MissPerceived
- Folgen
- 129
- Erscheint
- wöchentlich
- Letzte Folge
- 27. Okt. 2026
Über den Podcast
Leah Ruppanner is a no-nonsense Sociologist from the University of Melbourne on a mission to dispel society’s biggest and most divisive gender myths. In MissPerceived, Leah will tackle pervasive questions and draw upon decades of academic research and evidence to debunk the gender myths that benefit no one - showing that women aren’t better than men at seeing mess or multitasking, and that men aren’t bumbling caregivers who can’t change a diaper or find the keys. MissPerceived will show how as a society we use these myths to explain gender inequality and maintain the status quo. Leah doesn’t shy away from tough topics and touches on all those messy conversations about life including sex, relationships, work, parenting, and self-help. MissPerceived showcases how we got here, where we need to go next, and how to get there.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Folgen 129
Where Does Your Day Go? The Hidden Time Cost of Motherhood
School pickup. Doctor’s appointments. After-school activities. Waiting for everyone else. You’ve been busy all day—so why does it feel like you haven’t had a moment for yourself?In this episode of …
Shownotes
School pickup. Doctor’s appointments. After-school activities. Waiting for everyone else. You’ve been busy all day—so why does it feel like you haven’t had a moment for yourself?
In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner explores the overlooked time spent waiting, driving, and organizing—and why mothers so often absorb it at the expense of paid work, rest, and their own priorities. Drawing on her experience navigating cancer care, Leah asks a bigger question: Whose time do we treat as valuable, and whose time do we expect to be endlessly available?
Leah shares findings from an ongoing research project with Jen Hook using the American Time Use Survey. As families grow, their analysis finds that mothers’ time in paid employment gets squeezed while housework and the logistics of family life expand. Fathers’ daily patterns, by comparison, remain much more similar across families with one, two, or three children.
From medical waiting rooms to the school pickup line, this episode makes visible the hours that keep a family running—and asks what those hours cost the person giving them.
In this episode- Why waiting isn’t necessarily downtime.
- How transporting, scheduling, and attending children’s activities can crowd out mothers’ paid work.
- Why more children don’t simply mean more time playing or reading together.
- How money and access to resources shape who can avoid waiting.
- What caregiving for children, aging parents, or yourself reveals about whose time gets valued.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Boo Yourself. Why Halloween is So Exhausting for Moms
The costumes. The candy. The decorations. The group chats about who’s trick-or-treating with whom. Halloween is supposed to be fun—so why does making the magic feel like another full-time job?In this episode of …
Shownotes
The costumes. The candy. The decorations. The group chats about who’s trick-or-treating with whom. Halloween is supposed to be fun—so why does making the magic feel like another full-time job?
In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks the invisible work behind Halloween—and why so much of it falls to moms. From planning costumes and keeping children safe to navigating friendship drama and the rising expectations of “boo baskets,” Leah explores how one night of fun can become weeks of organizing, worrying, and doing more
She also discusses the extra planning involved when children have sensory sensitivities, are neurodivergent, or live with a disability—and the work parents do to make a holiday feel welcoming when it wasn’t designed with their child’s needs in mind
Plus, a story about a painstakingly handmade mermaid costume raises an important question: Are we creating the memories our children actually want—or exhausting ourselves trying to deliver the ones we think they need?
Whether you love Halloween or wish you could switch off the porch light and skip it, this episode offers permission to take shortcuts, share the work, and let go of the extras that don’t bring your family joy.
In this episode- The hidden work of making Halloween magical.
- How social media and new traditions keep raising the bar.
- The emotional work of friendships, inclusion, and being left out.
- Safety concerns, sensory needs, and planning for different experiences.
- How to decide what to keep, delegate, or drop this holiday season.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Who Really Has The Power in Your Relationship
You ask for help, but nothing happens. Eventually, you stop asking. Or you make a decision “for the family”—only to realize your needs are the ones that keep coming last.In this episode of MissPerceived …
Shownotes
You ask for help, but nothing happens. Eventually, you stop asking. Or you make a decision “for the family”—only to realize your needs are the ones that keep coming last.
In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks three forms of power in relationships: the obvious power of saying no, the quieter power that stops you from asking, and the invisible power hidden inside decisions that seem fair. Drawing on sociological research and her own work on marital dynamics, Leah explores how everyday negotiations over housework, careers, and family responsibilities can leave one partner doing more while the other gets more say.
From the “nag paradox” to the thinking work behind supposedly shared decisions, this episode asks: Are you making choices for both of you—or consistently putting one person first? Leah also explores how partners trade support over time, when those trade-offs become unequal, and how to start making room for your own goals, rest, and ambitions.
In this episode- Why ignoring a request can be an exercise of power.
- What happens when you stop asking because you already expect a no.
- How “we decided” can hide one person doing all the planning.
- Why decisions made “for us” don’t always benefit both partners.
- Recognizing when to push back and ask for what you need.
#MissPerceived #Relationships #RelationshipDynamics #InvisibleLabor #ProfLeahRuppanner
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Research Behind Sexual Satisfaction in Relationships
Does it actually matter for your relationship if your partner carries more of the emotional load? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down a new study from the University of …
Shownotes
Does it actually matter for your relationship if your partner carries more of the emotional load? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down a new study from the University of Southampton that goes beyond who does the dishes and digs into something more surprising: the link between emotional labor, relationship satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction.
