"The Mental Load Isn't Real" — Debunking the Internet's Favorite Comment

"The mental load doesn't exist. It's just something women made up to make men feel bad." If you talk about the mental load online, you've seen this comment — and in this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner takes it head on.

Leah unpacks why this response shows up constantly (and mostly from men) whenever she, Morgan Cutlip, or Zach Watson post about the mental load, and why the discomfort behind it actually proves the point. She traces the mental load back to 1970s research, redefines it as emotional thinking work (not just remembering things, but remembering things while carrying the anxiety of what happens if you forget), and explains why everyone — including the guy leaving the comment — carries a mental load, just distributed differently.

The episode also dives into a powerful listener comment about "linear" versus "messy middle" mental load: the privilege of simply thinking something and doing it, versus the exhausting work of anticipating, monitoring, and juggling a hundred what-ifs that never fully resolve. Leah connects this to her seven mental load stages from Drained and makes the case for why acknowledging invisible labor — at home and at work — is the first step to sharing it.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — becoming an "influencer" and reading the comments

01:00 The comment that keeps showing up: "the mental load isn't real"

02:16 Where the mental load term actually comes from (hint: the 1970s)

04:30 Redefining the mental load as emotional thinking work

06:48 Why everyone carries a mental load — just a different composition

09:06 Eloise's comment: linear mental load vs. the "messy middle"

11:23 Why moving through tasks without worry is actually a privilege

13:39 How to acknowledge invisible labor and start sharing it

Resources Mentioned:

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner

🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)

📄 Research: Leah Ruppanner, Liz Dean, and Brendan Churchill on the emotional thinking work definition of the mental load

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

Instagram: @lightenlab

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com

Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast

About MissPerceived:

MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.

#MissPerceived #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #GenderEquality #Relationships

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

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