Dating Intentionally
- Episodes
- 327
- Released
- several times a week
- Latest episode
- Nov 10, 2026
About the podcast
What if modern dating didn't have to feel exhausting, confusing or like a second job? Dating Intentionally is the podcast for singles who are done with outdated dating rules and are ready to date with clarity, confidence and purpose. Whether you're back in the dating pool after a breakup, using the apps for the first (or millionth) time, trying to stop attracting the wrong people, or just figuring out how to find your person in all the chaos, you're in the right place. Dating Intentionally is your how-to guide for making decisions that align with your values while finding joy in the process. Hosted by Talia Koren, Dating Intentionally dives into practical advice to help you attract better matches, build real connections and move toward the relationship you want - no matter what season of life you're in. Talia shares realistic, grounded advice from her experience going on 150 dates with over 60 people in under a year before meeting her husband, plus helpful conversations with guest experts, therapists and authors to guide you in your early dating journey. Tune in for new episodes on Tuesdays! If you've ever asked yourself any of these questions, Dating Intentionally is for you: Why do I keep attracting the wrong people? How can I slow down in early dating? How do I stop going for emotionally unavailable partners? How many dates should we have before we define the relationship? How do I tell the difference between green flags, red flags and dealbreakers? How do I get back out there after a breakup? Where can I meet people who want a serious relationship? What are the signs they're interested in me? How do I know if we're compatible? How do I stop wasting time on dead-end dates?
Episodes 327
313. How To Meet More People Without Relying On Dating Apps
This episode is sponsored by Timeleft! Get 20% off your membership with code PODCAST20 and start meeting new people in your city. In this episode, I’m talking with one of my listeners, Danielle, about dating in …
Show notes
This episode is sponsored by Timeleft! Get 20% off your membership with code PODCAST20 and start meeting new people in your city.
In this episode, I’m talking with one of my listeners, Danielle, about dating in your 30s, putting yourself out there in real life, and how taking the pressure off can make dating more enjoyable.
Danielle shares how she’s been expanding her social circle, trying new experiences, and approaching dating with a “do it for the story” mindset. We talk about getting clear on what you want, taking initiative when you meet someone you’re interested in, and why it’s worth putting yourself out there even when it doesn’t lead to a date.
We're getting into...
Balancing being happy single with looking for a relationship
Meeting new people without making dating the only goal
Our experiences with Timeleft events
Getting comfortable going to events alone
Knowing when your social battery needs a break
Taking initiative when you meet someone you’re interested in
Giving someone your number without putting pressure on them
Plus, Danielle and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who wants to reconnect with a guy she went to high school.
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312. 7 Signs They Actually Like You in Early Dating
How do you know if someone likes you early in dating? In this episode, I’m breaking down the clearest signs someone is romantically interested in you, the signals that are way too easy to overanalyze, and the …
Show notes
How do you know if someone likes you early in dating? In this episode, I’m breaking down the clearest signs someone is romantically interested in you, the signals that are way too easy to overanalyze, and the number one way to get clarity when you’re confused.
I'm getting into...
The seven biggest signs someone is genuinely interested in you
Why consistently showing up matters more than flirting, texting style, or body language
How to tell if your connection is actually progressing over time
Why someone can like you even if they don’t show interest exactly the way you would
The social media “signs” you should probably stop reading into
The number one way to confirm whether someone likes you
Why showing your own interest can save you from weeks of analyzing mixed signals
When confusion in early dating is normal — and when it starts becoming concerning
The difference between someone being interested in you and someone simply enjoying your attention
Why someone liking you still isn’t enough to make a relationship work long term
Why you should go into dates assuming the other person wants to be there
Plus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener who has a crush on his coworker.
MENTIONED
Ep 191 - Tips for dating a coworker
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PARTNERS
Want to meet people IRL? Get 20% off Timeleft with code PODCAST20.
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Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?
Thanks for listening!
311. Former Tinder Sociologist Explains What We Get Wrong About Dating Apps w/ Dr. Jess Carbino
What if dating apps aren’t the problem, but the expectations we bring to them? In this episode, I’m talking with sociologist and dating expert Dr. Jess Carbino about how dating apps have changed the way we meet …
Show notes
What if dating apps aren’t the problem, but the expectations we bring to them? In this episode, I’m talking with sociologist and dating expert Dr. Jess Carbino about how dating apps have changed the way we meet people, why we put so much pressure on finding an instant connection, and how to approach dating with more intention.
Jess shares what she learned from her time as Tinder’s 25th employee, why the spark isn’t the only thing that matters when choosing a partner, and how romantic relationships can help us understand ourselves and change the patterns we bring into our relationships.
We’re getting into how to...
- Use dating apps as a way to meet people instead of treating every match like a promise of a relationship
- Let go of the pressure to find a magical meet-cute or experience love at first sight
- Balance chemistry and attraction with compatibility and long-term potential
- Understand how our early relationships shape the patterns we repeat in adulthood
- Think critically about how AI can help with dating and where it can get in the way of genuine connection
- Decide what matters most to you before you start swiping
- Know what you can and can’t learn about someone from a dating profile
- Create a dating profile that reflects who you really are instead of who you think you should be
- Stop trying to present an idealized version of yourself to attract a partner
- Approach dating with more confidence and trust that not meeting someone yet doesn’t mean you never will
Plus, Jess and I answer a dating dilemma from a 46-year-old single dad who has started dating a woman again after their first attempt ended because she didn’t feel the spark. We talk about how long to give the connection to develop, what might be holding her back, and what he should consider before continuing to invest in the relationship.
