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Sober Powered: The Neuroscience of Being Sober
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Sober Powered: The Neuroscience of Being Sober

von Gillian Tietz, MS, CPRC

NeuE340: Why Being the Only One Not Drinking Feels So Uncomfortable13.11.2026 · 18 Min.
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Über den Podcast

Why do some people stay sober and others relapse back and forth? Getting sober isn’t about restriction, it’s about rewiring your brain to function without intensity, chaos, dopamine spikes, and avoidance.

Hosted by Gill Tietz, a former biochemist turned sober coach, this show dives into the neuroscience of long-term sobriety — why some people relapse, why others stay free, and how to build the kind of brain that can handle life without alcohol.

Each episode blends science, psychology, and real experience to help you strengthen the four pillars of neuro-resilience:

1. Neural Recovery – healing your brain’s reward and stress systems after alcohol.

2. Emotional Regulation – calming reactivity and learning to feel without escaping.

3. Cognitive Rewiring – changing the thought patterns that pull you backward.

4. Behavioral Integration – designing routines and habits that make being sober your default.

Whether you’re newly sober or years in, you’ll learn research-backed tools and mindset shifts so sobriety stops feeling like something you’re trying to want and starts feeling like who you are.

This is hard work. If you want my support, then check out my online sober community or my 1:1 work.

Website: www.soberpowered.com

Folgen 376

  1. E340: Why Being the Only One Not Drinking Feels So Uncomfortable

    18 Min.Folge 340

    Deciding to quit and feeling comfortable talking about that decision are different things. You can be glad you’re sober and still not want to explain your drinking history to a coworker. You can want to see …

    Shownotes

    Deciding to quit and feeling comfortable talking about that decision are different things. You can be glad you’re sober and still not want to explain your drinking history to a coworker. You can want to see your friends and feel uncomfortable when ordering drinks becomes a group activity you’re no longer participating in. That discomfort doesn’t automatically mean you’re unsure about sobriety.

    In this episode, we’re going to talk about why being the only person who isn’t drinking can feel so uncomfortable, whether people are asking questions, pushing you to have one, or accepting your answer while you’re still worried about what they think. We’ll look at belonging, the pressure to explain yourself, and how trying to prove you’re still fun can make it harder to enjoy being there. We’ll also talk about the difference between wanting alcohol and wanting to feel included. Because sometimes what you miss is being able to join in without your choice becoming something you have to think about or discuss.


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    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 


    Sources 

    1. Bartram A, Eliott J, Crabb S. ‘Why can’t I just not drink?’ A qualitative study of adults’ social experiences of stopping or reducing alcohol consumption. Drug Alcohol Rev. 2017

    2. Romo LK, Obiol ME. How people in recovery manage the stigma of being an alcoholic. Health Commun. 2023

    3. Desnoyers AJ, Kocovski NL, Fleming JE, Antony MM. Self-focused attention and safety behaviors across group therapies for social anxiety disorder. Anxiety Stress Coping. 2017



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  2. E339: “I Should Be Past This”: Understanding Alcohol Cravings

    15 Min.Folge 339

    You can be happy you quit drinking and still have a moment when a drink sounds good. What can make that moment especially difficult is what you think it says about you. “I thought I was past this. Why do I …

    Shownotes

    You can be happy you quit drinking and still have a moment when a drink sounds good. What can make that moment especially difficult is what you think it says about you. “I thought I was past this. Why do I still want alcohol? Have I actually accepted sobriety?”

    You may have expected that, eventually, being committed would mean you stopped wanting it so when a craving appears, it raises a bigger question: “Am I going to spend the rest of my life thinking about this?”

    That’s a lot to conclude from one moment. But if you’ve been using the absence of cravings as proof that you’re doing well, having one can feel like evidence that something’s wrong. Today, I want to look at how that happens, when acknowledging a desire turns into bargaining, and what responding differently actually accomplishes.