Leah explains the key distinction this research reveals — men doing more housework and emotional/family-management tasks boosts women's overall relationship satisfaction, but it's specifically emotional labor toward the partner (knowing when you're upset, taking care of you when you're sick, understanding your emotional needs) that predicts sexual satisfaction. She also unpacks a fascinating gender split in the data: women report the most satisfaction when things are split equally, while men report the most satisfaction the more their partner takes on — a mismatch that can quietly fuel resentment and burnout in relationships.
Drawing on her book Drained, Leah connects this to a bigger pattern: men often see offloading domestic labor as an investment in the family's future, while women often feel guilty taking on less, because they've been taught that 100% of their energy should go to their families. If you want to understand why your relationship might be hitting friction points around who does what, this episode breaks down exactly what the research says — and what to actually talk about with your partner.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — recording from Australia and new research on relationships
02:26 What is the mental load? A quick refresher
04:39 How researchers measured emotional labor, relationship nurturing, family management
06:57 The key finding: emotional labor to the partner predicts sexual satisfaction
09:12 Why women want equality, but men want investment — a gendered mismatch
11:38 How this mismatch creates relationship conflict and resentment
13:00 What happened during COVID when men carried more of the load
14:03 What to actually do: get strategic, not just "do more"
Resources Mentioned:
📄 Research: Verena Klein, Rotem Kalisher, Esra Ascigil, and Tanja Oschatz (University of Southampton)
📄 Related research: Sabino Kornrich on housework division and sexual frequency
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Why Siblings Stop Talking: The Real Reasons Behind Family Estrangement
Nearly 1 in 4 adults have experienced a period of estrangement from a sibling — and it's more common (and more complicated) than most of us realize. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner …
Shownotes
Nearly 1 in 4 adults have experienced a period of estrangement from a sibling — and it's more common (and more complicated) than most of us realize. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks a new study out of Ohio State University that dug into 39 in-depth interviews to understand why adult siblings go no contact.
Leah breaks down the two major forces driving estrangement: parental behavior (favoritism, manipulation, and forcing siblings to "pick sides" after a parent-child conflict) and the sibling relationship itself (destabilizing conduct, safety threats, and childhood bonds that were never really built). She shares personal stories from friends navigating estrangement, explains the concept of family systems and triangulation, and connects all of it back to the mental load — the emotional scanning, relationship repair work, and guilt that estranged (or nearly estranged) families create.
If you've ever felt like your family "doesn't understand your world," or you're carrying guilt about a sibling relationship that isn't what it's supposed to be, this episode offers real permission to step back, set boundaries, and stop measuring your worth by an outdated obligation to stay close no matter what.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — sibling estrangement is more common than you think
02:54 The data: nearly 1 in 4 adults have been estranged from a sibling
05:18 Family systems theory and triangulation
07:36 Parental partisanship: favoritism and the "scapegoat" child
09:59 When sibling relationships become collateral damage in parent conflict
12:21 Why some generations never learned to resolve conflict
14:38 Destabilizing conduct, risk containment, and sibling violence
18:15 Absent foundations: when childhood bonds were never built
20:39 How family estrangement fuels your mental load
21:30 Permission to put people on the "periphery" without guilt
23:01 Setting boundaries doesn't make you a bad person
Resources Mentioned:
📄 Research: Rin Resnick, Kane Taurus Beltran, and Candace Cretchfield (Ohio State University) on adult sibling estrangement
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
Instagram: @lightenlab
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast
About MissPerceived:
MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.
#MissPerceived #FamilyEstrangement #SiblingRelationships #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Optimization Is Ruining Your Life (And It's Not Even Efficient)
Is optimizing every minute of your day actually making your life better — or just burning you out faster? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner makes the case that optimization culture …
Shownotes
Is optimizing every minute of your day actually making your life better — or just burning you out faster? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner makes the case that optimization culture, especially prevalent in the US, is quietly destroying our ability to rest, create, and simply live.
Leah traces how we came to treat time itself as a resource to be maximized — a relatively recent social conditioning that emerged with industrialization — and explains why getting time back (from grocery delivery, AI, or any efficiency hack) rarely translates into rest. Instead, we immediately reinvest that saved time into more productivity, repeating a pattern seen since the first industrial revolution: every gain in efficiency just raises the bar for what "enough" looks like.
She connects this to her research on the mental load, sharing a striking story about a woman who drops the activities that bring her joy in order to make more room for stressful, "productive" problem-solving — and asks why we've been trained to treat rest as wasteful. Leah also explores what Gen Z's resistance to hustle culture might mean for the future of work, and why AI and automation may only intensify the pressure to optimize rather than relieve it.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — is optimization good?
01:00 Why optimization pressure feels different in the US vs. Australia
02:20 How eroded social safety nets fuel the need to "game the system"
04:41 Getting time back doesn't mean getting rest back
06:00 A brief history: how time became a resource to optimize
07:00 The fourth industrial revolution: AI, automation, and rising standards
09:23 A woman's insight: dropping joy to make room for "productive" stress
11:48 Why younger generations are rejecting hustle culture
13:00 What happens when optimization stops being efficient at all
14:14 How to reclaim mental space instead of constantly optimizing
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)
📄 Bill Gates' annual letter on AI and the future of work
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
Instagram: @lightenlab
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast
About MissPerceived:
MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.
#MissPerceived #Optimization #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #Burnout #FutureOfWork
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Super Simple Trick That Can Lighten Your Mental Load
Can teaching your kids to notice mess actually lighten your mental load? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner shares a simple, viral tip from her friend Kate Mangino's Good Housekeeping …
Shownotes
Can teaching your kids to notice mess actually lighten your mental load? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner shares a simple, viral tip from her friend Kate Mangino's Good Housekeeping article that's already resonating with thousands online.