MENTIONED
Jess’s upcoming book: Better Love — available to preorder through her website
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310. When They Seem Interested But Their Actions Don’t Match (Dating Dilemmas)
What do you do when someone’s words say one thing, but their actions tell a different story?In this episode, I’m answering four Dating Dilemmas about confusing behavior, mixed signals, and figuring out whether …
Show notes
What do you do when someone’s words say one thing, but their actions tell a different story?
In this episode, I’m answering four Dating Dilemmas about confusing behavior, mixed signals, and figuring out whether a connection is actually right for you. We’re talking about someone who keeps dating you but won't define the relationship, someone who says they’re ready to date but isn’t available, a long-distance connection that goes nowhere, and a relationship that starts intensely and then ends abruptly.
The common thread? Instead of trying to figure out exactly how someone feels about you, pay attention to how their behavior makes you feel and whether the relationship they’re offering is one you actually want.
Submit a dating dilemma: https://forms.gle/qNimkXbWPwM4euW47
In this episode:
- How to ask for clarity when someone avoids commitment
- What to do when someone isn’t ready to date
- How to navigate a confusing long-distance connection
- Why intense beginnings don’t guarantee lasting interest
- How to recognize unhealthy communication patterns
- Why you don’t have to match someone else’s pace
- How to move on without waiting for an apology
- When to stop playing detective and trust what you see
MENTIONED:
Episode 306 on pacing mismatch
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309. How Falling in Love Turns Into Lasting Love w/ Kristy Scher
What if building a lasting relationship has less to do with falling in love and more to do with knowing yourself, choosing the right person, and learning how to love someone who is different from you? In this …
Show notes
What if building a lasting relationship has less to do with falling in love and more to do with knowing yourself, choosing the right person, and learning how to love someone who is different from you? In this episode, I’m talking with relationship expert Kristy Scher about why we can’t rely on chemistry and the excitement of falling in love alone to build a lasting relationship, and how developing self-awareness and taking responsibility for our own behavior can change the way we show up in relationships.
Kristy breaks down the difference between falling in love and mature love, why disillusionment is a necessary part of building intimacy, and how learning to tolerate discomfort and embrace our differences can help us create deeper, more connected relationships.
We’re getting into how to...
- Find the right fit instead of getting swept up in the intensity of falling in love
- Understand the three essentials of a lasting partnership: love, lust, and like
- Move through disillusionment and build mature love
- Stay true to yourself while making room for your partner to be different
- Recognize how social media shapes our views of relationships and gender
- Understand how childhood experiences and personal wounds affect our relationships
- Take responsibility for your own behavior instead of focusing only on your partner’s flaws
- Appreciate your partner’s efforts while giving grace without dropping your standards
- Get comfortable with silence and stop feeling responsible for carrying every conversation
- Stop imagining a future with someone before you know them and learn to tolerate uncertainty in dating
Plus, Kristy and I answer a dating dilemma from a 26-year-old man who wants a serious relationship but finds himself imagining a future with women before he even knows them. We talk about why the desire for connection can make us rush ahead, how to get curious about our own unmet needs, and why taking the time to discover whether someone is actually right for you matters more than simply finding someone who’s available.
MENTIONED
Kristy’s year-long program: The Way of the Adored Woman™
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308. Why Dates Feel Platonic (And How to Build Romantic Connection)
Have you ever gone on what felt like a really good date, only to get the dreaded “I had a great time, but I didn’t feel a romantic connection” text afterward?In this episode, I’m breaking down what actually …
Show notes
Have you ever gone on what felt like a really good date, only to get the dreaded “I had a great time, but I didn’t feel a romantic connection” text afterward?
In this episode, I’m breaking down what actually creates romantic connection in early dating and 10 ways to make it easier for that connection to develop without forcing chemistry, performing, or trying to convince someone to like you.
I’m getting into...
- What a romantic connection actually feels like in the first few dates
- Why a great conversation doesn’t always translate into romantic chemistry
- Why first dates can feel more like performances than real connection
- The interview, audition, and evaluation date traps that keep dates feeling platonic
- Why playing it cool and waiting for the other person to make every move can kill momentum
- How compliments, vulnerability, and follow-up questions create more connection
- Why showing more of your personality makes you more attractive to the right people
- The role texting and between-date communication plays in building momentum
- Why physical touch and flirting matter and how to do both without making things overly sexual
- How being honest about your interest can make dating feel less confusing
- Why talking about your goals and dreams can create surprising intimacy
- How to give someone more access to the real you without oversharing
- Why your job isn’t to make someone like you, but to make it possible for them to actually get to know you
Plus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener wondering how to embrace a slow burn when the person she’s dating is still seeing other people, including how to think about exclusivity, sex, and boundaries in early dating.