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    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 


    References

    1. Zaiser J, Hoffmann S, Zimmermann S, et al. Individual stress reactivity predicts alcohol craving and alcohol consumption in alcohol use disorder in experimental and real-life settings. Transl Psychiatry. 2025
    2. Zhao J, Linn BK, Stasiewicz PR, Wilding GE, LaBarre C, Bradizza CM. Mechanisms of behavior change during alcohol treatment among negative affect drinkers: a time-varying effect model analysis using 84 consecutive days of ecological momentary assessment. Psychol Addict Behav. 2024



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  3. E338: Why You Become More Irritable When You Quit Drinking

    15 Min.Folge 338

    Sometimes the most surprising part of quitting drinking isn’t how much you want a drink. It’s how much you want everyone to leave you alone. This can be confusing. Why are you so impatient? Is this your …

    Shownotes

    Sometimes the most surprising part of quitting drinking isn’t how much you want a drink. It’s how much you want everyone to leave you alone. This can be confusing. Why are you so impatient? Is this your personality without alcohol? Are you going to spend the rest of your sober life annoyed with everyone?

    Irritability means you’re more easily annoyed or frustrated. You don’t necessarily start the day angry about something specific, but it takes less to get you there. Quitting drinking can involve several overlapping adjustments, and irritability doesn’t have one explanation. Today, we’ll talk about those contributors, why small things can feel so difficult, and how to recognize what’s building before irritation turns into an outburst or a reason to drink. I’ll also explain what to expect over time and what progress looks like.


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    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 


    Sources

    1. Fox HC, Alcina J, Hyman SM, Milivojevic V, Sinha R. Early alcohol abstinence symptoms and the role of cumulative adversity. Alcohol Clin Exp Res (Hoboken). 2025
    2. Krizan Z, Hisler G. Sleepy anger: restricted sleep amplifies angry feelings. J Exp Psychol Gen. 2019
    3. Ottonello M, Fiabane E, Pistarini C, Spigno P, Torselli E. Difficulties in emotion regulation during rehabilitation for alcohol addiction: correlations with metacognitive beliefs about alcohol use and relapse risk. Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2019


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  4. E337: How Your Nervous System Adjusts to Life Without Alcohol

    18 Min.Folge 337

    We expect to feel better once we stop drinking, and then sometimes we’re more anxious, irritable, unable to sleep, and bothered by everything. You might feel restless when you try to relax or exhausted but …

    Shownotes

    We expect to feel better once we stop drinking, and then sometimes we’re more anxious, irritable, unable to sleep, and bothered by everything. You might feel restless when you try to relax or exhausted but unable to settle down. Your emotions may feel more intense without alcohol there to shut them off. It’s easy to interpret this as evidence that quitting was the wrong choice. Now you’re not drinking, and your body seems even more activated. Maybe alcohol really was the only thing that calmed you down.

    But there’s a difference between regulation and chemical relief. Regulation is your ability to respond to what’s happening and eventually recover once the challenge has passed. Chemical relief changes your experience quickly so you don’t have to remain present with it. You feel stressed, lonely, bored, or overwhelmed, then you drink and feel different.


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    References

    1. Prisciandaro JJ, Schacht JP, Prescot AP, et al. Intraindividual changes in brain GABA, glutamate, and glutamine during monitored abstinence from alcohol in treatment-naive individuals with alcohol use disorder. Addict Biol. 2020
    2. Claisse C, Cottencin O, Ott L, Berna G, Danel T, Nandrino JL. Heart rate variability changes and emotion regulation abilities in short- and long-term abstinent alcoholic individuals. Drug Alcohol Depend. 2017
    3. Zou X, Durazzo TC, Meyerhoff DJ. Regional Brain Volume Changes in Alcohol-Dependent Individuals During Short-Term and Long-Term Abstinence. Alcohol Clin Exp Res. 2018
    4. de Zambotti, M., Willoughby, A. R., Baker, F. C., Sugarbaker, D. S., & Colrain, I. M. Cardiac autonomic function during sleep: Effects of alcohol dependence and evidence of partial recovery with abstinence. Alcohol, 2015.
    5. Eddie, D., Wieman, S., Pietrzak, A., & Zhai, X. In natura heart rate variability predicts subsequent alcohol use in individuals in early recovery from alcohol use disorder. Addiction Biology, 2023.



