle
21:50 No redemption for Natalie
22:08 The author's defense of Natalie
23:24 Why Natalie is hard to like
26:09 Hypocrisy and the manosphere's relevance
27:33 Wishing for a time travel twist
28:17 The new batch of kids reveal
28:37 Questions about Clementine and the warrant
29:46 Debating who is worse, Natalie or Caleb
30:03 Marital rape and the fantasy of control
32:20 Was Natalie drugged the whole time
33:11 The unreliable narrator problem
34:34 Rating the book on Goodreads
35:37 The concept of winning in the story
36:59 Announcing the next book club pickChapters
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Screen Time, PDA, and College Essays: Our Three Biggest Papers Revisited
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen revisit three of the show's most-discussed refrigerator papers in one sitting: screen time, pathological demand avoidance (PDA), and college readiness. They break down why not …
Show notes
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen revisit three of the show's most-discussed refrigerator papers in one sitting: screen time, pathological demand avoidance (PDA), and college readiness. They break down why not all screen time is equal, what to actually do when a child is dysregulated by devices, and why the show remains skeptical of PDA as a standalone diagnostic framework. The conversation closes with a deep dive into college essay coaching for neurodivergent students, covering when and how to disclose a diagnosis, how AI has changed the essay-writing process, and what admissions readers are actually looking for.
Key Takeaways- Screen time isn't one category: passive consumption differs from educational or interactive use
- Oxford's 2024 word of the year, "brain rot," describes real cognitive effects of low-quality screen content
- Weaning a child off screen addiction often takes about two weeks before mood visibly improves
- PDA is not a standalone diagnosis in the US and remains an add-on profile to autism in the UK
- Many PDA-focused "coaches" operate without a therapy license valid in the client's state
- Avoiding demands long-term (like indefinite co-sleeping) tends to delay, not resolve, underlying challenges
- College "capable" (grades, test scores) is different from college "ready" (executive functioning, self-advocacy)
- The Common App personal statement is 650 words; UC personal insight questions are 350 words each
- Admissions readers spend about seven minutes per application on average
- Disclosing a diagnosis in a college essay should be brief; the essay should focus on what a student did with the challenge, not the diagnosis itself
Thrive College Counseling — the college counseling practice founded by Dr. Marci Schwartz, providing full-service college counseling for neurodivergent students, referenced alongside a companion paper the hosts wrote with her on college readiness.
https://www.thrivecollegecounseling.com/Standout Application Essays — the college essay coaching practice founded by Julianna Scott, offering brainstorming through final polish on college, scholarship, and graduate application essays, with particular experience supporting neurodivergent students and their families through the process.
https://www.standoutapplicationessays.com/🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Revisiting three of our biggest papers
00:36 Screen time, PDA, and college readiness ahead
02:02 Screen time paper: the four categories
03:16 The phone-during-diaper-change moment
05:21 Screen time and "brain rot"
05:48 Good screens: learning apps and cooking shows
06:57 The worst screens: algorithm-driven platforms
07:06 What kids did before screens existed
08:07 Try a no-screen day experiment
08:48 Parents are addicted to screens too
10:04 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
10:15 What to do about screen addiction
12:05 PDA paper: stirring up a hornet's nest
12:50 What PDA actually means
14:01 The PDA coaching cottage industry
15:30 Is what you're doing helpful or hurtful
16:26 Sleep and PDA: kicking the can down the road
18:11 Study behaviorism before rejecting ABA
20:00 College readiness with a college essay coach
21:32 The up-all-nighter essay clients
21:51 Dr. Marci Schwartz and Thrive College Counseling
22:05 College capable versus college ready
23:25 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
23:49 Common App versus UC personal insight questions
26:39 How AI changed college essay coaching
29:20 Coaching neurodivergent students on essays
30:42 Should students disclose their diagnosis?
33:09 Where disclosure belongs in an application
36:08 Closing thoughts on college readinessChapters
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How Grammy-Nominated Producer Tony Mantor Became Autism's Unlikely Storyteller
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Tony Mantor is a Nashville music producer and songwriter, not a clinician, not an autism parent, yet he built one of the most listened-to autism and mental health podcasts around, "Why Not Me." What started as …
Show notes
Tony Mantor is a Nashville music producer and songwriter, not a clinician, not an autism parent, yet he built one of the most listened-to autism and mental health podcasts around, "Why Not Me." What started as a pandemic passion project turned into a platform with 19 million downloads, guests spanning Temple Grandin to late-diagnosed adults to parents navigating serious mental illness overlapping with autism. Julianna and Kelley talk with Tony about masking, late diagnosis, anosognosia, and what he's learned after three years of hearing the community's stories firsthand.
Key Takeaways:
- Tony's podcast grew from a song written for first responders into a weekly show built entirely around lived experience
- He deliberately avoids clinical, sterile language, choosing storytelling so newly diagnosed families don't walk away more afraid
- A guest diagnosed by Chat GPT after three years of conversation history illustrates how masking can hide even from the person doing it
- Anosognosia, believing your delusion over another person's reality, came up as a subtopic most listeners have never heard of
- Late-diagnosed adults, some as old as 60, describe losing a decade of self-understanding before diagnosis
- Females are underdiagnosed in part because masking, mimicking social cues like laughing at a joke they didn't understand, hides the signs
- Temple Grandin called in personally to be a guest, and her mother was an original "refrigerator mother"
- Autistic guests worldwide describe the same core experience, with the real differences coming from how local communities and systems respond
- Politicians remain some of the hardest guests to book, and Tony describes watching a unanimously passed autism bill die once it reached the House
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
Why Not Me: Autism and Mental Health — Tony's podcast discussed throughout the episode as the platform where he interviews autistic guests, parents, advocates, and public figures.
(https://tonymantor.com/why-not-me)Almost Live Nashville — Tony's other podcast, focused on the Nashville music industry.
(https://tonymantor.com/almost-live-nashville)
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Intro to Tony Mantor's unusual path to autism advocacy
00:26 Welcome and setting up today's conversation
01:13 Tony's music career and Plateau Music background
01:48 How the "Why Not Me" song and podcast started
03:16 A speech therapist's call changes everything
04:42 Turning the last five minutes of a show into a movement
05:33 What guests want most when they reach out
06:19 Why clinical, sterile podcasts scared him
07:04 Three years in, what he's learned about autism
08:12 Sponsor message: Brain Performance Technologies
08:25 How his perspective on autism has changed
09:45 The first episode that changed everything
10:22 The literal thinking story that resonated worldwide
11:46 Musicians and undiagnosed autism
12:07 A singer songwriter who never told him she was autistic
12:48 Masking, gender, and camouflaging
13:32 Diagnosed autistic by Chat GPT
14:52 19 million downloads and branching into mental health
15:19 Why he expanded beyond autism
17:08 Rebranding to Autism and Mental Health
18:41 Anosognosia explained
19:55 How his view of serious mental illness changed
20:44 The system failing people before they end up in jail
21:05 Temple Grandin's surprise podcast request
22:26 Temple Grandin's mother and the refrigerator mother connection
23:22 Who Tony still wants to interview
24:20 Why he doesn't research outside guest stories
25:22 The masking, bullying, and suicide risk connection
27:41 Consensus and differences across years of conversations
28:37 What parents worry about most
29:31 Losing a decade before late diagnosis
30:43 The cost of disclosing an autism diagnosis
31:05 Learning each other's culture in a mixed neurotype marriage
32:20 Tony's other podcast, Almost Live Nashville
34:22 What's working well in the autism community
36:08 Special interests and hyper-focus
37:30 A Bulgaria to Belgium relocation story
38:13 Comparing autistic experiences across countries
39:47 The politicians who won't come on the show
40:11 A bill that passed unanimously, then died
41:06 Closing thanks and where to find moreChapters
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Overdiagnosed or Overlooked? A Pediatrician on Autism Today
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
A board-certified pediatrician and mother of a daughter with autism joins Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen to talk about what actually happens inside the pediatrician's office. Dr. Alisa Minkin explains why …
Show notes
A board-certified pediatrician and mother of a daughter with autism joins Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen to talk about what actually happens inside the pediatrician's office. Dr. Alisa Minkin explains why standard screening tools miss subtler presentations of autism, how she navigates vaccine hesitancy without losing a family's trust, and why the search for a "magic cure" so often derails real progress. The conversation also covers over- and under-diagnosis, the case for a separate profound autism diagnosis, medication decisions, and why screen time is so uniquely addictive for autistic kids.