MENTIONED IN THIS EP
Ep 211 on flirting w/ Francesca Hogi
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307. Stop Dating Like You’re Running Out of Time w/ Alex Daly
What if getting divorced wasn’t the end of your love story, but a chance to rebuild your life and learn to date in a completely different way? In this episode, I’m talking with dating-after-divorce creator Alex …
Show notes
What if getting divorced wasn’t the end of your love story, but a chance to rebuild your life and learn to date in a completely different way? In this episode, I’m talking with dating-after-divorce creator Alex Daly about dating after divorce, rebuilding your life from scratch, and how approaching dating with curiosity and an experimental mindset can help you figure out what you actually want.
Alex shares her experience of getting divorced in her late 30s, moving to a new city, and re-entering the dating world after a long break. We’re talking about her Hoe era, why dating doesn’t have to be so serious, and how letting go of the pressure to find a relationship can actually create space for a connection to develop naturally. We’re getting into how to...
- Rebuild your life and approach dating after divorce
- Use dating as an opportunity to explore what you actually want
- Have a "Hoe era" without shame, guilt, or putting pressure on yourself to find a relationship
- Date safely and have conversations about sexual health
- Handle ghosting and other disappointing parts of dating without taking them personally
- Let go of arbitrary dating rules and take an experimental approach instead
- Know when it’s time to try dating outside of your usual “type”
- Transition from enjoying your single life into a relationship without rushing it
- Have check-in conversations with a new partner without turning them into pressure-filled “what are we?” conversations
- Look at your own patterns and take responsibility for how you show up in relationships
- Talk about divorce in early dating without oversharing or bad-mouthing your ex
- Build a relationship differently after learning from what didn’t work in the past
- Trust that it’s never too late to start over, date, explore, or find love
Plus, Alex and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who has spent years repeating a cycle with her ex-husband and continues to find herself attracted to men who don’t choose her.
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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306. It's Ok If You're Not Aligned On How Fast (Or Slow) To Progress In Early Dating
How fast should a relationship actually move? In this episode, I’m breaking down one of the trickiest parts of early dating: what to do when you and the person you’re dating aren’t moving at the same pace …
Show notes
How fast should a relationship actually move? In this episode, I’m breaking down one of the trickiest parts of early dating: what to do when you and the person you’re dating aren’t moving at the same pace. We’ll talk about why pacing mismatches are so normal, how to tell when a relationship is simply moving slowly versus going nowhere, and how to navigate it when one person is ready for the next step before the other.
I'm getting into...
- Why there’s no universal timeline for becoming official, having sex, saying “I love you,” or hitting other relationship milestones
- The difference between a pacing mismatch and a pacing problem
- Why wanting the same relationship but moving at different speeds can still work
- How to talk about pacing without turning every date into a relationship check-in
- What to say when you need more time or when you’re the one waiting
- Why someone moving slowly doesn’t necessarily mean they’re less interested in you
- How to know when “slow” has become stagnant
- The five areas of a relationship where you should still see some forward motion
- Why catching feelings makes pacing feel so much more stressful
- How to stay present and keep vetting someone instead of obsessing over the next milestone
Plus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener whose two past connections unexpectedly came back into her life.
MENTIONED:
The Slow Burn Masterclass: How To Stop Rushing Connections - live on 10/19!
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65
MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY
Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)
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305. The Truth About 50/50 and Dating as an Ambitious Woman w/ Stefanie O’Connell
Why do so many couples who believe in equality still end up falling into traditional gender roles? I’m joined by Stefanie O’Connell Rodriguez, author of The Ambition Penalty, to talk about what happens when …
Show notes
Why do so many couples who believe in equality still end up falling into traditional gender roles? I’m joined by Stefanie O’Connell Rodriguez, author of The Ambition Penalty, to talk about what happens when money, ambition, power, and gender collide in dating and relationships.
We get into why women’s success can create unexpected tension in heterosexual relationships, what happens when a woman earns more than her male partner, and why saying you want an equal relationship is very different from building one in practice. We also talk about dating when you’re financially successful, expanding what it means to “provide,” when to start talking about money, and how to think about a partner who isn’t where you want them to be financially.
In this episode...
- Why modern couples still fall into traditional gender roles
- What can happen when a woman earns more than her male partner
- Why believing in equality doesn’t automatically create an equal relationship
- What real support for an ambitious partner looks like in practice
- Why “providing” in a relationship should mean much more than money
- When and how to start talking about salary, debt, savings, and finances while dating
- How to date someone who is financially behind without dating their potential
- Why having a full life and strong community outside your relationship matters
MENTIONED
Stefanie’s Substack, Too Ambitious
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65
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304. Essential Texting Do's & Don'ts For Early Dating (throwback)
Texting can create SO much unnecessary anxiety in early dating. You’re wondering if you’re texting too much, if you should text first, why they suddenly seem less responsive, or whether someone who’s great in …
Show notes
Texting can create SO much unnecessary anxiety in early dating. You’re wondering if you’re texting too much, if you should text first, why they suddenly seem less responsive, or whether someone who’s great in person but terrible over text is actually worth pursuing.