The idea is deceptively simple: we're not born noticing mess, disorder, or what needs to be done — we're taught to notice it. Kate's solution? Walk her kids around the house and ask them what they see as a problem. It didn't work perfectly at first, but over time, her children learned to notice what needed doing without being asked — and even started noticing different things at other people's houses, building empathy along the way.
Leah connects this to her own research on the "messy house study" and the double standard men and women face around mess — including the surprising finding that men do see the mess just as clearly as women do. The real gap isn't perception, it's the emotional weight of noticing and feeling responsible for fixing it. This short but powerful episode gives you one concrete, doable tool to start redistributing that invisible mental load today.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — a tip from Kate Mangino that went viral
01:00 We're not born noticing mess — we're trained to
02:22 Teaching kids to notice: what Kate Mangino's family experiment looked like
03:00 Why noticing at other people's houses builds empathy
03:30 The gender socialization behind who notices what
04:44 Leah's own research: men see the mess just as much as women
05:30 Why "noticing" is really about emotional labor, not perception
06:00 How to try this with your own family
Resources Mentioned:
📰 Kate Mangino's article in Good Housekeeping on teaching kids to notice housework
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
Instagram: @lightenlab
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast
About MissPerceived:
MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. This description contains affiliate links.
#MissPerceived #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #Parenting #DomesticLabor
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Youth Sports are Big Business and Here's What It's Costing Parents
Friday Night Lights, weekly spirit-day outfits, tailgates, private coaches, group chats tracking every practice and sign-up — Professor Leah Ruppanner just moved back to the US after 13 years in Australia, and …
Shownotes
Friday Night Lights, weekly spirit-day outfits, tailgates, private coaches, group chats tracking every practice and sign-up — Professor Leah Ruppanner just moved back to the US after 13 years in Australia, and youth sports culture hit her like a truck. In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah unpacks how American youth sports have become a multi-thousand-dollar investment in kids' "dreams," why it's a hedge that rarely pays off, and how it quietly reshapes the family mental load — including sharp gender divides in which sports (and which kids) actually get the resources.
Leah shares stories from her own daughter's flag football season, contrasts American sports culture with the more community-focused, less commercialized approach she saw in Australia, and dives into research showing that while dads are often the ones handling sports logistics and correspondence, moms still end up doing the invisible cleanup work when something falls through the cracks. She also introduces a live research project on where your family's school and extracurricular correspondence is really coming from — and invites you to be part of the data.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — back in the US and immersed in Southern sports culture
01:30 A new research project: where is your correspondence coming from?
02:26 Why dads often take the lead on sports logistics (and where it breaks down)
04:45 Youth sports as a "lottery investment" in your child's future
07:11 Friday Night Lights: money, tailgates, and weekly spirit outfits
09:11 The gender gap: cheerleaders, flag football, and unequal investment
09:34 Comparing US and Australian sports culture
11:50 How you can contribute to Leah's live research on sports and the mental load
Resources Mentioned:
Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner
Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)
Upcoming survey: share your experience with youth sports and the mental load
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
Instagram: @lightenlab
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
"The Mental Load Isn't Real" — Debunking the Internet's Favorite Comment
"The mental load doesn't exist. It's just something women made up to make men feel bad." If you talk about the mental load online, you've seen this comment — and in this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah …
Shownotes
"The mental load doesn't exist. It's just something women made up to make men feel bad." If you talk about the mental load online, you've seen this comment — and in this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner takes it head on.
Leah unpacks why this response shows up constantly (and mostly from men) whenever she, Morgan Cutlip, or Zach Watson post about the mental load, and why the discomfort behind it actually proves the point. She traces the mental load back to 1970s research, redefines it as emotional thinking work (not just remembering things, but remembering things while carrying the anxiety of what happens if you forget), and explains why everyone — including the guy leaving the comment — carries a mental load, just distributed differently.
The episode also dives into a powerful listener comment about "linear" versus "messy middle" mental load: the privilege of simply thinking something and doing it, versus the exhausting work of anticipating, monitoring, and juggling a hundred what-ifs that never fully resolve. Leah connects this to her seven mental load stages from Drained and makes the case for why acknowledging invisible labor — at home and at work — is the first step to sharing it.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — becoming an "influencer" and reading the comments
01:00 The comment that keeps showing up: "the mental load isn't real"
02:16 Where the mental load term actually comes from (hint: the 1970s)
04:30 Redefining the mental load as emotional thinking work
06:48 Why everyone carries a mental load — just a different composition
09:06 Eloise's comment: linear mental load vs. the "messy middle"
11:23 Why moving through tasks without worry is actually a privilege
13:39 How to acknowledge invisible labor and start sharing it
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)
📄 Research: Leah Ruppanner, Liz Dean, and Brendan Churchill on the emotional thinking work definition of the mental load
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
Instagram: @lightenlab
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast
About MissPerceived:
MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.
#MissPerceived #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #GenderEquality #Relationships
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Hidden Mental Load of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
What happens when caregiving never ends — when you cared for your siblings as a child, your own children as an adult, and now your grandchildren in older age?In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah …
Shownotes
What happens when caregiving never ends — when you cared for your siblings as a child, your own children as an adult, and now your grandchildren in older age?
In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner discusses Grandmothering While Black: A 21st Century Story of Love, Coercion, and Survival by Lashonda Pittman, a powerful book based on interviews with over 75 Black grandmothers in Chicago raising their grandchildren. Leah unpacks the historical legacy of racism and family separation that shapes these caregiving arrangements today, the difference between multi-generational and “skipped generation” families, and the immense mental load these grandmothers carry while navigating broken welfare, healthcare, and housing systems — sometimes even having to hide the fact that grandchildren live with them just to access resources.