Key takeaways:- Standard screening tools often miss subtler, later-diagnosed presentations of autism
- Pediatricians and parents alike can develop strong "autism radar" over time
- Building trust with hesitant parents can take many visits, not one conversation
- A vaccinating practice will sometimes ask non-vaccinating families to leave, citing risk to other patients
- Alternative therapies fall into a spectrum: won't help and will hurt, won't help and won't hurt, or may help and won't hurt
- Autism is both overdiagnosed (social media self-diagnosis) and underdiagnosed (missed females, missed older kids, missed atypical presentations)
- A separate diagnosis for profound autism could redirect resources and expand who is qualified to provide care
- Medication for autism is largely off-label, with only Abilify and risperidone FDA-cleared
- Screens are not a cause of autism but can be uniquely reinforcing and addictive for autistic kids
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
A Tough Pill to Swallow — a Refrigerator Moms paper on medication for autism, referenced by Dr. Minkin as a resource for parents weighing medication decisions with their child (https://refrigeratormoms.com/a-tough-pill-to-swallow-medicating-autism/)
Kids Matter! — Dr. Minkin's own podcast about raising healthy, happy children, mentioned as a companion listen to this episode
(https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kids-matter/id1867343121)🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Introducing Dr. Alisa Minkin
01:12 What pediatricians look for at milestones
02:22 How autism screening actually works
03:05 What screening tools miss most
03:19 Developing strong "autism radar"
04:36 Reading whether a parent is ready
06:00 Why parents are more receptive today
06:37 Vaccine hesitancy in autism families
08:20 An uptick in measles cases
09:39 When parents ask about unproven treatments
10:44 Sorting therapies by help versus harm
12:11 Why patience matters more than a cure
14:46 The problem with trying everything at once
17:06 Who can actually diagnose autism
18:19 Over-diagnosis versus under-diagnosis
20:24 Why "everyone's a little autistic" is demeaning
20:41 The case for a profound autism diagnosis
23:18 Access to services and school classifications
24:48 When behavioral needs get kids denied care
26:25 Medication and the ADHD-autism overlap
28:24 The off-label medication problem
29:19 Thoughts on the deprescribing movement
31:37 A hot take on screen time
34:18 Why eye contact still matters
35:41 Using screen time as leverage
37:10 Letting kids sit with discomfort
38:07 Where to find Dr. MinkinChapters
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Is Forcing Your Teen to Shower a Compliance Problem, Or a Hygiene One?
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen return for another social media questions episode, tackling the topics parents are actually asking about online. They dig into swearing as an expression of frustration, whether …
Show notes
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen return for another social media questions episode, tackling the topics parents are actually asking about online. They dig into swearing as an expression of frustration, whether a nonverbal five-year-old will ever talk, what Glass Child Syndrome means for siblings, physical meltdowns directed at one parent, the fight over whether a teenager has to shower, and what happens when a parent asks about combining ABA with a PDA-focused support group. Julianna and Kelley weigh in with clinical experience and personal stories, showing why online advice rarely fits any one family.
Key Takeaways:
- Swearing is often a form of communication or release, not just defiance
- A swear jar or family word diet can turn cursing into a teaching moment
- ABA should include alternative communication tools like PECS or sign language, not just spoken words
- Five years old, or even three years of therapy, isn't long enough to declare something isn't working
- Glass Child Syndrome describes siblings feeling overlooked, and it's worth taking seriously
- Physical aggression toward one parent usually signals an unmet communication or sensory need
- Hitting a child to stop a behavior teaches hitting, it does not build regulation skills
- Hygiene is not an arbitrary rule, and sensory-based shower struggles deserve real accommodations, not shame
- Some online support groups shut down honest questions rather than answer them
- Many PDA-focused strategies quietly borrow from ABA principles like antecedents and behavior triggers
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Swearing and how kids express frustration
00:57 Reading Kelley's notes and today's topics
01:39 A speech therapy swearing breakthrough story
02:57 Teaching kids when and where to swear
03:44 The swear jar as a family tool
04:47 Will my nonverbal five-year-old ever talk
05:44 Questions to ask before giving up on ABA
06:24 Alternative communication tools beyond speech
07:22 A speech therapist's look-here breakthrough story
09:08 Focus on connection, not just words
10:19 Glass Child Syndrome, is it real
11:26 PDA parenting and sibling separation
12:35 Why siblings may need therapy later
13:34 Physical meltdowns directed at one parent
14:34 Finding the antecedent behind aggression
16:07 Immediate versus long-term behavior strategies
16:52 Why hitting a child is never the answer
17:41 Brain Performance Technologies sponsor message
18:07 Should a teenager be forced to shower
19:36 Why hygiene is not arbitrary
20:24 When shower resistance is trauma related
21:33 A trigger warning for mentioning ABA
23:03 A PDA group shuts down an ABA question
25:02 Why the wrong therapy can be worse than none
27:35 PDA strategies that quietly borrow from ABA
28:36 Where to find Refrigerator MomsChapters
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Why Your Autistic Teen Is Suddenly Struggling in High School
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
High school changes the rules for autistic teens in ways that can catch parents off guard. The coping strategies that worked in elementary and middle school stop working as peer dynamics get more complex …
Show notes
High school changes the rules for autistic teens in ways that can catch parents off guard. The coping strategies that worked in elementary and middle school stop working as peer dynamics get more complex, masking becomes more demanding, and academic pressure ramps up. Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen break down what's really going on during this shift and walk through the full range of schooling options available when a traditional high school environment isn't working, from homeschooling and deschooling to therapeutic day schools and trade programs. They also answer real listener-style questions on dangerous behavior, friendlessness, and letting go while still supporting a teen through this transition.
Key Takeaways:
- Elementary-era coping skills often stop working once peer dynamics, masking, and academics all intensify at once in high school
- Masking becomes more effortful in adolescence as teens develop a deeper awareness of feeling different
- Watch for signs a teen isn't thriving: can't self-advocate, has no bandwidth left after school, or masking is triggering meltdowns
- Schooling alternatives include homeschooling, deschooling, unschooling, online public school, hybrid schools, therapeutic day schools, and trade/vocational programs
- Changing a placement or therapy is rarely irreversible, it's okay to try something and go back
- Dangerous behavior toward self or others is a stop-drop-and-roll moment that takes priority over academics
- If a teen is lonely, don't force friendships, look for natural, low-pressure social opportunities instead
- Adolescence is a key window to watch for emerging comorbidities like anxiety, depression, ADHD, or OCD
- Involve teens directly in IEP and 504 meetings to build self-advocacy for after high school
- Alternatives to college should be normalized as equally valid paths, not lesser ones
This episode is part of a three-part series on adolescence from The Refrigerator Moms, with companion episodes on puberty and the transition into adulthood still to come.