In this episode, I’m breaking down what texting should actually look like before, after and between dates so you can stop analyzing every message and focus more on the connection happening in real life.
This episode originally aired in December 2023.
You’ll learn:
- Why texting too much before a first date can create false intimacy
- Why you don’t need to wait for someone else to text first after a good date
- The texting mistake that can turn a promising connection into a pen-pal situation
- What realistic communication between dates can look like
- What to do when you notice someone’s texting suddenly slow down or change
- How to handle dating someone who texts much less than you’d prefer
- Why double texting isn’t the dating crime people make it out to be
- What to do when texting turns sexual earlier than you’re comfortable with
Plus, I answer a new Dating Dilemma from a listener who's worried she accidentally gave her date the impression that she only wants something physical.
MENTIONED
Speaking in Thumbs by Mimi Winsberg
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303. The Science of Getting Past Small Talk (And What To Share on Dates) w/ Vanessa Bohns
What if the secret to better dates isn’t saying the “right” thing, but worrying less about how you’re coming across and getting more curious about the person in front of you? In this episode, I’m talking with …
Show notes
What if the secret to better dates isn’t saying the “right” thing, but worrying less about how you’re coming across and getting more curious about the person in front of you? In this episode, I’m talking with experimental social psychologist and author Vanessa Bohns about the science of what we say, what we hold back, and how other people actually respond to us.
Vanessa breaks down why we often underestimate how much people like us, why vulnerability tends to go over better than we expect, and how asking the right kinds of questions can create more intimacy without making a date feel like an interview.
We’re getting into how to...
- Decide when to share something vulnerable or sensitive in early dating
- Tell the difference between healthy vulnerability and trauma dumping
- Figure out why you feel the urge to disclose something
- Talk about your accomplishments without sounding like you’re bragging
- Understand the “liking gap” and why your dates may like you more than you think
- Ask questions that actually build connection instead of slipping into interview mode
- Use follow-up questions to naturally get into deeper conversations
- Handle dates where you’re doing all the asking and they aren’t asking anything back
- Decide whether you should give someone feedback after a date
- Be honest without saying something unnecessarily hurtful
- Stop focusing so much on impressing someone and start paying attention to whether you actually like them
Plus, Vanessa and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who is four dates in with someone she likes and wondering whether she should proactively tell him she’s still dating other people.
MENTIONED
Vanessa's book: Should I Say Something?: The Science of What to Share―and What to Keep to Yourself
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302. How Do You Know If You’re In a Healthy Relationship?
How do you actually know if you’re in a healthy relationship? In this episode, I’m breaking down the four pillars I believe healthy relationships are built on: responsiveness, safety, freedom, and connection …
Show notes
How do you actually know if you’re in a healthy relationship? In this episode, I’m breaking down the four pillars I believe healthy relationships are built on: responsiveness, safety, freedom, and connection. We’ll talk about what each one actually looks like, where we tend to get it wrong, and how you can start building these qualities from the very beginning of dating.
I'm getting into...
- What it really means to feel understood and cared for by your partner
- Why validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything your partner says
- How to tell the difference between relationship safety and simply avoiding conflict
- Why calm and steadiness aren’t signs that something is missing
- How independence and freedom can actually strengthen your relationship
- Why your partner shouldn’t have to be your entire support system
- How small everyday “bids for connection” build intimacy over time
- What to look for in early dating if you want to build a healthy long-term relationship
- Four questions you can ask yourself to assess the health of your relationship
Plus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener wondering whether she should give a promising connection more time or whether she’s already trying too hard to manage her way into compatibility.
MENTIONED:
Episode 244 on building inner security
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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301. How To Navigate Jealousy In Dating & Relationships w/ Ally Iseman
What if jealousy wasn’t a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship, but an emotion you could actually learn from? In this episode, I’m talking with relationship coach Ally Iseman about why …
Show notes
What if jealousy wasn’t a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship, but an emotion you could actually learn from? In this episode, I’m talking with relationship coach Ally Iseman about why jealousy gets such a bad reputation, what it’s actually trying to tell us, and how to work through it without blaming your partner or shaming yourself.
Ally breaks down the different types of jealousy, including insecurity, comparison, fear of abandonment, distrust, and retroactive jealousy, and explains why learning to tolerate discomfort is one of the most important relationship skills you can build.
We’re getting into how to...
- The difference between jealousy and envy
- Figure out whether your jealousy is about you, your relationship, or something from your past
- What to do when jealousy comes up
- Work through retroactive jealousy
- Ask your partner for reassurance without making them responsible for your emotions
- Handle it when your partner is jealous of your past
- Understand the difference between boundaries, rules, and relationship agreements
- Stop trying to force certainty or commitment before you actually know someone
- Build the relationship skills that help you navigate uncomfortable conversations
- Decide what to do when the person you’re dating handles a situation in a way that completely turns you off
Plus, Ally and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who showed up to a museum and caught the guy she was seeing on a date with another woman after he told her he was sick.