Leah connects this research to a much bigger question about care in every country: what do we lose when caregiving is coerced rather than chosen, and what would it look like if systems — not individual women — carried more of that weight?
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — a book that stayed with Leah all weekend
02:16 Who is Lashonda Pittman, and what is Grandmothering While Black?
04:35 The historical legacy of removing children from Black and Indigenous families
06:53 Multi-generational vs. “skipped generation” families
08:56 Navigating broken systems: welfare, housing, and hidden caregiving
11:07 “There’s no break in the care” — a lifetime of caregiving across generations
13:00 Judy’s story: “I’m ready for a life”
13:31 What we lose when care is coerced instead of chosen
14:30 Sweden’s approach: care systems designed to free people, not trap them
15:30 A bigger question: why do we force caregivers to trade their ambitions?
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Grandmothering While Black: A 21st Century Story of Love, Coercion, and Survival by Lashonda Pittman
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner
🏛️ Better Life Lab — Story Fellows Program
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
Instagram: @lightenlab
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast
About MissPerceived:
MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. This description contains affiliate links.
#MissPerceived #Caregiving #GrandparentsRaisingGrandchildren #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Return-to-Office Is Pushing Women Out of Work
When employers demand that people return to the office full-time, who pays the biggest price?In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner responds to a listener whose partner is being called back …
Shownotes
When employers demand that people return to the office full-time, who pays the biggest price?
In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner responds to a listener whose partner is being called back into the office — and whose family is already feeling the consequences. Leah explores what the research says about remote and flexible work, why it became essential for so many mothers’ employment during the pandemic, and why return-to-office mandates risk pushing women out of the workforce again.
But flexibility is not a simple fix. Leah unpacks the flexibility paradox: working from home can help women stay employed and manage caregiving, but it can also stretch the workday into early mornings, late nights, and an exhausting always-on cycle of paid work, parenting, housework, and guilt.
She also explains the unequal career trade-offs families make. Too often, women make career compromises “for the family,” while men are encouraged to accelerate their careers as breadwinners — even when both parents genuinely want more time with their children. The result is a gendered mental load, unequal long-term earnings, and a system that asks mothers to hold work and family together at once.
Chapters:
00:00 A listener asks: What happens when a partner is called back to the office?
01:30 Why return-to-office mandates can hurt women’s careers
02:20 Before COVID, men had greater access to remote and flexible work
03:00 The pandemic’s “exposure effect” — proving work could happen outside the office
04:39 How flexible work helped mothers remain employed
06:44 Why working from home is essential — and why it is not enough
07:30 The flexibility paradox: a resource that expands the workday
09:06 Remote work, maternal guilt, and never being able to clock out
10:00 The career trade-offs women make “for the family”
11:25 Why men and women often make different work decisions for the same family
13:44 Flexible work helps dads care more — without sacrificing their careers
14:30 Class differences in who can access flexibility and who faces job disruption
15:30 The gendered mental load of holding work and family together
Research Mentioned:
📘 For the Family: How Class, Gender, and the Family Shape Women’s Work by Sarah Damaske
📚 Research by Professor Heejung Chung on the “flexibility paradox”
📊 Research by Leah Ruppanner, Kristin Landevar, Katie Collins, William Scarborough, Lauren Ryan, and Brendan Churchill on flexible work, caregiving, and employment
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
Instagram: @lightenlab
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
You Can’t “Strengths-Based” Your Way Out of a Broken System
What does a strengths-based approach actually mean — and when does it become another way of asking people to solve impossible problems alone?In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner responds …
Shownotes
What does a strengths-based approach actually mean — and when does it become another way of asking people to solve impossible problems alone?
In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner responds to a listener’s thoughtful question about why her work focuses so much on structural barriers, inequality, and the systems that make life heavier. Leah explains the value of identifying your strengths, resources, resilience, and community support — but also why strength alone cannot fix unaffordable childcare, inaccessible healthcare, discrimination, or a broken labor market.
Through research on LGBTQIA+ families, the Mental Load Audit, and the sociological tension between structure and agency, Leah explores how we can use our existing strengths while still demanding collective solutions. You are powerful, resilient, and capable — but you were never meant to carry structural problems by yourself.
Chapters:
00:00 A listener asks: Where is the strengths-based approach?
01:30 What “strengths-based” actually means
02:23 Strengths-based vs. deficit-based thinking
03:00 The Mental Load Audit as a practical strengths-based tool
04:46 LGBTQIA+ families, shared experience, and community as a resource
07:06 The problem with “just try harder”
08:00 Why individual resilience can’t solve structural inequality
09:19 Structure and agency: what is yours to carry — and what is not?
10:00 Asking for help, sharing the burden, and building coalitions
11:42 Why lived experience is valuable research and knowledge
12:30 How we change systems without carrying the whole world alone
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab
📱 Follow along on Instagram for research insights and mental-load tools
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
Instagram: @lightenlab
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast
About MissPerceived:
MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah explores the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.
#MissPerceived #MentalLoad #StrengthsBasedApproach #Sociology #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #SocialChange
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Why Women Use AI Less at Work (And Why That Really Matters)
Are you using AI at work — or quietly avoiding it? In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah digs into new research showing that women are about 25% less likely than men to adopt generative AI tools in their jobs …
Shownotes
Are you using AI at work — or quietly avoiding it? In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah digs into new research showing that women are about 25% less likely than men to adopt generative AI tools in their jobs. She explains what that means for careers, organizations, and the “brain” of AI itself, and why low female adoption could make AI less accurate for women’s experiences worldwide.