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 The high school whiplash parents don't expect
00:40 Why this paper focuses on mainstreamed teens
01:10 A three-part series on adolescence
03:00 Why adolescence hits autistic kids so hard
04:09 Masking, bullying, and burnout compound
05:24 College readiness versus college capable
07:04 Signs your teen isn't thriving right now
08:50 A real story: bullying inside the special day class
10:03 Changing placement isn't irreversible
10:41 Homeschooling as an option
12:38 Deschooling versus homeschooling
13:19 Unschooling and its risks
15:22 Online public school and hybrid schools
16:41 Therapeutic day schools explained
18:00 Trade and vocational programs
19:31 Shopping around for the right high school
20:34 Balancing independence with support
21:33 When success looks different than you hoped
23:46 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
24:13 Revisiting support systems when struggles persist
25:08 What to do about dangerous behavior
26:39 What to do if your teen has no friends
30:09 Immediate to-dos for parents
31:10 Watching for new comorbidities in adolescence
32:02 Why TMS can become a lifelong tool
32:51 Letting your teen own their mask
33:32 Long-term to-dos and letting go of the mask of your dreamsChapters
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Not About Autism: A Refrigerator Moms Side Chat
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott launch a new segment called Not About Autism, built on a simple idea: parents managing complex mental health challenges need real breaks, not more algorithm-fed autism content …
Show notes
Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott launch a new segment called Not About Autism, built on a simple idea: parents managing complex mental health challenges need real breaks, not more algorithm-fed autism content. To kick it off, they dig into a 2006 email thread from back when they first became friends, revisiting early medication decisions, a beloved longtime psychiatrist, and a very of-its-era debate over The Devil Wears Prada. Along the way they talk reality TV, online shopping in its infancy, the Anne Hathaway-led Yesteryear adaptation, and Emily Wilson's Odyssey translation.
Key Takeaways:
- A new recurring segment, Not About Autism, is designed as an intentional break from autism-focused content
- Kelley and Julianna read from an actual 2006 email exchange between them
- The email covers an early medication decision, including a diagnosis and a first anti-anxiety prescription
- They both still recommend the same psychiatrist referenced in that 2006 email
- Their paper "A Tough Pill to Swallow" covers how they evaluate whether a medication is working
- The conversation drifts into The Devil Wears Prada, both book and movie, and its sequel
- They recommend the documentary The September Issue as a companion watch
- Book chat touches on Yesteryear, the trad-wife novel Anne Hathaway is adapting
- They also discuss Emily Wilson's translation of The Odyssey
- A future Not About Autism episode will cover the Jane Austen Society
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
A Tough Pill to Swallow — a Refrigerator Moms paper on medicating autism and how to evaluate whether a medication is working. (https://refrigeratormoms.com/a-tough-pill-to-swallow-medicating-autism/)
The Devil Wears Prada — the novel and film referenced throughout the conversation, along with its upcoming sequel.(https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0458352/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_3_tt_7_nm_1_in_0_q_the%20devil%20wears)The September Issue — a documentary about Anna Wintour and Vogue, recommended as a companion watch to The Devil Wears Prada. (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1331025/)
The Run-Through with Vogue — hosted by Chloe Malle, mentioned in connection with behind-the-scenes stories about Anna Wintour and Vogue. (https://open.spotify.com/episode/5h0FDZsFjP3DOuvia003mB)
Yesteryear — a novel about a trad-wife influencer, being adapted into a film starring Anne Hathaway. (https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/780686/yesteryear-a-gma-book-club-pick-by-caro-claire-burke/)
The Odyssey (Emily Wilson translation) — referenced in discussing Anne Hathaway's performance in a related adaptation. (https://wwnorton.com/books/9780393356250)
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Introducing Not About Autism
00:24 Why parents need a break from autism talk
01:10 Life before phones, email, and social media
01:44 Pulling up a 2006 email thread
02:31 The email topic: medication
02:54 A first psychiatrist visit and diagnosis
03:10 Starting buspar, an anti-anxiety medication
04:00 Emoji habits then versus now
04:45 Brain Performance Technologies sponsor message
05:06 Managing medication with Jamba Juice and yogurt
05:44 Devil Wears Prada plans, twenty years ago
06:13 Tough Pill to Swallow, their medication paper
06:39 Back to Devil Wears Prada talk
07:07 Confessing a reality TV addiction
07:20 Real World before Real Housewives
07:31 The book's first hundred pages verdict
08:06 Coordinating babysitting and free weekends
08:25 Early days of online shopping
08:57 Whether they ever saw Prada 2
09:25 Comparing the movie to the book
10:08 Frustration with endless remakes and sequels
10:34 The Vogue Runway podcast comes up
11:24 Brain Performance Technologies sponsor message
11:45 The September Issue documentary recommendation
12:23 Asking for a new book recommendation
12:30 Introducing the novel Yesteryear
13:19 Anne Hathaway's Odyssey performance
14:00 Emily Wilson's Odyssey translation
14:13 Teasing the Jane Austen SocietyKultureCity Wants Every Stadium, Bar, and Airport Sensory Friendly
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Tash Dillmon, co-host of Moms Talk Autism, joins the show to talk about KultureCity, the nonprofit making stadiums, airports, bars, and churches sensory inclusive nationwide, and what that access actually looks …
Show notes
Tash Dillmon, co-host of Moms Talk Autism, joins the show to talk about KultureCity, the nonprofit making stadiums, airports, bars, and churches sensory inclusive nationwide, and what that access actually looks like in practice. Tash also opens up about parenting her son Jack, now in middle school, as his needs shift from visible behaviors toward anxiety and identity questions like "why am I different?" She and the hosts talk through therapy, TMS, medication, and what it really means to be a child's "safe person," plus a candid take on the controversial book Upward Bound and facilitated communication.