CONNECT WITH ALLY
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300. How to Stop Trying to Control Everything in Your Love Life (Dating Dilemmas)
Dating comes with a lot of frustrating uncertainty. You can’t know if attraction will grow, whether someone will choose the relationship, or how another person will react when you tell them the truth. In this …
Show notes
Dating comes with a lot of frustrating uncertainty. You can’t know if attraction will grow, whether someone will choose the relationship, or how another person will react when you tell them the truth. In this special 300th episode of Dating Intentionally, I’m answering your dating dilemmas about what happens when you want certainty, but the situation simply can’t give it to you yet.
We’re getting into four dating dilemmas:
- How long should you give someone to warm up physically when you’re tired of making the first move?
- What do you do when you’ve been telling little lies to make someone like you and now the relationship is getting more serious?
- Should you give a longtime friend a romantic chance when you’re not sure the attraction is there?
- How long do you wait when your partner says they need to “figure things out”?
I’m talking about...
- Why trying to control the outcome can actually make dating harder
- How to tell the difference between accepting someone’s pace and ignoring your own needs
- Why self-worth can affect how honestly you show up when you really like someone
- What to do when you’re curious about someone but don’t feel an immediate spark
- Why you don’t need to play out an entire relationship in your head before you’ve even gone on one date
- What “figuring things out” should actually look like inside a relationship
- How to make dating decisions when you have no idea how the story will end
And because this is episode 300, I’m ending with a rapid-fire Q&A covering questions like: What’s the most underrated green flag? How do you stop obsessing over someone after it ends? Should you give up if they cancel twice without rescheduling? How do you tell someone you don’t want to text all day? And how do you stay unbothered when you know the person you’re dating is seeing other people too?
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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299. How to Stay Open When You’re Fed Up With Dating w/ Serena Kerrigan
What if dating felt less like a stressful search for your person and more like an experience you could actually enjoy? In this episode, I’m talking with Serena Kerrigan, creator and author of Let’s Fucking …
Show notes
What if dating felt less like a stressful search for your person and more like an experience you could actually enjoy? In this episode, I’m talking with Serena Kerrigan, creator and author of Let’s Fucking Date, about lowering the stakes in dating, stopping the need to control the outcome, and staying open to connections that don’t look exactly how you expected.
Serena shares how meeting her boyfriend challenged her assumptions about age, success, and what the “right” partner should look like, plus the mindset shifts that helped her stop overmanaging her dating life and actually enjoy it.
We’re getting into how to...
- Use Serena’s “potential, practice, or plot” framework to make every date feel worthwhile
- Stop putting so much pressure on every first date to become something
- Stay open to people who don’t fit the picture you had in your head
- Tell the difference between showing interest and doing too much
- Give someone enough space to actually reveal how interested they are
- Let go of control when dating feels uncertain
- Get out of your comfort zone when your dating life feels stagnant
- Stop treating self-improvement like a formula that guarantees you a relationship
- Know when an “ick” is meaningful and when you might need to get a grip
- Date with a more abundant mindset when age and timelines are stressing you out
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY
Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)
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298. 7 Dating Mistakes That Make Finding a Relationship Take Longer
Feel like you're done wasting time on the wrong connections? I get it! In this episode, I'm breaking down seven of the most common mistakes I see people make in early dating, from dating someone's potential and …
Show notes
Feel like you're done wasting time on the wrong connections? I get it! In this episode, I'm breaking down seven of the most common mistakes I see people make in early dating, from dating someone's potential and staying in situationships to taking constant dating breaks, avoiding uncomfortable conversations, and being pen pals. I'm also sharing what to do differently so you can protect your time and energy and get closer to the relationship you actually want.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why dating someone's potential can keep you invested way too long
- How staying in a situationship can delay you from finding your person
- Why constantly taking breaks from dating may be slowing you down and what to work on instead
- How speaking up about small issues early can reveal someone's ability to handle conflict
- What it means to date from your "back foot" and why it's a time waster
- Why texting for weeks before meeting can create false intimacy
- How to recognize red flags without confusing them with preferences
- Why getting curious about someone's behavior can help you make better decisions sooner
- How to stay grounded in who someone is today instead of who you hope they'll become
Plus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 40-year-old man who just learned that his new girlfriend occasionally smokes cigarettes and he's not sure what to do.
Ready to date with intention? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker at thedatetracker.com! (iOS link)
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Ep 260 - How to end a situationship
Ep 186 - Tips for taking a dating break
Ep 286 - Balancing effort in early dating
Ep 192 - Sneaky red flags in early dating
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297. Hidden Ways Low Self-Worth Shows Up in Dating (And How to Change It) w/ Dr. Marisa G. Franco
How much is your self-worth affecting the way you date? In this episode, I’m talking with psychologist and author Dr. Marisa G. Franco about how our past experiences can shape what we believe we deserve, how we …
Show notes
How much is your self-worth affecting the way you date? In this episode, I’m talking with psychologist and author Dr. Marisa G. Franco about how our past experiences can shape what we believe we deserve, how we interpret rejection, and even our ability to accept love from someone who genuinely likes us. We’ll also explore what it means to build self-worth and how to stop dating from a place of fear and start going after what you want.
We’re getting into how to...