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  5. What it Means to Use Alcohol to Escape (a replay)

    21 Min.

    Many of us use alcohol to turn off our brain, escape our problems, or check out, but escapism is actually associated with more intense drinking and lower life satisfaction. In this episode you’ll learn about …

    Shownotes

    Many of us use alcohol to turn off our brain, escape our problems, or check out, but escapism is actually associated with more intense drinking and lower life satisfaction. In this episode you’ll learn about the different theories behind escapism, why we’re doing this, and how it makes our problems worse. I hope that this episode can help you make some connections so you realize drinking isn’t helping you. I’ll also share a personal story of when I drank to escape and how that went for me.


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    What to listen to next

    E213: self care is not temporarily turning off your brain

    E214: self-medication

    E216: 4 types of impulsivity


    Sources

    1. Jouhki, H., Oksanen, A. To Get High or to Get Out? Examining the Link between Addictive Behaviors and Escapism. Substance Use & Misuse. 2022.


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  6. E336: Why You Feel Like You Need Alcohol to Relax (Alcohol and Stress)

    25 Min.Folge 336

    I know it feels like alcohol is required to relax. I felt that way too, but it's not. Turning off your brain at the end of the day is not the same thing as relaxing. In this episode, I’m going to explain what …

    Shownotes

    I know it feels like alcohol is required to relax. I felt that way too, but it's not. Turning off your brain at the end of the day is not the same thing as relaxing. In this episode, I’m going to explain what the research tells us about alcohol and your stress system, why short-term relief doesn’t necessarily mean drinking is helping you cope over time, and how stress can become connected to the motivation to keep drinking. Let’s start with what happens when you drink after a stressful experience, because understanding why alcohol feels helpful is part of understanding why we become so attached to it.


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    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.


    Sources:

    1. Muehlhan M, Höcker A, Miller R, et al. HPA axis stress reactivity and hair cortisol concentrations in recently detoxified alcoholics and healthy controls with and without childhood maltreatment. Addict Biol. 2020
    2. Blaine SK, Ridner C, Campbell B, et al. People who binge drink show neuroendocrine tolerance to alcohol cues that is associated with immediate and future drinking- results from a randomized clinical experiment. Neuropsychopharmacology. 2023

    4. Adinoff B, Leonard D, Price J, et al. Adrenocortical sensitivity, moderated by ongoing stress, predicts drinking intensity in alcohol-dependent men. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2017


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  7. How the Sober Brain Breaks Down Alcohol Associations (But They’ll Build Back Up if You Drink Again- A Replay)

    31 Min.

    We believe alcohol is required for vacations, unwinding, dealing with stress, celebrating, and socializing. We have built up powerful associations in our brains to reinforce these beliefs through dopamine and …

    Shownotes

    We believe alcohol is required for vacations, unwinding, dealing with stress, celebrating, and socializing. We have built up powerful associations in our brains to reinforce these beliefs through dopamine and repetition. After you get sober, facing life without alcohol can feel impossible. Everything reminds you of alcohol. You start to notice how prevalent it is on TV and in movies. In this episode, I’m explaining how the brain builds associations with alcohol, how that gets worse while we stay in the back and forth, and how we break down these associations after getting sober.


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  8. E335: Convincing Yourself You Can Drink Again: 2 Reasons This Happens

    16 Min.Folge 335

    Many of us, myself included, get stuck in a cycle where we keep convincing ourselves we can drink again and then we’re shocked when it doesn’t go well. There are a couple of reasons why this happens, and it’s …

    Shownotes

    Many of us, myself included, get stuck in a cycle where we keep convincing ourselves we can drink again and then we’re shocked when it doesn’t go well. There are a couple of reasons why this happens, and it’s not simply because you forgot. There’s more to it. You’re not doomed to keep repeating this cycle forever.