Key Takeaways:
- KultureCity is a nonprofit that certifies sensory inclusive spaces, including NFL stadiums, airports, bars, and churches
- Certified locations offer sensory bags with noise-reducing headphones, fidget tools, and communication cards
- KultureCity's app locates certified venues and includes the Koji system for non-speaking communication
- Autism intensity often comes in waves rather than steadily decreasing with age
- As kids get older, the focus can shift from managing behaviors to managing anxiety, depression, and identity
- Being a "safe person" doesn't mean avoiding hard truths, it means being the one trusted to tell them
- Chronic conditions like anxiety, depression, and OCD require ongoing management, not a single fix
- Therapy readiness evolves over time, and repeated exposure to new tools matters more than one right answer
- Masking is exhausting, and home can be the place where kids don't have to do it
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
- KultureCity: the nonprofit sensory inclusive certification organization discussed throughout the episode, covering stadiums, airports, bars, and other venues, including its app and the Koji communication system
- Love on the Spectrum: the TV series discussed near the end of the episode, including the Inclusion Fusion program in Las Vegas featured on the show
- Inclusion Fusion: a program based in Las Vegas mentioned as featured on Love on the Spectrum and attended by Tash's son
- Upward Bound by Woody Brown: a novel discussed as reportedly written with facilitated communication, recommended despite skepticism about its authorship
- Tell Them You Love Me: a documentary referenced regarding the Anna Stubblefield case and the dangers of facilitated communication
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Introducing guest Tash Dillmon
00:45 What KultureCity is and does
01:46 How KultureCity certifies venues
03:11 Inside a sensory room setup
04:17 What's in the KultureCity sensory bag
04:58 The Koji communication system
05:30 How to find certified venues
06:32 Staff training requirements explained
07:22 Sensory friendly airports
08:22 Sensory friendly bars explained
09:30 Meet Tash's family and son Jack
09:55 Jack's diagnosis and school setting
12:07 Jack's academic and support levels
13:57 Shift from behaviors to mental health
17:14 Starting the mental health conversation
19:14 TMS and managing OCD symptoms
21:10 Framing autism as a chronic condition
22:06 Doing better than the last generation
25:22 Becoming your child's trusted resource
27:06 The risk of masking under pressure
30:16 Talking honestly about wearing masks
34:30 Setting honest expectations with Jack
36:04 Building trust for harder truths later
41:14 Speed round begins
44:22 Upward Bound and facilitated communication
46:08 Where to find Moms Talk AutismChapters
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Ready or Not: How to Prepare Autistic Students for College
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Getting into college is not the same as being ready for it, and for autistic students, that gap can lead to a painful call home. Dr. Marci Schwartz, founder of Thrive College Counseling, joins Julianna and …
Show notes
Getting into college is not the same as being ready for it, and for autistic students, that gap can lead to a painful call home. Dr. Marci Schwartz, founder of Thrive College Counseling, joins Julianna and Kelley to unpack what real college readiness looks like: executive functioning, independent living, advocacy, and social connection, all built on a foundation of self-awareness. They talk through how parents can tell if a student is truly ready versus just capable, how to talk about fit instead of prestige, and what to do when a student needs to come home and start again.
Key Takeaways:
- College acceptance does not equal college readiness, self-awareness is the real foundation
- Four core skills to build before college: executive functioning, independent living, advocacy, and social connection
- Asking for help in a timely way is itself a college readiness skill, not just a social nicety
- Nearly 1 in 4 autistic college students drop out, prestige is not protection against that
- Fit matters more than rank: small classes and known professors can outweigh brand-name schools
- Students should demonstrate independence in high school, not just promise they'll do it later
- IEPs and 504s don't carry over to college, the student must self-identify and request accommodations
- Comprehensive support programs, executive functioning coaches, and gap-year skill building are real options when a student isn't ready
- Mental health self-identification is its own readiness skill, and often the hardest one to build
- Neurodiversity-informed career services matter as much as academic accommodations, because the real goal is career, not just college
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
- Thrive College Counseling — College counseling service specializing in neurodivergent teens, founded by episode guest Dr. Marci Schwartz https://www.thrivecollegecounseling.com
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 A student's crisis call home from college
00:24 Welcome to Refrigerator Moms
01:04 Why college readiness starts in 9th grade
01:04 Meet Dr. Marci Schwartz
01:57 From therapist to college counselor
02:55 The biggest gap in family understanding
03:50 College capable versus college ready
04:06 The four core readiness skills
04:31 Self-awareness as the foundation
05:08 Building self-awareness through mistakes
06:09 Asking for help is a social skill
06:29 Redefining what social support means
08:23 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
09:31 Scaffolding versus true independence
10:32 The show me standard for readiness
11:03 What demonstrating responsibility looks like
13:17 Executive functioning and independent living
13:31 Advocacy and IEP meeting involvement
14:15 Social skills and roommate life
14:33 What realistic prep looks like in high school
16:40 When to start these conversations
17:26 Talking to parents fixed on prestige
19:05 The one in four dropout statistic
19:40 How Dr. Schwartz evaluates college fit
21:15 Helping students recognize their own fit
21:47 Advice for students who come home
23:34 Mental health signs students must self-identify
24:53 Deferring enrollment versus community college
26:35 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
27:24 What accommodations carry over to college
28:48 Comprehensive support programs explained
29:22 The hardest part to set up: mental health
30:31 Neurodiversity-informed career services
31:41 Closing advice for families
32:45 Where to find the Refrigerator Moms paperChapters
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What RFK Jr. Got Right (and Wrong) About Deprescribing
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
RFK Jr. and HHS have launched a deprescribing campaign, and the Refrigerator Moms have thoughts. Julianna and Kelley agree that psychiatric medication, especially for kids and teens, is often over prescribed …
Show notes
RFK Jr. and HHS have launched a deprescribing campaign, and the Refrigerator Moms have thoughts. Julianna and Kelley agree that psychiatric medication, especially for kids and teens, is often over prescribed. But they push back on what's actually being offered as a solution: fast-tracked psychedelic medication, while non-invasive, drug-free options like TMS go unmentioned. They dig into who's prescribing SSRIs (it's not just psychiatrists), what's missing from the conversation about alcohol and legalized cannabis interacting with medication, and why a real deprescribing conversation needs to include real alternatives, not just a new drug.
Key Takeaways:
- RFK Jr. and HHS have started a deprescribing campaign for psychiatric medication
- Julianna and Kelley agree overprescribing is real, especially for children and adolescents
- The campaign's main alternative appears to be fast-tracked psychedelic medication
- TMS, a non-invasive, drug-free option, is largely absent from the public conversation
- TMS is currently covered by insurance for ages 15 and up
- About 40% of SSRIs are prescribed by general practitioners, not psychiatrists
- Legalized cannabis and its interaction with SSRIs remains understudied
- Psychiatrists often lack education about alternatives like TMS and can act as gatekeepers
- TMS is also FDA cleared for smoking cessation, relevant given rising vaping rates
- The hosts want a real conversation about alternatives, not a surface-level one
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 RFK Jr.'s deprescribing campaign begins
00:18 Welcome and today's topic
00:27 Their Dear RFK letter on the website
01:00 Where they agree with RFK Jr.
01:23 Psychedelic medication is the proposed fix
01:49 Concerns about disassociative drugs for kids
02:11 Revisiting their prior medication episode
02:40 Are SSRIs studied in combination with other drugs
02:56 The big question: what are the alternatives
03:26 TMS is missing from the deprescribing conversation
03:49 Searching news comments for TMS mentions
04:28 TMS insurance coverage starts at age 15
05:07 General practitioners prescribe 40% of SSRIs
05:52 A surface-level conversation isn't enough
06:01 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
06:33 What "prescribed correctly" really means
06:55 Legal cannabis and SSRIs, an understudied mix
07:40 TMS is FDA cleared for smoking cessation
08:06 Is RFK Jr. having this conversation in earnest
08:35 Overprescribing is real, but so is the need for alternatives
09:14 Closing thoughts and how to support the showChapters
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A Mother's Wish List for Her Severely Autistic Son
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Nearly one in three autistic people are profoundly autistic: they need round-the-clock care, often cannot speak for themselves, and are rarely part of the public conversation about autism. Julianna Scott and …
Show notes
Nearly one in three autistic people are profoundly autistic: they need round-the-clock care, often cannot speak for themselves, and are rarely part of the public conversation about autism. Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen built a short paper and a wish list for this community, and this episode walks through both. They trace how the 2013 DSM-5 change folded everyone under one autism umbrella, why that left the most severely affected fighting for the same scarce services, and where the real gaps sit: staffing paid at poverty wages, research that screens out anyone with an IQ under 70, adult services that barely exist, and policy that treats safe, shared housing as "institutional." Along the way they get personal about caregiving versus parenting, the loneliness of independent living done without community, and one creative win: an ABA therapist who taught a 26-year-old to love movies over Zoom, one scene at a time.