- Understand the difference between self-esteem and self-worth
- Recognize when you’re dating to avoid rejection instead of pursuing what you want
- Understand why rejection hits some people so much harder than others
- Identify old experiences that may still be shaping how you see yourself
- Stop assuming someone doesn’t like you when there’s no evidence they don’t
- Build self-worth by paying attention and responding to your emotions
- Know when you’re seeking healthy reassurance versus outsourcing your worth to a partner
- Navigate dating when you don’t feel completely confident or worthy yet
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment by Dr. Marisa G. Franco
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296. How to Spot (and Break) the Dating Patterns Keeping You Stuck
There's a reason you keep dating the same people in different fonts: it's your dating patterns.In this episode, I'm sharing the three patterns I discovered while tracking my own dating life, how they were …
Show notes
There's a reason you keep dating the same people in different fonts: it's your dating patterns.
In this episode, I'm sharing the three patterns I discovered while tracking my own dating life, how they were getting in the way of the relationship I actually wanted, and what I did differently once I could finally see them. I'm also walking you through a simple way to identify your own patterns and turn them into experiments so you can start getting different dating results.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- What dating patterns actually are and how they can quietly influence who you choose and how you behave
- Common patterns like getting attached too quickly, chasing unavailable people, staying too long, or writing people off too soon
- The three dating patterns I discovered in my own dating life
- Why I stopped rushing physical intimacy and started approaching sex differently
- How I realized I was trying to earn affection instead of evaluating whether someone was right for me
- Why consistency can feel less exciting when you're used to chasing someone's attention
- How tracking my dates helped me spot behaviors I couldn't see in the moment
- How to turn your own dating patterns into small experiments that help you make different choices
Plus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 41-year-old man figuring out how to start dating again after a 13-year marriage—and how to avoid falling back into old people-pleasing habits.
Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link)
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
What my date tracking note looked like & the emoji key
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295. How to Give Someone a Chance Without Settling w/ Jordanne Sculler
How do you stay open-minded in dating without settling for less than what you want? And what happens when someone treats you well, checks a lot of the important boxes, but something still feels… off?In this …
Show notes
How do you stay open-minded in dating without settling for less than what you want? And what happens when someone treats you well, checks a lot of the important boxes, but something still feels… off?
In this episode, I’m joined by licensed therapist Jordanne Sculler to talk about the messy, nuanced parts of dating that don’t fit neatly into a set of rules. We unpack why familiar relationship dynamics can feel more attractive than healthy ones, why self-awareness alone doesn’t always break old patterns, and how to tell when you’re honoring your needs versus shrinking yourself to keep someone around.
Listen for...
- How to be open in dating without lowering your standards
- Why dating checklists can get in the way of real connection
- The difference between self-soothing and suppressing a legitimate need
- Why someone healthy might initially feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar
- How to stop focusing so much on whether someone likes you and ask whether you like them
- What dating disappointment can bring up about your self-worth
- How social media can reinforce negative stories about dating
- Grieving the relationship or life timeline you thought you’d have by now
- Why processing disappointment is different from simply “getting over it”
- How Jordanne met her husband after initially writing him off
And at the end, we answer a dating dilemma from a woman wondering if she made a huge mistake by ending things with a great guy who didn’t feel like her person.
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294. 5 Tiny Habits That Will Transform Your Dating Life
In this episode, I'm sharing 5 tiny habits that can help you get better dating results, feel more confident and in control, and make dating a little more enjoyable. We’ll talk about how to make decisions …
Show notes
In this episode, I'm sharing 5 tiny habits that can help you get better dating results, feel more confident and in control, and make dating a little more enjoyable. We’ll talk about how to make decisions without endlessly second-guessing yourself, learn from your dates, show interest without playing games, protect your mindset from dating negativity, and get clear on intentions early.
In this episode, we cover:
- How being more decisive can build confidence and self-trust
- Why tracking and reflecting on your dates can help you spot patterns and learn what actually works for you
- How to show interest when you're interested without playing it cool or worrying about “double texting”
- Why opting out of negative dating narratives can help you stay open and hopeful
- How bringing up your intentions early can help you avoid confusion, situationships, and wasted time
- Dating habits from the Dating Intentionally community that helped people stay grounded and keep going
- A dating dilemma about bad timing, competing connections, and whether being direct after two dates was “too much”
Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link)
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Episode 286 - If they wanted to they would? The truth about effort in dating
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293. Why What Happens After The Date Matters Most (First Date Vibe Check)
What can you learn from a first date that was just okay? And why does what happens after the date sometimes tell you more than the date itself? This is another episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on …
Show notes
What can you learn from a first date that was just okay? And why does what happens after the date sometimes tell you more than the date itself? This is another episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on a listener to walk me through a recent first date, from matching and messaging to the date itself, the post-date feelings, and what happened next.
This time, I’m talking to Katelyn (39), a single mom looking for a long-term relationship. She met “Trey” on Facebook Dating, moved the conversation over to Instagram, and eventually went on a two-hour dinner date.
