The Default Parent Trap: Why Is It So Hard to Let Go?

You asked for help, and you meant it. Then someone loads the dishwasher in a way you would never load it, or forgets the snacks, or sits down to answer an email you’ve already drafted in your head, and you find yourself typing the reminder text and deleting it before you hit send.

You’re tired of being the one who remembers everything. So why does handing any of it over feel so hard?

I’m Andi Salcedo, coach, working mother, and founder of Momtoring. In this episode I start with a playground trip and four very helpful words I almost said to my husband. It was much harder not to say them than I expected. Then I tell you about a school pickup mix up that sent my mind somewhere a calendar error had no business going.

Along the way I share a way of talking about myself that I learned from Internal Family Systems, the model developed by Richard Schwartz in No Bad Parts, and why “just let go” and “just delegate” never worked for me.

This one is for the working mom who has read the mental load articles, shared the calendar, and still finds her hand reaching for the thing she just handed off. It closes with a short practice that stays gentle on purpose, because some of this work belongs with someone in the room with you.

This episode continues the conversation from Episode 12, The Default Parent Dilemma: Why Everyone Still Comes to Mom First?

If you want that someone in the room, you can work with me at momtoring.com.

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And if you're ready to go deeper, find me at www.momtoring.com or come say hi on Instagram at @andi.momtoring. I'd love to hear what cracked open for you.

Questions, reflections, or just want to reach out? Write to me at [email protected].

Music by prettyjohn1 from Pixabay