Key takeaways:
- Roughly 27% of autistic people are level three, or profoundly autistic, yet the term only entered the literature in 2021.
- The DSM-5 change in 2013 widened the umbrella and stopped tracking the most severe cases separately.
- Less than 15% of autism research funding is estimated to reach profound autism.
- Therapists are scarce because the work is hard, the pay is low, and the required licensure is expensive to earn.
- Many clinical trials require an IQ of 70 or higher, excluding much of this population.
- Rules meant to prevent "congregate" or "institutional" settings can block the shared, safe housing many families actually want.
- A separate diagnosis for profound autism could route higher-need people to services first.
- IHSS pays family caregivers, often at minimum wage, because there is frequently no one else and no day program available.
- The hosts' wish list spans housing, communication, schools, caregiving, medical care, reproductive health, and social life.
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsResources:
VOR (A Voice of Reason) www.vor.net
A national nonprofit advocating for a full continuum of care options and family decision-making rights for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
Together for Choice www.togetherforchoice.org
A national organization fighting to protect the rights of individuals with I/DD to live, work, and thrive in a setting of their choice.
Solidarity: Parent-to-Parent Support www.solidarityp2p.org
A peer support network for families raising children with severe autism and neurobehavioral disorders.
National Council on Severe Autism (NCSA) www.ncsautism.org
A nonprofit pursuing recognition, policy, and solutions for individuals and families affected by severe autism.Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 The part of autism we rarely talk about
00:24 Why this episode is for everyone
01:01 The paper and the wish list
01:55 2021: the term "profound autism"
02:08 How the DSM-5 widened the umbrella
03:30 All fighting for the same services
04:36 Institutionalized vs shut out
05:07 Less than 15% of research funding
05:36 The case for a separate diagnosis
06:20 Where the gaps are: staffing
08:14 The research gap and IQ cutoffs
09:35 Adult services barely exist
10:53 Policy: self-advocacy vs high needs
11:46 Needs versus rights
13:01 Facilitated communication, feel-good story
14:33 Caregiving versus parenting
15:33 The wish list begins: housing
16:25 A son's apartment, and his loneliness
19:43 Dementia villages, intentional community
21:01 Communication and AAC devices
21:52 ECT, TMS, and medication
22:11 Schools built for life, not academics
23:00 The target run problem
24:03 Teaching a love of movies over Zoom
26:48 Caregiving: a separate licensure
27:30 IHSS and paying family caregivers
29:24 Medical care and full screening
30:46 Reproductive health
31:26 Social life and a real community
34:00 The paper, and how to helpChapters
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What "Extreme Caregiving" for Profound Autism Really Means
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Brittney Crabtree is raising four kids whose needs land at opposite ends of the autism spectrum, and she joins Julianna and Kelley for an honest conversation most autism content skips. Her 19-year-old son is …
Show notes
Brittney Crabtree is raising four kids whose needs land at opposite ends of the autism spectrum, and she joins Julianna and Kelley for an honest conversation most autism content skips. Her 19-year-old son is profoundly autistic and nonspeaking, needing the round-the-clock care she calls extreme caregiving, not parenting. They get into daily safety planning, sensory and frustration-driven aggression, and a services system that promises community integration then turns families away. Brittney also opens up about long-term residential care, siblings who become caregivers, California's Self-Determination Program, and the grief of planning for a future she won't always be part of.
Key Takeaways
- Extreme caregiving means 24/7 supervision to keep a profoundly autistic, nonspeaking adult both healthy and physically safe.
- Aggression tends to fall into two buckets: frustration from being unable to communicate a need, and sensory overload.
- "Fort Knox" home setups (door and pantry locks, shiplap over drywall) become necessary for safety and elopement risk.
- Caring for a profoundly autistic adult is caregiving, not parenting, and naming that distinction helps mentally.
- Long-term residential planning carries real grief, and starting the acceptance process early helps.
- Finding appropriate services can feel like a hide-and-seek game where you already have to know someone.
- California's Self-Determination Program lets families negotiate a budget and choose their own providers, including caregivers their child clicks with.
- There's no "test the waters" equivalent for adult disability housing the way a college dorm works for typical kids.
- Siblings often shift from a brotherly role into a caregiving one.
- Families worry the broader autism conversation is leaving profoundly affected, nonspeaking people behind.
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsOrganizations mentioned in this episode:
rubycakescookies.com
momstalkautism.com
brave-together.org
wearebravetogether.orgRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Meet Brittney Crabtree of Moms Talk Autism
01:14 Four kids, four different paths
02:19 What "extreme caregiving" really means
04:08 The big three: aggression and safety
04:52 Fort Knox: locks, shiplap, and elopement
06:09 Frustration aggression vs. sensory aggression
08:11 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
08:33 The book "Upward Bound" and facilitated communication
10:50 A system that's woefully inadequate
11:33 No safe place in the community
12:42 When community programs won't accommodate
13:24 Aging out of the school system
14:01 The grief of long-term residential care
15:00 The hide-and-seek of finding services
16:01 The question: what happens when I'm gone
18:39 Resources and the regional center
18:51 California's Self-Determination Program
20:13 Finding caregivers he clicks with
20:15 No way to test the waters on housing
22:02 When siblings become caregivers
28:16 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
28:42 Is profound autism being left behind?
30:09 A separate diagnosis for profound autism
31:14 Needs versus rights
34:24 Speed round
40:31 We Are Brave Together and the Tahoe retreat
43:52 ClosingChapters
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Autism Dads Open Up: Marriage, Mental Health, and Raising a Child on the Spectrum
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott turn the mic over to the other side of the partnership, welcoming their husbands, Eric and Steve, for a candid conversation about what it actually means to be the autism dad …
Show notes
Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott turn the mic over to the other side of the partnership, welcoming their husbands, Eric and Steve, for a candid conversation about what it actually means to be the autism dad. Drawing from their research paper "Fathers as Secondary Caregivers for Autism Families," the four explore the emotional toll fathers absorb quietly, why dad-specific research is nearly nonexistent, how couples navigate disagreements over therapy choices, and why autism fathers often have no outlet for their stress. Honest, funny, and deeply relatable for any parent who has felt like the outside player in a two-person caregiving team.
Key Takeaways
- Research on autism fathers is sparse, and nearly every study ends with "more research is needed" -- a telling sign dads are still an afterthought.
- In autism support groups, women outnumber men roughly 4 to 1, leaving fathers with almost no peer community.
- Mothers tend to report stress tied to caregiving demands; fathers report stress tied to uncertainty about their role and conflicting feelings about their child.
- Fathers often withhold their own emotional struggles to avoid adding to an already-stretched partner -- deepening their isolation in silence.
- Financial strain in autism fathers correlates with depression, substance abuse, and elevated suicide risk, yet rarely gets named.
- Giving dads a defined, owned task -- music therapy, park runs, bike riding -- creates a meaningful role that does not require mirroring the primary caregiver's approach.
- Maternal gatekeeping, even when well-intentioned, can erode a dad's confidence and cut him off from forming his own relationship with the child.
- Proposing a timeline ("let's revisit in two weeks") is a more effective strategy than digging in when parents disagree on a therapeutic approach.
- The team mentality -- even when never said out loud -- is one of the strongest predictors of a couple staying together through the long haul of autism parenting.
- For single parents and two-parent households alike: county respite programs exist, and using them is not optional -- it is essential.