Leah walks through findings from Harvard Business School on global gender gaps in AI use, explores how unsupervised learning means our data is literally training the AI brain, and shows what happens when most of that data comes from men and from rich, English‑speaking countries. She also unpacks the mental load behind women’s hesitation: environmental worries, ethics, stereotypes that say women who use AI are “less competent,” and the pressure to prove your worth without help. Finally, she shares her own experience using AI, why it sometimes feels like “beautiful nonsense,” and asks what kind of future of work we actually want.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — are you using AI at work?
01:30 Future of Work Lab: automation vs. AI (what’s the difference?)
02:17 Harvard Business School findings: women 25% less likely to use AI tools
04:36 How your data trains the AI brain — and what happens when women are missing
06:56 Global gaps: rich countries, English speakers, and who AI really “sees”
07:30 Career consequences when women don’t adopt AI at the same rate
08:00 Organizational losses when only some workers use AI
08:50 Environmental and ethical worries as part of women’s mental load
09:16 Code for Good Now study: women seen as less competent when they use AI
11:45 Occupational sorting: why some jobs see more AI than others
12:30 Leah’s own experience: when AI makes her brain “lazy”
13:51 Generational differences: Millennials, Gen Z, Gen Alpha and tech skepticism
14:30 What kind of future of work do we actually want — and who gets to shape it?
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
I Was Just Diagnosed With Breast Cancer. Please Stop Saying These 5 Things.
When someone you love gets a cancer diagnosis, you want to say the right thing — but often, what comes out does the opposite. In this very personal episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner steps away …
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When someone you love gets a cancer diagnosis, you want to say the right thing — but often, what comes out does the opposite. In this very personal episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner steps away from the research for a moment to talk about her own recent diagnosis of breast cancer, and the wildly inappropriate (but often well‑intentioned) things people say in response. She shares the five big “please don’t”s she keeps hearing — plus what actually helps when someone is living through cancer or another serious chronic illness.
This isn’t about shaming anyone. Leah talks about the times she’s said these exact things to friends, why they come from fear and grief, and how we can all do better at holding space, dumping love in instead of out, and making it easier (not harder) for the person at the center of the storm.
Chapters:
00:00 Why this episode is different — Leah’s breast cancer diagnosis
02:28 Don’t tell me about someone else’s cancer story (especially the worst‑case ones)
04:36 Why other people’s stories shift the spotlight away from the person who’s sick
05:30 Don’t ask “what stage is it?” or quiz my screening history
06:59 The hidden message in “when was your last mammogram?”
09:22 When my diagnosis triggers your own fear: sharing your medical history
11:25 “I have a good feeling, you’ll be fine” — why that shuts down real feelings
13:46 Questioning medical advice when you’re not the oncologist
16:03 What actually helps: holding space, listening, asking what’s needed
18:14 Learning to slow down, receive care, and feel the collective love
What to say instead (Leah’s script you can steal):
- “This sucks. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
- “What do you need right now?”
- “How can I help?”
- “You don’t have to respond, but I’m thinking of you and I love you.”
- “I can call anytime — you don’t have to pick up.”
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More
🧠 More on the mental load and chronic illness in other MissPerceived episodes
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Email: [email protected]
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Is Upward Mobility Dead? How Parenting Styles Shape Your Kids’ Future
Are you secretly preparing your kids for downward mobility? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner asks a huge question many parents are quietly wrestling with: is upward mobility dead, and …
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Are you secretly preparing your kids for downward mobility? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner asks a huge question many parents are quietly wrestling with: is upward mobility dead, and what does that mean for how we raise our children? Drawing on Annette Lareau’s classic research on concerted cultivation and natural growth, Leah unpacks how different parenting styles map onto class, opportunity, and mental load — and why so many parents feel stuck between dreaming big for their kids and just trying to make ends meet.
She explores why upper‑middle‑class parenting can feel like relentless investment and optimization, how working‑class and poor parents create more freedom and magic in kids’ everyday lives, and what newer research shows about what all parents think “good parenting” should look like. Most importantly, she asks whether constantly raising the bar is helping our children, or just burning everyone out in a system no individual family can out‑parent.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — is upward mobility dead?
01:30 Preparing kids for downward mobility: what parents are saying
02:27 Mental load, money stress, and families who are just making ends meet
03:00 Annette Lareau’s research: concerted cultivation vs. natural growth
04:46 What concerted cultivation looks like in everyday family life
07:04 Natural growth: rules for safety, freedom for play, kids’ worlds without adults
09:30 The upsides and downsides of each parenting style
10:30 Patrick Ishizuka’s studies: what all parents agree is “good parenting”
11:52 Why mothers hold themselves to harsher standards than fathers
13:23 The pressure to invest in everything — and why you can’t out‑parent billionaires
14:11 How to bring more fun, freedom, and lower stakes back into childhood
15:29 What works in your culture and family? Leah wants to hear from you
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When Your Brain Works Differently: Neurodiversity and the Mental Load
What if your brain works differently from everyone else’s — and you’re still expected to carry the same invisible load for your family, work, and life? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner …
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What if your brain works differently from everyone else’s — and you’re still expected to carry the same invisible load for your family, work, and life? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner explores how neurodivergent folks (ADHD, OCD, bipolar, and beyond) experience the mental load in uniquely complex and often heavier ways. She breaks down the seven stages of the mental load, shows where things get especially hard when you’re prone to rumination, catastrophizing, or forgetting, and explains why social norms demanding perfection make all of this even more overwhelming.