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  9. E334: Why We Resist Sobriety and What Acceptance Looks Like at Every Stage

    23 Min.Folge 334

    There is a difference between knowing that you need to be sober and accepting that you need to be sober. Acceptance changes the question from “can I drink?” to “since drinking is not an option for me, what do I …

    Shownotes

    There is a difference between knowing that you need to be sober and accepting that you need to be sober. Acceptance changes the question from “can I drink?” to “since drinking is not an option for me, what do I need now, and what am I going to do next?”

    In this episode, I’m going to talk about why accepting sobriety can feel like such a loss, how resistance shows up differently when you’re sober curious, newly sober, or years into sobriety, and why you can accept that you have to be sober without liking it, feeling peaceful about it, or pretending that it’s fair.


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  10. E333: Understanding the Problem Isn’t the Same as Changing It

    12 Min.Folge 333

    There are a few stages that we go through on the path to truly acknowledging our drinking. One of the earlier ones is when drinking feels mysterious, so the “I drank and I don’t know why” or “it’s just a bad …

    Shownotes

    There are a few stages that we go through on the path to truly acknowledging our drinking. One of the earlier ones is when drinking feels mysterious, so the “I drank and I don’t know why” or “it’s just a bad habit” person. Another one is getting really into learning and then doing nothing with everything you learn.

    I got obsessed with the science when I quit drinking. It helped me understand myself and why this happened to me, but learning didn’t help me change what was causing all of my problems. I began shifting this podcast to talk more about behavior change once I noticed the same thing happening with my listeners. Sometimes I’d see people use scientific explanations before looking at the behavior right in front of them. They’d say they drank because PAWS is so hard to deal with, but they were on day 4. You can’t have post-acute withdrawal if you’re still in acute withdrawal. In that moment, the label became a way to explain the behavior without looking at what needed to change.

    Insight gives us a reason to explain our behavior without having to change it.



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  11. High Dopamine, Low Effort Behaviors and Making Sobriety Feel Less Hard (Replay)

    25 Min.

    Your brain is wired for quick hits of dopamine, or high-reward, low-effort habits that feel good in the moment but sabotage your long-term goals. Over time, this conditions your brain to expect rewards without …

    Shownotes

    Your brain is wired for quick hits of dopamine, or high-reward, low-effort habits that feel good in the moment but sabotage your long-term goals. Over time, this conditions your brain to expect rewards without effort, making real change feel harder than it actually is. In this episode, I’ll explain how these patterns destroy motivation, fuel inconsistent effort, and keep you stuck in the cycle of short bursts of change followed by slinking back to your old ways. You’ll learn how high dopamine, low effort behaviors impact the brain, how this makes us resistant to putting in effort, and 3 ways you may be making being sober feel more difficult for yourself than it needs to be- and how to shift that.


    What to listen to next:

    E265: Rewiring Your Reward System After Getting Sober

    E263: Sugar Cravings After Quitting Drinking

    E145: ADHD and Alcohol


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  12. E332: “Am I Bad Enough?”

    11 Min.Folge 332

    When you're thinking about your relationship with alcohol you may stay stuck in, "am I bad enough?" for years before taking the next step. This episode is a way to think about the question and the ambivalence …

    Shownotes

    When you're thinking about your relationship with alcohol you may stay stuck in, "am I bad enough?" for years before taking the next step. This episode is a way to think about the question and the ambivalence of wanting to quit but also secretly hoping you can drink without the consequences someday.

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  13. E331: Wanting to Quit Isn’t the Same as Being Willing to Quit

    16 Min.Folge 331

    There’s a difference between wanting the pain to stop and being willing to change the pattern, between wanting the benefits of sobriety and being willing to accept what sobriety requires, between saying, “I …

    Shownotes

    There’s a difference between wanting the pain to stop and being willing to change the pattern, between wanting the benefits of sobriety and being willing to accept what sobriety requires, between saying, “I want to quit,” and actually becoming someone who protects that decision after the urgency fades. Wanting alone will keep you in the same loop if part of you still hopes that alcohol will stay available as an option.

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    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.