We’re getting into:
- Why she prefers active first dates over dinner
- How she uses Instagram in her dating life
- The green flags she looks for in dating app conversations
- How she realized she wasn’t actually that excited about him
- Why feeling safe and having a “good enough” time doesn’t automatically mean you should go on a second date
- The post-date interaction that gave her a whole new data point
- Her firm boundary around second dates at home
- How she decides whether to give someone another chance
- And how to spend less time on the apps while getting to the date faster
Plus, Katelyn shares her best advice for staying positive when dating feels like a never-ending series of almosts.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here.
Get the Date Tracker app (iOS only for now) so you can do your own vibe checks!
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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292. Getting Back Into Dating? How to Start Without Losing Your Mind (Throwback)
Whether you’re newly single, coming out of a long-term relationship, or you’ve simply been out of the dating world for years, getting back into dating can feel overwhelming. The apps have changed, the dating …
Show notes
Whether you’re newly single, coming out of a long-term relationship, or you’ve simply been out of the dating world for years, getting back into dating can feel overwhelming. The apps have changed, the dating culture has changed, and you may have changed, too. In this episode, I’m breaking down how to get back into the dating scene with less pressure, more confidence, and a whole lot more perspective. Think of this as your dating bestie’s guide to getting your feet wet again without expecting yourself to immediately find your future spouse.
Listen for:
- How to know if you’re actually ready to date
- Why your first goal should simply be going on a date, not finding a relationship
- How to lower the stakes
- Why awkward, boring, or unsuccessful dates are actually part of the process
- The different ways to meet people to date
- How to manage fears around rejection, inexperience, being judged, or someone changing their mind
- Why you need to stop getting ahead of yourself
- How journaling, setting intentions, and finding ways to feel confident can make the process feel more manageable
- The biggest lessons I learned when I jumped back into dating after a six-year relationship
And I'm sharing a new dating dilemma at the end about trying to figure out whether someone wants kids before you date them.
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Start tracking dates with Date Tracker (iOS)
Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz)
291. Are No Red Flags a Green Flag? (First Date Vibe Check)
If someone doesn't have any red flags, is that a green flag? This is the third episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me …
Show notes
If someone doesn't have any red flags, is that a green flag? This is the third episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me, from how they met and planned the date to what actually happened and how they felt afterward.
This time, I'm talking to Jenny, a 27-year-old in the UK who is relatively new to dating and using it to build confidence, meet people, and figure out what she actually wants. She met "Steve" on Breeze, an app that skips the messaging and gets you straight to the date. We're getting into her unconventional first-date setup, the venue that had absolutely no vibe, the spontaneous bar-hopping that followed, and the green flags and amber flags she noticed along the way.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here.
Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks!
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod
😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65
🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order
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290. You Don't Need Certainty to Make a Good Dating Decision (Dating Dilemmas)
How much information do you actually need before you make a decision in your dating life? In this episode, I’m answering four real dating dilemmas that all come down to that one question.We’re talking about …
Show notes
How much information do you actually need before you make a decision in your dating life? In this episode, I’m answering four real dating dilemmas that all come down to that one question.
We’re talking about dating two people and not knowing who to choose, deciding whether a sexual-health disclosure is a deal breaker, trying to figure out whether a struggling relationship is still worth fighting for, and realizing in hindsight that someone wasn’t quite who you thought they were.
The common thread? You’re rarely going to get 100% certainty in early dating. Instead, you have to learn how to gather information, stay connected to your values, and make decisions based on what you actually know, not what you wish you knew.
In this episode:
- How to choose between two people without turning dating into a competition
- What to do when someone discloses an STI and you’re unsure how you feel about it
- How to tell when someone is overwhelmed by life versus no longer prioritizing the relationship
- What to make of someone who seems great at first but gradually reveals a very different side of themselves
- Why you should evaluate people against your own needs, not against each other
- How to make good dating decisions without waiting for perfect certainty
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💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod
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Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz)
289. Is It Bad If A First Date Feels Too Easy? (First Date Vibe Check)
What if a first date is too easy and comfortable? This is the second episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me, from how …
Show notes
What if a first date is too easy and comfortable? This is the second episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me, from how they met and planned the date to what actually happened and how they felt afterward.
This time, I'm talking to Carol Ann, a 47-year-old single mom in the Midwest who met Zach on Hinge after taking a several-month break from dating. We're getting into her dating-app approach, the messaging that led to this first date, and how she's learned to trust her body. Carol Ann also shares her thoughts on the spark, the green flags she noticed along the way, and what happened after. Stay tuned for her update at the end.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here.
Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks!
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod
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288. Why Relationships Keep Ending at 3 Months (Is It You or Them?)
Why do so many relationships seem to fall apart at around three months? You finally feel like things are going somewhere, and then suddenly, something shifts. In this episode, I'm breaking down the “three-month …
Show notes
Why do so many relationships seem to fall apart at around three months? You finally feel like things are going somewhere, and then suddenly, something shifts. In this episode, I'm breaking down the “three-month cliff” and what’s really happening when a promising relationship suddenly fizzles, pulls back, or ends.