00:00 Teaser
01:00 Welcoming the husbands
02:13 Intro to the research paper
04:11 How fathers experience stress differently
05:38 The quinoa wars and reality checks
07:40 Maternal gatekeeping and dad confidence
09:17 Letting dads own their role without criticism
10:21 Wanting to know everything after diagnosis
12:54 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
14:03 The financial burden that falls on dads
15:03 Finding quiet time: sneaking home early
16:54 Jealousy over work life
17:30 The emotional burden
21:34 Fathers and the long game
23:17 "When we're gone"
27:29 Why fathers struggle to find support
29:08 Friends, empathy, and action
31:06 Moms must recognize dads lack of outlets
33:49 Isolation from friends and family
37:17 Scenario: professional ignores the secondary caregiver
38:23 IEP meetings: strong cop, crying cop
39:29 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies (MeRT read)
40:22 Scenario: parents can't agree on a therapy
41:12 Dads need their own relationship with the child
44:11 Highlights from the paper's to-do list
45:29 Building a team when you are doing it alone
46:10 Division-of-labor appendix from the paper
48:28 What to say to a dad who doesn't know where to start
49:42 Patience grows if you commit to it
50:13 Speed round: superpowers, deplore, and love
53:07 Closing and origin of the name Refrigerator Moms
54:03 Happy Father's Day; go read the paperChapters
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Is Accommodating Your Autistic Child's Anxiety Making Things Worse?
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott break down SPACE — Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions — a therapeutic approach originally developed in the 1980s that is now being studied for autistic children …
Show notes
Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott break down SPACE — Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions — a therapeutic approach originally developed in the 1980s that is now being studied for autistic children and teens. Kelley noticed a growing shift in parenting communities away from radical accommodation and toward setting boundaries, and the hosts explore why that matters. Using co-sleeping as a central example, they discuss how accommodating fear-based anxiety in the short term can reinforce it over time, and how SPACE offers a research-backed alternative that builds distress tolerance while still honoring genuine sensory and processing needs.
Key Takeaways
- SPACE stands for Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions and was originally developed in the 1980s for general parenting, not specifically for autism.
- Research shows that family accommodation alleviates anxiety in the short term but is linked to increased symptom severity, greater functional impairment, and higher caregiver burden over time.
- SPACE has shown preliminary evidence of effectiveness: parents rated it highly satisfactory, and both anxiety severity and family accommodation were significantly reduced following treatment.
- The key distinction for autistic kids: accommodate sensory needs, processing differences, and communication needs — do NOT accommodate fear-based anxiety.
- Co-sleeping is a classic example of an accommodation that starts as a short-term fix but can become deeply ingrained by adolescence if not addressed early.
- Anxiety that is not addressed tends to grow — children are unlikely to simply "grow out of it" if the fear has been repeatedly reinforced.
- SPACE uses gradual scaffolding, not cold turkey — slowly introduce coping strategies and mitigating measures to build tolerance without creating more anxiety.
- The approach overlaps with ABA principles: identify the function of the behavior, avoid reinforcing avoidance, and build skills incrementally.
- Prioritize by function: address sleep, health, and daily functioning first, and tackle one behavior at a time rather than everything at once.
- Waiting until a child is older to address entrenched anxiety habits means undoing years of reinforcement on top of the original fear — early intervention matters.
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
Timestamps
00:00 Intro & what is SPACE?
01:00 Radical acceptance vs. setting limits
02:00 Kicking the can down the road
02:03 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
03:00 SPACE sounds like solid parenting
03:09 Research background on SPACE
04:24 Co-sleeping case study walkthrough
05:13 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies / MeRT
05:43 Is the anxiety fear-based or sensory?
06:07 CBT, nightlights & scaffolding
06:18 Mapping SPACE onto autistic kids
07:03 Accommodate sensory needs, not fear
07:29 Scaffolding, routines & no cold turkey
07:57 SPACE and ABA overlap
08:03 Persistence, patience & positivity
08:47 Reinforcement is the real problem
09:54 Prioritize by function, one at a time
10:36 Undo years of reinforcement
10:48 Closing thoughts
10:50 Outro & disclaimerChapters
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Is Autism Therapy Actually Worth It? Here's How to Know
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
How do you sort real help from snake oil when you're researching autism interventions? In this episode of Refrigerator Moms, Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen share a practical checklist for evaluating any …
Show notes
How do you sort real help from snake oil when you're researching autism interventions? In this episode of Refrigerator Moms, Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen share a practical checklist for evaluating any autism therapy whether you're looking at evidence-based treatments like ABA and speech therapy, or exploring options further off the beaten path like TMS, dietary protocols, or supplement. They talk about why waiting for full FDA approval isn't realistic when your kid's childhood has an expiration date, and how to make smart, informed decisions in the meantime.
Kelley and Julianna cover everything from vetting peer-reviewed research and checking provider qualifications to tracking your child's measurable progress and knowing when to pivot. They remind parents to account for comorbid diagnoses like anxiety, depression, and OCD, and they close with a pointed reminder to keep political noise out of your treatment decisions: you're raising a child, not joining a movement.
Whether you're newly navigating an autism diagnosis or a seasoned parent looking to refine your approach, this episode offers a grounded, experience-backed framework for cutting through the overwhelm.
🔗 Learn More: Website: refrigeratormoms.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms
Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Introduction & episode overview
00:54 Evidence-based treatments for autism
01:05 ABA is still worth it despite its issues
01:37 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
02:04 Medications on-label for autism
02:57 The checklist: how to research interventions
03:09 Why parents have to try
03:31 Step 1: Find independent research
03:55 Exhaust insurance and school district first
04:05 Peer-reviewed journals vs. anecdotal claims
04:39 Reading summary studies and weighing evidence
05:31 Consider all comorbid diagnoses
06:20 Advocating for depression/mood diagnoses
07:18 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies (mid-roll)
07:45 Step 2: Check provider qualifications
08:29 Step 3: Evaluate claims critically
08:55 No cure, only better symptom management
09:10 Step 4: Cross-check multiple sources
09:45 Weigh the risk of harm before trying anything
10:10 Step 5: Consider international research
10:39 TMS research worldwide; MeRT Facebook group
11:28 Step 6: Track your child's progress
12:19 Adjust approach based on results
12:30 Step 7: Use community and professional support
13:07 Clinical trials as an option
13:28 Step 8: Maintain a critical, practical mindset
13:38 Keep politics out of treatment decisions
14:13 Combine sources for informed decisions
14:32 Closing & where to find resourcesChapters
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Real Parent Questions: Autism Accommodations, PDA, Team Sports & Young Adults Who've Checked Out
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen open up the social media mailbag for one of their most popular episode formats — real questions from parents, answered with the candor and hard-won experience that Refrigerator …
Show notes
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen open up the social media mailbag for one of their most popular episode formats — real questions from parents, answered with the candor and hard-won experience that Refrigerator Moms is known for. This week's questions span the full arc of the parenting journey: a parent of a nine-year-old convinced they already know the diagnosis before the psychiatrist has said a word; a family watching their child struggle with what looks like panic attacks; a mom navigating conflicting advice about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance); and a volunteer baseball coach at a complete loss while an unsupported autistic child disrupts every practice.
They talk about the problem with self- and parent-diagnosis, why depression is so often missed in high-functioning young adults, and why "he's autistic, deal with it" isn't a plan. They also revisit SPACE therapy, the limits of radical acceptance, and how to think about matching a child's actual skill level to the activities and environments you put them in.