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  14. E330: How to Stop Dabbling and Start Doing the Work

    16 Min.Folge 330

    This is where I think people misunderstand what “doing the work” actually means. Doing the work is not just listening to sobriety content, understanding the science, or listening to people do the work in …

    Shownotes

    This is where I think people misunderstand what “doing the work” actually means. Doing the work is not just listening to sobriety content, understanding the science, or listening to people do the work in meetings. That information matters, but information alone isn’t going to change the pattern. You may have noticed how this podcast has evolved over the years. Each episode used to be a deep dive into the science, and then I’ve talked about it less and less. I learned that understanding what’s going on helps a lot, but it’s really the beginning of the story, not the end.

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  15. How Many Attempts Does it Take to Quit Drinking for Good (Replay)

    27 Min.

    I'm working hard on the last part of the dabbling series, but it's delayed by 1 week because I've been sick. Please enjoy this popular replay about how many times it takes to quit drinking for good. Multiple …

    Shownotes

    I'm working hard on the last part of the dabbling series, but it's delayed by 1 week because I've been sick. Please enjoy this popular replay about how many times it takes to quit drinking for good.

    Multiple quit attempts are common when you are trying to get sober, but how many tries does it take before it finally sticks? In this episode I’ll cover the statistics on relapse rates and share all the data I’ve found on the number of quit attempts it takes to stay sober for good. You’ll learn about what makes sobriety more challenging, and what you can do to make this quit attempt your final try.

    What to listen to next:

    E249: Alcohol and Cortisol: Extra Stress and Extra Cravings

    E248: You Can’t Be Comfortable AND Stay Sober

    E238: Why Moderation Doesn’t Work

    E197: Making the DECISION to Quit Drinking


    Sober Support:


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  16. E329: What Dabbling Looked Like For Me

    11 Min.Folge 329

    Story time. In the last episode, I talked about the difference between dabbling in sobriety and actually committing to it. In the next episode, I’m going to talk more about what it looks like to stop dabbling …

    Shownotes

    Story time. In the last episode, I talked about the difference between dabbling in sobriety and actually committing to it. In the next episode, I’m going to talk more about what it looks like to stop dabbling and start doing the work. But before we get there, I want to tell you a story from when I was sober curious, because this is one of the clearest examples I have of thinking I was committed when I was actually dabbling so you can have an example of what I’m talking about in this dabbling series.


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  17. E328: Why Dabbling Keeps You Stuck in the Drinking Cycle

    16 Min.Folge 328

    Dabbling is when you stay close enough to sobriety to feel like you’re doing something, but not close enough for sobriety to actually change you. You listen to podcasts, follow sober accounts, make a Day 1 …

    Shownotes

    Dabbling is when you stay close enough to sobriety to feel like you’re doing something, but not close enough for sobriety to actually change you. You listen to podcasts, follow sober accounts, make a Day 1 post. Maybe you go to a meeting. You lurk. You think about quitting. You say, “I know what I need to do.” You collect information, gather advice, and understand the problem intellectually. Then you disappear, or you get a little time and pull back, and you wait until things get bad again before you re-engage.

    We all go through a dabbling stage. Sometimes listening, reading, and observing are the first steps. But at some point, dabbling becomes a way to get the emotional relief of feeling like you’re working on the problem, without requiring the behavioral change that would actually move you forward.


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  18. Self-Care is NOT Temporarily Turning Off Your Brain (Replay)

    11 Min.

    We think that turning off our brain with alcohol at the end of the day is “me time” and it’s the only way to get a break. This isn’t self-care, it’s called being depleted and trying to survive a life that …

    Shownotes

    We think that turning off our brain with alcohol at the end of the day is “me time” and it’s the only way to get a break. This isn’t self-care, it’s called being depleted and trying to survive a life that drains you. Poor self-care is one of the most reliable predictors of relapse in people trying to get sober. It’s important and in this episode I’m explaining what self-care is and 5 simple ways you can begin to prioritize self-care in your life.