Leah also shares what she’s learned from interviews and from living with a partner who has ADHD, and offers a gentler way forward: more compassion, more curiosity, shared systems, and dropping what doesn’t actually need your brain’s limited energy.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — neurodiversity and the mental load
01:00 What the mental load really is (beyond a to‑do list)
02:41 When your brain works differently: distraction, rumination, worst‑case thinking
05:03 The seven stages of the mental load: identify, remember, strategize, decide, delegate, execute, monitor
07:24 How ADHD, OCD, and other neurodivergences change each stage
09:41 Social norms that demand perfection — especially from women
11:55 Why this becomes a recipe for disaster (and it’s not your fault)
13:00 Using the Mental Load Audit: what to drop, delegate, and reduce
14:22 Conversations that help: explaining how your brain works to your family
16:00 Compassion, curiosity, and building better systems together
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — learn your 8 mental load types
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Email: [email protected]
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe NOW: /@missperceivedpodcast
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Truth About Care: What Americans Get Wrong About Child & Aged Care
Most people say care is valuable. They believe childcare workers and home care aides are skilled and that governments and employers should help pay for care. But when you ask them what care actually costs — or …
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Most people say care is valuable. They believe childcare workers and home care aides are skilled and that governments and employers should help pay for care. But when you ask them what care actually costs — or what high-quality care really looks like — they are wildly off. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down a new report from New America's Better Life Lab on what she calls the "care disconnect": the gap between how we feel about care and what we actually know about its price, quality, and impact on families. From US childcare costs and state-to-state differences to aged care, disability, and a Swedish example that will make you want to move tomorrow, Leah shows why we don't understand care until we're in it — and why that has huge consequences for our mental load and our future.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Lifecrafting: The Hidden Mental Load of Building the Life You Actually Want
Have you ever heard the term "lifecrafting"? It comes from a new piece of research out of UCL — and it describes something you might already be doing without knowing it: using your mental energy to deliberately …
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Have you ever heard the term "lifecrafting"? It comes from a new piece of research out of UCL — and it describes something you might already be doing without knowing it: using your mental energy to deliberately think through the why behind your decisions and craft the life you want over time. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner digs into this fascinating concept, connects it to her own research on the mental load, and then asks the harder question: is lifecrafting actually available to everyone — or is it a privilege reserved for those with the most resources? And why are young people booing at commencement speeches?
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — what is lifecrafting?
01:00 The UCL research: Frampton, Gould & Cox on lifecrafting and the mental load
01:45 How lifecrafting connects to Leah's "Meta Medicare" mental load type
02:18 Do you lifecraft? And has it gotten harder over time?
03:00 Why we encourage lifecrafting in young people — and why it's now backfiring
03:30 The commencement speech backlash: why students are booing
04:44 Structural forces that crush lifecrafting: inflation, AI, broken care systems
05:30 The gendered problem: women lifecraft for others, men lifecraft for themselves
06:00 Is lifecrafting only possible for the rich?
07:06 Individual agency vs. structural headwinds — a sociology superpower moment
08:00 Conclusion: lifecrafting is unequally distributed by income, gender, and age
09:27 Who is responsible for opening up lifecrafting to all?
10:00 What happens when young people stop seeing a future worth crafting?
11:00 Lifecrafting vs. dream building — how the concepts differ
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Clutter Problem: Why Piles Around the House Are Draining Your Mental Load
Leah posted one question on Instagram — "What do you hold to a higher standard in your household than anyone else?" — and got 26,000 views and 200 comments. The answer that came through louder than anything …
Shownotes
Leah posted one question on Instagram — "What do you hold to a higher standard in your household than anyone else?" — and got 26,000 views and 200 comments. The answer that came through louder than anything else? The clutter. The piles. The stuff that just sits there while everyone walks past it pretending it doesn't exist. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks why household clutter is so emotionally activating, why it's a mental load issue hiding in plain sight, and what the research (and your comments) reveal about who's really responsible for making it disappear.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Equality vs. Equity: Which One Does Your Relationship Actually Need?