Whether you're new to this journey or deep in it, this episode delivers the kind of straight talk that helps you take the next step — whatever that looks like for your family.🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Intro: social media Q&A episode
00:17 Julianna's nerves about the format
00:36 Q1: Seeing a psychiatrist for first time
02:27 Intake process explained
04:04 Takeaway: don't parent-diagnose
05:12 HIPAA & adult child context
06:04 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
06:31 Q2: Meltdowns escalating to panic attacks
06:47 Panic attacks need professional help
07:08 Q3: High-functioning, unmotivated young adult
08:54 Screen for depression first
09:19 Small steps & realistic expectations
10:23 Sponsor: SAINT treatment overview
11:09 Q4: Conflicting PDA advice
12:04 Know your child's specific circumstances
12:23 SPACE therapy reference
13:08 Be willing to pivot strategies
13:23 Q5: Autistic child on baseball team
14:01 Coach's role & league support
14:38 Parents need to be involved
15:30 Group sports vs. solo sports for autism
16:09 Parents can't just say "deal with it"
17:04 What does the child actually learn?
17:24 Lack of post-diagnosis support for parents
17:42 Outro & disclaimerChapters
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Why Your Autistic Child's Doctor Just Prescribes More Meds (And What Parents Can Do About It)
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
America has a psychiatric care crisis — and most families are living it without knowing why. Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott dig into their new Refrigerator Paper, Psyched Out: No Appointments Available, to …
Show notes
America has a psychiatric care crisis — and most families are living it without knowing why. Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott dig into their new Refrigerator Paper, Psyched Out: No Appointments Available, to answer one of the most common questions they hear: "Why haven't I heard of TMS?" The answer, it turns out, starts long before a patient ever walks into a clinic.
With only about 60,000 practicing psychiatrists in the country — and nearly half of Americans living in officially designated mental health shortage areas — access to care is shrinking just as demand explodes. Half of all lifetime mental illnesses begin by age 14, millions are entering the system earlier than ever, and a retirement wave is projected to remove tens of thousands more psychiatrists from the workforce by 2030. Meanwhile, only 5–10% of psychiatrists prescribe TMS, even though it's covered by insurance and backed by clinical evidence. The result? Medication becomes the default — including for autistic children — simply because it's the only tool most practitioners are trained to use.
Kelley and Julianna aren't just naming the problem — they're making the case for real solutions: expanding GP accreditation for TMS, loosening restrictions on psychiatric nurse practitioners, and recruiting the next generation of psychiatrists. Most importantly, they're calling on families and consumers to demand more. If you've ever been handed a prescription and wondered whether there was another option, this one's for you.
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
- (00:00) - Introduction & episode overview
- (00:29) - What is "Psyched Out" paper about?
- (01:17) - Scale of the mental health crisis
- (02:06) - Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
- (02:33) - How few psychiatrists are there?
- (03:39) - Psychiatrists retiring & the funding gap
- (04:16) - How to become a psychiatrist
- (05:15) - Psychiatric nurse practitioners
- (05:38) - The coming retirement wave by 2030
- (06:00) - Mental health shortage areas
- (06:37) - Sponsor: SAINT protocol explained
- (07:19) - Medication as the default for autism
- (08:12) - GPs filling the prescription gap
- (08:41) - 42% of antidepressants from GPs
- (09:33) - Why TMS remains underutilized
- (10:23) - What you can do about it
- (11:22) - Closing thoughts
- (11:24) - Subscribe & find resources
- (11:46) - Disclaimer
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Should You Avoid ABA? | Autism Parents Confront the $600M Fraud
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
ABA therapy is under fire — and autism families deserve the full story. Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott dig into the federal fraud audits targeting ABA providers, with up to $600 million in improper Medicaid …
Show notes
ABA therapy is under fire — and autism families deserve the full story. Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott dig into the federal fraud audits targeting ABA providers, with up to $600 million in improper Medicaid payments identified by the Department of Health and Human Services. They walk through how ABA earned its status as a covered benefit, how private equity exploited that coverage, and what fraudulent billing actually looks like in practice.
This episode is paired with the Refrigerator Moms paper "ABA: As Easy as ABC," which gives families a comprehensive resource for understanding and navigating ABA therapy. Kelley and Julianna share their own experiences navigating the ABA world as autism parents and give concrete steps families can take right now to vet providers, monitor therapy delivery, and protect themselves from fraud without walking away from a therapy that — done right — can still make a real difference.
Bottom line: don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. The fraud is real and it's serious, but so is the value of quality, evidence-based ABA. Your job as a parent is to be an informed, engaged consumer — and this episode tells you exactly how.
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Fraud and disabled people
00:33 ABA fraud audits overview
01:12 ABA history and insurance coverage
02:00 Parents fought for ABA benefits
03:02 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
03:40 Private equity enters the ABA space
04:57 Bankruptcies and billing fraud
05:34 Federal audit findings: $600M
06:36 Industry credibility takes a hit
07:08 Types of fraud: billing, credentials
08:02 Should you still pursue ABA?
08:53 Step 1: Decide if ABA fits your family
09:07 What ABA actually looks like
09:53 Range of ABA applications
10:18 Step 2: Verify provider credentials
10:47 Filing complaints with insurers
11:53 Sponsor: SAINT protocol
12:35 Step 3: Understand the therapy plan
13:19 Step 4: Research provider reputation
13:42 University programs as a resource
14:32 High therapist turnover — what to do
15:40 Step 5: Monitor therapy delivery
15:58 In-home vs. center-based therapy
16:39 Step 6: Review billing and claims
16:57 Step 7: Stay informed and advocate
17:10 Consumer power and whistleblowing
17:40 Step 8: Balance caution with access
17:54 Most ABA providers are ethical
18:03 Closing thoughts
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Autism Moms Across Generations: Waiting Rooms, Waitlists & the Fight for Services
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen sit down with Jean Mayer — Texas-based disability advocate, school board trustee, co-host of Moms Talk Autism, and mother of a 12-year-old autistic son — for a candid …
Show notes
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen sit down with Jean Mayer — Texas-based disability advocate, school board trustee, co-host of Moms Talk Autism, and mother of a 12-year-old autistic son — for a candid cross-generational conversation about what has and hasn't changed in the autism parenting journey. From the early days of dial-up internet and therapy waiting rooms to today's social media overwhelm and policy battles, the three moms compare experiences, swap hard-won wisdom, and get real about guilt, grief, advocacy, and the long game of raising a child with complex needs.
Key Takeaways:
- The nucleus of the autism parenting experience — love, fear, guilt, and responsibility — remains constant across generations, even as systems, language, and access points shift.
- Therapy waiting rooms once served as an unplanned but vital community hub for autism families; that informal peer connection has largely disappeared.
- Information overload today can be as harmful as the information dearth of the early 2000s; discernment and curating a small, trusted circle matters more than volume.
- Navigating a fragmented medical and educational system often turns parents into "reluctant experts" — managing treatment plans, insurance denials, and IEP meetings without a roadmap.
- Policy is the upstream driver of access: understanding the difference between school practice and actual written policy is a powerful tool for parents.
- Lived experience is inherently subjective and should not be the sole basis for policy decisions, even though it is an essential voice in advocacy.
- Transition planning for autistic young adults should remain flexible and evolving, not fixed — and parents building themselves as trusted resources (not just caretakers) is underrated advice.
- Loneliness in disability housing is a growing and underaddressed crisis; intentional community models deserve more attention.
- The coming DSM-6 changes are already creating fatigue among behavioral health professionals and uncertainty for families still building identity around shifting diagnostic criteria.
