241. why you feel RESENTFUL (& how to stop)
Show notes
here’s the truth: you cannot resent someone for a need you’ve never communicated. but most of our day-to-day frustration comes from exactly that — unspoken expectations, misunderstood triggers, and assumptions we never check.
in this solo episode, i walk you through the exact rule, mindset shifts, and dbt skills i use to prevent resentment from silently wrecking relationships — with friends, partners, siblings, coworkers, anyone.
by the end, you’ll know how to say what you need clearly, kindly, and confidently… without guilt, without drama, and without letting resentment build in the background.
i talk about:
• the “resentment rule” that completely shifts your relationships
• why gen z is great at identifying triggers but avoids voicing needs
• how resentment grows from assumptions — and how to stop it
• how to actually use dbt’s dearman to make a clear request
• why your ask must always have a yes/no answer
• how to identify the real issue underneath irritation or hurt
• the dbt check the facts skill and why it prevents so much unnecessary conflict
• how to talk about needs without being passive-aggressive or avoidant
• the fast skill for communicating boundaries without losing self-respect
• how to stop people-pleasing while still protecting the relationship
• exactly how to phrase a specific, doable change someone can make
• when naming a trigger “tames it”… and when you actually need something to change
mentioned:
• dbt interpersonal effectiveness worksheets
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