A listener emailed Leah with a question straight from the middle of a relationship argument: what's the difference between equality and equity and which one should we actually be striving for? In this episode …
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A listener emailed Leah with a question straight from the middle of a relationship argument: what's the difference between equality and equity and which one should we actually be striving for? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down one of sociology's most important distinctions and brings it all the way home, literally. From time-use research and the mental load to leisure time, burnout, and the economy of gratitude, Leah explains why your relationship probably needs both equality and equity, why getting stuck in only one is a trap, and why giving endlessly to everyone else while putting yourself last isn't equity: it's gaslighting yourself.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — a listener question sparks the episode
01:00 What is equality? Access, time use, and equal divisions of labor
03:00 Time-based equality in relationships — tracking who does what
04:08 Why time as a measure of productivity is becoming less useful in the AI age
06:21 The mental load and equality — what Drained adds to the picture
07:30 What is equity? Giving more to those who need more
08:39 The economy of gratitude — how households naturally use equity
09:30 Why mothers get stuck in the equity mindset and burn out
10:53 Equity without equality is gaslighting — and it needs to stop
11:30 How to undulate between equity and equality in your relationship
12:30 Kate Mangino: relationships balance out over time — but only if you're conscious of it
13:23 Brian Page and Modern Husbands: equal leisure time as a key equality measure
14:30 The beautiful cycle: inequality → equity → equality → repeat
15:29 Share your experience — Leah wants to hear what's working for you
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Do Men Feel Guilt? The Science of Guilt, Motherhood & Why You Can't Stop Upscaling
Do men actually feel guilt — or does it just look different? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner dives into one of her most viral Instagram moments and the research that sparked it: the …
Shownotes
Do men actually feel guilt — or does it just look different? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner dives into one of her most viral Instagram moments and the research that sparked it: the striking difference between how men and women experience guilt in family life. Drawing on Marianne Cooper's landmark studies, Leah unpacks a concept called "upscaling" — why when life gets uncertain, many mothers respond by raising the bar, seeking control, and comparing themselves to others, all of which leads to more guilt, not less. If you've ever felt like you can't stop optimizing, can't lower your standards, and can't stop looking sideways at what other people are doing — this episode is for you.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — guilt, Instagram fame, and a viral post
01:00 Do men feel guilt? What the research and the comments say
02:18 How men transition guilt into action — and why breadwinner norms neutralize it
04:35 Why women don't get the same guilt negation — and why that's a problem
05:30 Is guilt even a useful emotion? What it's actually signaling
06:54 Marianne Cooper's research: upscaling vs. downscaling under pressure
08:00 The optimization trap — why highly educated mothers burn through mental load energy
09:16 Three strategies mothers use when upscaling: raise the bar, seek control, compare
11:36 Food, motherhood guilt, and the pressure of home-cooked organic meals
13:00 Why "solely responsible" became the default — and how we got here
14:30 Social media as the ultimate social comparison machine
16:09 What Drained says: good is good enough, and social comparison is the thief of joy
18:27 Guilt as a signal vs. guilt as a trap — and how to tell the difference
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
From Lean In to Leaned On: The Workplace Trap No One Warned Women About
You were told to lean in. Work harder, say yes, show up, do more — and you'd be rewarded. But what if leaning in actually created a trap? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah unpacks one of the most …
Shownotes
You were told to lean in. Work harder, say yes, show up, do more — and you'd be rewarded. But what if leaning in actually created a trap? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah unpacks one of the most important shifts she's hearing about in interviews and research conversations around the world: the lean-in generation has quietly become the leaned-on generation. From office housework to being the unofficial encyclopedia of the workplace, Leah breaks down how women's competence, compliance, and care are being exploited — and what it's going to take to make that invisible labor finally visible.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Why "What's For Dinner?" Feels So Hard: The Mental Load Behind Every Meal
Why does figuring out what's for dinner feel so exhausting — every single night? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down exactly why dinner time is one of the biggest mental load …
Shownotes
Why does figuring out what's for dinner feel so exhausting — every single night? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down exactly why dinner time is one of the biggest mental load pain points she hears about across her research and interviews. Spoiler: it's not just about the food. Dinner time activates all eight mental load types simultaneously — from life organization and safety to magic making and dream building — and it's happening inside a food system that is increasingly broken and putting the pressure squarely on parents to fix it. If dinner feels heavier than it should, this episode explains exactly why.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — why dinner is a mental load disaster
02:23 How the eight mental load types map onto dinner time
02:40 Mental load type 1: Life organization — do you have everything you need?
04:39 Mental load types 2 & 3: Relationship hygiene and emotional support at the table
06:58 Mental load type 4: Magic making — when dinner goes gloriously right
08:00 Anticipating what could go wrong — and chasing the magic anyway
08:30 Mental load type 5: Dream building — dinner as connection time
09:14 Mental load types 6 & 7: Safety and food allergies — when the stakes are life or death
11:35 Mental load type 8: The broken food system and parental guilt
13:51 Why trad wife nostalgia makes sense — and why it's a trap
15:00 Lobbying against nutritious food — and why you're left to solve it alone
16:05 What to do: share the load, use AI, let the kids cook, let go of control
18:25 Is dinner time a doom drain or a magical moment for you?
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — https://www.lightenlab.com
Stay Connected with Leah:
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Email: [email protected]
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
How to Do a Mental Load Audit (And Finally Get Your Energy Back)
You can't fix what you can't see. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner walks you through the Mental Load Audit — the step-by-step tool at the heart of her book Drained that helps you …
Shownotes
You can't fix what you can't see. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner walks you through the Mental Load Audit — the step-by-step tool at the heart of her book Drained that helps you figure out exactly where your mental energy is going, who's getting it, and whether it's actually aligned with your goals and dreams. This isn't about changing the world or adding more to your plate. It's about getting ruthlessly clear on your spend, dropping what doesn't deserve your energy, and finally starting to work toward what actually matters to you.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — Drained is out in the world!
02:17 Why telling overwhelmed people to "change the world" is unfair
03:30 What the mental load actually is — a quick refresher
04:33 The three characteristics: invisible, boundaryless, enduring
05:00 Step 1 of the Mental Load Audit — are you in burnout?
05:45 Step 2 — where is your mental load energy going across the 8 types?
06:55 Credits vs. debits — which parts of your mental load fill you up vs. drain you?
07:30 Who is getting your energy — and do they deserve it?
08:30 People pleasing as a mental load drain
09:12 Who goes on the bench — and who gets evicted
09:45 Step 3 — get clear on your dreams, goals and ambitions
10:30 Mental load loves, mental load drops, and mental load mores
11:33 Real example: does a messy house actually matter?