- Finding your people — even just a very small circle — is more protective and actionable than scrolling social media for answers.
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Introduction & guest welcome
00:53 Jean introduces her family
01:50 From hospitality career to autism mom
04:13 Who told you to pivot careers?
06:43 The acute vs. forever reality of autism
07:23 Comparing generations of autism parents
08:34 The guilt that never erodes
08:58 Then vs. now: information dearth vs. glut
09:55 The early internet & dial-up days
10:40 The value of therapy waiting rooms
11:19 How waiting rooms built community
14:22 When connection was hard even in person
15:02 The phone problem in waiting rooms today
16:54 Safe spaces where everyone understands
17:33 Navigating today's information overload
18:03 Leaving toxic Facebook groups for Instagram
20:08 Finding your people online
21:24 Drowning in information & needing a lifeline
21:49 Lived experience vs. policy
22:34 How advocacy began with insurance denials
24:55 Policy gaps & IEP meetings in Texas
26:31 Walking in the dark: the early autism era
27:14 Autism as emerging industry
27:37 The DSM shifts & changing diagnosis
29:27 What will DSM-6 change?
30:35 How Jean's advocacy evolved step by step
33:57 The looming fear: what happens after I'm gone?
35:57 School board, lobbying & statewide impact
40:27 What the next generation of autism parents faces
41:18 Transition planning for autistic adults
42:13 Kelley's son: evolving transition & loneliness in housing
43:33 Julianna's son: independent living & losing control
45:42 Being a trusted resource vs. caretaker
47:08 Speed round begins
47:19 Greatest extravagance
47:54 When do you cry?
49:03 What do you deplore most about autism?
49:44 What have you learned to love?
50:10 What are you reading right now?
51:31 Upward Bound & Moms Talk Autism shoutout
53:31 Closing & thank you
55:27 Legal disclaimer & outroChapters
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What Autism Parents Really Think About Love on the Spectrum (Netflix)
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen share their candid, sometimes conflicted reactions to Netflix's Love on the Spectrum. Julianna, who watched every season, brings enthusiasm and nuance; Kelley, who watched two …
Show notes
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen share their candid, sometimes conflicted reactions to Netflix's Love on the Spectrum. Julianna, who watched every season, brings enthusiasm and nuance; Kelley, who watched two episodes before tapping out, brings the perspective of a parent for whom the show hits painfully close to home. Together they explore whether the show humanizes or infantilizes its cast, the tension between heartwarming moments and lived-in autism parenting reality, and the underexplored question of neurodivergent people dating neurotypical partners. They also shout out Inclusion Fusion, a Las Vegas-based social program for autistic adults that Logan from this season attends.
Key Takeaways
- Cast members who've participated largely report positive experiences and say they don't feel exploited
- The show has responded to audience feedback by adding LGBTQ+ couples and greater cultural and socioeconomic diversity over its seasons
- For autism parents, the show can be genuinely difficult to watch because it mirrors real anxieties about their child's future
- Reality TV packaging (upbeat soundtrack, quick-cut "special interest" intros) risks infantilizing its cast, even when intentions are good
- All cast members are matched with other neurodivergent people, leaving the experience of dating neurotypical partners largely unexplored
- Masking is a major, underaddressed factor in how autistic people navigate romantic relationships with neurotypical partners
- Inclusion Fusion (Las Vegas) is highlighted as a model social program offering consistent Friday-night hangouts for autistic adults -- masks off, fun first
- Breakups and long-term relationship struggles after filming rarely make it into the show's narrative
- The show sparks broader conversations about sexuality, reproduction, and long-term partnership for autistic adults
- "Flowers growing through concrete" -- the show's emotional core resonates differently depending on whether you're watching from the outside or living it
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Intro
00:14 Kelley's shoutout: Inclusion Fusion
01:24 Logan and Inclusion Fusion
01:34 What Inclusion Fusion offers
02:45 Need for programs like this
03:23 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
03:52 Diving into Love on the Spectrum
04:01 Reviews and audience reactions
05:34 Is the show exploitative?
06:41 Cast members' own perspectives
07:22 Showrunners listening to feedback
07:42 Kelley's take: wholesome but hard to watch
08:35 When it hits too close to home
09:25 Julianna's personal conflict watching
10:07 Fear for their children's futures
10:25 Dating, safety, and vulnerability
11:23 Breakups and real-life outcomes
12:26 Dating struggles aren't unique to autism
13:08 Not enough actionable takeaways
14:00 Sexuality and marriage on the show
14:19 Documentary vs. reality TV
14:57 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
15:10 "It's so cute" -- the outsider view
16:05 Humanizing or infantilizing?
17:09 Why only neurodivergent couples?
18:19 Masking before and after commitment
19:28 Who stood out: Logan and Connor
20:27 Fan favorite couple Abbey and David broke up
21:22 Ending on a positive: the dogs
22:13 Outro and disclaimerChapters
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What The Pitt Gets Wrong About Autistic Adults & Sexual Health
With Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen dig into a storyline from the hit medical drama The Pitt, where autistic character Becca is treated for a UTI and her sister Dr. Mel invokes "supported decision making." The …
Show notes
Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen dig into a storyline from the hit medical drama The Pitt, where autistic character Becca is treated for a UTI and her sister Dr. Mel invokes "supported decision making." The hosts applaud the show for raising the topic — then spend the episode unpacking everything it glossed over. From the legal mechanics of conservatorship to the near-total absence of guidance around reproductive health for disabled adults, Julianna and Kelley get into the weeds so the show didn't have to. Kelley also shares the surprisingly sweet story of securing conservatorship for her own son before his 18th birthday.
Highlights
- The Pitt introduced "supported decision making" to a mainstream audience — a real legal framework worth understanding
- No state in the U.S. allows anyone to make reproductive decisions on behalf of another adult, including through conservatorship
- Conservatorship varies significantly by state and comes in different categories: financial, healthcare, and more
- Supported decision making lets the individual retain final authority while supporters explain options and consequences — but it raises many unanswered questions
- Sexual and reproductive health for disabled adults is one of the least-guided, most legally complex areas of disability care
- Conservatorship can be suspended or revoked if circumstances change — it's not necessarily permanent
- Start conversations about conservatorship and reproductive health at puberty, not at age 18
- Loop in your child's pediatrician early — documented conversations can help you advocate later
- Don't use Britney Spears as your benchmark for conservatorship — her case was extreme and atypical
- Informal supported decision making is something many autism families are already practicing without realizing it
🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com
00:00 Intro & The Pitt recap
01:09 Becca's UTI storyline explained
01:36 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
02:08 More questions than answers
02:14 When representation oversimplifies
03:15 Becca's consent & boyfriend Adam
03:55 UTIs, protection & unanswered questions
04:11 Becca's living situation
05:05 Sexual health & disability: no guidance
05:28 What is supported decision-making?
05:37 What is conservatorship?
06:07 Ad: Brain Performance Technologies
07:10 Conservatorship & reproductive rights
07:56 Supported decision-making explained
08:18 Where does supported decision-making fall short?
08:34 Pregnancy, responsibility & legal gaps
09:16 Kelley's son's conservatorship story
10:47 The judge says "Granted"
11:10 When independence IS possible
11:42 Advice: don't use Britney as your benchmark
12:47 Start at puberty, not at 18
13:06 Document with your pediatrician
13:10 Julianna's son & informal supported decisions
14:23 Autonomy, complexity & The Pitt's value
15:01 Outro & disclaimer
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