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  19. E327: The “Maybe It’ll Be Different This Time” Fantasy

    10 Min.Folge 327

    One of the sneakiest thoughts in sobriety is, “Maybe I could drink differently now.” This fantasy so convincing because it uses your progress as evidence. It says, “You’re not the same person anymore. You have …

    Shownotes

    One of the sneakiest thoughts in sobriety is, “Maybe I could drink differently now.” This fantasy so convincing because it uses your progress as evidence. It says, “You’re not the same person anymore. You have more tools now. You wouldn’t let it get that bad again. You could probably have one drink on vacation, or at a wedding, or on a special occasion, and be fine.”

    However, you became more stable because alcohol was removed and you started building your life without it. Your emotional capacity improved because you stopped using alcohol to avoid every uncomfortable feeling.

    So yes, you may be different now. But you are different because sobriety is working, not because you've magically become cured from taking some time off.

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  20. E326: Why Alcohol Looks Better in Your Memory Than It Was In Reality

    17 Min.Folge 326

    Romanticizing alcohol can be one of the most confusing parts of sobriety because logically, you know what alcohol did to you, but your brain still makes it sound appealing. When that happens, your brain usually …

    Shownotes

    Romanticizing alcohol can be one of the most confusing parts of sobriety because logically, you know what alcohol did to you, but your brain still makes it sound appealing. When that happens, your brain usually isn’t remembering the full drinking experience — it’s remembering the relief, the state change, and the moment before the consequences showed up. That doesn’t mean you secretly want to ruin your life or that you don’t know better; it means your brain is retrieving an edited version of the story. When stress, boredom, loneliness, resentment, overwhelm, social pressure, or exhaustion show up, your brain may pull up alcohol as an old solution until you build more reliable ways to respond to those feelings.

    This episode is about why we romanticize drinking and how to prepare yourself for these thoughts so they don't trick you back into the cycle.

    Work with me:

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    Sources are posted on my website

    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.


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    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  21. E325: When the courage to quit shows up, don’t assume it will still be there tomorrow

    15 Min.

    A lot of people treat quitting drinking like it’s something they can start whenever they want. They think, “I’ll quit after this trip.” “I’ll quit after the summer.” “I’ll quit after my birthday.” “I’ll quit …

    Shownotes

    A lot of people treat quitting drinking like it’s something they can start whenever they want. They think, “I’ll quit after this trip.” “I’ll quit after the summer.” “I’ll quit after my birthday.” “I’ll quit when work calms down.” “I’ll quit after the holidays.” “I’ll quit when I feel more ready.” or “I’ll try again tomorrow”

    On the surface, that sounds reasonable. It sounds like you’re making a plan. It sounds like you’re choosing a better time. It sounds like you’re saying, “Yes, I know this needs to change, but I’m going to wait until I can really focus on it.”

    But the problem is that readiness is not always available. Sometimes you get a rare moment where everything lines up in a way that lets you finally see the truth. Maybe you wake up with anxiety that feels different this time. Maybe you’re exhausted from disappointing yourself. Maybe you’re tired of making rules and breaking them. Maybe you’re tired of waking up and trying to piece together what happened. Maybe you’re tired of pretending it isn’t as bad as it feels. Maybe you have one of those moments where the denial drops just long enough for you to think, “I can’t keep doing this. Something has to change.”

    The mistake people make is assuming that moment will still be there tomorrow.


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    Weekly email:


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    Sources are posted on my website

    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.


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    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  22. Running on Autopilot Mode (Replay)

    29 Min.

    Regular drinking and early sobriety often feel like living on autopilot, where we are repeating the same routines without conscious awareness. Alcohol changes the brain to increase mindless activity, which can …

    Shownotes

    Regular drinking and early sobriety often feel like living on autopilot, where we are repeating the same routines without conscious awareness. Alcohol changes the brain to increase mindless activity, which can lead to rumination, excessive self-focus, anxiety, and addiction-related thought loops. In this episode, you’ll learn about how alcohol affects the brain and puts us on autopilot, how this keeps us stuck, and when this recovers in sobriety. Many people mistake life stress as the main source of overwhelm, but a lot of it actually comes from how alcohol disrupts brain function.