13:57 Understanding your partner's mental load through the lens of their dreams
16:20 You can do this audit alone — you don't need your partner's buy-in
17:30 How to start the conversation from the dream, not the fight
18:19 It's all in the book — worksheets, chapters, and the online appendix
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — https://www.lightenlab.com
Stay Connected with Leah:
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Email: [email protected]
Don't miss an episode! Subscribe NOW: /@missperceivedpodcast
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Maycember Is Real: The Mental Load Spike No One Warned You About
Have you heard of #Maycember? It's the viral term capturing what parents — especially moms — experience every May: a relentless pile-on of teacher gifts, summer camp signups, end-of-year events, school …
Shownotes
Have you heard of #Maycember? It's the viral term capturing what parents — especially moms — experience every May: a relentless pile-on of teacher gifts, summer camp signups, end-of-year events, school correspondence on overdrive, and the pressure to make everyone feel celebrated before the school year ends. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down why this isn't just a busy season — it's a mental load spike driven by broken systems, eroded safety nets, and a culture that asks individual parents to solve what should be collective problems. If you're feeling overwhelmed right now, this episode will validate exactly why.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Let Them: Why Letting Go and Delegating Feels So Hard
In this episode of Missperceived, Leah paints a painfully familiar picture: you finally hand off a task—signing the permission slip, managing a parent’s medication, organizing a meal—and instead of feeling …
Shownotes
In this episode of Missperceived, Leah paints a painfully familiar picture: you finally hand off a task—signing the permission slip, managing a parent’s medication, organizing a meal—and instead of feeling lighter, you feel more anxious. You worry they’ll forget, won’t follow instructions, or won’t do it the way you know would make your child or parent feel truly cared for.
Leah unpacks why delegation is so emotionally loaded, especially for women who’ve been set up as default caregivers for kids, partners, friends, coworkers, and aging parents. She connects this to a growing care crisis, where more and more women are being squeezed between supporting their own households and looking after older relatives, often at the cost of their paid work and wellbeing. Drawing on her book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More and her “audit” tool, she shares how to decide what to hand off, who to trust with it, and—crucially—how to stop tracking and overthinking once you’ve delegated, so other people actually get the chance to step up and grow.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Do Some People Just Have More Bandwidth? How to Grow Your Capacity (Without Burning Out)
In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah celebrates that Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More is finally out—and dives into a question readers keep asking her: do some people simply have more …
Shownotes
In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah celebrates that Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More is finally out—and dives into a question readers keep asking her: do some people simply have more bandwidth than others, and is it possible to grow your own capacity without destroying yourself in the process?
She explains why she thinks of all the invisible planning, worrying, and coordinating you do as a finite resource, not an endless well, and shares what she’s hearing from new “invisible work” collaboratives she’s convening in London, DC, and beyond. Leah explores why some people seem naturally able to carry more, how age and life stage shape your personal bandwidth, and how you might actually expand your capacity by cutting out pointless drains and getting more efficient at the thinking work that really matters to you and your family. If you’ve ever wondered why you feel tapped out while someone else looks like they’re “handling it all,” this episode offers a new, more compassionate way to understand your limits—and what you can do with the energy you have.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
How Your Job Follows You Home (and Back Again)
In this episode, Leah finally pulls back the curtain on a piece of her research she hasn’t fully shared yet: the mental load at work and how it travels both directions between your job and your home. Drawing on …
Shownotes
In this episode, Leah finally pulls back the curtain on a piece of her research she hasn’t fully shared yet: the mental load at work and how it travels both directions between your job and your home. Drawing on her book Drained: How to Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More and prior research with colleagues at the University of Melbourne, she explains why the mental load is not just “to-do lists” or cognitive labor, but invisible, boundaryless, emotional thinking work you carry everywhere you go.
Leah walks through the eight types of mental load and invites you to look at how they show up differently in your work life versus your home life, using insights from her Lighten Lab assessment tool. She highlights what her studies are finding about dads in particular: men are often thinking intensely about safety and “dream building” for the family, trying to show up as better, more emotionally present fathers than their own dads while also compartmentalizing work so it doesn’t bleed into home. The twist? When men feel justified in investing in their own dreams and rest, many women are still running everything behind the scenes—fueling resentment and burnout. This episode gives you language to see your work mental load clearly and to start rebalancing it in your own life.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Breast Cancer, Big Dreams, and the Mental Load of Complex Care
Right before launching her book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, Leah found a lump in her breast on vacation and was diagnosed with breast cancer. In this deeply personal episode, she …
Shownotes
Right before launching her book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, Leah found a lump in her breast on vacation and was diagnosed with breast cancer. In this deeply personal episode, she shares what it feels like to carry the emotional thinking work of a serious health crisis on top of everyday life: worrying about your child’s future, your career, your dreams, and everyone else’s feelings while trying to process your own.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Harsh Truth: Your Parents Can’t Fix This For You
In this episode, Leah says the quiet part out loud: your parents (and older generations) are probably not the people who can help you solve your biggest life problems right now. Drawing on themes from Drained …
Shownotes
In this episode, Leah says the quiet part out loud: your parents (and older generations) are probably not the people who can help you solve your biggest life problems right now. Drawing on themes from Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, she unpacks why the world you’re managing—pandemics, political instability, climate anxiety, precarious work, AI, and always-on social media—is fundamentally different from the one they came of age in.
She explores what happens when you go looking “up” or “down” generations for support and end up with blame, outdated advice, or total misunderstanding instead of comfort. Leah talks about the mental load of carrying your own crises and doing relationship repair across generations, and offers a compassionate reframe: stop asking people to understand a world they don’t live in, and start finding the people who can actually see you, support you, and tell you what you most need to hear—you’re doing a great job.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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