We’ll talk about:
- The 3 biggest reasons relationships fall apart around three months
- How to tell whether it’s a genuine incompatibility, a commitment issue, or simply a lack of chemistry
- Signs that it's you or them (depending on the situation)
- How to actually make it past the three-month mark
- Why a three-month relationship that ends is NOT a failure
Plus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 43-year-old man who is worried about eventually outliving his future partner.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Episode 285 with Chris Rackliffe about codependency
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287. When a First Date Feels More Friendly Than Flirty (First Date Vibe Check)
This is the first episode of a new series called First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me - how they met, how the date got planned …
Show notes
This is the first episode of a new series called First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me - how they met, how the date got planned, what actually happened, and how they felt afterward.
First up is Savannah, a 30-year-old middle school teacher in California who's had a wild six months, including discovering the boyfriend she'd been dating for three months had a wife. We're discussing everything from why speed dating rebuilt her dating confidence to sending the first message when nobody reaches out to the exact moment a good first date starts to get awkward. Savannah also shares the shift that took the pressure off her first dates: you don't need to feel romantic feelings on date one; you just need to feel safe and curious.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here.
Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks!
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod
😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65
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286. If They Wanted To, They Would? The Truth About Effort In Early Dating
When you’re always the one texting first, planning the dates, and keeping a connection moving forward, it’s easy to start wondering: do they actually like me, or am I doing all the work?In this episode, I’m …
Show notes
When you’re always the one texting first, planning the dates, and keeping a connection moving forward, it’s easy to start wondering: do they actually like me, or am I doing all the work?
In this episode, I’m breaking down the truth about effort in dating: why some people initiate more than others, what someone’s effort actually tells you about their interest, and how to stop spiraling when someone goes quiet.
Tune in for...
- What effort and initiation actually look like in dating (and why they matter)
- The real reasons someone might not initiate, and why the reason doesn’t change what you do next
- The one question to ask yourself when dating feels one-sided: do you want clarity, connection, or desire?
- The “I can’t tell” text and exactly when to send it
- Why “if they wanted to, they would” is complicated dating advice
- The difference between having standards, setting boundaries, and trying to control someone’s behavior
- Why initiation chicken and wanting to be chased can keep you stuck
- How multi-dating helped me stop investing in people who weren’t showing up
- How to tell the difference between a normal imbalance in effort and a connection that isn’t reciprocal
Whether you’re carrying a connection for a few weeks, wondering why you’re always the one making plans, or staring at your phone trying to figure out what their silence means, this episode will help you stop decoding their behavior and start paying attention to what their effort is showing you.
At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma from a man who reconnected with someone he dated 18 years ago and has spent two months texting without ever meeting up.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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285. Why You Lose Yourself When You Start Dating Someone w/ Chris Rackliffe
Do you tend to go all in when you like someone, to the point where you've lost touch with your own life a bit? I'm chatting with Chris Rackliffe, an anxious attachment coach and author of Needy No More: The …
Show notes
Do you tend to go all in when you like someone, to the point where you've lost touch with your own life a bit? I'm chatting with Chris Rackliffe, an anxious attachment coach and author of Needy No More: The Journey from Anxious to Secure Attachment, who's helped thousands of people heal from patterns of trauma, abandonment, and codependency. We're getting into why we lose ourselves in dating and what to do about it.
We cover:
- The earliest signs you're starting to abandon yourself when you meet someone new
- Why resentment is the clearest signal a compromise has tipped into self-betrayal
- Chris's framework for codependency
- Why guilt is proportional to how long you've been overriding your own needs
- His concept of emotional diversification, and why spreading out your sources of connection is a protective strategy, not just something nice to have
- How to apply this whether you're in early dating or an established relationship
- Whether opposite sleep schedules are actually a dealbreaker
At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about whether opposite sleep schedules are a dealbreaker.
CONNECT WITH CHRIS
Find Chris on Instagram and TikTok
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FREE STUFF
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284. Rejected? Here's How to Bounce Back Faster In Early Dating
Rejection doesn't have to destroy your confidence or convince you that you'll never find your person. In this episode, I'm sharing how to bounce back faster after getting rejected, ghosted, or hearing "there …
Show notes
Rejection doesn't have to destroy your confidence or convince you that you'll never find your person. In this episode, I'm sharing how to bounce back faster after getting rejected, ghosted, or hearing "there wasn't a spark." We'll talk about why rejection feels so personal, how to stop the anxiety spirals before they take over, and the mindset shifts that will help you keep your self-worth intact while continuing to date intentionally.
Tune in for...
- Why rejection feels so much bigger than it actually is
- How to stop telling yourself hopeless stories after a "no"
- The 24-hour rule for bouncing back faster
- Practical ways to stop anxiety spirals after rejection
- What to say when someone rejects you (and what not to say)
- Why rejection isn't a reflection of your worth
- The questions to ask yourself instead of "What's wrong with me?"
- My own experiences navigating rejection while dating
Whether you've been ghosted before a first date or rejected after a few months of dating, this episode will help you move forward with more confidence and resilience.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
- Dating Roadblock Quiz
- Episode 281 (Kelsey Darragh) on healing after heartbreak
- Episode 221 (Cole Zesinger) on moving on after a breakup
- My "closing the loop" text templates
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally
FREE STUFF
Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more
CONNECT WITH ME
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