    What to listen to next:

    E220: The Hippocampus and Alcohol: Blackouts, Memory Deficits, and Learned Associations

    E191: Going Back and Forth Makes Your Cravings Stronger

    E238: Why Moderation Doesn't Work


    Sober Support:


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    ⁠https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors⁠


    If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast. This is a one woman show!⁠ https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered⁠

    Sources are posted on my website

    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.


    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  23. E324: Going to a Drinking Party 6 Years Sober: 5 Things I Noticed

    18 Min.Folge 324

    I went to a drinking party over the weekend with my in-laws. The family party was by the Jersey Shore, which is a 6 hour drive from my house. I’ve described these parties in the past as marathon drinking …

    Shownotes

    I went to a drinking party over the weekend with my in-laws. The family party was by the Jersey Shore, which is a 6 hour drive from my house. I’ve described these parties in the past as marathon drinking parties, because the drinking lasts so many hours. This one was 4 hours at a restaurant, then 4 hours at someone’s house.

    I think people assume that being sober around drunk people is always hard because you want what they have. They assume the challenge is temptation. Like you’re standing there staring at everyone’s wine glass thinking, “Poor me, I can’t have that.” But that was not my experience at all.

    I’m over 6 years sober, and being at this party did not make me want to drink or feel deprived. When you’re drinking, you are inside the experience, but when you’re sober and everyone else is drinking, you’re not inside that illusion. You’re watching what alcohol actually does.

    Because from the inside, alcohol can feel like connection, confidence, fun, freedom, and relief. From the outside, it can look like people getting louder, closer, less aware, more repetitive, more intrusive, and less connected to the actual person in front of them.

    So this episode is not about how to white-knuckle your way through a drinking event. It’s not about how to survive a party while secretly wishing you could drink. It’s about what happens when you’re far enough away from alcohol that you can see it without the fantasy.



    Work with me:

    Weekly email:


    Support the show:

    Sources are posted on my website

    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.


    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  24. E323: Long Term Sobriety: One Tool to Use & One Trap to Look Out For

    13 Min.Folge 323

    Long-term sobriety can be a strange phase because from the outside, things might look pretty good. But internally, you might still have this feeling of, “Is this it?” And that can be really confusing because …

    Shownotes

    Long-term sobriety can be a strange phase because from the outside, things might look pretty good. But internally, you might still have this feeling of, “Is this it?”

    And that can be really confusing because you did it. You made it past the constant cravings, the social anxiety, the awkward firsts, the nights where you had to white-knuckle your way through. So when you get a couple years in and you still feel restless, bored, unfulfilled, or like something is missing, it can make you start questioning the whole thing.

    You might think, “Maybe sobriety isn’t enough.” Or, “Maybe I did all this work and my life still feels kind of flat.” Or, “I thought I’d be happier by now.”

    And this is where people can get tripped up, because they interpret that dissatisfaction as a sobriety problem. They think the issue is that sobriety didn’t deliver enough. But that’s not usually what’s happening.

    Early sobriety is about protection. Middle sobriety is about understanding your patterns. But long-term sobriety is about expansion. It’s about asking, “Now that I’m not drinking, what am I actually building?” It’s about making sure the life you built is worth staying present for.


    Work with me:

    Weekly email:


    Support the show:

    Sources are posted on my website

    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.



    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  25. E322: Middle Sobriety: One Tool to Use & One Trap to Look Out For

    15 Min.Folge 322

    Middle sobriety can be a really confusing phase because you’re not in the chaos of early sobriety anymore, but you also may not feel the way you expected to feel by now. Maybe you start thinking, “Why am I …

    Shownotes

    Middle sobriety can be a really confusing phase because you’re not in the chaos of early sobriety anymore, but you also may not feel the way you expected to feel by now. Maybe you start thinking, “Why am I still like this?” or “Why does everyone else seem so much happier than me?” or “if sobriety is supposed to make my life better, why do I still feel bad?”

    This is where a lot of people get discouraged because they think feeling better physically means they should be doing better emotionally. They think if the cravings are quieter, the hard part should be over. But that’s not really how this works.

    Early sobriety is mostly about not drinking. It’s about getting through the day, planning your time, avoiding obvious triggers, and creating enough structure that you don’t go back to alcohol.

    Middle sobriety is different. This is the stage where you start to see what alcohol was actually helping you avoid.

    So if you’re somewhere between a few months and a couple years sober and you’re thinking, “Why am I still struggling?” this episode is going to help you understand that stage more clearly.


    Work with me:

    Weekly email:


    Support the show:

    Sources are posted on my website

    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.


    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  26. E321: Early Sobriety: One Tool to Use & One Trap to Look Out For

    10 Min.Folge 321

    When you’re in early sobriety, it can feel like you’re overthinking everything. You’re thinking about what you’re going to drink, what you’re going to say, whether you should even go to something, how you’re …

    Shownotes

    When you’re in early sobriety, it can feel like you’re overthinking everything. You’re thinking about what you’re going to drink, what you’re going to say, whether you should even go to something, how you’re going to get through the night, the weekend, the next event. It can feel excessive, like you’re putting way too much thought into situations that used to feel automatic.

    Your brain still sees alcohol as important. Your decision isn’t fully stabilized yet. So it’s trying to protect you by scanning ahead, predicting situations, and figuring out how to handle them before you get there. It’s not trying to make your life harder, it’s trying to keep you safe in a situation where things still feel uncertain.

    I know it can feel frustrating to have to think about sobriety so much and like this is going to be your life forever, but this phase is about learning how to use that thinking in a way that actually supports you instead of fighting against it.


    Work with me:

    Weekly email:


    Support the show:

    Sources are posted on my website

    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.


    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  27. E320: No Rock Bottom? Try This Instead

    20 Min.Folge 320

    Not everyone has a rock bottom moment and you can't control if and when it happens for you. In this episode, I share how you can make the decision final without waiting for it to be "that bad". Work with me …

    Shownotes

    Not everyone has a rock bottom moment and you can't control if and when it happens for you. In this episode, I share how you can make the decision final without waiting for it to be "that bad".


    Work with me:

    Weekly email:


    Support the show:

    Sources are posted on my website

    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.


    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  28. E319: Why “Not Right Now” Keeps You Stuck and “Forever” Sets You Free

    19 Min.Folge 319

    If you feel like you’re doing well for a while and then suddenly find yourself questioning whether you can drink again, this episode will help you understand why that keeps happening. We’re going to look at how …

    Shownotes

    If you feel like you’re doing well for a while and then suddenly find yourself questioning whether you can drink again, this episode will help you understand why that keeps happening. We’re going to look at how “not right now” thinking keeps alcohol relevant in your brain and how that creates mental fatigue over time. I’ll also explain why the idea of “forever” feels so uncomfortable, but is actually what makes things easier.

    Work with me:

    Weekly email:


    Support the show:


    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.



    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  29. The Geographical Cure: If Only X Would Change, Then I Wouldn’t Have to Drink So Much

    8 Min.

    A short story about how I learned what "the work" is. Work with me: Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership Content only membership …

    Shownotes

    A short story about how I learned what "the work" is.

    Work with me:

    Weekly email:


    Support the show:

    Sources are posted on my website

    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.


    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  30. ADHD and Alcohol Use Disorder: Understanding the Link (Replay)

    15 Min.

    There are a lot of people in the sober community getting adult ADHD diagnoses, so what’s going on here? There is a strong link between struggling with ADHD and developing a problem with alcohol because just …

    Shownotes

    There are a lot of people in the sober community getting adult ADHD diagnoses, so what’s going on here? There is a strong link between struggling with ADHD and developing a problem with alcohol because just like with anxiety, trauma, or depression, alcohol can be used to self-medicate the symptoms of ADHD. In this episode you’ll learn why alcohol and ADHD are linked, what is going on in the brain’s of people with ADHD, and how having ADHD makes it harder to stop drinking once you start.


    Work with me:

    Weekly email:


    Support the show:

    Sources are posted on my website

    Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.


    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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